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Neart, Grá agus Onóir Strength, Love and Honour
But reality soon came back to haunt her. It didn't matter that her old sentiments for Draco had come into the light, Ron was her fiancé. She didn't want to hurt him. She wouldn't hurt him.
"Stop é. Tá tú glan as do mheabhair. Stad! Go hIfreann leat!"
("Stop it! You're completely out of your mind! Stop! To hell with you!")
"An gabh tú tuilleadh?" he chuckled as she started to move his lips towards hers again. His hands moved from her arms. One went round her waist and the other cradled her head.
("Will you have some more?")
She wanted this. But she knew she couldn't have it. Dracoknew that she wanted this though and he didn't give up easily. Not at all. She was going to have to be forceful. She loved Ron. Maybe there wasn't much passion or excitement but Ron was one of her best friends. They would build a good life together. Life with Ron would be safe whereas life with Draco would be unpredictable. Life with him would most likely end in tears.
"Stop!" She said, attempting to be forceful. "Ní tharlóidh sé arís, geallaimse duit." She was trying to convince herself as well.
("Stop!" She said, attempting to be forceful "It won't happen again, I promise you.")
"Cad a bhí déanta as an tslí agam?" he demanded.
("What did I do wrong?")
"Ní féidir liom" she said. She was begging him to understand the situation she was in. Maybe even empathise. Ron was her best friend and she was happy with him…most of the time…but it was becoming increasingly apparent that her feelings for Draco hadn't disappeared as she had willed them to. They were still there…maybe even stronger than they once were. Perhaps absence did make the heart grow fonder.
("I can't")
"Bíodh ciall agat" he urged.
(Have sense)
"Ná bí dom chrá." She implored quietly. Her voice grew stronger as she carried on. She needed him to leave. She had to think. She had a lot of thinking to do. "Fág mo radharc."
("Don't be tormenting me." She implored quietly. Her voice grew stronger as she carried on. She needed him to leave. She had to think. She had a lot of thinking to do. "Get out of my sight.")
"Maith dom é." He paused for a moment. "Déanaim comhghairdeas leat."
("Forgive me" He paused for a moment. "Congratulations.")
"Go raibh maith agat." She answered. Her voice was almost inaudible.
("Thank you")
"Tar éis an tsaoil, ní mór dúinn deoch a ól ar ár náire. Is fearr glas ná aimhleas…más fíor bréag é an freagra a faigheann tú" he uttered before turning his back on her and apparating away.
("When all is said and done, we must swallow our pride. It's better to be sure than sorry…whether the answer you get is true or otherwise.")
And he was gone. She was separated from him once more. It hurt. What's more, it was done by her own doing. As it was on that fateful night, five years ago. And once more, she only had herself to blame. She had left then…and she had asked him to leave now.
She had got what she wanted. She had told him to leave and he had granted her request. So, why did it feel like her heart was being cruelly torn apart? Why wasn't she happy that the intruder had left? Why was she sobbing her heart out on the muddy, dirty lake-shore? Why had she sunk to the ground, amidst the debris and grime, the moment she had realised that he had left? Gone. Left for good. Left her. Just as she had left him. Were they even now? Was this his plan for revenge? Did he just come to force her to remember? To leave her feeling this empty inside? "No" she thought. She wasn't empty. She still had a heart even if it was floating around inside her in smithereens. It was still there, just broken.
She had conjured up day-dreams in which she had seen him again. She had run into his arms. He had held her close. He had forgiven her. They had spent the night in each others arms. They had left all their troubles behind. It was just her and him and…they had always lived happily ever after. With no interruptions, no angry and disappointed friends and family. They were forgotten. It was just her and him. But it was just a dream. It could never happen. It should never happen. Now, it would never happen.
And, why? Because she had left. She hadn't tried. She had never told anyone about their relationship. She had never tried to make anyone accept that they loved each other. She only had herself to blame. She had just asked him to leave. Once more, she hadn't tried. Once more, she only had herself to blame for her broken heart.
And she knew it.
And it hurt.
And she didn't know if she was strong enough to let go. Not again.
It was so hard last time. This time he had left her. She had asked him to. But now she knew how it felt to be the one left behind. And he had learned how to break a heart. He had learned from her.
She had taught him everything he knew.
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Shadowdustxxx