Chapter Five

Accepted

Accepted: adj.: To be commonly approved or recognized; to have regarded something as proper, usual and right.

There was something so beautiful and serene about her. She laid peacefully on her side, shuffled beneath the sheets of the cold room filled with pain and hurt and unsaid emotions. Watching her from the chair, she looked absolutely fine. She seemed to sleep tightly, she had her iPod in her ears and her hair, now washed, laid all around her head like a pretty, brown halo. She was dressed in white and she looked almost like an angel. She hummed like Maria, and it sounded like sweet Hallelujahs to Lilly's ears. She couldn't help but be inspired as she clicked her pen and wrote in her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look. It was heavenly, just like she looked from the chair.

But Lilly knew, that if the chair was situated in another corner, she'd be able to see her face, see the cringes of pain, and the aches of the hurt she dreamt of in her sleep across her face. She was murmuring in her sleep, groaning, and Lilly tried to ignore it because it hurt her to know how much Miley was hurting. She knew she dealt with all of this on the inside and she had yet to talk to anyone about it, she had yet to say aloud that something was wrong, and that she didn't feel right. Lilly knew that if Miley ever wanted to feel better, she had to realize it, she had to accept it.

There was a loud moan coming from the bed and Lilly looked up from the paper and stared straight ahead to the girl she loved. Miley moved her head from side to side a couple of times and turned over, now facing Lilly. Her sheet moved down slightly, and Lilly felt her eyes bulge out slightly when a piece of her lower right leg was revealed and she could see the shiny metal.

One of the ear buds of Miley's iPod had fallen out and she could hear the lyrics clearly as they streamed through the small device,

excuse me too busy, you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble-wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

and she wondered why this happened to them, and what it felt like. She took in a deep breath and bit her lip in thought. She didn't want to make Miley angry, but she felt so drawn to the shiny surface, she felt the need to touch it, to brush her fingers across it, and to know what it felt like. She wanted to be a part of this, to help Miley through this, but Miley wasn't letting her; she was shutting her out, she was disappearing on her. But she felt the need to somehow know what it was like to be Miley, she needed to get inside her head and read her thoughts and what went on in there, too see what her demons were.

She swallowed loudly and stuffed her pen and her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look into her book bag without looking there; she just focused straight ahead on Miley and that shiny thing on her leg. Licking her lips, she stood up and crossed the room, enchanted by the stirring silence in the room if not for the faint sound coming from Miley's iPod. She glanced briefly at Miley and saw her eyelids flutter, before she reached a shaky finger out and let it brush against the cool surface. She quickly withdrew her hand.

It felt weird against her fingertip.

She felt a shutter run across her body and Goosebumps rose across her arms. She shrugged and uncurled all her fingers to let them stroke the metal again. She was nervous and her heart beat when the palm of her hand ran upwards to her knee and then down again. Lilly didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. It was such a weird tingle she got in her body, but she found it beautiful. She didn't know why Miley thought the thing was so horrible, Lilly found it… incredible. Special.

"What are you doing?"

Lilly turned her head to the side and quickly let her hand fall to the mattress when her eyes locked with Miley's. She couldn't read the brunette's eyes, she couldn't see her soul, but she knew that she was angry. Lilly felt herself shiver again and took a step back. Stuttering, "I – I… I was ju-just…"

Miley sat up and pulled the other ear bud out of her ear, "Don't ever do that again!" she hissed through her teeth, eyebrows arched together, "I'm telling you Lilly, don't touch it."

"I … I was just… wondering." Lilly got out, as she stared at her best friend, so confused, with no idea what would happen.

Miley breathed out slowly, "Wondering!? Wondering about what?" she questioned and quickly glanced down at her leg, "There's nothing there, Lilly. It's icky, it's… It's fake, it's not cool. Just… don't touch the leg, alright? Don't ever touch the leg!"

Her voice went from shaky to harsh within a second and Lilly took another step back, fighting the tears that quickly pressed behind her eyelids because the moment was beautiful, yet scary, and she felt hurt and frightened all at the same time. "I…" she swallowed and fought another demon, told him to stay where he was, "I'm sorry, Miley, I was just…"

"Promise me you won't touch it again!" Miley hissed, "I can't stand to think about it, and I can't stand it if you touch it!"

She was so angry and Lilly just stared at her. She didn't know what to reply. She couldn't follow her train of thought, she couldn't see why Miley was so confused and ashamed of it; she knew it was different, that it would be hard to get used to it, but she already felt comfortable with it, Miley just needed to realize that it was okay, too. She just needed to accept it, but she was so angry all the time. She was so hurt, and Lilly understood that, but this wasn't alright, this was not okay. She shouldn't lash out after all the people that only wanted her good, she shouldn't tell them off and snap at them, she should accept another fact, the fact that they were there for her whenever she needed them, that they were there for her to talk to.

Lilly clenched her jaw and quickly turned around to grab her bag. She swung back around and felt her blonde hair hit her back in soft cascades, "Don't talk to me like that, Miley!" she hissed too, clutched her bag to her chest, "I'm here for you, I only want good things for you! I love you, Miley. You need to realize that I'll be here through everything, through the training and through the pain. I'm here for you to talk to, I'll always be here. You're… you're my best friend Miley, I – I love you…" she felt tears roll down her cheeks but she didn't bother to wipe them off, she just stared at Miley in despair.

Miley stared back at her with an empty look in her eyes. She looked so broken right there, and Lilly wanted to wrap her arms around her and hug her back to whole, but she couldn't do that, not right now, because she couldn't handle Miley, not like this. She looked broken, but it was beautiful. Lilly had never seen her this way before, and there was just something amazingly wonderful in the way she cracked and shattered into pieces right before her eyes.

Lilly shuttered, "You need to let us in Miley, you need to see what you're doing, you need to… you need to know that we're all here for you, that we – that we wanna help you unbreak, help you be fixed, because we… we all love you. You need to realize that, Miley, just… realize that."

Miley's hand reached for her neck as Lilly closed her eyes tightly and crossed the room. She was in a hurry to get out of there, she simply couldn't handle this, not right now, so, let go, l-let go, just get in, oh, it's so amazing here, it's all right, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

--

In class, she was staring off into space.

"Ms. Truscott, what's the capital of Hungary?"

Pop-quiz? No thank you, I'm good.

"Negative eight."

"Ms. Truscott, that would be the answer to question number eight."

"That's what I said, negative eight."

"Anyone, what's the capital of Hungary?"

Paper ball in the back of head? No thank you, I'm good.

"Lilly, what's wrong with you today?"

That was Oliver. He was wondering what was wrong with Lilly today. Well, Lilly would tell him. Bend down, reach for paper ball, fold paper open, grab pen and write message.

Nothing is wrong with me today. Something is wrong with Miley today.

Curl paper into ball, make sure teacher doesn't look, turn around and throw at forehead.

During first break, she ran into Jackson, who had been lingering around so he wouldn't have to go to school himself.

"Lilly, Dad just sent me to see you, he said that Miley has completely shut him off now, that she says she needs to speak with you and only you. Dad is really concerned, are you going there right after school?"

Really want to see Miley? No thank you, I'm good.

"Sure, I'm going there right after school."

A smile, "Good, because Dad thinks that this might be a good day, that she might just do a break-through."

"But what if it's nothing?"

"It's something. It's always something."

"But what if it isn't?"

Stern, leaving, "It is."

To herself, "It's not?"

Really want to see Miley if it's not? No thank you I'm good.

Look up, everyone's staring (misfit, misfit, misfit, weirdo), order legs to move, smiling as a fake, thinking.

Nothing is wrong with me today. Something is wrong with Miley today.

During next class, she was writing in her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look.

"Ms. Truscott, I sincerely hope that those things you are writing are notes to my class?"

Want to reply, maybe? No thank you, I'm good.

"Ms. Truscott? Do you think you could answer me?"

"Yes."

"Is that notes to my class?"

"No."

Bothered, very much bothered, "Can I see them then?"

"I'd rather have you not."

"Do you want me to read them aloud in class?"

Poem about thoughts read aloud in class? No thank you, I'm good.

"I'd rather have you not."

Hands in both sides, stern look beneath glasses, very much bothered, and very much more angry, "And I'd rather have you see the door."

Grabbing books, grabbing bag and grabbing pen. Pushing chair back and going for the door. Stopping then, someone's talking.

"What's wrong with you today, Ms. Truscott?"

Turning around, knowing not to speak, doing it anyway, speaking, "Nothing is wrong with me today. Something is wrong with Miley today." Finishing, giving people strange looks and going outside, seeing the door. Passing by classrooms, finding bench, sitting down, books, bag, pen right there, finally crying.

People see you cry? Fuck yes, right now I don't even care.

--

Lilly stopped in front of the hospital. She had her bag on her shoulder and her skateboard beneath one arm. Oliver came right behind her, with his tongue out of his mouth like a lost, little puppet.

He breathed out and Lilly dreaded what she was going to see for Miley had asked for her, and if she was going to yell, then she really didn't want to see her. But she was going to see Miley right now.

Oliver, breathing like a fucking marathon opponent, "Are you going to see Miley right now?"

Nodding, "I'm going to see Miley right now."

Oliver, breathing much more like a teenage boy so-very-out-of-shape, "I can't join you."

She turned to look at him, "And why's that?" she wanted to know, because she was sure that it wasn't nearly as important as seeing Miley with her; especially not when Miley was probably going to yell and hit and tell her to go take a hike. "Is it important?"

Oliver, now breathing like a normal person, "I'm going for another run with my mother."

"That's important." She quickly said and shook her head at him, "You're so-very-out-of-shape."

Hitting him in the stomach, she went for the huge glass doors, and suddenly, she had a feeling that it was a very good thing that she was going to see Miley,

alone.

--

Standing outside the familiar hospital room, Lilly could hear the faint sound of sobs and tears and hope being burst. She knew Miley was alone, and she knew that sob, Miley's sob, and she felt really bad about the fact that she hadn't wanted to come, when obviously there was a reason and she had to help the girl whom she loved the most.

She didn't knock once, she pushed the door open and dropped her things to the floor. Miley looked up, eyes so full of tears and pain, her face was cringed together and she looked so hopelessly gone. She swallowed loudly and Lilly crossed the floor, softly sat next to her and put her arms around the fragile girl.

Lilly hadn't realized this before, but maybe that was because she hadn't really looked at her, but Miley was thinner, thinner than she used to be, and she was weak, and Lilly could feel practically every bone in her body, and then it struck her that maybe Miley hadn't been eating all that she should.

Lilly buried her head into the back of Miley's neck, as the other girl cried into her chest. Her body was wrecked with sobs, and Lilly tried to find her usual smell, as she stroked her back and her arms and the front of her neck. She let her fingers linger by the cross she had given Miley and smiled to herself when she realized that Miley might be realizing, that she might be getting there.

The brunette pulled her head back up and locked eyes with Lilly, locked their blue eyes together, in blue met blue met blue met blue, and gently place a hand on the side of Lilly's chin, "Lilly…" she hoarsely whispered, tears spilling out, adding to the thousandth already gone, "Lilly, I think something is wrong with me… I think… I think I might be broken."

acceptance.

accept- ed?

A shiver went through her fragile body, "I'm not … me. I'm, I'm gone, I'm… almost not here, I think – I think I might need help to unbreak. Can you – can you fix me, Lilly? Can you?"

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later
now you can't await
your own arrival
you've twenty seconds to comply

Lilly held back her own tears and placed a shaking hand on the side of Miley's chin, just like she had done. And she was beautiful, beautiful in the midst of her breakdown, "Shh, Miles…" she whispered, stroking heat and promises into her skin, into her inner self, "We'll fix you, I promise, it'll all be alright… We'll figure out how, it's gonna be okay, you just – just have to linger for a while…"

A soft nod. "Linger…"

"Just stay with me okay, don't leave completely. We'll get through this." Lilly promised, and she heard herself promise, for she knew that they could, they were Miley and Lilly and they had love, and they were going to be okay, "I promise, just don't leave, just.. just keep on lingering, and you'll be okay. I'll fix you, I promise."

Miley buried her head in Lilly's chest again, still shi-shi-shivering and Lilly's shaky hand tried to soothe her, to calm her, and she bent her head and placed a deep kiss on the top of Miley's hair.

Situation?

Accepted.

--

The next day and this was Lilly:

Bouncy. check.

Happy. check.

Sad. no?

Worried. nah.

Smiling. Grinning. Chuckling. Enjoying. check. check, check, check.

Lilly was very much all of the checked-above. She couldn't seem to be the Lilly everyone else had gotten so used to. She figured that they might as well just accept that, because Miley had, and Miley would be okay now, they were going to unbreak her.

She had accepted it. Accepted that she no longer had her own leg. Accepted that they were all there for her. Accepted that Lilly would do anything to fix her and make her happy.

Ac-cep-ted.

Skipping through her calendar during free period, Lilly thought that maybe Oliver wasn't so-very-out-of-shape anyway, "Hey, how long do you think it'll take before Miley can get out of the hospital then?"

"She only accepted it yesterday?" Oliver questioned, curious eyes on the calendar in front of him.

Nodding, "Yeah, but it'll all work out…" she skipped another page and felt her eyes land on HM concert, meet Miley at four thirty, her place and couldn't contain her smile. Placing a finger there, she said, "Do you think she'll be ready for that?"

Oliver's eyes became first small, but then he looked up at her, and Lilly could see his worry. She just didn't understand it, there was more than a month until, surely Miley would be somewhat and about by then.

Asking, "What?"

Oliver, swallowing, nervous, "Lilly…" his voice was not Oliver, it was very un-Oliver, "She won't be able to do that. She… she can't dance now."

And Lilly then felt herself stare at him, as her eyes went wide, and she hadn't realized. Why hadn't she realized what all this meant, how come she hadn't been able to see that, stupid. She just stared at him, and things fell into place in her head, because maybe Miley hadn't been the problem, maybe she had accepted just fine that she only had one leg and that they were all there for her and that Lilly would fix her. Maybe Hannah had been the problem, maybe she hadn't been able to accept that she would no longer dance and no longer be, and Lilly had – stupid! – completely missed that, hadn't even thought of the consequences for one second. Miley wasn't the only one who was broken.

Stuttering, not knowing what to say, "I – I…"

"Lilly, you… you didn't know?"

Tears pressing behind eyelids, standing up, throwing calendar and stuff into backpack. Glancing quickly at Oliver, and then – out of there.

Skateboarding to the hospital, a gazillion of thoughts and feelings crossed inside, rushing through lobby to room, smacking door open, tears fallingfallingfalling.

Miley stared at her in completely shock, but with those devastated emotions inside her eyes. Lilly dropped everything she had, even her dignity, and stepped forward, brushed the white sheet back and stared at the leg. She looked up at Miley again, and felt her lower lip quiver, "No… no more…" she couldn't choke another word out.

Miley's one eyebrow squirmed and when she stared at Lilly and stared at her leg, she suddenly stared the truth and realization right in the eye. Her newfound happiness dropped slightly, as her barrier broke once more, "You just realized it, didn't you?" she whispered with a quiver.

And Lilly felt herself fall into the arms of her loved one, and she shook in the need of comfort and care and because she just realized it, even if she should have a long time ago. She could feel awkward hands on her back and her hair and she knew that even if this was Miley, Hannah was gone, but Miley was broken, and Lillian, she was just accepting it with cries in pain and sorrow, and there was something so wonderful about that moment, because they were both breaking down, and it was very much beautiful.

so, let go, so let go
jump in
oh well, what you waiting for?
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

beautiful.

Thank you so much for the reviews for last chapter, I really enjoyed reading them. This chapter was a bit difficult for me, because I've been lacking inspiration, but when it suddenly came, I got this finished, along with another chapter for my HSM fic, so that was great. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please leave your thoughts?

Disclaimer; I don't own Hannah Montana and the song is 'Let Go' by Frou Frou.