Title: "Faith Never Returned a Fed's Gun"
Author: Bug Eyed Monster
Rating: Adult
Category: General
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.
Warnings: Faith assaulting law enforcement officers.
Summary: Faith is on a hunt, and Special Agent Don Eppes gets in her way.

Author's Note: I have nothing but respect for L.E.O.s (I still remember that cop who went out into traffic on Northwest Highway in Dallas, Texas, after an accident to direct the traffic around the accident, with nothing but the authority of his uniform to stop the cars. I was so impressed.) This is from Faith's P.O.V., and as she's an ex-con, I'm sure she knows lots of bad slang and cuss words for L.E.O.s.

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Faith lightly jogged across the street from Dugan's hidey hole and into the park. Not his main one, but his head henchman's business.

"Freeze! FBI! On your knees, hands on your head, Lehane." Faith blinked and turned. Oh, goody, a febbie. She had to be slippin'.

The dark hair dude in the suit had to be a fed, he gave off that particular stink of 'federal building' all feds had. He was kinda' cute, dark hair and an ice cold glint in his dark eyes. His big gun was pointing right at her. Faith smirked, she wouldn't mind playing with his other gun, but she didn't have the time right now.

"Ooo. Nice." She put a bit of a hip-sway in her walk. "Hey, didn't you get the memo? I ain't wanted no more."

His eyes hardened even more and he repeated his demand for her surrender, adding "Now!"

Well, being on her knees could work here... Faith smirked as she interlaced her fingers on top of her head. She made sure to lean back a little and push her rack forward, and gave her hips a sultry twist as she went got down on her knees. She licked her lips and made her voice all throaty, "Do you like me in this position?"

The febbie cautiously approached her. He moved around behind her to cuff her.

Faith took advantage of her slayer abilities to launch herself at him, hitting him on his jaw and knocking him out.

Faith rifled through his pockets. She took his gun, noted his name as she glanced at his creds. Don Eppes, now why was that name familiar?

Faith took his gun and hurried off. She could hear someone else blundering about in the brush

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Faith took out her cell phone and hit a button.

"Yo, Red, tell me why the name Don Eppes sounds familiar."

Willow giggled. "He's Charlie's brother, remember? Professor Eppes had to have mentioned him about a gadzillion times."

Faith lay down on the motel bed. "Oh, yeah,... Charlie was a hottie. Too bad he wasn't into casual sex."

"Faith! I've told you before... you are not allowed to sex-play with the visiting professors. You go through men like some women go through pantyhose, leaving them crumpled in a corner, full of holes, waiting to be thrown away."

"Gee, Red. Professor Rhineman said it was a great way to go." Willow stammered, Faith could practically hear her blushing over the phone.

"Anyway, he recognized me. Got any ideas why?" Faith could hear computer keys clicking in the background.

"Faith + murder rap + FBI guy = gee wonder why?" Willow quipped. "Oh, he was in Fugitive Recovery for a while. Right around that time you escaped."

"First or second time?" Faith asked.

"First time. But from the report, it doesn't look like they thought to check Sunnydale at all. Someone communicated with the Sunnydale Police Department to tell them to warn us, me and Xander and Buffy, because they thought you might be out to hurt us, SPD promised to keep them updated and let the Feds know if they saw you." Willow sniffed. "Sunnydale PD never told us."

"Well, f*ck, I could have gone strip dancing at the Bronze."

Willow giggled. "Oh... oh... hey...."

Faith's nerves went on edge. "What?"

"Someone from the Feds was doing a review on the Sunnydale Police Department. Suspicions of corruption. But it sort of fell apart a few days after Sunnydale fell into the hole."

"Why, Red, you naughty girl. You're hacking into their files." Faith frowned in memory. "I know Richard was always meeting with the local sheriff, and he was real friendly with several, but it wasn't a *good* friendliness. Yo, like they was kinda' 'fraid of him."

"The fed's security is really good. I couldn't do it without cheating. Hey, I think I met their computer security guy at a convention once. Maybe I'll-"

"Red, you didn't tell me you started driving stick again." Faith grinned as Willow stammered again. All Red needed was a pair of glasses she could polish. "So, can you get me Charlie's addy? I need to drop off Eppes' gun."

"Faith! What did you do?"

"Nothing."Faith attempted to lie. She could practically hear Red's resolve face over the phone.

Faith sighed. "I sort of hit him and knocked him out and took his gun."

"Faith, you're not supposed to be assaulting law enforcement figures!"

"He was pointing his gun at me, and not the playing one either. Now that gun I wouldn't mind pointing at me." Red squealed. Faith continued. "I didn't want him shooting at me so I kinda' took off with it. That's why I need Professor Eppes' address- so I can drop it off."

Red sighed... "Did you find out anything on that guy and his cronies killing in the forest?"

"Yeah, and I think it's the real thing."

"I'll make up some protection crystals and have Dawnie send them to you."

"Red, I only need one."

"I know, but the others are for Special Agent Eppes' team. They're investigating the killings."

Faith sighed. "And how am I supposed to get the febbies to wear 'em?"

"You're a smart girl. I'm sure you can think of something."

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Faith shifted the package under her arm and glanced at the house. There was a car in the driveway so hopefully someone was home. An older plump man opened the door to her knock. "Yes?" He sounded genuinely friendly.

"Yeah, I'm F-from the SWC, Professor Eppes taught a workshop one summer to some of our kids at the Joyce Summers school." She wondered if Special Agent Eppes had mentioned her name to anyone, other than other feds.

"Oh, right. Come on in. Charlie told me about that school. He really enjoyed teaching there. He said he'd love to do another summer workshop there again." She followed the man inside Charlie's house. Nice digs. The man turned his back on her, his guard totally down. Faith sighed.

The man fussed with dinner prep in the kitchen. Faith noticed that they had two refrigerators, like Willow did.

"I met him first at the NSA."

"Oh, you work for the NSA?"

"Naw, more like with. Y'know, when they need someone like me."

The man looked at her puzzled, "What is you do?" Faith resisted the temptation to say "wetworks" and replied with something she'd heard from a (not so) crusty old general. "The kind where if I tell ya', I gotta' lock ya' up under NORAD and feed ya' nothin' but mac-n-cheese MREs."

The man laughed. "Oh, I'm Alan-"

"Charlie's old man. Yeah, he mentioned you a bit. Mentioned his brother too. How's Don?"

"In a right fuss. Would you believe some ex-con stole his gun?"

Faith smirked. What was it with cops and their guns? You'd think she'd stolen his penis. Not that she'd mind playing with his penis for a bit.

She leaned forward a bit, not to reveal any cleavage, but to act interested. "He say who?"

"No. He has an ugly bruise on his jaw from where the ex-con hit him."

{Yeah!} "And I'm forgetting my manners. Faith Lehane. And you can tell Don I'd be willing to kiss it and make it better. Charlie showed me his brother's pic. Real hottie."

Alan Eppes shook a knife at her, "Behave young lady." A matchmaking gleam came into his eye. Uh-oh. She'd seen that look when Willow had been preggers. "He's not dating anyone at the moment though. How did you start working with the NSA?"

"I'm with the SWC. They're a bunch of folks who read moldy old books. But some assist the - the cops on cult related murders. Me, I'm sort of their go-get girl. Some folks steal 'religious/occult' artifacts and I go get 'em back." The well practiced official explanation tripped lightly off her tongue.

Alan blinked. "Cult related murders?" Folks always focused on that rather than the Tomb Raider bit.

"Yeah, some folks believe in demons. And if you sacrifice people to these demons, the demons will grant you power. Ya' don't hear much about it, 'cause the officials don't want mob-y people in the streets screaming 'devil worshipper!' Plus some folks think that if someone is practicing witchcraft, well that's practically demon worship."

"So some L.E.O.s" (Faith bit off saying "bitches", old man Eppes might not like hearing his Donnie called that) "worry about a torch-bearing mob wanting to burn up some innocent kids and books 'cause the mob-y folks think that the witches are responsible for the killings. Or starting it. Or whatever."

Alan listened to her with wide eyes. Faith continued, wondering if Alan would convey the conversation to his b*tch boy later. "There's always ways to tell if someone's following old demon worshiping rites. Ya' supposed to feed the 'white goat' (a.k.a. human sacrifice) certain foods. Ya' ain't supposed to touch them- y'know, like the old rumors of the virgin sacrifice? They don't have to be virgins, but ya' can't fool with 'em. Guess the demons like their sacrifices unspoiled."

"And then ya' have to find the exact ritual the wannabes are using. That's where I get lost, I'm not exactly book-worm girl."

"Well... I'd never imagined..." Alan shuddered. "And I don't want to think on it either." He turned toward her, that match-making gleam back in his eye. Special Agent Eppes would probably cure his dad of that later.

The door opened and Professor Eppes came into the kitchen. "Faith!" He hugged her. "How are you?"

"Good. Look, can you give this box to your brother?"

"Sure. When did you get into town?"

"Last week. Look.." Faith dug into a pocket and pulled out two cards. "This is Giles' and this is Rosenburg's. They're with the SWC. Tell your brother he might want to talk with them about forest killings."
She watched as Charlie faltered a bit. "Wh-at? Why?"

"Stuff like this has happened before. Giles and Rosenburg are good folks, Charlie. All nice and trustworthy. Tell your bro when he checks 'em out, to say hi to Riley Finn or Jack O'Neill for me. Oh, and he and his team should wear these crystals. If the Forest Killer or any of his cronies see them wearing it, they'll believe that the feds can see 'em now."

"What?!" Charlie said. "That stuff is-"

"Don't matter whether you believe, just remember the killers believe it."

"Fine." Charlie said.

"Like, they think that they're working magic so no one can pinpoint their main hideout, where they do their sacrifices. But if they hear 'bout your bro and his team wearing those, they'll know Special Agent Eppes's got a witch on his side, and her magic will help him find them. So maybe they make a mistake or two 'cause the feds can *see* 'em now."

Charlie snorted. "Faith...."

"I gotta' go. See ya' later."

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(Author's note. If anyone feels like taking this ficlet and running off with it, feel free!)