WOW! You guys are awesome! 32 reviews for only 2 chapters and a AN! You don't know how happy I truly am! I'm sorry it took so long. I was having some trouble writing it! But I'm glad I got it done! And now, the chapter you all have been waiting for!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, except the old people. I also do not own the song 'I'm Too Sexy' by Right Said Fred and the outfit used for this dare. The only thing I own, are the amazing ideas for my chapters and this piece of gum I currently have.
Recap from previous chapter: "Ladies and gentlemen," she said sounding like a WWE announcer, "Our winner of the 2008, first ever Oreo licking contest is……."
"Mr. Jasper Hale!" Esme finished as we all cheered for the winner!
"WHAT?! You cheater, I WON!" Emmett screeched making me cover my ears because of how high pitched his screech was.
"No Emmett, Jasper won fair and square. Your just a sore loser." Edward said to him, smirking.
"AM NOT!" Emmett retorted back.
"ARE TOO!"
"AM NOT!"
"AM NOT"
"ARE TOO!"
"Ha ha! You just said you are!" Edward giggled. Wait did Edward just giggle?!
"Edward honey, did you just giggle?" I asked, questioning his sanity.
"Um, no. I, I just had a itchy throat, yeah that right a itchy throat, that's all." He stuttered really fast.
"Ok, whatever you say." I said still a little unsure.
"Now, if you two boy have grown up, I believe someone has a dare to give out." Rose said.
"Oh yeah!" Jasper said excitedly, while rubbing his hands together. And was that a evil glint in his eye?
All of a sudden we heard a strange gurgle and a low moan.
We turned to look at the two dumb dumbs, and we noticed that they both had a odd tint of green in their facial features.
"Jasper," Alice said getting his attention, "you and Emmett both have a meeting with the porcelain goddess in exactly about 30 seconds. I suggest you leave now, or you'll never make it."
Both of them all of a sudden disappeared, bolting upstairs to the bathroom.
All of burst out laughing.
"Oh," Alice yelled up to Jasper and Emmett, "Don't forget you can only use Edward's bathroom"
I was standing next to Edward trying to figure out why they had to share the bathroom. I mean that said right there, promised for a good laugh.
"But Alice, isn't there more than one toilet in this house?" I asked a little confuzzled.
"Oh yeah there is but someone decided to put cherry bombs down the other toilets in the house, so now the only one that works is the one for Edward's room, so I guess they will have to share." She said laughing and then rolled her eyes.
"The puking will begin in three, two, one, now!" As soon as Alice had said this, we all became quiet, and all you could hear was the most horrible retching noise I had ever heard. Just the sound of who ever was puking, made want to puke too. It was extremely revolting.
Edward and Alice once again burst out in laughter. Seeing as they had been doing this a lot today, I figured I better ask what happened.
"Edward," I said poking him, trying to get his attention, "what happened?"
"Oh, it's just Jasper and Emmett, they are going to start pushing each other to try and be able to use their 'porcelain goddess'. Would you care to accompany me to watch the show?" He asked while chuckling.
"Oh I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Is the camera still rolling?" I asked to the room at large.
"Yeah, I still have it on." Alice told me while still giggling occasionally.
"Ok, lead the way Edward, and hurry, I don't want to miss anything!" I told him while he let me climb onto his back.
"Ok hold on." He said.
I then clutched him around the throat so hard, that if he wasn't vampire, he would have suffocated.
We quickly arrived right outside of his bathroom in less than a second.
The door was wide open, so we all gathered around.
The sight of two grown vampires pushing each other out of the way, to use the toilet, was highly amusing to us all.
I had no clue how Alice kept her hand so steady because I had never seen her laugh so hard. I, mean while, was clutching my side and holding onto Edward for support, because I was laughing so hard, while he held onto the door frame for support because of how hard he, too, was laughing.
Every time one of the two had to empty out their stomach, they would push the other one out of the way. But what was even better was when they both had to puke at the same time, and then they pushed each other out of the way. It ended up with Jasper having to lean over the bathtub and puke in there because Emmett had dominated the toilet.
After a few minutes, the retching noise finally ceased and both boys looked considerably better.
"Now Emmett," Jasper stated, "I think it is time for me to give out you amazing dare because you lost the bet."
"Ugh. I still think you cheated Jasper. Are you sure he really won? I think you all are just playing favorites. I think your all still jealous that I'm still the only sexy stud muffin in this household!" Emmett yelled.
"Oh yes, and every time I look at you, your sexiness blinds us all." I replied with heavy sarcasm.
"See I knew someone was jealous of it!" He clapped happily.
Edward, along with everyone else, just rolled his eyes at Emmett. Sure leave it to Emmett to think they we were all jealous of his so called 'sexiness'.
"Well come on you big baboon, we need to go down to the living room to get this dare settled." Rosalie, of all people, said.
"Ok! Wait hey I'm not a baboon! I thought you loved me Rosy?" he whined to her like he was two years old, which honestly, some days I don't wonder if he is.
"Well, you are when you act like this, now shut up and let's go downstairs or no sex for a month!" She replied back.
"WHAT?! Fine fine, I'm going." he grumbled while finally making his way out of the bathroom.
Well all just stood their laughing at his behavior.
"Whipped!" Jasper said.
"Shut it Jazzy boo!" Emmett shot back.
"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU…." he shot back, but Esme interrupted before he could finish.
"Boys, stop this right now or I'm grounding you both for a month from sex." She said before Jasper had finished his sentence.
"NO!" They both screeched while, meanwhile, we were all laughing at how idiotic they really are.
We had just arrived in the living room. Edward had pulled me over to the recliner and then pulled me onto his lap. Alice had gone to sit next to Esme, on the long couch, where she was sitting right next to Carlisle, who had his arm around her. Emmett and Rose had taken the loveseat and were acting all lovey dovey. It made us all want to puke.
"Emmett, cut that out! I'm here to give you your dare." Jasper was standing up, in front of the tv, which was before us, by the window.
"Your dare is…." Jasper started and then paused making the scene dramatic.
AN: I was going to be evil and stop it there, but I love you guys too much. So onward with the story!!
Edward and Alice were still laughing because they both obviously knew what it was going to be.
"You have to go to a retirement home and strip to the song 'I'm Too Sexy', while wearing this." he continued.
He then threw a paper bag at Emmett that said 'Frank's Sexy Attire' on the bag.
Emmett then opened the bag and screamed, "I AM NOT WEARING THAT! THAT IS THE MOST REVOLTING THING THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN!!"
"You have to wear it Emmett, or I'll find something even worse for you to wear, and just think, you can wear it for Rose afterwards." Jasper responded wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Well when you put it that way, ok I guess so and I am EMMETT CULLEN, SUPER VAMPIRE EXTRODINAR!! And I never, and I mean NEVER, back down from a dare!" He yelled out loud.
"So Emmett, you going to show us what you have to wear?" I asked curious to see what had caused that reaction from him.
"HELL NO! I don't even want to look at it right now. Ugh, stupid old people are going to want me so much after this. I will probably be the only guy in the world to have a bunch of old lady stalkers. They will follow me around with their canes and walkers and wheelchairs. Then they will stare at me with their beady, lust filled eyes! Oh my god! The horror this is going to inflict on me! I probably will be scarred for life!" he shot back at me and then started mumbling towards the end.
"You aren't the only one who is going to be scarred by sights." Edward whispered in my ear causing me to giggle, but seeing as Emmett was a vampire and had super vampire senses, he heard what Edward had said.
"Ha! You wished you could get some of this Eddie boy," he said pointing to himself, "But seeing as you are sexually repressed, I guess my looks will do you wonders."
"Ew, Emmett please stop, I don't need these imagines in my head anymore than anyone else in this room does, except maybe Rosalie." I told him.
"Ahh, but Bella, you know you want my sexiness, it's so magical and so hard to resist. Right Rose?"
"Sure, whatever you say Em." She said, not wanting to really get into this conversation.
"Anyways, I think we need to get going. Emmett I think you should go change and I have set out your outfit up on your bed. We are leaving in five minutes, so go get dressed." Alice called up to him as Emmett started to make his way up the stairs to his room, carrying his 'Frank's' bag, so he could change and then we can leave.
As we were waiting for him to change, we could hear a nice variety of cuss words coming from above us. Some, even I, have never heard of before. I also definitely knew Esme was not liking, what she was hearing.
After five unnecessary, long minutes, Emmett finally appeared at the top of the stairs in a trench coat?
"Emmett, why in the world are you wearing that hideous trench coat? The clothes I picked out for you are perfectly normal." Alice whispered horrified that someone would actually cover up one of her outfits.
"Well you see, my dear, dear Alice, I thought the trench coat was pretty awesome and well, assuming that I am pretty awesome too, I figured wearing the trench coat would make me double awesome!" He said like it was the most logical thing in the world.
"Emmett, did you even think before you said that? Oh wait no you didn't, you never do." Rose said while questioning why she ever married such a idiot.
"Anyways, let's get going. I'm so excited for this, and I still have the camera!" Alice squealed.
We all then rushed outside and got into the cars. Everyone figured it would be easiest to take Emmett's jeep. But this time Carlisle drove and Esme sat in the passenger seat. In the back, was Emmett and Rose sitting next to each other in the middle row, and in the last row, in the way back, was me on Edward's lap and Alice on Jasper's lap since there were only two seats in our row. But I was extremely happy to be able to sit on Edward's lap.
As we were arriving, the sky was turning a mixture of red, yellow, and orange because the sun was currently setting. The sky was so gorgeous and I couldn't believe I got to share it with my true love.
"Bella, you know what I was thinking?" Edward whispered in my ear, with his sweet breathe fanning over my face, causing me to momentarily become dazed.
"What?" I asked him.
"I was just thinking how I got to share this beautiful sunset, with the most beautiful woman in the world." he said sweetly back to me.
"You know what Edward?" I asked him in reply.
"What?"
"I was thinking almost the exact same thing, except I said you were my true love instead of a beautiful woman." I replied back to him causing my cheeks to burn red.
"Ha ha! Our Eddie boy here is a beautiful woman now!"
Of course Emmett just had to go and ruin the moment.
Of course then Rose smacked him the back of the head and told him to 'shut up' causing us all to snicker at how whipped he was.
"Whipped." Jasper snorted.
"Hey, I resent that, and your just as whipped as I am brotha, so don't start that bologna." Emmett yelled back.
"BOYS, STOP FIGHTING, OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL MAKE CARLISLE TO PULL THIS VEHICLE OVER!" Esme, of course, screeched at them.
This cause the rest of us to laugh even more at the boys' horrified faces.
"Yes mommy, we will stop now, please don't pull the car over!" Emmett answered back really fast in a little boy's voice, that I almost didn't hear it.
"Suck up." I heard Jasper murmur.
I then suddenly thought of something.
"Edward, what day is it?" I asked him
"Um, it's Friday love, why?"
"And what time is it?" I asked back
"It's almost seven."
I suddenly burst out laughing. Realizing this made my day so much better.
"Bella, love, what is it?" he asked a little concerned as to why I burst out laughing like that along with everyone else looking at me like I was some strange creature from another planet.
I was laughing so hard that I couldn't even answer them with partial sentences.
"Emmet…old…BIN….GO….HA HA HA!" I spluttered out.
I think they finally understood what I was laughing about, because all of a sudden the rest of the car burst out in laughter.
"OH MY GOD! EMMETT IS GOING TO HAVE TO STRIP ON BINGO NIGHT, WHICH MEAN EVERYONE WILL BE THERE!" Jasper yelled out.
I never thought I had seen Emmett so embarrassed to do a dare, but I stand corrected.
This was going to be the best dare of all time!
We finally pulled up to the Retirement home and all piled out, kind of like clowns getting out of the tiny clown cars.
We must have looked quite interesting.
"Emmett, now I must go warn the people at the front desk that we are doing this, and if they need it, I will bribe them. Nothing is ruining my amazing dare now!" Jasper announced.
He then went inside for a few minutes and then came back out with a triumphant grin.
"Let's go!" he said extremely happy. I think someone was a little too excited for this dare.
We made our way inside of the retirement home and as soon as I had stepped foot in it, I smelt it. The horrid scent of old age. It made me shutter.
"Edward, I don't like this place. It reeks of old age and you, of all people, should know that's a touchy subject with me.
"Yes I know love, but if you don't want to see Emmett's dare then I can always show it to you later because we are definitely recording this!"
"Ok, fine I'll stay and watch this because I don't want to miss out on the excitement." and with a sigh from me, he grabbed my hand and followed everyone else to where Emmett had to strip.
"Ok guys, while Emmett waits for the next bingo to be called, we will go around to the back of the dining area and watch from back there. Alice will be upfront recording this all." Jasper replied before we all went in.
"Alice, how much time is there left?" Jasper asked her.
"About three minutes Jazzy."
"Ok, let's go. And Emmett, if you try and back out of this, we will know." Jasper said while eyeing Emmett.
We then followed Jasper to the back of the room. I was still holding onto Edward's hand trying to breathe through my mouth so I didn't have to smell, the smell. Edward just looked at me and shook his head.
"We have about thirty seconds love." Edward whispered quietly in my ear.
"Oh my god, I can't wait!" I replied excitedly forgetting all about my whole problem.
Some lady had just called out BINGO, and was getting her card checked over, when I noticed that Jasper had disappeared.
"Where's Jasper?" I murmured to Edward.
"He's putting in the cd." He replied back and as soon as he finished , a loud voice came over the speakers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to momentarily interrupt your BINGO game. We have a special little act tonight. Please put your hands together for our special guest, Emmett." he announced while trying not to laugh.
There were very few murmurs, but then all went silent and the first lyrics of the song came on.
Im too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love
Loves going to leave me .
And with this Emmett had come out of the hallway and into the dining room, slowly swaying his hips from side to side.
Jasper was back over to us by now and we were all doubled over in laughter.
When Emmett had first come into the room, his face was even more pale, and if it had been me, my face would have been redder than a fire hydrant.
Im too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt , Emmett had then thrown his trench coat off and was currently taking his shirt off, revealing his big muscles on his torso.
So sexy it hurts, Indeed it was too sexy that it hurt. I had taken my eyes off of Emmett for one minute, and when I looked around, I could see the lust on about every females face out in the audience. This only made me laugh harder, and when I had pointed it out to Edward, he too laughed even more.And Im too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan New York and Japan And Im too sexy for your party Too sexy for your party No way Im disco dancing
As the song continued, Emmett would take off more and more articles of clothing. But what laid underneath, well let's just say that I am personally scarred for life. It was a black leather, piece of cloth that kind of reminded me of a loin cloth that tarzan wore.
It was actually quite frightening but it only made me laugh harder when I saw the looks in the old women's eyes. Some had actually tried to either walk their way up to him or tried to wheel their way up. Even some of the old men looked like they wanted a piece of Emmett.
Just that thought right there made me want to gag.
As the song was getting near the end, Emmett started to strut around up in front of everyone. I could tell that once he had gotten over his embarrassment, he had really gotten into it. He actually picked up his trench coat, from off the floor, and threw it at one of the older woman, and when she caught it, she giggled and waved to him, making him wink back at her.
When he winked, I looked over at Rose to see what she thought, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me and said "They are old ladies, they can look all they want, but I know my Emmy bear loves me and only me so he won't try anything too stupid."
But that all changed when Emmett thought it would be funny to give one of the elderly women a lap dance.
Boy was she pissed now. She almost walked up to him and dragged him away by his two big toes, but luckily Jasper and Edward grabbed onto her.
"LET ME GO! THAT IDIOT IS GIVING LAP DANCES TO OTHER PEOPLE. OLD OTHER PEOPLE. YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO SIT HERE AND WATCH IT?!" She screeched, causing everyone to turn and look at her.
Emmett then immediately got off of the poor old lady, who probably had a heart attack from all of the excitement.
He continued to dance, this time without touching anyone else.
Jasper then interrupted all of us.
"Ew. Hey guys, these feelings coming from the old ladies are gross. And I think some are even coming from the old men too." Jasper shuttered as he said this.
"At least you don't have to hear the thoughts. And yes some are coming from the old men. I may never look at Emmett or a old man the same way, ever again." Edward said after Jasper, he too shuttering at the thoughts..
Cos Im a model you know what I mean And I do my little turn on the catwalk Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah I shake my little touche on the catwalk , of course Emmett had gone and shook his 'little touche'.Im too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat Poor pussy poor pussy cat Im too sexy for my love too sexy for my love Loves going to leave me
He then made his final rounds, while strutting his stuff.
And Im too sexy for this song.
He then ended in what, I guess he thought was a sexy pose which consisted of him turned around and his stomach turned to the right side, with both hands on the right side of his waist, while his face had what, one, might consider a sexy smiley and suggestive look to his face with his left eyebrow raised.
The room was suddenly quiet, and then boom with laughter and applause.
Alice then shut the camera off and we bounded our way over to her and Emmett.
When we finally made our way through to Emmett, he was beaming and smiling from ear to ear, looking like a idiot, as always. He then beckoned Rose over and quietly whispered in her ear something that cause her to giggle and, if she was human, would have blushed a very bright red.
"Edward, what did Emmett tell Rose?" I said while turning to ask him.
"Trust me Bella, you do NOT want to know."
"But I do, tell me!" I whined like I was a little kid not getting the sweet new Barbie that had just come out.
"Fine you asked for it, Emmett told Rose that he was going to be giving Rose a little show of her own with his newly acquired, um, outfit."
"Wait what, oh, EWWW!" I said quite loudly, earning me a few dirty looks from some of the old people.
"Bella, calm down. You asked me and I told you. I told you that you would not want to hear it." Edward said back to me and then he kissed me very sweetly on the lips, which instantly relaxed me. I didn't want the moment to end, but sadly I needed to breathe, as he pulled away chuckling and wrapped his arms securely around my waist.
"I think it's time that we head home." Carlisle announced, and with that we all walked out to Emmett's monstrous jeep, with Emmett finally putting his clothes back on but this time without the trench coat, and climbed into our seats. This time Emmett had Rose on his lap in the middle section, right behind Esme, who was currently in the passenger seat, and behind Carlisle, was Jasper with Alice on his lap.
Edward, picked me up and placed me in the back row of the jeep. He then climbed in himself and once he settled himself in, he picked me up and placed me on his lap. I then leaned my head against his chest and took a deep breathe, breathing in his sweet, sweet fragrance that was on him. I felt like I was in heaven. It felt like we were the only two there, it was that quiet. Everyone either whispering in their lovers ears, or talking to quietly for my, less sensitive, ears to hear.
"Sleep now Bella, for when we get home we are going to watch the amazing video tape." Edward chuckled quietly in my ear as he said this.
Before I could protest, he was humming my lullaby and I slowly drifted off to sleep.
AN: And you thought I was going to end the chapter/story there! HA! As if! Well I have news for all of you! I'm not done and I still have maybe one of two more chapters! So onward!
Next thing I knew, I was being slowly awakened by a sweet velvety voice. Ahhh, my Edward. God how much I loved that man.
"Bella, love, wake up. We are home now." He said gently trying to wake me up.
I slowly opened my eyes, and registered that we were not in the dark jeep anymore, but in the brightly lit living room of the Cullen house.
I looked around and noticed everyone was looking at me with big smiles on their faces and when I looked at Edward, he too had a smile on his face, and I could see the laughter in his eyes.
"Oh no," I grumbled, "what did I say now?"
"OH OH, PICK ME, PICK ME!" Emmett yelled, while jumping up and down in his seat.
"Yes Emmett, what did I say?"
"Well you said and I quote…."he started, "'all i want to do is hide somewhere and then throw skittles at people yelling "taste the freaking rainbow"' and that's what you said."
"Oh my god, why in the world did I say that?" I asked to no one in particular.
"Um, well we were wondering the same thing actually." replied Alice, who was ready to burst out laughing.
"Can this day be any worse?" I mumbled into my hands, which now hid my blushing face.
"Well actually it can, you could have been the one up in front of the old wrinkly people, stripping." Emmett said back.
"Emmett, that was a rhetorical question, you bumbling idiot." I said to him with a smirk. "But I do have to agree with you on that one."
"Thank you,…HEY wait a minute, I am NOT a bumbling idiot." he said to me with his lower lip out in a pout.
"Honey, yes you are. You never shut up and never make any sense. Hate to break it to you , you really are." Rose told him.
With that everyone burst out laughing, at the shocked look that he had given Rose, his own wife, who had now placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I HATE YOU ALL!" and with that, he threw off Rose's hand, gently because he knew better, and stomped up to his room, lightly slamming the door, that way Esme couldn't yell at him.
We had all gone quiet when he had walked/stomped up the stairs, and then proceeded to burst out laughing as soon as he had shut the door.
"THAT….WAS…PRICELESS!" I gasped out between laughter and deep breathes.
I was abruptly cut short with my laughing, when all of a sudden, I noticed Emmett appear on the top step, smirking while looking directly at me, with a black piece of cloth in his right hand and some rope wrapped around his left arm.
He had on camouflage pants and a black tank top, and on his feet were black combat boots. On his head he had a black bandana and underneath his eyes, he had put two black streaks.
When everyone had finally realized why I had stopped laughing and followed my eyes, three things happened: I saw a white blur headed towards me, I heard Alice's gasp, and then I heard Edward's growl.
"Oh crap" I mumbled as I was hastily thrown over Emmett's shoulder. Then we hurtled off to some unknown destination in the deep dark woods, with the moon covered by the clouds
The next thing I noticed was, yelling from the distance, a funny smell and then I knew no more.
MUAHAHAHA! Another cliffy! I feel so evil right now! Where is Emmett going to take Bella and what is he going to do to her?! Well you will have to stick around! So finally you have chapter 3! Wasn't it exciting?! The link to the picture of the leather loin cloth is in my profile! So go check that out too! Please go ahead and review. Anybody that reviews, gets one of Emmett's pieces of clothing and a BIG hug!