Summary: The journey of Sai and Hikaru continues when Sai returns. Encompasses the point from when Sai disappears to the Hokuto Cup.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, settings, etc. pertaining to the manga series, Hikaru no Go, by Yumi Hotta, and illustrated by Takeshi Obata.
A/N: Well, I'm not sure if a warning is needed, but if you're really narrow-minded, you might want to skip part of this. Though it doesn't make a difference either way, since there aren't going to be any pairings in this.
Chapter Five: Divulgence
Back at home, Touya found his father in his study once again. He knocked and waited to be invited inside before entering.
"Father?"
"Akira. Is something the matter?" His father put down the book he was reading and gestured to the seat in front of him, where Touya gracefully sat down.
"I've been spending a lot of time with Shindou lately and we've become really good friends," Touya started, continuing when his father just nodded. "He wanted me to ask you something."
His father's expression grew more serious now. "He admitted that he had been the one to arrange the game between you and Sai. He wanted to arrange another one for two weeks from now, but doesn't know when you'll be free, so he wanted me to ask since he doesn't want to attract too much attention by doing it himself again."
Kouyo looked contemplative, but he nodded. "I am glad you and Shindou-kun are getting along, Akira. Thank you for doing this for all three of us. If you could relay to Shindou-kun that Sunday at two in the afternoon is fine and check that it is okay, it would be appreciated."
"Of course, father." He then left the room.
It was two weeks later on that very day that found Shindou and Sai not at the Internet Café, but at the Go Salon with Touya Akira, in front of a laptop. They were in a private room, and so, shouldn't be disturbed.
"Thanks, Touya," Shindou said as he sat in front of the laptop and logged on as Sai. "I thought I would have to go to the Internet Café again and that's always riskier. The thought of the day you caught me there still gives me a heart attack."
"Well, it helps all of us, right? You and I get to watch the game personally and father and Sai get to play, while everyone is clueless still as to the identity of Sai."
"Still, Sai really wants to thank you too."
Touya just nodded back. "Oh, he's here." Touya Kouyo had just sent Sai a challenge, which Shindou accepted. The game started. Just like before, it was an intense battle, and one by one, people spread the news. All around the world, Go players were logging on to watch the game.
Kouyo remembered this same feeling again, the same pressure he had experienced the first time they played and in the Room of Profound Darkness. It exhilarated him and pushed him to rise to greater heights. In the end, though he lost again by a half moku, he felt as if he had won. He hadn't felt this passion for a long time. He had finally found someone to rival him in Go, to inspire him towards the path of the Hand of God and he had his son, Touya Akira and his own eternal rival, Shindou Hikaru to thank for it.
The news of the second game between Touya Kouyo and the mysterious Sai circulated all around the global Go community, causing news reporters and Go players alike to ask the Meijin of how he had contacted Sai and who he was. However, Touya Kouyo would not budge. He maintained that Sai and he had met coincidentally again, and his influence was too great for others to question. The mystery would again remain unsolved.
Unfortunately, now Ogata was watching Shindou more closely than ever, his own drunken game with Shindou and how it resembled Sai's style of play having not been totally erased from his mind. However, he could not really tell whether it had been real or not. The only thing he could do was wait and see if his suspicions could be confirmed.
As a result of this and the publicity that was coming from the games, it was getting more and more dangerous for Shindou to play netGo. He and Touya would have to think of another solution. There was one possible alternative, but Touya did not know how Shindou would react to it. After all, it had taken years for Shindou to tell Touya, but then again, Shindou had already hinted at it to his father long before he gave Touya any straight answers.
Therefore, it was one day when they were at the Go Salon again that they conversed in low voices, having just had a mock verbal battle so that the other patrons would stay away.
Touya went straight to the point. "Do you think you could reveal Sai's identity to my father?"
Shindou stared at him and even Sai was surprised. "What?" Shindou shouted, which only reaffirmed the others' decision to stay away for now.
Touya shushed him nonetheless. Shindou hissed back, "I can't go around telling everyone, you know. Why do you think I've been trying to hide it for so long?"
"You told me," Touya pointed out.
"I trust you," Shindou said bluntly, before realising its implications, but Touya had already responded.
"So you don't trust my father?" Touya was glad he had the upper hand for once. Shindou was always worming his way out of situations. Besides, wouldn't this make things a lot easier?
"It's not that and you know it, Touya," Shindou flopped back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "I just don't want people to think I'm crazy. There's a lot that the world's just not ready to know yet and that they can't handle. It's not like I have very good proof anyways."
"Playing that game would prove it," Touya insisted. They both knew he was referring to Sai's games with Touya Kouyo. Touya most definitely would have believed it then if he hadn't already, but he had, so it was irrelevant.
"No it wouldn't," Shindou shook his head. "That would just prove that I'm Sai and that I've been hiding my true strength all along. Your father hasn't seen the me from before I was interested in Go, unlike you. You understood me best because you saw both sides of me. That was how you came up with your 'two Shindous' theory, after all. Everyone else will just think I was hiding my true strength until now.
You've seen it yourself. Ogata-sensei and Waya both think Sai and I are two separate people because I don't really have the same strength as Sai. Only you who had played me before as Sai knew otherwise. If I played as Sai again now, they would just think I had been lying before. They won't believe that I have a friendly spirit that's a master Go player with me. It just sounds like an incredible lie. People are much more likely to believe that I just didn't want anyone to know I was Sai because I didn't want the publicity."
Touya sighed. He knew Shindou was right, but how else were they going to make it so that his father and Sai could play again? "What does Sai think about all this?" he asked.
Shindou shot him a look. "If you're planning to-"
"I'm not," Touya snapped, furious for reasons beyond himself that Shindou would accuse him of such an act.
Shindou looked taken aback but then his expression softened and he looked contrite. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, Touya. You know my mouth runs off with me sometimes. I really don't believe you would do that. I just don't want Sai to leave me again and I don't want all this trouble if things don't work out. I could get locked up for spouting this stuff, you know? I told you because I was sure you would understand in the end, and even if you didn't, it wouldn't change things. I can't have that same reassurance for anyone else."
Touya deflated at Shindou's kicked puppy expression. He just couldn't stay angry at Shindou. He nodded wearily. "Can you just understand, though? My father has been waiting so long to have a proper opponent, just like you and me. I don't want it taken away from him."
Shindou was wavering; Touya knew it. He wondered if Sai was saying anything to him at the moment. It was hard to tell with his own emotions in the mix. "What-What if I guarantee that my father will understand and can accept this? You trusted me enough to tell me about Sai's history. Can you trust me enough to head blindly into uncharted territory and trust that I won't steer you wrong?"
Shindou was thinking. How could he respond? He trusted Touya. He did. It was just so hard to make this decision though. There was so much to take into consideration. He had tried to ask Sai, but Sai had said this was a decision he had to make on his own. It was between him and Touya whether he could and would follow Touya's lead and believe in him. In the end, was there any other answer, really? He should have known that the decision had been made as soon as Touya asked.
"Alright," he conceded. "We'll tell him."
Touya's relieved expression was enough to tell Shindou he had definitely made the right choice. Touya seemed much more relaxed now. "Still, you would have thought Sai would have some opinion on the matter," Shindou muttered now that the crisis had been averted. "It's his existence we're talking about here." He knew Sai had made the right decision by not interfering, of course, but really, that pressure had felt like it was choking him to death.
Sai sent him a mental apology that wasn't really needed, but made him feel better anyways. He closed his eyes and smiled tiredly. In his musings, he failed to notice how at his proclamation of Sai's complete lack of interference, Touya had frozen and his heart had skipped a beat.
Touya was feeling indescribably happy for some reason. He had known that Shindou trusted him already since he had told him about Sai, but asking this of him, to tell someone else about Sai, was big for him. It had been a secret he had been protecting for years. Even when Shindou had given in, not being able to hear Sai, he couldn't know if it had ultimately been him or Sai that had influenced the decision more. After all, Sai was very important to Shindou and vice versa. He could tell.
To know for sure, though, that Sai had not tried to convince Shindou of anything meant that Shindou had agreed because he had asked alone. That fact cheered him up immensely, even more than knowing that his father would also know what was going on. He hated hiding things from his father, but it was weird that he should feel even happier that Shindou trusted him enough to jump in blindly and expose a secret he held so dearly than he would that his father would know what he did.
He brushed it off and regained his composure, but Sai's shrewd eyes had already noticed that movement. It was too bad for Touya that he couldn't see Sai to know that himself. Of course, it was still too early for Sai to make any conclusions, but he would continue to watch and observe.
The very next day saw Shindou, Sai, Touya and his father all seated in the study room usually reserved for his father's study group sessions. Touya had talked to his father yesterday about discussing something important, and though his son had been vague, Kouyo sensed this would be a very important meeting.
Shindou relayed the same story he had told Touya mostly, but cutting out the parts with their conversation that only Touya and Shindou knew, like Touya's theory and Shindou quitting Go, or the more emotional bits, like Shindou and Sai's bond, the meeting with the God of Go, stuff that would only make their story even less believable to someone who couldn't fully understand. He gave the historical facts mainly of Sai, Shusaku and himself.
The day at the Children's Go Tournament, Sai had given the answer that he had blurted out; Sai had been the one to play him in the Shodan game where Sai had put himself under a 15-moku handicap so as to not reveal his identity to the world; Sai had played him on the Internet those two times; Sai could not play with him physically because he was a ghost. That was why he could only play on the Internet.
Touya Kouyo was entirely silent throughout the entire story and the other three occupants could not tell what he was thinking. Finally, he spoke. "You will play two games with me: in the first, Shindou Hikaru will play and in the second…Shindou, you will be playing for Sai, correct?
Shindou nodded shakily. He and Touya exchanged quick glances, but even Touya could not tell how his father was taking this right now. Shindou did calm down somewhat though, and Touya couldn't help but wonder if it was because Sai had said something to Shindou. He shook his head and focused on the game instead.
It was intense and a good game, but it had been clear who was going to win in the end. Shindou still had not grown enough, nor had enough experience yet to play a former Meijin, who was still considered the top Go player of this generation. Of course, the fact that there had been no handicap had also been a huge factor. Touya had played his father for years before they had played equally. This was only Shindou's first match really, against Touya Kouyo, since the other times, Sai had played through him.
"Now Sai will play." The Meijin's expression still had not changed.
Shindou just nodded again. This game was definitely different from the first. Just like on the net, the games between Touya Kouyo and Sai were a sight to behold, only with an actual goban and stones, the game was brought to life in a way the Internet could not make it. This time, Sai won.
Touya Kouyo was still contemplating what he had learned. It was unthinkable to believe the story of a fifteen year old boy, especially one that contained spirits, but Shindou Hikaru was no ordinary boy. He was sure it was not only the spirit, but the boy himself that was formidable. It was just that he had gotten a late start unlike his own son who had been exposed to Go at a young age and gotten attached to it quickly.
On the topic of his son, he knew Akira was a very logical boy and for him to believe something like this…it made it easier to accept at least. After the game, he was more than convinced. There were two distinct styles in the two games; though they were similar, it was clear that there was still a difference in power and experience at the moment. The pressure he had felt as well had only been present in the first game. Shindou Hikaru would someday have that very same pressure, perhaps even more powerful than the one he felt from Sai, but right now, he was still growing and for him, the possibilities were endless.
Yes, Shindou Hikaru was the perfect rival for his son. Sai, however, was a different matter. Everything from the game fit the other two that he had played with Sai on the net, as well as the one he had played in the Shodan games, and according to what he was being told, they had all been played by a ghost through Shindou Hikaru.
It may be hard to believe, but from what he gathered, he knew that Sai was not Shindou Hikaru, yet he had just seen Shindou Hikaru play a game with him that he recognized as Sai's. He could say that the boy was just hiding his power, but he already knew that from the shodan game, Sai could not hide the pressure he gave off as he tried to crush his opponent even if he tried, not if he wanted to win against someone like himself. Someone like Sai or Shindou Hikaru or any actual Go player would also not lose just to prove a point. It was dishonourable. There only seemed to be one logical explanation and it seemed to be the one that Shindou-kun had been telling him about all along.
He sighed. "And for what purpose have you brought this to my attention?"
Shindou, Sai and Touya's heads shot up and Shindou and Touya exchanged glances. They seemed to be having a mental conversation almost. Touya had a small grin on his face and he nodded slightly, indicating that everything was okay. Shindou's face split into a wide smile. He then turned back to Touya's father.
"Sai wants to play you still," he explained, "and I'm sure you want the same, but it's getting too dangerous to continue like we have on the net. Both of you are too famous for that, so Touya suggested that I explain the situation to you to make things easier."
Touya Kouyo turned to his son. "How long have you known about this?"
"Not long, father," Touya swallowed, hoping his father wasn't angry with him. "I was told by Shindou the day I set up the game between you and Sai."
Kouyo nodded thoughtfully. He suspected the reasons he had been told and his son had been told were totally different, but he was grateful nonetheless. "I am honoured you have decided to trust me with this. As when you set up our first game, I will tell no one about Sai and you."
Shindou nodded his head. "Thank you. And you should really be thanking Touya. He's the one who came up with the idea and convinced me. He knew how important this was to you."
Touya was blushing, he just knew it. Kouyo turned to Touya who was resolutely looking at the floor. Why had Shindou seen fit to say that? His head shot up again at his father's voice. "Thank you, son."
Touya had always known his parents loved him, even though his father was always busy, as was he, and they weren't the most openly affectionate family. No matter what, he had always known they loved him and that his father was proud of him. To hear him voice it and see it in his expression was almost too much though. He just nodded again, afraid to speak.
Shindou was starting to wonder if he would be noticed if he tried to sneak out of the room. He really didn't want to intrude on what seemed to be a father-son moment. However, propriety and Sai made him stay in place and the moment passed.
He cleared his throat, still feeling a bit awkward. "We, as in Touya and I, were thinking that since we already play together anyways, that sometimes we could just come here instead of the Go Salon and you and Sai could play. We wouldn't have to use the Internet again and it would ignite less suspicion."
Kouyo nodded in agreement. "That is fine. I would like to thank all three of you for trusting me with this and granting me this opportunity."
Shindou was ecstatic that Kouyo included Sai too, as was Sai himself. He turned to grin at Sai behind him. Touya had long deduced that that was Sai's preferred seating to wherever Shindou was located, as that was where he usually sat during games. Kouyo was a little surprised, since no one could actually see Sai except Shindou, so to everyone present, it looked as if Shindou was facing the wall for no reason, but he hid it masterfully. He would get used to it. He had already accepted the reality of the situation after all.
This new arrangement worked very well. Shindou was constantly over at the Touya residence now, whether to play Touya or let Sai play the former Meijin. Of course, there were times they switched around, but it was a great learning experience. Whenever the former Meijin played against other Pros, Shindou would go with Touya to the Go Salon instead.
Shindou had not lost since he had recovered from his injuries, though due to the long time he had been away, he had been unable to play many games and so was still a beginner-dan. Today, he had played against a 3-dan named Kawasaki-san and he had won easily, not to be offensive or anything, though. However, playing Sai, Touya and the Meijin had improved him greatly, especially since he grew at such a quick rate.
After his game, he met up with Waya, who immediately put him in a noggie. "You little monster; you're scaring all the lower dans. They're all going on about how you're the strongest beginner-dan ever."
Shindou squirmed, trying to pull his head away. "I can't help that. It's not my fault I couldn't play for so long."
Waya finally relented and Shindou took a big breath. Waya's headlocks always made it hard to breath. It was nothing compared to Sai's episodes of hyperness though, where Shinidou would really be strangled.
"So, where you've been lately, anyways?" Waya asked casually as they left the Go Institute. "I haven't seen you since the study session."
Shindou almost tripped, but Sai caught his arm, steadying him. Shindou sent him a mental thank you, wondering what he should say. Morishita-sensei would kill him if he found out he was consorting with the 'enemy'. "Eh, heh, heh," he rubbed his head, "nowhere really. Hey, let's go visit Isumi-san," he changed the subject. "I haven't seen him since he came over to play me and now, he's a Pro."
Waya stared suspiciously at him for a moment, thinking about the second and last game between Sai and Touya Kouyo on the net. It had been a little after that that Shindou had started disappearing so much. Was Shindou really Sai's disciple? Maybe something had happened to Sai so he couldn't play at the moment and Shindou was always visiting him? His mind was going through all the possibilities, but he nodded. Maybe Isumi would have some ideas, although he would probably just tell him to stop being so obsessed.
They picked up Isumi at his house, but decided to go out to McDonald's to talk instead. "Wow, so you're playing Kuwabara-sensei in the shodan game?" Shindou asked as he swallowed.
Isumi nodded. "I heard that he slams down the stones to intimidate the beginner-dans whenever he plays against them," Waya said, munching on a fry.
"I heard that too," Isumi said, "but it'll be okay. I've already decided that this is the path I will continue down forever. I won't be thrown off by such tactics. By the way," he turned Shindou, "I heard you've been on a winning streak ever since you healed. That's great."
Shindou nodded and was about to respond when Waya did for him. "Yeah, it's crazy. Poor Kawasaki-san was freaked out, saying there shouldn't be such a strong beginner-dan."
"Well, it can't be helped. I haven't gathered enough dan-points to raise a level yet," Shindou sighed. Sai looked unhappy too.
"Well, that's not your fault either," Isumi assured him. "The crash was an accident after all and any other Pro would have been in the same situation as you, no matter how great a player they are. The important thing is that you're fine now and you'll catch up soon."
Shindou nodded with resolve. "Yeah."
"Talking about your accident," Waya said, "I heard that Touya Meijin visited you while you were in the hospital and that he was even the one to call the Institute about your accident and get everything arranged for you so that they wouldn't schedule matches for you for two months, until you were ready to play again."
Shindou answered affirmatively. "Yeah. So?"
Waya and Isumi stared at him. "So?" Waya yelled. "It's not so. The most famous Go player visited you in the hospital! You don't just brush it off." Although Waya didn't like the younger Touya's attitude much, he had to admit that he was a strong Go player and his father was worthy of respect.
Isumi nodded in agreement, though he spoke much more calmly. "It's not only Touya Meijin, you know. There have been a lot of famous Pros with their eyes on you, just like with Touya Akira. It seems to baffle everyone. However, none of them visited you at the hospital, instead waiting for you to return to the Pro world. What could have compelled the Meijin to do differently?"
Shindou stopped eating. He couldn't tell them that Touya-sensei had come to talk to him about Sai. Could he tell them about his friendship with Touya instead? Then again, if that got back to Morishita-sensei, he would be dead meat. He had to say something though, and Waya and Isumi-san were his friends. Besides, he doubted he could keep that secret for too long, especially if that many eyes really were on him and Touya. Everyone was still wondering about their rivalry, after all.
"I'mfriendswithTouya," he spoke as fast as he could before continuing to stuff his face.
"What?" both his friends yelled.
Shindou continued chewing, wondering if they were yelling in disbelief or if they hadn't understood. He had a feeling it was the former.
"You're friends with Touya Akira?" Isumi spoke to make sure.
Shindou nodded, swallowing his food. "I thought you were rivals!" Waya screamed in indignation and Isumi had to calm him down.
"We are," Shindou confirmed. "That doesn't mean we can't be friends too."
"That guy doesn't have friends," Waya muttered. "He's been surrounded by adults all his life. He's never looked at anyone his own age." He already knew the words were empty though, based on what he had seen so far: Touya acknowledging Shindou as a rival, the both of them going out for lunch together. That was evidence of being friends and rivals. It messed up everything he had thought he had known about Touya Akira.
"Hey," Shindou protested, but Isumi spoke then.
"Don't worry, Shindou. Waya's just feeling sour. We've seen how you and Touya interact. We believe you. It's just a little much to take in all at once."
Waya then remembered the conversation he and Shindou had been having earlier that Shindou had dodged. "That's where you've been disappearing to, isn't it? You've been spending time with Touya."
Caught, Shindou thought mournfully. "After our first Pro game, Touya invited me to go to his Go Salon sometimes to play. Don't tell Morishita-sensei, though. He'll kill me."
Waya laughed. "That's for sure." He then imitated Morishita-sensei's booming voice. "What are you doing, Shindou! How could you betray us like this, consorting with the enemy? You're supposed to be taking them down, not helping to build them up."
Shindou and Isumi laughed at the impression. It was fairly accurate. "Don't worry," Isumi said when they finished. "We won't stop you from making friends. Maybe you could even invite him out so that we could meet him too."
"Sure," Shindou smiled, though Waya groaned. His other two friends ignored him though.
They talked for a while longer before parting ways. Shindou noticed Sai was being uncharacteristically quiet during their walk. Usually he would be looking at all the shops and people with childlike enthusiasm.
Sai? He mentally asked. Are you okay?
Sai didn't answer though, but Shindou could still feel his presence behind him, so he didn't make a scene. He would ask when they got home and he would find out what was bothering Sai too. The last time, he had brushed off Sai's worries and he had ended up disappearing. Now that he was back, Shindou would not make the same mistake again.
As soon as they were safely ensconced in his room, he pounced. "What's wrong, Sai?"
Sai still didn't look at him. Shindou wasn't going to give up though. He marched straight up to Sai. "Sai? What's wrong?" he repeated his voice plaintive. Why was he acting like this now? Shindou had thought they were fine now. Then he had a horrible thought.
"Are you leaving again? Is that it?" Shindou felt shock course through his system like lightning.
That brought Sai back to life. No! No, no, no. That's not it at all, Hikaru. I told you. I'll be staying with you now until your very last breath and we will always play Go together. You don't have to worry about that anymore.
"Then what is wrong?" Shindou asked again, relieved, but still irritated at Sai's reticence. How could he help Sai if the spirit wouldn't even tell him what was wrong?
Sai looked away. Shindou slumped. "Why won't you tell me? Is it because I didn't believe you before? I'm sorry for that then."
Sai shook his head violently. That's not it, Hikaru. You have nothing to apologize for. It is I that should be apologizing. I'm so sorry.
Hikaru didn't get what Sai was apologizing for. "What are you saying sorry for, Sai? I don't get it. Whatever it is, though, I forgive you, okay? So you don't have to worry about it anymore."
Sai just shook his head again. Hikaru didn't know what to do. Nothing he said seemed to be working. He didn't want to fight though. He just wanted to try to help. Sai had gone away and he had been left searching everywhere for him, not understanding what had happened because they had never talked about the problem. Even if Sai said he wasn't going again and Hikaru believed him, he didn't want to take the chance of something else bad happening. Sai was his friend and he wasn't about to let him deal with this, whatever this was, alone.
He could still feel Sai's feelings seep into his consciousness no matter how well he had gotten at ignoring and/or blocking them. He could feel Sai's sadness and guilt, though he was trying to cover it up so as to not negatively affect his host.
"Sai?" he tried again. "Are you afraid I won't help you again? I will this time. I didn't understand the last time, but I do now. I do want to help."
It is not what you are thinking Hikaru. None of this is any fault of yours. It is I. Today, when you were with your friends, I noticed that everyone has noticed your growth, but they have also noticed that your accident has slowed the rise that should have come with that growth.
"So what?" Hikaru crossed his arms. "Like Touya said, strength and dan-level have nothing to do with each other."
That may be so, but that is not the point at the moment. I can feel your restlessness, Hikaru. You want to face the higher-dans now, but you cannot because of the current dan-level you possess as a result of your accident.
Hikaru was still confused. "I still don't know why this is bothering you, Sai. It doesn't even bother me as much as it seems to bother you. Yes, I do want to play the higher-dans, but that's not just because the lower-dans don't provide enough of a challenge. I just want to be on the same level as Touya, so we can get even closer to the Hand of God. Besides, between you, Touya and Touya-sensei, I get enough of a challenge from my opponents at the moment." He pouted. "I still haven't beaten any of you."
Sai did not smile though as he usually would. He only felt guiltier. Hikaru could feel it starting to leak more into his own consciousness. He was starting to feel sick. "Sai, stop that. I don't know what you're feeling guilty about, but stop it. You're making me feel queasy. No matter what it was you were apologizing for, I forgive you. There's nothing I won't forgive you for, as long as you don't leave again. Okay?"
The guilt only seemed to grow though and now, Hikaru was getting mad and sicker by the minute. Why wasn't Sai saying anything, damnit? Hikaru gritted his teeth. "Sai?" he tried one more time, but again, there was no response. That was it. He wasn't about to risk losing Sai again by leaving Sai be and not finding out the problem so they could solve it before it got worse. He yanked Sai down to face him.
"What the hell is up with you?" Hikaru yelled at Sai, whose face was pulled into an unhappy frown and who wouldn't look him in the eye. "I told you. I don't care what you're apologizing for. I already forgive you for whatever the hell it is, so just stop feeling guilty. Please."
Hikaru didn't know how to help Sai right now. He had tried reasoning with him, tried forcing it out of him, tried pleading, yet Sai wouldn't tell him what he had done so wrong that he thought Hikaru wouldn't forgive him, even though Hikaru had already said he would. Tears of frustration prickled at his eyes as he closed them and clenched his fists that were still holding onto Sai's clothing.
He suddenly felt moisture on his hands and looked up. Sai was crying. "Sai?" he asked, almost in disbelief. Sai was crying? Why? He had never actually seen Sai cry before for real. He had cried childlike tears when Hikaru had refused to play Go and happy tears when he could play, but that had been so long ago, back when they had first met. He had never cried for real.
Sai, slowly, finally looked him in the eye, and now, Hikaru was speechless. What was going on? Hikaru couldn't understand what was making Sai act this way. Then Sai opened his mouth and asked the stupidest question Hikaru had ever heard. "Hikaru…do you…do you hate me?"
Hikaru's mouth fell open, but he couldn't speak. What? Where the hell had Sai gotten that impression? Did you spend two days desperately searching a ghost's previous host's gravesites for a person you hated? Did you give up the one purpose and passion you had found in life to wait for a person you hated to return? Hikaru didn't get to voice any of these sentiments though, because, finally, Sai answered the question he had been asking all this time.
"Hikaru…do you blame me for your accident, for your not being able to play official games for two months and so not being able to advance faster to where Touya Akira awaits you?"
Hikaru sputtered, but Sai continued onwards. "Because I do; I blame myself for your predicament because I indirectly caused that car crash by coming back."
Hikaru finally found his voice and anger again at that. "What the hell are you talking about, Sai? Hate you? I could never hate you. Blame you? Are you nuts? An accident is an accident." Sai looked like he wanted to protest, but Hikaru cut him off, his voice lower now in case his mom heard, but still threatening.
"And don't you dare say it was a bad thing you came back. That's the only thing I would never forgive you for: if you disappeared and didn't come back. So don't you dare blame yourself just because I was hit by a car at the same time you returned. You were only trying to come back and that's all I wanted. I could care less as long you came back and we could still play Go together, got that?"
Sai was still crying, but Hikaru was relieved that they were tears of happiness now. He pulled back from Sai and flopped back on his bed. "Geez, you're so troublesome. How could you be thinking about that still? It's been months already. You could have just asked then and we wouldn't have had to go through all of this now."
Sai sniffed as he stopped crying. "You really don't hate me?"
Hikaru sat up and spoke seriously. "I don't hate you Sai. You annoyed me in the beginning when I didn't like Go and I hated it when you left, but I never hated you. Besides, if we're going to go laying blame, I would blame the God of Go first for taking you away and then sending you back at such an inconvenient time."
"Hikaru," Sai gasped. "You can't just-"
"But since I'm not laying any blame, I don't blame him either," Hikaru finished airily, as if he hadn't heard Sai. "Now, come on. All that talking made me hungry. Let's go eat some ramen." And just like that, things were back to normal again.
It was two weeks later that saw Hikaru and Sai on another walk, but with Touya too, this time. Hikaru and Touya had been talking about nonsensical things when Hikaru noticed that Sai had run off again. He stopped and so did Touya.
"Shindou?" Touya inquired.
"Sai's probably been held up looking at another store again," Shindou groaned. "Sorry Touya. Can we head back a little?"
"Sure," Touya agreed. He had gathered from Shindou's stories that Sai really was much like a child even though he was an adult in terms of physical appearance.
They found Sai in front of a small store, selling calligraphy utensils, ink, scrolls and other things. "Sai?" Shindou looked through the window of the shop too. "What are you looking at? I didn't know you did calligraphy."
However, Sai wasn't staring at the calligraphy. He was staring at something at the back of the store instead. "Do you want to go inside?" Shindou asked since Sai hadn't answered. "We can probably see it better from there."
Sai nodded, so Shindou turned to Touya. "Sai wants to go inside. Do you want to come?"
Touya nodded, not having anything else to do today. They entered the store and Sai immediately headed towards the back, with Shindou following and Touya following Shindou. There, the two teens found out what the ghost had been looking at so intently.
"They're fans," Shindou stated the obvious. One in particular caught his eye and he opened it. It was blank, but that was not important. What was important was that it was an exact replica of Sai's trademark fan. "Sai," he whispered in awe, "this looks exactly like your fan."
Sai nodded. Indeed. Apart from the addition of the tassel at the end, it is the exact same. They compared sizes. It was the same height and width.
"Okay," Shindou decided, "I'm getting this fan." He didn't wait for an answer and just went to pay for it. At the counter, the man asked if he wanted anything written on it. Hikaru thought about it. "Can you write Sai at one end and Shusaku on the other?"
The man obliged and Hikaru had a new fan. "Sai, now both you and Shusaku will always be playing Go with me. You don't have physical presences anymore but I do and when I play, I'll play for all three of us." It would be the start of a new legend.