He returned to his desk and began filling out reports and the like. It was tedious work but it had to be done in order to keep the world operating neatly. And Lassiter hated it when the world wasn't running smoothly, so he did his paperwork.
"Good morning, Lassie!" chimed an all-too familiar, particularly unwanted voice. Lassiter groaned as Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster, the Disastrous Duo, approached his desk.
"Is there any specific reason for you two to annoy me today?" Lassiter asked with a sarcastic smile.
"Just checking in with my team." Spencer replied gamely.
"And there's only reruns on T.V." Guster added.
The two were now at his desk and there was a pause in their usually constant stream of inane banter as they both sniffed the air tentatively.
"Lassie…" Spencer began slowly, "are you wearing… cologne?"
Lassiter sat up straight and glanced around him.
"It was a gift." He replied quickly. Guster sniffed again.
"That's not just any cologne." He said. "That's Clive Christian No. 1 for Men! That's a seven hundred dollar bottle of perfume!"
"It's not perfume!" Lassiter snapped defensively. The other two men leaned in closer for a better whiff. Carlton stood up quickly, moving back and knocking over his chair in the process.
"Smells like… money." Spencer commented casually.
"I believe what you're smelling is the fine, exotic ingredients imported directly from their natural sources all around the world." Guster replied.
"Please stop making remarks about the way I smell." Carlton said, putting up his hands between himself and them.
"I filed your paperwork!" O'Hara chirped happily, appearing at his elbow. "Can I do anything else? Get your coffee? How about I hang up your jacket?" She didn't wait to be asked and took his coat from the back of his chair. She held it to her chest and buried her nose in its folds as she walked away with it. The three men stared after her in stunned silence.
"Okay." Spencer said at last. "That was creepy."
The other two nodded in silent, dumfounded agreement.
"Lassiter, you have to stop wearing that cologne." Guster said.
"Stop wearing it?" Spencer exclaimed in outrage. "Are you serious? This is a goldmine!"
"No, no, I want this to stop." Lassiter replied uneasily. Spencer crossed around to the other side of the desk and put his arm around the detective.
"You're missing the big picture here!" he said. "As long as you keep wearing that stuff you've got every woman on earth wrapped around your little finger! Don't tell me you're going to let that chance go by. You'll be like Remington Steele, infiltrating the secret workings of females in order to solve crime!" He let Lassiter dwell on that for a moment before adding, "And probably get a few cupcakes in the mix."
As appealing as the prospect of free cupcakes was, Lassiter was hesitant. "I don't—"
"Just try it!" Spencer implored. "And bring me a cupcake."
"Spencer?" Lassiter finally said.
"Yes, Carlton?"
"Stop touching me."
Spencer put his other arm around Lassiter in an awkward embrace and Guster soon joined them by also putting his arms around the increasingly angry police officer. Juliet spotted the group hug from across the room and hurriedly skipped over so that she could take place in the office cuddle session. She took advantage of the moment to inhale as much of Clive Christian No. 1 for Men as she could from Lassiter's shirt. Soon every other passing female had joined in the embrace, all taking deep breaths and sighing contentedly.
"This is nice." Spencer said after a few seconds.
"Get off me!" Lassiter snapped, detangling himself from the group. He paused for a moment, looking a little perplexed, and then looked down at his white shirt.
"Where's my tie?" he asked.