Chapter Two

Gone

Gone: adj. To be absent, departed or advanced beyond hope or recall; ruined, lost.

It was so weird to see her like that. She was bandaged up in that too white bed with too pale cheeks and Lilly cringed just by looking at her; she had never thought she'd feel this way while looking at Miley, but she did. It was a horrible sight and she wished she could make it all go away. She wished that it was some horrible dream that she'd soon wake up from; she prayed that it was, but unfortunately it didn't seem to be like that.

It was the horrible reality, and it was gone.

Lilly brushed a tear away from her now washed-off face. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun which was something she never did, she had on some loose sweatpants and a t-shirt. She had had four stitches in her forehead when the doctors finally had time to really look at her, and it pounded badly, but it didn't matter. Miley was the one who hurt, she was the broken one. Lilly had taken a shower and sort of refreshed herself; felt much better to get out of those dirty, infected clothes and into something cleaner that her brother brought for her the minute he heard what had happened. She didn't feel good (how could she when Miley was so broken?), but she felt slightly better.

But she was crying more and more this day, because it was horrible, it was reality, and it was gone.

Miley hadn't even woken up yet after her surgery. They were all so concerned about what she'd say. She had her whole identity thing and Robbie Ray was worried what might happen with that, and Lilly was worried too, but hadn't given that a thought; she just thought that Miley had to be okay; there was no point for Lilly herself to make it through this if Miley came out different, if she came out broken and wrong.

Lilly took a seat in the hard chair by the window and studied her nails in deep thought. She still had some fucking dried blood under there. She stared at it deeply, sitting there beyond her usually dirt-full nails; it shone red and bright and she wondered how she hadn't noticed it when she took a shower, she wondered how this could happen to them, how their perfect evening could end up like his, and how it was… gone.

When the doctor came out to see them, he had looked pretty happy; she had been worried, of course, of what they might want to hear, but she had also known that it would be almost impossible for them to lose Miley because of something like this. It'd be absolutely horrendous if she would have passed away, and she hadn't, she hadn't, and that made Lilly so very happy of course, but… he had had other horrible news, and Robbie had cried, and Jackson had stared even more into space, and Lilly had… felt numb.

It was really gone.

G

O

N

E

Gone.

She couldn't describe how this made her feel, she was messed up all over the place and how could their perfect evening had turned from perfect to… to nightmare? She couldn't remember anything from their date, it was like a huge black whole in her memory, but she could remember how Miley made her feel because those kind of things were rare, and most people didn't have that, so she treasured it, and it was okay, she knew Miley would understand it because she had a huge gap in her forehead only sowed together with four stitches. The thing that worried Lilly the most now was if Miley would remember. It didn't seem like she hurt her head, but maybe… maybe she was too broken to really notice.

She hoped that nothing really would change once things went back to as normal as they could be. Of course Miley would be a bit different at first, but Lilly would always love her. She had loved her since they first met, and she'd always love Miley like no other, but maybe Miley wouldn't be ready for that, maybe Miley would be gone like that was, and… and, and they wouldn't be Miley and Lilly anymore.

But no. They would be good. Nothing had to change between them. They were Miley and Lilly and they had made it through tough things before. They were there for each other and once Miley finally got out of this hospital then she'd go back to school with Lilly and they'd be like they always had been; dork and dorkier.

Yes,

that was the way it was going to be.

Once horrible, reality and gone was over, it was going to be.

Lilly let her eyes wander to Miley's body again, and couldn't help but let them linger south of Miley's hips, it was just too weird to comprehend, she couldn't help it. How come all this had to happen to them? It didn't seem fair, did it? It didn't seem right that it had to be them.

Heck, it wasn't.

Lilly sighed deeply, blood-sweat-and-tears, and let her hand rest against the piece of paper in her pocket. It was curled up, crumbled, and the pen she usually wrote with was almost dried-out. But her fingers moved with a will of their own, got the paper out, curled it open, took the lid off of her pen and let it press against the white for a few moments.

As Miley moaned in her slumber, Lilly bit her lip.

What happens with the broken?

she couldn't help but write, because she was so very afraid that she'd soon have to know. Miley really was broken, so Lilly hoped that what happened to them, wasn't something bad.

Blood from her chewed-lips and stitched-together-forehead, sweet trailing down her hugging-pen-palms, tears falling down her rosy-cheeks.

Blood sweat and tears.

--

And so when she entered the school, high school, Lilly was relieved to experience something else for a time. She was sad to leave Miley alone in the hospital, but her mother wanted her to see something other than white walls, see other colours than the red from all the hurt people, feel something else than tired and exhausted, do something other than sob. Heather wanted her to get back out there, and the only reason Lilly did it was because she knew Miley would want that for her, too.

Miley wouldn't want her to pin around this day; they'd see each other after school. Miley would be awake and Lilly would go there as soon as the last bell had rung.

So Lilly tried to keep that smile on her face; she wanted the sad face to be absolutely gone. She had few classes today; including one of her favourites, Creative Writing, so she would be alright. Her bag was packed with all she needed, including her very important Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look and therefore she felt like she would be able to go through the day.

She looked around herself and her palms started sweating; why did she feel like everyone was looking at her? Why were they staring? It seemed like everyone had stopped doing what they were supposed to, and now looked at her instead? That couldn't possibly be possible. Something trailed down her forehead and she lifted her sweaty hand to brush more drops off of her head, but when she stared at her open palm, it wasn't sweat she saw there, it was all red and she stopped breathing, only to lean herself against the nearest locker.

She closed her eyes and felt pain shoot through her forehead as the tears started pressing behind her screwed-closed eyelids (one, two), opened them again, only to see Amber and Ashley standing right before her (three, four, five), talkingtalkingtalking (six), but she could only hear nothing, so she screwed her eyes together again (seven) and once the tears became too much, she came face to face with Oliver (eight, nine); the blood trickled down the side of her head, and she wondered how the blood could come out from a stitched wound.

(ten)

they'll crush me down or push me in
'cause they don't know where i have been
i close my eyes and count to ten
i stood my ground, just stood my ground

"Lils, you're bleeding."

He pressed his too long sleeve against her forehead and Lilly felt herself smile weakly. She knew he was only there to help her and she appreciated that.

She breathed out, still not moving away from that wall of lockers (backed into the wall, trip me up to watch me fall, they never know me at all, i'm a misfit), "They all know Oliver."

His eyes were full of questions, but hers were only covered in stains and she couldn't see.

"They knew that we crashed Casper. They all know, Ollie."

He grabbed her arm tightly, holding on to her like his life depended on it, even if it might be the other way around, "I'm gonna take you to the nurse, Lils." He whispered, and started almost-pushing her down the hallway; all were staring at her, but Lilly only felt the hotness of her body-fluids, all over her face; blood trailing, sweat running, tears falling.

Misfit.

She stopped walking and turned to him, her eyes huge with nothing but horror, "I don't need the nurse, Ollie, I just need a really good band aid."

Oliver shook his head, "If your stitches opened, which is so weird and almost impossible, you'll have to go to the hospital already."

Lilly shook her head, "My stitches aren't open, I'm just really worried, Oliver. Give me a band aid, okay?"

She felt like her voice was determined which was the whole point of this; she didn't need a nurse, she needed a band aid.

Oliver also shook his head, "You're weird."

"Misfit?"

"No,"

he emphasized this,

"weird."

misfit, i'm not cool, won't quit, they're so cruel, misfit, i take the fall

"Oh Lilly, how is the head?"

Amber.

"Did you lose any brain cells?"

Ashley.

"But why? That can't happen."

Amber. Again.

"You don't have any!"

Amber and Ashley.

Ooooh, tsssh,

and Lilly didn't even have the strength to argue back, (pathetic), so Oliver pushed-walked her again, just to get away from all the staring people. Lilly felt her eyes fall shut and relied on only Oliver to lead the way, for once, she thought that maybe he could handle that.

She was pushed against another wall,

"So, do I get that band aid for you while you wait here?"

She opened her eyes again and smiled thankfully at him, "Yeah."

He winked for a second before he left her alone, except she wasn't alone, because people were still staring (or at least she felt like they were; she didn't feel alone), so she squeezed her eyes together in pain and anger, and don't look at me that way again, i stare 'em down, just stare 'em down.

--

(One two three, his day had started out like this:

Calls, meetings, tears, and four five six,

closed eyes, another call, driving to the hospital, while seven and eight and nine,

doctors, doctors, doctors, white, red and white, watchingMileywatchingMileywatchingMiley, ten,

tears, tears, tears)

Robbie Ray was all in tears, and he couldn't seem to make it stop.

--

So her only escape was her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look, and it was perfect because all about this class was lyrics and poetry and writing, and for her that meant escaping.

To put it like that might seem horrible, but it was reality and that she wanted to be gone.

Lilly had thought about that all day, and that was the horrible reality.

She brushed her finger against the butterfly band aid on her forehead and was surprised to feel herself smile weirdly. It reminded her of that old saying; it wasn't really a good saying, but today had felt a lot like it; all blood, sweat and tears.

Her hand shot into the air before she managed to control herself.

Ms. Scribo smiled at her favourite student, "Yes, Ms. Truscott?"

(She had sort of interrupted the lecture, but today, no one seemed to mind, least of all Lilly herself)

"Where did the term blood, sweat and tears come from?"

The entire class missed Miley's presence and they all stared at Lilly (because they knew), with their horrible looks, but in reality… they weren't supposed to be there, they were supposed to be gone already.

"Does anyone know?"

(At this point Lilly wasn't sure if Ms. Scribo was talking about the phrase or the crash-)

No one answered, nah, not really.

"Alright, so the phrase-"

(-oh, she was definitely talking about the phrase now, Lilly wasn't o confused anymore.)

"-is from a famous Second World War speech by Winston Churchill. The original quotation was actually 'I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat', but now it is shortened to what we know it as today; blood, sweat and tears." She paused with another smile in Lilly's direction, "Why do you ask, Ms. Truscott?"

She was just wondering.

Lilly felt herself shrug, "Just wonderin'."

Ms. Scribo nodded and turned around to write their next assignment on the blackboard while she explained it. Lilly took notes, this might be her best and favourite subject, but her mind was pretty much on Miley; Miley in the hospital, Miley the Broken, (Miley her lover?), Miley – gone.

"Hey Lilly," Oliver was whispering right next to her, and Lilly felt her skin rise slightly, "I'll drive you to the hospital straight after school. I wanna be there too and since…" a swallow, "Since Casper is gone, I'm offering you a ride."

One two three four five (do not get mad at Oliver for being kind) six seven eight nine "Deal, Ollie," ten.

--

Robbie's hand was shaky on her back, but still it felt reassuring.

Oliver, Jackson, Robbie, Lilly. There.

They were all there; they needed to see Miley. She was awake, the doctor in white had said, and Lilly couldn't help but feel excited about what was to happen. She would finally talk to her Miley again, because it felt like she hadn't seen her forever. Those past days had been so long, hours until no ends, and a countless of blood, sweat and tears.

Lilly was wondering who should go in first; who should have the important talk.

Robbie said, "Lilly, I was wondering who should go in first; who should have the important talk." He nodded optimistically, even if it pained him to say this, "And I think it should be you."

Oh yeah, she thought so too.

"Really?" she mumbled, face screwed together in pain and wonderment, "Are you sure, Mr. S?"

Robbie Ray nodded again (painpainpainpainpain), "Really."

He had confirmed it, and so then Lilly felt the weight on her shoulders, knowing she'd be the bearer of horrible news. His reassuring, but shaky hand lost contact with her sweaty back, ad so she stepped into the room, heart pumping blood through her forehead (not her wound anymore, since those stitches weren't open).

Miley was still on her back, staring at the ceiling. The doctors had said that her body was very bruised and she couldn't really move, that was why she still lay there; they shouldn't worry, she'd do fine.

And she smiled when she saw Lilly, her head moved to the side.

"Lilly." She whispered, her voice sounded broken, she did look broken, perhaps she really was broken.

Or maybe she was just as much gone?

Lilly choked back a sob, "Miles…" she whispered, moved up closer, placing a hand on her cheek. She was pale, but she looked happy to see a familiar face. Lilly swallowed loudly and kneeled down next to her, only so they could be on eyelevel with each other, "How are you feeling, babe?" she questioned, knowing it was stupid, but also knowing she had to say something – anything.

Miley closed her eyes, only a second, "I…" struggling, breathing, one two three four, "I'm okay…"

"Got all your fingers?"

Holding out her hand, "Five."

Whispering.

Rapid breathing.

Six seven eight.

"But Lilly… I can't…" nine, "I can't feel anything in my right leg…" pause, fear written across her face; Miley was brokenbrokenbroken, "That's not good… is it?"

Lilly's face dropped.

Ten,

"Miley…" pausepausepausepause, "There's something I need to tell you. It's-" oh no, no stuttering now, "It's horrible, Miley, but it's – it's true, it's reality, it's… it's gone."

Another huge swallow.

Miley's head pecked up, "Gone? What's gone?"

Sweating, "Your leg, Miley. They couldn't save your leg. It's gone."

Tears. Immediately, "Gone?"

Lilly nodded, "I'm so sorry, Miley."

Yeah, Miley was sorry too. But on the bright side, there was no blood this time.

Blank look, all away from there, "Can you get my dad now, Lilly?"

She took a step back, heart beating-beating-beating. Doors open, close, "Mr. S, Miley needs you… She's – she's broken, I think… I think she might be just as gone."

Hi ya'll. Thank you so much for the reviews for the first chapter, I am glad that some at least seemed to read and enjoy it. This story is not particularly cheery and it takes a lot out of me to write a chapter, so I really appreciate the feedback. I hope this chapter was enjoyable too, and please do leave another review?

Disclaimer; I don't own Hannah Montana, and the lyrics are 'Misfit' by The Murmurs.