Well, here's a really long chapter to make up for my absence for so long. It's very different/angstier than my normal stuff, but I really hope you like it.

Chapter 4 ---- The Storm

Three weeks later, Olivia awoke in the middle of the night with a groan, unsure of what had woken her. She pushed herself into a sitting position, gasping as a wave of intense pain washed over her. When the pain did not recede, she threw back the sheets to climb out of the bed.

"Oh God, no!" The exclamation was exhaled in horror as she took in amount of blood that stained the sheets beneath her. Her hand flew to her stomach and she gasped as the pain intensified. Tears sprung to her eyes as she slid carefully from the bed. The pain slowed her movements as she made her way haltingly down the hallway. She made it to the living room and grabbed the phone.

"911, what is your emergency?"

Olivia took a shuddering breath. "I'm 23 weeks pregnant, experiencing severe pain and- and bleeding," she winced, "I-I need a bus, my name is Olivia Benson, I'm a-oh!" she gasped, cutting herself off, as the pain blurred her vision. "Hurry," she whispered as she slid down the wall curling instinctively into the fetal position.

"Please stay on the line, Ms. Benson, paramedics are on their way," the operator assured her, "just stay with me."

The paramedics found her passed out on the living room floor a few minutes later. She was rushed to the emergency room and then straight into surgery. Both Casey and Cragen, as her medical proxy and next of kin, were called to the hospital. They found themselves in the waiting room together an hour later. Casey paced the length of the room, splitting her attention between Cragen, who sat with his head in his hands, and the hallway to the operating room.

"Why didn't I know she was pregnant?" Cragen asked in disbelief.

Casey sighed and came to sit beside him. "She didn't want anyone to know. There were- extenuating circumstances. It's why she was leaving the unit."

"Jesus," Cragen scrubbed a hand over his jaw and checked his watch. "Why isn't Stabler here? I thought he was her medical proxy."

Casey shook her head, "She changed it when she found out she was pregnant. She - uh- didn't want him to have to worry about two pregnant women."

"Still, he's her partner. He should know." Cragen started to reach for his phone but was startled when Casey grabbed his arm.

"No!" Casey said sharply, wincing at the look Cragen gave her. "She, uh, wouldn't want any of the guys to know, especially if- if this doesn't end well." Casey explained softly.

He checked his watch again. "Did they tell you anything more when you got here?"

Casey shook her head. "They just said she'd called 911 for a bus, complaining of pain and bleeding. They found her passed out by the phone and-" she interrupted herself as a doctor pushed through the double doors and headed towards them. She and Cragen stood, holding their breaths as the doctor reached them.

"Detective Benson is out of surgery and doing well," he started and both breathed a sigh of relief. "She had an almost complete placental abruption, which was the cause of the pain and bleeding."

"What- what does that mean?"

"It means that the placenta had almost completely separated from the uterine wall."

"Oh my God," Casey gasped. "What about the baby?"

The doctor sighed. "Because of the degree of the separation and the severity of the bleeding, we had to perform a Caesarean section. The baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit for now, but her chances are not very good. At only 23 weeks gestation her lungs are severely under developed. She is on a ventilator now and being monitored closely." He shook his head. "When Olivia wakes up, we may have to prepare her for the worst."

Casey had tears in her eyes as she asked, "When can we see them?"

"Olivia is in recovery. It may be a little while before the anesthesia wears off, but one of you can sit with her. The baby is in the NICU. You can see her through the glass, but only family can go in." He paused and glanced between the two. "Has anyone notified the father?"

Casey tensed, "He doesn't know. He won't be coming."

The doctor nodded. "I can show you to her room, if you'll follow me."

Casey glanced back at Cragen and he nodded. "You go ahead. I need to make a couple of calls, and then I think I'll go up and see the baby." He waited until she had rounded the corner with the doctor before pulling out his cell phone and slipping outside. He called the station, leaving instructions for the following day and letting his detectives know that he was taking a personal day. He thought of Olivia as a daughter, and he wasn't going to be able to go to work in the morning knowing she was here and going through hell. Taking a deep breath, he stood up, shoving his phone into the clip on his belt, and heading back inside the hospital. He made his way up to the neonatal unit, stopping at the window to look in at the newborns.

"Can I help you sir?" He startled and turned to find a young nurse standing behind him.

He cleared his throat. "I'm looking for baby Benson."

"I'm sorry, only family is allowed in the NICU."

"I'm- I'm her grandfather," Cragen lied as smoothly as possible.

The nurse nodded, "Follow me sir." She escorted him into a room where he washed his hands before putting on the gown she handed him and following her into the sterile room. She led him to an incubator that held the tiniest baby he had ever seen.

"God-" he choked out.

The nurse turned back to him, sympathy evident on her face. "Your granddaughter is very premature, sir. I'm so sorry, but you'll want to prepare yourself and your daughter."

He stepped forward, placing a hand on the clear cover of the incubator. "What are her chances?"

"Her lungs are under-"

"I know that," he interrupted. "I asked what her chances are."

"Anywhere from 16% to 20%," the nurse replied reluctantly.

Cragen rubbed a hand over his face. "Can I- touch her?"

The nurse sighed, "Briefly. Just be careful, she's very fragile," she warned, stepping away to give him some privacy.

Very carefully, Cragen slipped his hand through the side of the incubator, letting the baby's tiny hand rest on his pinky finger. She was unresponsive, and he sighed sadly. "Hey princess," he whispered hoarsely, "its – grandpa." He watched the rise and fall of the little girl's chest as the ventilator tried to keep her alive. "We need you to be strong, like your mommy. She loves you very much, and- and losing you just might destroy her. I need you to fight for her, for us," he whispered to her. Behind him the nurse cleared her throat and he swiped at his eyes before turning around. "My time up?" The nurse nodded and Cragen turned back to the baby. "Grandpa loves you," he whispered as he slowly slid his finger out of her grasp and stepped away.

After disposing of the gown and composing himself, he headed down to Olivia's room. When he got there, he found Casey sitting by the bed and holding Olivia's hand. Her head was resting on the bed near Olivia's legs, and Casey seemed to be sound asleep. He chuckled in spite of himself as he pulled a chair up to the bed on the opposite side and lifted Olivia's other hand into his own. The sun was just starting to rise and he was beginning to doze himself when he felt the hand in his shift. Cragen glanced up quickly and watched as Olivia shifted and mumbled in her sleep.

"Casey," he whispered, reaching a hand across the bed to wake the younger woman. Casey shifted and looked up, glancing at Olivia before looking over to Cragen questioningly. "She's starting to wake up, go find her doctor." Casey nodded and hurried out of the room. Cragen turned his attention back to Olivia in time to see her eyes flutter open. "Hey Olivia," he whispered gently.

Slowly her eyes met his and Cragen watched as they clouded with confusion. "Wh-" she started hoarsely, but her mouth was too dry. Cragen poured a small cup of water from the pitcher beside the bed and helped her take a sip. "What happened Don?" She whispered, shifting in the bed then wincing at the soreness in her abdomen. He watched as realization dawned on her face and her hand flew to her stomach. "My baby! Oh God, is my baby-"

To Don's great relief, her doctor chose that moment to appear. "Welcome back, Olivia. How are you feeling?"

"Sore," she answered bluntly. "What happened to my baby?"

"Olivia, you came in with something called placental abruption, which is when the placenta detaches from the uterine wall. In your case, the separation was too severe, and we had to do an emergency C-Section."

Olivia gasped. "No! It's- it's way too early. I was only five months pregnant!"

The doctor nodded and continued. "Your daughter is in the neonatal intensive care unit. I'm sorry Olivia, but it doesn't look good. She weighs only about a pound, and she is very fragile. Her lungs are severely underdeveloped. We have her on steroids and a ventilator, but there hasn't been any improvement like we had hoped."

"What- what are her chances?" Olivia asked softly, choking back the tears and grasping Cragen's hand where it still rested in hers.

"Even with the ventilator, she only has about a sixteen percent chance of survival. If she makes it through the day, they go up to about thirty-five percent, but-"

"But you don't think she will," Olivia finished for him.

The doctor shook his head. "She's not responding to any of our treatments. I'm sorry. You should start preparing yourselves."

"I need to see my daughter."

"A nurse will come in just a few minutes to change your dressings. I'll have her bring a wheelchair and take you up to the NICU." He made a note on the chart in his hand before stepping out of the room.

Olivia laid her head back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. One hand came up to cover her eyes as she choked back her tears. Cragen squeezed her hand, his heart aching as he watched her struggle with her grief.

"Liv-" he started softly.

"Don't," she interrupted. "Just- don't. My- my daughter is dying, and there is nothing I can do."

"I'm so sorry Olivia."

She lost the battle with her emotions as the tears began to fall. "What am I supposed to do?" She whispered.

He sighed, squeezing her hand again and sitting lightly on the edge of her bed. "Just breathe Liv. We'll go up and see your daughter. You'll hold her and love her for as long as possible."

"But what if-"

"You have to try to think positively Liv. If it happens, we will deal with it. I promise you that you will not be alone. You are going to be okay."

From the doorway, a nurse cleared her throat. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I just need to check your incision and then we can take you up to see your baby."

Cragen squeezed Olivia's hand. "I'm just going to step outside Liv. I'll be right outside when you're ready." She nodded and he slipped outside. He was startled to find Casey hovering outside the door, a look of fear mixed with the tears on her face. "Casey."

She looked up at him and sighed. "I don't know how to do this," she whispered.

"Do what?" He sat in one of the nearby chairs and gestured for her to do the same.

"Help her. What do I say to her? I- I hate hospitals, they make me feel so helpless." Casey leaned forward, head in her hands.

Cragen sighed, resting a comforting hand on her back. "You don't always have to say anything, Casey. Just be there for her. Make sure she knows she has a friend. She's going to need one." Casey nodded, wiping away a few stray tears when the door beside them opened. They both stood when the nurse pushed Olivia out in the wheelchair. The nurse looked between the two then back to Olivia.

"I'm going to take you up to the neonatal unit. Your father can come with us if you'd like," she gestured towards Cragen and he smiled halfheartedly at the look Olivia gave him, "but your friend will have to stay here I'm afraid."

Casey cleared her throat. "That's okay Liv. I'm going to go by your apartment and get you a few things, and then I'll be right back here when you come back okay?"

"Thanks Casey." Olivia whispered, squeezing her friend's hand before she, Cragen, and the nurse made their way down the hallway. They reached the neonatal unit and Olivia reached down, stopping the wheelchair abruptly. "Don?" She questioned softly.

Cragen startled, quickly closing the gap between them where he had been following a few feet behind. He took her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm right here Liv."

The nurse helped her wash her hands and put on the gown before slowly wheeling her into the room. Olivia's eyes filled with tears, her grasp on his hand tightening, as they reached the incubator. She took a shuddering breath as she looked at all of the machines and wires hooked up to her tiny baby girl. "I-I need to hold her."

The nurse nodded, giving her a gentle smile. She helped Olivia into a rocking chair on one side of the room before returning to the incubator for the baby. Olivia and Don watched as the nurse lifted the tiny bundle and placed her carefully in Olivia's arms. When they were settled, she stepped away to give them some privacy.

Olivia was trembling as she looked down at the little girl in her arms. She was so fragile, her whole body barely bigger than Olivia's hands, her arms the size of one finger. Cragen watched as she gazed down at her daughter. Her lips were moving but the words were silent as the tears streamed down her face.

His heart aching for her, Cragen knelt carefully beside the rocking chair and laid a gentle hand on Olivia's arm. "She needs a name," he whispered.

Olivia gazed down at the baby for a moment before smiling shakily back at him. "Serena Dawn," she whispered.

He smiled through the tears that suddenly choked him, and he gave her arm a gentle squeeze. "It's perfect."

They both returned their attention to the tiny Serena who lay quietly on her lap, cradled by her mother's hands. Every breath seemed to be a struggle for the tiny girl, despite the work of the ventilator, and her body seemed so fragile.

"She's not going to make it, is she?" Olivia whispered through her tears.

Cragen glanced up at the nurse for confirmation before he sighed. "I'm sorry Olivia."

Her whole body trembled as she tried to hold back the tears. Olivia looked up, finding the nurse. "Is she in pain?"

The nurse looked reluctant as she answered, "I'm sorry, but we just don't know. At this age, her nerves are still developing, still raw-"

Olivia closed her eyes and whispered, "Turn off the machines."

"Olivia?" Cragen laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "She's in pain Don. I- I don't want her to suffer," she whispered, her grief and pain already etching lines into her face.

"Ms. Benson," the nurse began, "if we turn them off-"

"I know."

"Are you sure Olivia?" Cragen asked gently.

She nodded brokenly. "T-turn them off." She could not take her eyes off of her daughter as the machines went silent. Her tears began again as she rocked with her little girl. "I love you Serena. I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over again through her tears until the steady beep of the heart monitor ceased. When it was done the nurse gave her some time, and Cragen watched her, unable to hold back his tears as she continued to rock with the baby.

She sobbed brokenly as the nurse finally removed the baby from her arms, wrapping her gently in the blanket and stepping away. Cragen knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms, doing the only thing he could think of to comfort her. Careful to avoid her incision, he lifted her out of the rocking chair and sat down, settling her on his lap. He held her tightly as her body was wracked with sobs. He rocked with her, rubbing her back and whispering reassurances as he fought back his own tears. She buried her face in his chest and cried until her body's exhaustion took over.

When he felt her body relax in his arms Cragen stood, refusing the wheelchair, and carried her back to her room. He laid her carefully on the bed, pulling the thin sheet and blanket up to her chest and gently brushing her hair away from her face. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before settling into his chair beside her bed.

A/N: Wow, didn't expect to get so emotional writing that. Please review!!!!