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Céadsearc- first love

She wiped her tears. She stood up. She cleaned the mud-stains from her dress with her wand and headed back up to the party. She had survived heartbreak once. She would survive it again.

"Hermione" she heard a familiar voice call as she entered through the solid, oak doors.

"Hey Harry" she smiled, albeit weakly.

"You alright?" he questioned; looking concerned. "Did something happen?"

She swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. "Yeah, of course. I'm fine nothing happened."

"Ok" He left it at that. He didn't push it. "Well…anyway, Ron's attempting a chorus of 'My wonderful witch Wanda'. It's hilarious stuff! You should go listen." He chuckled.

"I'm not really in the mood" Hermione said as she made her way for the stairs. Harry's gentle hand clasped her wrist, preventing her from fleeing to her room.

"Hermione, tell me what's wrong. You were so happy earlier."

She turned to face him. "I haven't been really happy in a long time, Harry" she replied. He looked confused. He saw her red eyes but couldn't bring himself to question what she meant. She pulled her hand from his and continued up the stairs.

She walked through her bedroom door, closed it, and leaned against it. The tears welled up again and she did nothing to stop them falling.

Half an hour later, she heard a knock from the other side of the door. "Hermione, I know you're in there. Let me in." Harry called.

She sighed. She was too tired for this. Seeing Draco again had drained her, both physically and emotionally. She opened the door. He gazed in shock at her red eyes, wet cheeks and dishevelled hair. "Tell me what happened." He said in a low, urgent voice.

She motioned for him to come inside and shut the door behind him. He stepped inside; not taking his eyes from her face. "So?" he prompted.

She opened her mouth but didn't succeed in getting any words out. She closed it and tried again. "Harry, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?" he asked gently.

"Back in Hogwarts…before the War…before everything, there was this guy and, well, one night we slept together. We didn't mean it to happen or anything."

"So you had a one night-stand? Hermione, it happens. Nobody's going to think any less of you." He smiled; trying to reassure her.

"It wasn't a one night-stand. It went on for months." She admitted.

"Did you love him?" Harry asked her quietly.

She looked him straight in the eyes. "Yes."

"And now he's back?" Harry guessed.

"Yes" she breathed.

"Are you going to leave Ron for some other guy you loved before?" he questioned.

"I would never do that! Ron means too much to me." She told him icily.

"You said you 'haven't been happy in a really long time'. Are you just staying with him out of obligation? Do you even love him?" he had always suspected that Hermione only loved Ron as a friend, a dear friend…but a friend nonetheless. Now it seems his suspicions were about to be confirmed.

"How can you say that? Of course, I love him!"

"Just not in the way he deserves." Harry stated.

Neither spoke for a few minutes. They were both lost in their own thoughts. After a while Harry broke the silence. "So who is he? This guy you can't forget?"

She hesitated before answering. "Draco Malfoy"

"Malfoy?" he questioned in disbelief. "Malfoy? Draco Malfoy? You love Draco Malfoy?" He stared at her face in horror. Hermione could hardly suppress the thrill she felt at hearing his name and the uncomfortable way her stomach was flipping.

"The one and only" Hermione replied bitterly.

Harry masked the revulsion on his face and attempted to comprehend how one of his best, and most dear, friends could ever love Malfoy. He went to the bed and sat down; resting his head in his hands.

"Do you hate me now?" Hermione whispered.

"No!" He responded fervently; lifting his head from his hands. "I could never hate you, Hermione. Ok? Let's just figure this out."

She nodded. At least she hadn't lost Harry because of her way-ward feelings. Harry rose from the bed and started pacing up and down the room.

"Did he come here tonight? What did he say?" he asked.

"Yes. He was angry that I left. He said he loved me." She confessed.

"Go to him. Tell him the truth. You're not doing anyone any favours by keeping up this lie." He instructed her. "I'll take care of Ron" She could see the turmoil he was going through in his vivid, green eyes. She knew he wanted her to be happy but she also knew that he wasn't too happy that Malfoy was the one she couldn't get out of her head. He wasn't overjoyed at her revelation but he would learn to accept it in time.

"What?" she asked; utterly astounded.

He paused as he struggled to get his sentences in order. "Before the war started, when you came back, to join the rest of us at the encampment, you were so broken and so filled with pain. We didn't know what to do but we wanted to protect you. You wouldn't tell us what happened, remember?"

"I remember" She winced at the memories. She couldn't eat. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to go on. It told all her determination not to go back to Draco and beg him to take her back.She knew he friends needed her but, Merlin, it was so hard. Sacrifice may be the purest form of love but it wounded her deeply.

"Well, Ron stepped into the protector role. He didn't want anyone to hurt you. He didn't want you to end up like that again. He liked being the hero and you needed someone to save you. So you guys were a perfect fit. But I don't think he is truly in love with you either. I mean, you and Ron are great friends but has it ever stepped over the line between friends and lovers?"

"No. Not really" she divulged.

"You're sure Draco is the one you want?" he said softly.

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life" Hermione declared firmly.

"If he hurts you, he'll have an army of people seeking retribution." Harry chuckled. He was serious though. He wasn't going to let anyone make her hurt again.

"Thanks, Harry" she murmured. It was good to know that her friends weren't going to desert her because of the unalterable choices of her heart.

He smiled encouraging at her but she could still see the conflict in his eyes. "Good luck" he wished as he opened the door for her. "Wait; do you know where he'll be?"

She smiled softly to herself. "Yeah, I think I have an idea."

She knew exactly where he'd be.

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