This chapter is the diary that they found of Hilary, the slayer in rage.
Diary entry one: a little while before she decide to leave.
Diary entry two: she's leaving, getting less bitter.
Diary entry three: a week in the slayer academy.
Diary entry four: a few hours after she got attacked by the Furibund.
Dear Diary,
I guess this is growing up. When you finally realize change happens and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can only change it. But what if you don't know how to change it? You learn, or live your whole life asking questions. Painful, questions. Those questions you'd either avoid… or change. If you avoid them, they change on their own and for the most part, they take a horrific transformation. So you learn to change things yourself.
My parents, either they're starting to change or I am, but the change is becoming horrific. I must end… no because nothing really ends. I must start at a new beginning. I feel like my parents are just another one of them. Them being everyone else in the world, cruel and demeaning… that's a little harsh, I'm making them seem like Satan and his band of underworld evil and they're not. But they know how to judge, they know how to criticize and they're not supposed to, they're my parents, they're supposed to show me the path to travel upon. I seem to be searching for the path myself, and not only have I still not found that path; I haven't found the shoes I'm going to tread upon either. So, this is why I'm finally growing up, I'm finally realizing that the world isn't going to get less harsh, I'm not going to change the world, I need to change myself. I've been growing bitter over the years, the years of taunting from my peers, of backstabbing from my "friends" and every other pain of the world you can think of. I hate everyone, my parents included, but that's not what's supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to hate them.
My dad has always been an alcoholic. I'm not quite sure why my mom married him; maybe she thought he was going to change. He didn't. He's rude and he sure does know how to ignore a person. I remember one time when I was 7, lucky number 7, you could say, he gave me a half of glass of beer, Bud Light if I'm remembering correctly. Back then I thought I should drink it, because my own father was offering it to me, I thank God I didn't like it and now I'll never drink again because I know it's wrong. It's taken me until my teens to realize that, but I know now it's wrong. Like I know now, every time he drinks, I'm going to be worried, because he's never going to stop drinking and driving. I used to tell him I was worried, now I just sit and ignore him and hope for the best, acting like a bitter 90 year old. My parents have been arguing for the 17 years I've been alive, but I'm trying to wrap my head around why it's not bothering me anymore. Usually every time I hear silence, I know my mom is going to come into my room with a 'we're getting a divorce.' They've been 'getting a divorce' for most of my life… or the years I can remember. I remember nothing under the age of 10, unless, of course, a few huge memories, both painful and reminiscent. I remember one memory, every time I eat broccoli or any green for that matter. I wouldn't eat either broccoli or asparagus, because back when I was 5 it looked amazingly nasty, my dad ended up screaming in my face, 'I wish you were a boy,' then throwing the uneaten greens all over the place. The young, naïve version of me just sobbed hysterically in the stool at our bar, it's funny, every time I write in this diary, it's because I'm sobbing hysterically. If my father tried doing that to me now, I would've screamed back 'and I wish you were sober!' before whipping the remnants of my plate at the areas he missed. Of course, if I did that he would've surely hit me because they can't shut me up unless a good face throbbing whack happens.
Today my mother said 'I can't stand her, I really can't,' and that's the purpose of this long, painful entry in my diary today.
I feel another set of sobs trying to intrude my clarity and my hands are starting to convulse as my throat tightens painfully.
As much as I hate these tears running down my cheeks, I know it's good for the soul. I already feel myself loosening up.
Dear Diary,
Today is the day I decide to write nothing but exciting… and happy news from now on. So thank ham for you. I feel like you're the only one I can confide in. You know that odd strength I could feel building in my body about a year ago? I found a school that specializes in that odd strength. Actually, it's a slayer academy and it's free, except for food, if you don't have a place to live they'll give you a dorm.
This is it! This is my chance. My chance to change! I'm going to take this change and then lock it in an air proof box with those new fangled DNA locks that the CSI and FBI people use. I got a job a few minutes walk from the academy, which is about an hour away. I start the job in a week, which gives me plenty of time to sneak out and move into my new dorm. I'm planning on doing that sneaking thing tonight, which shouldn't be too hard because my dad is passed out on the couch, beer in one hand, the remote in the other. My mom should be asleep in an hour, then I'll just sneak out the sliding door, which makes little noise if you slowly open it. Trust me, I've done this sneaking thing before. I know where every creak and crick is in this house, all you have to do is take long strides on your toes, stepping over the boards that will whine in the middle of the night. This plan is fool proof. Fool proof? What kind of a horrible saying is that, I can't believe I just used it. If it's fool proof, anyone who's not red necked and doesn't stare at grass for fun can catch me. So, it's rocket scientist proofed.
But that's just it. I'm a failure remember? They'll never see it coming. They'll think I'm too lazy to run away, they couldn't see anything past my 70 grades, but, hey, you need a 65 to pass each class. All right, you caught me, I am lazy, I have never, even once, studied for a test. I just laughed out loud; I already have a new name. Old self, meet Hilary Jenkinson, a straight A… slayer. No one would be expecting me to move only an hour away either, and if somebody does come looking for me, well that's what hoods are for, but maybe I'll buy a mask when I start my new job.
The only thing I'll be missing in this place is this really comfortable chair I'm sitting in and that Shia LaBeouf poster. Well, duh, of course I'm bringing my iPod and iPod charger. Goodbye Mr. LaBeouf, your handsome features will be missed.
It's the start of finally finding a meaning to my life.
Dear Diary,
My apologies for not writing in a while. I was just getting situated in my new dorm. I have a roommate, a strawberry-blonde haired girl, who's been here for two years. Her name is Ashley; she's a pretty sweet girl. I also met a guy who works around here, I don't think he's a slayer and he's not a teacher either, I think he's just somebody who helps out, but he's tall, has a beard and pretty sexy hair. His name is Desmond and he's pretty amazing.
I also met the headmaster, Mr. Giles. A great guy, kind of old, like 40's or 50's, but he showed me around, explaining rules and what not. It's just like regular school, except for one more class, training. The teacher of that class is Ms. Summers, gorgeous woman.
I'm not even quite sure if I believe everything he told me, but I'm sure going to give it a try. You see, I'm a slayer, made to fight vampires and demons and such. Yeah, I know, that's what is so surreal about everything.
Oh! And for my job I'm a bakery girl, it's pretty sweet, pun intended. It's pretty easy; I scoop cookie dough, make pies, turnovers and etc, then bake them. I feel like a giddy school… academy girl.
I've got to go, my first class, economics, will be starting shortly.
Dear Diary,
I realize I haven't written in a while again, but I've been so busy and not the bad kind of busy either. I went on my first date, ever, with Desmond and if I thought his hair was sexy before, imagine what happens when he actually tries to style it. The date was everything I wanted; he is such a sweet guy. I even think I'm falling in love.
And then there's Ashley, everything I ever wanted in a best friend and more. I have never gone to the mall with anyone but my mom before, and yesterday I went with her. It was the most fun I've had in a while.
If only my parents could see me now, getting grades in the 80's, a handsome boyfriend, a best friend I can actually trust and rising fighting skills, I'm becoming everything I have ever wanted to be.
Ah, sorry, I've got to end this session early, my body is absolutely burning, I got attacked my this hideous demon earlier and he cut me good on the shoulder, but my body feels like it's burning, like I'm going to explode, like I actually have a trigger.
I think I'll call Ashley for some advice, she's gotten in a few fights with demons and vampires before.