Chapter Eight

Cut

Cut; adj.: to have the ends or edges cut: to separate from others; isolate

The weight pressed against her side was heavy, but Lilly didn't care. It was a good kind of heavy, though, the kind of heavy one can actually enjoy and wish to have, the kind of heavy that felt good because it made her feel like she was actually there, that she was actually an actual breathing person, with feelings and thoughts and blood inside of her body. It made her feel

alive

She had felt not. Felt sort of cut. She hadn't exactly been around. Really. She had been more of not… around. Not around because she had been confused. About things. About School. Oliver. And Ms. Scribo. Poetry. And Miley. Always confused about Miley.

It wasn't easy to be confused about any of that. Least of all Miley.

The brown hair tickled her chin, and they stopped for a second so Lilly could get a better grip. Breath tickled her cheek, nails dug into her arm, she was alive.

"Thank you for coming today." Miley whispered into her ear, breathing hot and ragged.

Out of breath, not so elegant (more like elephant), "Of course- I – you know I'll … I'll help you- Miles." Breathing, "I'm always… here."

Nearly not so out of breath, much more elegant (and not so elephant), "I know I could have trained more, but I really tried to catch up on all the stuff I missed when I was wallowing in that fungous hospital bed."

funny – fungous. Haha.

"Fungous is the plural of fungi, is it not?"

fungi? Haha haha haha. that one was even better.

"Lilly?"

Breathe, breathe, breathe, "You're allowed to…" breathe, "to wallow, the nurse said that… that it was completely normal."

Concerned, "You need another pause?"

"Yes please."

They stopped and Lilly rested herself against the outside wall. They were almost by her car, but only almost. At least they had gone further than they had to back.

"You know you don't have to actually carry me, right?"

Lilly opened her mouth.

"Because since we got out of the entrance hall I actually haven't really used my legs. You're only here to support me, I can walk."

Lilly closed her mouth.

Whoops.

But Miley laughed. Her first real laugh in very long and Lilly stopped looking like a goldfish because this was huge. Miley was laughing, she was on her way home, so goodbye hospital, and goodbye nurse (though very cute), goodbye stupid sorrowful days. Miley finally seemed to be getting better.

Miley stopped laughing, so Lilly said, "Want me to get the car and pick you up here?"

The brunette scrunched her nose up, "No. I – I can walk."

"Okay."

And so they walked.

--

It was a small gathering. Oliver, Jackson, Robbie Ray, Lilly, Miley. Of course Miley. She sat there on the couch and smiled. Lilly smiled too, but she was still worried. No one had asked about the notleg – yet. It was coming – soon.

Lilly just had that feeling.

"Take another piece of cake, Lilly." Robbie Ray said and thereafter forced it into her hand.

Lilly's eyes twinkled, "Thank you, Mr. S."

It was happy days, yet Lilly was not-so-happy. It was good, it was fine, but Lilly was not. She was worried and concerned all of those other words reminding of them. But Miley looked better than she had done for days.

The bags beneath her eyes? – almost gone.

The gross hair? – certainly combed out.

The smile on her face? – back with full force.

Miley looked alive

"So."

Oliver was about to say what Lilly knew someone would say, but she feared it still, yet knew it had to be done. She praised Oliver, loved him too. For he dared.

"Yes Oliver?"

Miley's voice was strangely shaky, and Lilly had a feeling that she knew what Oliver was about to mention.

Nervous, so nervous, Lilly could see, "How is it?" questioning slightly, even more nervous, "The leg? What's it like?"

A silence erupted between them all. Jackson's hand squeezed Lilly's shoulder roughly, but she did not cry out in pain. Miley did not flinch much. Her smile only faded. Oliver seemed to panic. It was weird.

"It's… it's different."

Different?

Elaborating, "I feel like I'm not like you guys anymore. I – I feel like I'm another type of person. I'm cut off from you."

Cut off?

"I think I've got to-" she paused, completely still, in the middle of a sentence, "I've got to find myself."

Jackson's grip loosened on Lilly's shoulder and she moved it slightly, "But, but the leg? Do you feel any different from before? Did your body change?"

Miley closed her eyes tightly, squeezing them together in thought. Lilly held her breath, waiting for the answer. Worried, what would it say? Her answer. What would it be? Was she… had she changed? Was she not the same Miley? Anymore?

miley miley miley miley miley

Not?

lilly lilly lilly lilly lilly lilly

"I think it's-" she almost chocked, "I think it's already a part of me."

Lilly felt the blue of Miley's eyes dig into her own ones before she even saw it. There was kindness, hope, love in there, and it gave Lilly expectations for the future. A future with them two in it – as a couple. As Lilly and Miley, much more than ever before. She saw kisses and caresses. She saw laughter, playfulness and joy.

She could see Miley on that stage again, saying goodbye, saying hello.

She hoped to see Miley on that stage again.

She probably would… right?

"Daddy?" Miley's voice was low, but it cut through the silence like a very sharp knife, "I need to speak with Lilly now. Alone." There was a pause, "Can ya'll leave for a minute?"

Robbie Ray seemed concerned, but did not say so, for he stood up, followed by Oliver, Jackson, and them three left, leaving Lilly and Miley all alone.

Maybe she would like to comment on their relationship?

Lilly opened her mouth, "Would you like to comment on-?"

Cut off, "Lilly? I'd like for you to do something for me." She reached a hand up, gently touched her own brown hair, "I'd like for you to call my hairdresser and get him out here soon."

Lilly closed her mouth, opened her mouth, "Your hairdresser?"

Disappointed about the subject of the conversation? Yes, certainly.

Miley finished, "I really need a haircut."

Lilly gave her a once over. She really needed a haircut.

--

Another day for Lillian Truscott in the messed up place she liked to call school. She had thanked for the improvement lately, and she felt like he had really listened, because Miley had gotten much better and she would soon be attending messed-up-place with her.

She felt like skipping Math today.

"Do you wanna skip Math with me?"

Oliver's shocked face met hers, "Mom would kill me."

He didn't wanna skip Math with her. How suckish.

"How suckish."

Oliver didn't reply. He followed her. She stopped by her locker and longingly looked at Miley's – she'd soon be there again with them. It would all be better. Lilly knew that.

"Hey."

Lilly turned her head to the side and found Oliver staring at the wall. She closed her locker again, stepped up behind him. There was something on the wall.

"There's something on the wall."

Oliver ripped the poster down, "It's a poster."

Lilly cockily cocked an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

Oliver rolled his eyes, placed the poster on top of her head, left. She reached a hand up and removed the poster from her head, now able to see, "Thank you Ollie," mumbling, to no one. Looking at the poster instead, surprised, "Talent Show?"

"Hey."

That was the second time someone said hey to her that day.

Lilly turned around.

Ms. Scribo; "You've got any talent? Well, except your writing skills, but I highly doubt you can use them in such a Talent Show."

Lilly felt her heart beat, "No."

Ms. Scribo laughed lowly, "Well, maybe someone else has got a talent." Winking, "Maybe you can get a certain someone to sing for us."

Lilly watched her, mouth agape.

"And now," adding, certainly amused, "get out of here before I ever saw you in the hall without a hall pass."

Lilly squeezed the poster tight and ran as fast as she could.

--

"-want to do this, Miley?"

Miley looked up when Lilly entered the house. She was sitting on a counter, man behind her. Lilly stopped- scissors, comb… hairdresser man??

Miley turned her head backwards and said, certain, "Yes. I want to do this."

"But you've always been a lo-"

"I wanna do this."

Lilly stepped closer. Something was off. Something was different. Something was definitely not right. Something was very not-on, not indifferent and certainly wrong. Plain down ordinary wrong.

Hairdresser man looked her, "She's cray-zay, your friend, cray-zay, I'm tellin' ya'."

Yes, oh yeah, he was probably gay.

Lilly rubbed her arm gently, "What's she up to?"

Miley gave the man a stern glare, then turned to Lilly, smiling, "I'm not telling ya', he ain't telling ya'. I don't want you to talk me out of it." Determined, closed-eyed, "I wanna change – start over."

There was something about her; different. Lilly liked it. She was ready for something new.

Whispering, "I'm not."

miley miley miley

Miley looked like she didn't believe it. Like she wouldn't just sit there.

Saying, "You don't believe it."

Suspicious, "Like you'll just sit there."

She fell to the couch, blonde hair flowing behind her, "I will."

lilly lilly lilly lilly

"You'll sit there?"

"Totally."

"While I get my hair cut?"

"Completely."

"No interruptions?"

Pretending to zip her mouth, "Without a doubt."

Still very much suspicious, "Can I trust that?"

Nodding, "Totally completely without a doubt."

Miley turned back around and offered hairdresser man a smile, "Cut it."

--

"Wow, you look so different."

It wasn't horrible different. It was good different, definitely good different. But… different nonetheless.

Blue-eyed concerned beauty, "Horrible different?"

"Definitely good different. But… different nonetheless."

"Nonetheless."

Smiling, really meaning it, "I like it, Miley."

Shiny eyes, almost sparkly, "Really?"

"I do."

She reached a hand up and touched her side thrown bangs slightly, "It's not… too short?"

Swallowing, "It's short."

"Too short?"

Lilly shook her head and reached a hand out to touch the back of Miley's head, it was spiky and slightly sticky, "Nope. It's perfect. Looks good on you."

Miley smiled warmly.

Lilly looked at the floor.

All of Miley's hair was down there. Well not all of it. But there was a lot of it down there. Long threads of hair in puddles around the barstool. Hairdresser man had already left to meet another client. Lilly still couldn't believe it.

She reached down and picked up a piece of hair. "I'm gonna keep this." She said, clutching it.

Miley jumped off of the barstool, still slightly shaky on her legs. She seemed lighter, different though, different with the hair and like the hair. She went to the fridge, grabbed them each a root beer, "Cheers." She mumbled, "For change and for starting over and for… friendship."

Lilly took her root beer. For change and for friendship? They'd have to talk soon about that. She lifted her hand, "Cheers for a better and happier Miley."

They clinked their bottles. They each took a sip and Lilly stared at Miley again. She was already a lot more smiley and much more giggly. But her hair, her hair was pretty much gone. Cut so…

short.

--

The wind blew her hair backwards, sent chills down her spine and sand flying everywhere. She had her Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look resting at her knees, pen pressed to the paper but nothing came out of her fingers.

She had so many thoughts about this; already she had the beginning, she had the end and somewhere in the middle; she almost had her poem, but it needed finishing touches; needed work before presentation. But it was soon, and she was almost ready.

She bit her lip and stared ahead again, at the ocean, at the dark sky. She was all alone and she needed peace.

Jackson had gone back to his dorm now but he would be back to visit often to see how Miley was. Robbie Ray seemed much more up and about; he was arranging all that Hannah stuff again, all that needed to be done (which was a lot). Oliver was still being pushed around by his mom, and Miley was ready to go to school on Monday.

Her eyes fell to the paper again, staring at the words scribbled across the page. She was almost there… almost ready. She had been wondering so much about the broken, and now when it was almost gone, she didn't know how to finish off. But Miley was still not… she was still not Miley if she didn't have Hannah. She said that she was changed, different, but Lilly could never say goodbye to that part of her.

Singing was all to Miley and Lilly needed to get her to do that. Not before doing that she wouldn't be completely whole.

She flipped the pages in the Book of Lyrics; Do Not Look until she got to the last one. In the back of it she had hidden the poster for the Talent Show and she stared at it again; singing, dancing, playing an instrument, or any other things considered a talent.

Miley could do this.

"Aren't you cold?"

Lilly whipped her head around as Oliver took a seat next to her in the sand.

Shivering, "Not really."

"But you're shivering."

He placed a hand on her shoulder.

Whispering, staring calmly at her Ollie Trollie, "But I don't feel cold."

He pushed her hand gently to the side. There was the poster. He locked his eyes with her, "Why are you keeping this?"

Why was she keeping this? Miley had always sung as Hannah, she had never sung as Miley. She had to sing as Miley; she couldn't not sing, it would be horrible.

Swallowing, "I want Miley to sing as Miley."

Oliver shook his head, "I don't think that's such a good idea, Lilster."

She looked ahead again, whispering, "Don't try to stop me, Ollie."

"I won't."

"Good."

There was a pause.

"So when's the show?"

She stared briefly at him again, "Soon."

I am so sorry about the delay guys, for me it seems like it's forever since I updated. But I've been so busy during the holidays, and my father got hospitalized for a while, so it's been crazy. I had a good Christmas and a happy New Year, though. How about you guys? Did you get well into the new year? My sister got Singstar Disney at Christmas, so I've been singing Hannah Montana songs like crazy ;b

I will try to update as soon as possible.

Disclaimer; I don't own Hannah Montana.