Lost Identity

Robin's breath caught in his throat as he heard Bruce's voice, but he didn't dare speak or move. It wasn't the gun that prevented him, it was Slade. His captor released him, however, and Robin stumbled forward, shaking violently. Brisby barked wildly, bouncing between the small distance between the boy and the man. Robin turned heel, facing Bruce, and attempted to make a run for him, but Slade was in his way, and he wasn't sure if he had the courage to do so. It wasn't Slade in his mask, but like Robin, he was wearing sunglasses. Still, the voice gave away everything. It was Slade, mask or no mask.

"Mr. Wayne," the man chuckled slightly. "What a coincidence running into you."

The fact that there was not a shred of worry in his voice terrified Robin. Did anything scare this man? Robin could only think of one thing that held no fear, and that was the devil. It was not completely unbelievable to think that's who Slade just might be. Bruce walked past him, over to Robin, and placed a firm hand on the boy's shoulder. Brisby continued to bark wildly.

"I'm not going to deal with you here," Bruce informed Slade. "Not like this, not in front of my son."

"Your son?" Slade grinned. "Of course, how could I forget." He removed his shades and his gaze fell to Robin. "I believe we met a few days ago, didn't we, Mr. Grayson?"

"Wait here," Bruce growled, removing his hand from Robin. He stormed over to Slade and grabbed the front of his shirt roughly. The other man looked as casual as ever.

"How does it feel to know that while you and I were postponing business agreements, Dear little Robin was being made into my apprentice? He asked. "Whether you admit it or not, Mr. Wayne, I destroyed his old identity, and created a new one in its place."

Bruce punched him. Robin didn't actually expect him to. Outside of his Batman persona, he never lashed out violently. On one hand, it was because he had a high image to uphold, but on the other, it was because he strongly believed in solving problems with words. He'd taught Robin, when the boy was only nine, that unless you had to, you never acted on violence. The blow was so hard that Slade's head made a terrible snapping noise as it jerked back, and when he looked up, his mouth was bloody. Robin's eyes widened. He did not know Slade could bleed. Of course, he'd bit him and drew blood, but this was different. Slade got up from where he'd fallen on the ground, and spit out some blood. He looked angry.

"Tell me, Slade," Bruce sounded even angrier. "How does it feel to know that I'm about to be your worst nightmare?"

"You can't win." Slade seemed to have gained composure once more. "You just can't, Mr. Wayne. Robin needs me now. He can never function in a normal life again. Whether I bring him back, or returns on his own, your son will come back to me." He eyed Robin. "Isn't that right, Apprentice?"

Robin only shook his head. He felt just a bit braver with someone else around. And Slade's bleeding jaw helped a bit too.

---

"It wasn't Slade," Bruce sighed as he stared at the large computer screen. "The bastard won't even show his real face."

"What do you mean, Sir?" Alfred asked, setting a tray of tea down beside him. He looked up at the screen as well, which was nothing but confusing code strands. Bruce massaged his forehead with his fingertips and explained, "I did some tests, and it wasn't blood that got on my knuckles. That was some kind of android. I figured as much when I hit it. The guy must produce a lot of robots." He took a sip of tea. "How's Richard doing?"

"I was just about to go check on him," Alfred said.

"I'll go-" Bruce stood up.

"Actually, Master Bruce, if you don't mind, I'd like to speak with him," Alfred smiled gently. Bruce only nodded, a bit dumbfounded, but Alfred had a mentor aura about him, and Bruce rarely questioned his intelligence.

---

Robin, who had been lying on his bed listening to his ipod, sat up when he saw Alfred enter the room. He handed Robin a mug of tea and sat down on the bed beside him. He took one of the earphones out of the boy's ears and winced slightly. "It's a miracle you haven't gone deaf," he chuckled. Robin turned the device off and sipped the tea. "Thank you, Alfred."

"I heard there was an encounter with-"

"It wasn't Slade," Robin interrupted him, still sipping the tea. "Slade only has one eye, and he would never let me find out his identity. Not in a million years." He gulped the tea down, and set the empty mug on the nightstand beside his bed.

"Who would want to know?" Alfred shrugged. "From what I've learned about villains is most of them don't need identities to begin with. They're all mad, if you ask me."

"Slade's not just crazy," Robin sighed. "He's evil." 'Evil' was an understatement, but Robin wasn't sure if there was a stronger word to describe the man with no identity other than the one he used to cover it up with.

"Master Richard," Alfred rubbed the boy's back affectionately. "I just want you to know that while Master Bruce is like a son to me, you're like a grandson. I've watched you grow up, and I know that certain little bumps along the way will not prevent you into becoming a fine man or hero."

Hero. Robin wasn't too sure he'd ever be able to hold that title again. Not if he was going to live the rest of his life in fear. He longed to return to the tower and be the leader of the Titans. He longed to fight crime. He longed to swell with pride. He longed to be the same again, but he feared Slade might be right. His former identity might be lost forever. Alfred gave him a hug and Robin hugged him back. It was nice to know that people really did care about him, no matter what happened.

---

"Not yet, you mean," Slade replied, pulling him away from the wall and parading him back to the dark room by the back of his neck. He shoved him inside and said, "Our three months begins now."

Robin awoke to yet another nightmare. Days had passed since the encounter with Slade. Well, Slade's robot, but Slade nonetheless. He could now cope with the bad dreams that plagued him. Just as time had promised, the entrapment was becoming more and more a thing of the past. He didn't think he would truly ever get over it one-hundred percent, but he was starting to feel that he would not have to hide the rest of his life. He also knew what a problem that was. Every time he seemed to get comfortable, every time he started to feel safe, something would happen that would change all of that. In the back of his mind, he always expected Slade to be watching him, to be waiting for him.

He got out of bed and got dressed. Zipping up his sweater, he opened his bedroom window, and climbed out onto the roof. The night wind, which was now autumn wind, felt good against his skin and he inhaled deeply. Everything looked so far away from Wayne Manor, and he liked it that way. He wrapped his sweater more tightly around him as the wind picked up, but it seemed to blow the fear right off of him. He remembered thinking that one day when Starfire became his girlfriend, he'd sit with her at night on top of Wayne Manor. She would snuggle against him for warmth and they would talk about the stars. It was a silly, boyish daydream, he knew, but it had meant so much to him. Now, it meant nothing. What if Starfire found out the truth and she would never want to be with him? What if she found out he was terrified of Slade? What if she found out what he had let Slade do to him? What if she found out what he'd done on Slade's behalf? He seemed to get colder with each fleeting worry, and soon depression overcame him once more. He hated feeling depressed, feeling like the entire world was against him and he was all alone. Bruce had informed him that it was normal, and that it would pass, but Robin wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything, and that depressed him even more.

----

Autumn turned into winter, and the chilly air became wet and cold. Bruce had invited the Titans to share Thanksgiving at Wayne Manor, and Robin was slightly embarrassed he could not be more cheerful. In fact, Thanksgiving morning he woke up and went straight to the bathroom to cry. He wasn't sure why. Time was supposed to heal, and for a while, it had. His nightmares and visions were less frequent. There had been no word or sign of Slade. His friends had come to visit him more and more. So he wasn't sure why he felt so awful all the time. He hated it too. He hated himself for it. He was fifteen, not five! He continued to try and order himself to grow up. He attempted his best to seem happy during dinner, and under any other circumstances, he would have been elated. Starfire sat beside him at the large table, in her new purple and white dress, and she smelled wonderful. The dinner was full of conversation and laughter, and Robin put on his best mask, smiling and making jokes like everyone else.

After dinner, Beastboy and Cyborg dug out Robin's gamestation, and against her wishes, Raven joined them. Bruce and Alfred sat on the couch and watched. Starfire and Robin stood there, side by side, wondering where they should sit. Robin finally rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and asked, "Wanna go to the roof?"

"Yes," Starfire smiled. They walked out the front door, and smiling sheepishly, Robin dug around in the pocket of his khaki slacks and retrieved his grappling hook. He took Starfire around the waist and they climbed up the mansion. Once they were seated above Robin's bedroom, Starfire snuggled up against him, and Robin shrugged off his jacket, offering it to her.

"Your weather does not affect me, remember?" She giggled.

"Oh," Robin turned red. "Right." He started to take the jacket back, but Starfire stopped him. She smelled it and laughed. "It is so nice hold this."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to come home yet," Robin muttered. "I feel really bad about it." He didn't want to admit it out loud that he was scared. Not to Starfire.

"We do miss you," Starfire agreed. "But we also understand." She kissed his cheek. "I understand." She brushed her fingers against his hand and Robin knew it was the right time. His heart pounding, his legs and hands shaking, he leaned over and brushed his lips against hers gently. The kiss was easy enough to melt into, and he soon found himself pulling them both down onto the cold stone ground (well, roof). They continued to kiss, and Robin was surprised that with no experience whatsoever, he wasn't a total spaz at it.

"Wow," he breathed when they finally pulled apart.

Starfire giggled and leaned down to kiss him again. "I have missed you so much, Robin." She sat up, while he still lay on the ground, and she smoothed out his maroon sweater with her fingertips. "I have a confession to make."

"A confession?" His blue eyes met her green.

"When you were…away," the alien tucked some hair behind her ears. "I destroyed some of your things." She bit her bottom lip. "I apologize, I truly am sorry, but after two months, we so angry, so tired, so…" she looked at him. "I lost control, Robin."

"What'd you destroy?" The boy asked quietly.

"Your Slade evidence," the girl replied, even more quietly. "The mask, the newspaper clippings, the plastic bags with evidence. I was sure you were gone, and I…" she blinked back tears. "I just became so angry."

Robin sat up and sighed. "That doesn't bother me, Star," he reassured her. "Really, it doesn't. I'm glad you did."

"You are not upset?" Starfire sniffled. "But you worked so long and hard to collect those items."

"I don't want anything of Slade's in our home," Robin felt the wave of depression sweeping over him again. Just when he'd shared his first kiss and felt like a man, he was regressing back into a frightened, ashamed little boy once more.

"Robin?" Starfire saw the sadness in his eyes and brushed some stray hair away from his forehead.

"I can't come home," he said quietly. He put his face in his hands. "I really can't be leader of the Titans anymore."

"Why not?" Starfire furrowed her small brows worriedly. "You are a glorious leader, Robin. We would not wish to have anyone else lead the team and-"

"I just can't," Robin interrupted her. "Trust me, if you knew, you would understand."

"How am I to ever understand?" Starfire asked quietly. "You will not tell us anything. You will not come home, you will not leave this house." She blinked back unfair tears. "Robin, there is nothing that would change how we feel about you."

"You don't know that," Robin tugged at his hair. 'Don't pick a fight', he mentally ordered himself. 'None of this is her fault. Do not take it out on her'.

"I do know," Starfire stood up, pulling him up with her. She hugged him tightly and kissed him once more. "I honestly, truly do." She looked down at his hands, which were entwined in hers, and she squeezed gently.

---

Winter left Robin feeling more depressed than ever. The air was cold and wet. The sky was always gray. Of course, the Titans often came to visit, at least once or twice a week, and Robin found himself eager for their company. Especially Starfire's. Of course, he also enjoyed Bruce and Alfred's company, and Brisby's, but being alone, that was a different story. Everyone, to some degree, enjoyed solitude now and then, but Robin found it hard to cope with. Without someone else around to distract him, he found himself bitter and hurt by events of the past, and cried often. Sometimes he would just wake up in the middle of the night and cry. Other times he would wake up and cry. Once in a while Bruce would be away at work and Alfred would be busy, so Robin would schedule private crying sessions. He also felt angry a lot of the time, more angry than usual. He didn't mean to be moody, but sometimes he would catch himself snapping at Bruce or Alfred, and sometimes his friends.

---

"You know," Bruce spoke one evening as they sat on the sofa and ate Chinese takeout. "Christmas is right around the corner." He took a dumpling between his chopsticks and eyed Robin. "Thought about what you want yet?"

Robin knew the one thing he wanted, he could never get. Not without magic, or a wizard, or a genie, or something. He simply shrugged and poked at his food. Bruce only nodded and suggested, "I was thinking we could take a trip."

Robin glanced at him curiously. Bruce stirred some of his rice and mushu chicken together, and explained, "Maybe Hawaii, maybe Italy, Germany, England, France." He took a bite of his food. "Disney World."

Robin smiled slightly at the last one. He and Bruce had gone to Disney World once, and neither of them had enjoyed it. They'd both agreed that it was good for little kids, even though Robin had only been eleven years old at the time. He thought about it, and wondered just how far away those places were from Slade. Bruce took a drink of his iced tea and asked, "Any of those sound like a good holiday getaway?"

"Could you take off from work?" Robin asked, referring both to his work at Wayne Enterprise and his duty as Batman.

"Sure, for a week or so," Bruce shrugged. "And if you'd want to go, I'd want to go." He patted Robin's shoulder. "You name the place, and I'll make the plans to go, Champ."

"Maybe we could go hiking," Robin suggested. He remembered when he was ten, he and Bruce had gone hiking in the Smokey Mountains of Tennessee. It was the best vacation he'd ever been on. Of course, with his and Batman's training as super heroes, the hike had been a piece of cake. They'd made camp, and slept in a tent. They'd eaten instant oatmeal and dried fruit for breakfast. What Robin liked best, however, was that Bruce taught him that nature was the cure for all ailments. It was true too. Or, at least at the time, anyway. His parents had only been gone a year, and though he was still a bit sore about it, the great outdoors, and Bruce's gentle voice explaining everything in such a transcendentalist manner, Robin had felt a lot better when they returned home.

"A hiking trip sounds great," Bruce agreed. "I'll make plans for it."

----

To Be Continued…