DM: It's been quite a while. Anyway, I'm in France right now studying abroad. It took a while to get my stuff together, but here I am! People have commented on how Syaoran is out of canon, but I will explain why next chapter! Ohoho!

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, or anything else that I might reference (such as books, movies, clothing brands, etc.). Character names that you do not recognize are either people I know or characters of my own creation.

How Should I Know?

Chapter Five

Dream

"SAKURA!"

"Huh? What?" I quickly snapped out of my reverie and looked at my best friend.

"I wanted to know what you were gonna be for the costume party, so I can make your costume!" Tomoyo exclaimed, waving her arms about in a childish manner. And to think I envy her grace and poise. That's a sin, right?

"Oh…" I looked down at my hands. The cuts from the accident a few days earlier looked as bad as ever. I would have to hide them, I thought to myself.

Glancing out the window as I stalled for time (Tomoyo began tapping her foot impatiently) I saw a girl dressed up in a goth costume. Despite the warm weather (it was almost summer now) the sleeves were long, and finished with ruffled cuffs. The whole outfit was a ruffly mess of ribbons and lace, a black and purple monstrosity.

Tomoyo would love the idea.

"I know—I'll be a loligoth!" I said, feigning an excited tone of voice.

Tomoyo, who had apparently been examining my wrists, laughed a little and her eyes began to sparkle. Fabulous.

"That'd be great! I can make you the prettiest, cutest, bounciest, most adorable goth costume ever!"

I smiled, moved by Tomoyo's cute personality, and was about ask her what she would be when Syaoran waltzed into the classroom, a rose held between his teeth. Tomoyo took it from him and giggled.

"Mi cariña!" he said seductively. Tomoyo blushed. I'll admit, my cheeks grew a little warmer.

More than that, though, I wanted to throw up, but I wasn't sure why. When Syaoran's eyes met mine, I quickly turned away, not wanting him to see my weakness.

"As you can see, mi cariña verdadera, we are going to be Flamenco dancers!" he said, smiling at me.

I should really learn Spanish. Also, I had no idea what a Flamenco dancer looked like. Tomoyo looked positively giddy, though so I gave her a weak smile.

"How're your arms?" Syaoran asked me. I hid them from view under the desk. Curse the revealing nature of these summer uniforms!

I mumbled some kind of barely coherent reply. Each spot that he had kissed felt suddenly like it was on fire.

Sexual desire was not something I had felt before, and it is only now that I recognize my feelings back then as the beginning of a constant ache. I—

Sakura heard the man on the other side of the wooden panel clear his throat as though he was uncomfortable.

"Is there a problem, sir?" she asked timidly.

"No, please continue, my child."

Sakura fidgeted a little before continuing.

So anyway, Syaoran is hot. I think that's pretty clear. And Tomoyo is beautiful. I contented myself with the knowledge that they looked very good together and said nothing more, despite Syaoran's expectant gaze.

Mr. Terada then rescued me, coming into the classroom looking harried. Minutes later Rika crept in and sat at her desk, looking everywhere but at the teacher. Tomoyo sat down, still smiling. I thanked the heavens that Syaoran couldn't see my face, but suddenly I felt his hand on my shoulder and his mouth near my ear.

"I've been thinking about you, my Sakura," he whispered.

Against my will, I shivered. Syaoran, satisfied, sat back in his seat. Tomoyo was busy with her history notes and didn't notice a thing. I quickly revoked my thanks from the heavens and got out my notebook, prepared to listen to the dull lecture on the Russo-Japanese war.

It was Monday, and as I walked into the cafeteria to buy lunch I cursed the beautiful early summer that had happened on Tomoeda. It was the first day of school since the accident, and no one had noticed my hideous arms just yet. I pinned them to my sides and resolutely got in line.

Tomoyo began telling me about a dream she'd had the night before. I had had an interesting dream myself, actually. I was driving down a highway of clouds, when suddenly an angelic Syaoran appeared before me. He leaned in close to kiss me, but just inches away he turned into an airbag that blew up in my face. I woke in a cold sweat.

I could not share this dream with anyone. Except you, of course, sir.

The scariest part was that, in the dream at least (who am I kidding?), I wanted it to happen – I wanted to kiss Syaoran! I looked at Tomoyo as she scrutinized the fruit salad and shook my head to clear it of the idea.

Gah. And I used to be such a good person.

I chose my lunch haphazardly, eager to sit down, finish eating it, and leave before Syaoran came for lunch (he was in trouble again). Tomoyo was trying to decide between pudding and cinnamon cake.

In my haste I collided with someone. I managed to save the contents of my tray (I had forgotten a drink, wouldn't you know?) but at the expense of exposing my right wrist.

"Oh Sakura, I'm so sorry, I don't know where my mind is today!" It was Rika. She was absolutely radiant.

Before I could do anything, Rika glanced at my tray to verify that she hadn't ruined my lunch. I tried to walk away but it was too late.

"Oh my God, Sakura!" she exclaimed. The cafeteria fell silent. I winced as a crowd gathered. Someone took my tray and put in on a table as some people pressed me, turning my wrists upward against my will.

"What happened?" asked someone I didn't recognize.

"Did you try to kill yourself?" Stranger number two asked, pseudo joking.

"I didn't think she looked like a cutter…" whispered someone I couldn't see.

It felt like everyone in the cafeteria (10 people) had come to look. Perfect. Exactly what I needed. Syaoran materialized by my side as I mumbled,

"I got in a car accident." I spoke softly, but I know they heard me because some people lost interest and the crowd lessened.

"Yea, we hit a bear!" Syaoran suddenly said. They came back and the crowd grew larger than it had been before.

I shot him a look that said "What are you doing?" I didn't have time for this.

He winked at me (my heart may or may not have skipped a beat) and I decided to give in.

"A polar bear!" I clarified.

"On the way to Tokyo!" Syaoran continued.

"It escaped from the zoo!" I explained.

"And it broke through the windshield!" Syaoran made a sweeping gesture with his arm to illustrate.

"Then Syaoran had to shoot it!" I was having fun. Maybe.

"Using the gun that Touya keeps in the glove compartment to shoot guys that get close to Sakura!" Syaoran said, nodding despite the disbelieving faces in the crowd.

Everyone was laughing (Syaoran has an interesting way with people), when Touya broke through the crowd and confronted the grinning Syaoran, whose smile evaporated immediately.

"Monster rear-ended someone in my car," he said haughtily, and the group around us dispersed, laughing.

"Touya, I am not a monster!" I shrieked as I stomped on his foot. Touya hopped in pain back to his table, where Meiling and Yuki were laughing hysterically. Touya glared at them and walked away. Meiling looked rather hurt.

"So, Monster, how are you feeling after Friday?" Syaoran asked. This was the second time he had asked me this.

My eyes narrowed as I walked back to my table (he followed) where Tomoyo was waiting. She had been the one to relieve me of my tray. I split apart my chopsticks with a little more force than necessary.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking away.

"You know what I mean," he said. Tomoyo was ruffling his hair, immersed in a book she had just checked out from the library (Goth Fashion in the 1990's).

"Oi! Sakura!" Yukito's voice rang out above the chatter in the cafeteria.

I snapped to attention and hurried over to Yukito, giving Syaoran a wave over my shoulder. Yukito sat me in his lap (strangely awkward), and when I looked back towards my table (why?), I only saw Syaoran in deep conversation with a girl with long reddish-brown hair. I fumed.

How many more of us are you stringing along, Li? I thought.

I decided to prove to him that he didn't mean anything to me. I turned to Yuki and planted a big kiss on his lips, taking him and Syaoran by surprise. To be honest, public displays of affection make me uncomfortable, so I was a little freaked out by my own courage.

I looked back at him to see him scowling at my. He turned immediately back to his conversation with the brunette. I felt an odd pang in my chest (again, why?) but decided to ignore it and talk to Yuki and Meiling instead.

Let's skip ahead to the horrendous experience that is costume fitting.

"Why does he have to be here?" I asked in a whiny voice.

"Well, when I told him I needed to do a fitting for your costume, he volunteered to come and help." Tomoyo replied calmly. She had her measuring tape looped over one shoulder, and looked wonderful as usual as she prepared to measure me.

"What's the matter, Monster, are you embarrassed about your sizes?" (How I hate that he picked up that name from Touya!)

"NO!" I shouted, pouting. Actually, just one, I thought. At least Syaoran couldn't penetrate the sanctity of my mind.

Tomoyo sighed and got to measuring my bust. I was wearing a tank top and shorts (very casual). I felt myself turn a deep shade of red, feeling Syaoran's eyes on my body.

"36, just like last time," Tomoyo said. Did I hear a note of satisfaction in her voice?

I sighed as Tomoyo moved on to my waist

"Oh come on, Sakura, it's not so bad…You could always get implants!"

Tomoyo was thrown to the floor as I launched myself at Syaoran, punching every bit of him that I could reach.

"Uncle, uncle!" he shouted.

"What?" I was so confused that I sat back on his lap. He sat up and smirked. Our faces were incredibly close, and I felt her heart racing. That feeling of desire returned.

"You say 'uncle' when you give up. Don't you watch pro wrestling?"

I wasn't really listening, and I could tell that Syaoran wasn't really thinking about what he was saying either. We stared into each other's eyes until I felt a certain something hardening beneath her (clearly he had the same desire I did). I quickly stood up, and Syaoran got up slowly, still looking at me with an intensity that made me shake. Tomoyo was busy getting fabric out of her case and hadn't noticed the atmosphere. Or so I thought, at least.

That was close.

We kept our big mouths shut and let Tomoyo continue the fitting.

Then it was Friday, the night of the costume party organized by the student council, and I was getting into the big black ruffly mess that was my costume. The sleeves, however, were three-quarter length ("I thought that your wrists would suit the costume!").

The doorbell rang and I ran down, holding up my skirt (it had hoops for goodness' sake!), to answer the door. Touya was at Yuki's house. Yuki had agreed to wear a matching goth costume, even though he knows as well as I do that pink is really my color, and Touya had left wearing a tuxedo (what a weirdo).

"Oh, you look so cute, Sakura!" It was Tomoyo at the door, coming over to prepare my makeup.

Tomoyo, of course, was nothing short of stunning in her long black dress that had a fishtail that touched the floor. It hugged her womanly body in a very lovely way. Just so you know, I looked like a child's doll next to her. She opened up her makeup case and pulled out black eyeliner.

"Now, goths always have these really heavy eyes..." Her touch was very gentle as she outlined my green eyes in black.

I sat still and let her work. Suddenly, I asked,

"Tomoyo, where's Syaoran?"

Tomoyo's hand slipped and left a huge black line, extending my eyebrow into my hair. Not a bad look, I suppose. Tomoyo mumbled an apology and got out the makeup remover. Curious, I persisted.

"Did something happen?" I asked. A cold feeling that I can only call fear started creeping up my back.

"What? No… Why would something happen?" She said distractedly, rubbing my temple with a cotton ball.

"You're being weird. Don't be stupid." I was terrified. I'm always mean when I'm terrified.

Tomoyo heaved a sigh as she wiped the rest of the stray eyeliner away.

"Well, he got a little peeved with me today because he saw me with Eriol…" her voice trailed off.

"Eriol? Who's Eriol?" I asked, feigning ignorance. Was my Ultimate Plan working?

"Oh, he's this really nice guy, that's all…" Tomoyo blushed. I never knew she was the type to like foreigners (Eriol is half British, by the way).

I should have been elated that the Ultimate Plan was so successful, but I hadn't expected Syaoran to be jealous. Suddenly I wondered whether or not I was doing the right thing.

My mind raced as I pondered:

If Tomoyo is happy, then it is the right thing.

But what about Syaoran?

What about Syaoran?

What does he mean to me?

"Nothing," I said aloud.

"What was that, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked, barely concealing her irritation. She had been applying lip liner when I spoke.

"Oh, nothing's better than your costumes, Tomoyo!" I said, smiling. She rolled her eyes but looked pleased nonetheless.

With that, we got in Tomoyo's car and set off for the dance. It was getting dark already. I just stared out the window. Tomoyo's driver looked, as always, as though someone had died recently. Then it struck me…Syaoran had a driver. What the hell? When did he get so wealthy?

"We're here, Sakura!" Tomoyo said cheerfully.

I got out of the car carefully—the dress, pretty as it was, was very ungainly and I'm a klutz as it was.

"Mi cariña!" Syaoran's voice called.

Tomoyo and Syaoran started an impromptu dance and I turned away, trying not to look jealous. Not that I was jealous. Syaoran looked strangely attractive in his open dark shirt, his usually unruly hair flattened and a moustache drawn on in eyeliner.

"Hey!" I heard from behind me.

I looked through the crowd to see Yukito looking like an adorable goth boy. I gave him a big hug and a kiss and heard an "oof" behind me. Syaoran had dropped Tomoyo by accident. I smiled. Why am I so evil? I swear I'm not normally like this.

"You look great!" Yukito complimented.

"Thanks, so do you!" I returned. His arm felt oppressively heavy as it rested on my shoulder.

"Touya!" I exclaimed, catching sight of my brother, "You look slightly less hideous than usual—must be the mask!" I smiled widely as he made an angry face.

"Sakura, you look positively creepy!" Meiling said from behind him.

Meiling was there too, wearing a lovely dress and a mask. I still don't really know what their costumes were.

"C'mon, c'mon, let's go in, people!" Meiling called impatiently, and together we walked into the dimly lit gymnasium. Dance music was blaring from the speakers, and I scurried out onto the floor, dragging Yukito with me.

It may not seem that way since you've encountered me at such a strange time in my life, but I am very outgoing and love to dance!

Syaoran scurried after, and he and Tomoyo began dancing right next to us. I caught his eye and realized what was happening.

Oh it's on, Syaoran! I thought, prepared to outdo him in every way.

Of course, I had no idea as to what would happen that night, and the horrendous (wonderful) mistake that I would make.

DM: Whew, another long chapter! I hope you guys liked that! I wonder how they'll act around each other at school! Please review, so I know that my long hiatus hasn't lost everyone's interest! And stay tuned because next chapter you'll learn why Syaoran is mischievous and outgoing instead of cold!

Also I have a poll on my profile asking about age! I am curious to know how old my readers are. Thank you for your support!