Hard Love

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's taken forever to update again. I just lose interest over and over, but I really am trying.

Robin tried to be brave. He tried to laugh at Beastboy's jokes. He tried to pretend like he was having fun playing video games. He was trying to try. His friends were extra nice to him, and they did not mention anything about Slade or missions. It had been a whole twenty-four hours since the Titans' leader had returned to the tower, but it felt like a lifetime. From sitting on the couch just talking to sitting at the kitchen table eating pizza, everything that had once been a normal ritual, felt like it had happened hundreds of years ago. They tried to make it work, though. They tried hard.

"Aw, cheese and bread!" Beastboy groaned, putting down his controller as red lights flashed all over the tower, accompanied by a siren, the mission alarm.

"It's Dr. Light," Cyborg rolled his eyes, glancing at the large wall-sized monitor. "Robin, you wanna come with or- oomph!" He was cut short when Starfire flicked a small starbolt at the back of his head. She smiled at Robin and said, "Fear not, Robin! We shall defeat the Dr. Light." She gave him a squeeze. "You stay here and rest."

"Actually," Robin cleared his throat. "Um, if it's alright with you guys, I'd like to come with you." It was something his teammates never expected to hear, but their forming grins were too wide to conceal. Cyborg and Beastboy high-fived, Raven shrugged her shoulders, and Starfire kissed him.

"Oh, Robin!" She squealed. "This is wonderful news!" Still holding his hand, she flew to his bedroom, and with her free hand, ripped open the closet door. "Your super hero attire," she explained, pointing at his suit.

Robin fingered the material of his cape, and like being shocked by a car door on a dry day, Slade's existence jolted through him, making his hand immediately draw back. Starfire seemed to notice, and she floated down to the floor. "You do not have to accompany us," she informed him softly. "We understand if you are not ready."

"No!" Robin exclaimed, and then tried to calm his voice. "No, I mean, I want to, Star." A part of him really did want to. He wanted to run around the city chasing bad guys and fighting crime. He wanted to be a hero again. Another part of him reminded him that running around and fighting crime had gotten into this terrible mess, and doing it again would make him vulnerable, open, and prey once more. Standing between Starfire and the suit, Robin hesitated, and finally grabbed it from the coat hanger. Starfire smiled slightly, but she could see how worried he was.

---

"He's messing with the generator in the hospital," Cyborg explained from his communicator to the others. "Not a good place for a blackout, and without that generator, they have no backup power."

"So what's the plan?" Raven's voice crackled over her own communicator. "Just bust in and kick his butt…or…something more methodical?"

"And to think he's doing this during Earth Hour," Beastboy 'tsk-tsk'ed from his own device. Nobody bothered explaining to him that Earth Hour meant shutting electricity off, but even if Robin had been paying attention, he still wouldn't have told him. His mind was a million miles away, screaming at him over the roar of his bike that this was a bad idea. It helped that Starfire's arms were around his waist. He didn't feel so alone, even in the middle of traffic.

They reached the hospital at the same time, Beastboy and Raven coming down from the air, Cyborg stepping out of his car, and Robin and Starfire climbing off of the bike. Raven, Beastboy, and Cyborg stared at their leader for a moment, seeing him in his uniform for the first time in many months, and they quickly turned away. Robin took a deep breath as he stared at the clear sliding doors of the hospital, darkness engulfing light through the windows every few seconds. Starfire wanted to hold his hand, and almost tried, but Raven shook her head in the other girl's direction.

"Titans," Robin removed his bo staff. "Go!"

---

"I really don't like the dark," Dr. Light commented as he held a glowing cylinder. "But I do need energy now that the world's running out. " He patted the container. "This should do nicely."

As he started his way out the door, the Titans blocked his exit. The villain paled, and then furrowed his brows. "Wait a minute," he said, pointing to Robin. "You're still on this team?"

"This is my team," Robin informed him. "Now are you going to give that energy back without a fight, or do we have to do this the hard way?"

Dr. Light chose the hard way, and after he was in cuffs being led away by police, Robin felt himself smiling. Something filled him that suddenly made him feel at ease. Something that made him feel strong. He then realized that it was what had been missing in his life for a long time, his courage. They went to IHOP for a pancake celebration, and then back at the tower, they played video games and watched movies. Robin laughed more, made jokes, and decided that things finally were returning to normal.

As he lay in bed that night, he thought about the missions that would follow. The High Five, Control Freak, various bank robbers and muggers…he suddenly couldn't wait to have them back in his life. He was not scared, not depressed. He was Robin, leader of the Teen Titans!

Things really did turn around for the boy and just over the course of a few weeks, he was Robin-Boy Wonder, all over again. His friends were so happy to have him back that they pushed their uneasy feelings aside and decided to believe that Slade had not really taken Robin from their home.

---

"Man, Mad Mod is so crazy," Beastboy said, flopping onto the couch with a bag of chips. "He makes me wanna come home and watch Harry Potter or Monty Python." He grinned. "Hey! Let's watch a Monty Python movie!"

Raven was the first to roll her eyes. Starfire volunteered to help Beastboy look for the movie, Cyborg standing over their shoulders barking about how he wanted to watch his new Netflix arrival. Raven raised a finger to her temple and pretended to shoot herself. She passed Robin her imaginary gun and he smiled, rolling his eyes slightly.

They ended up watching it, and even though Raven hated group fun, Cyborg was sore about not winning the staring contest, and Starfire not understanding most of the jokes or puns, they all laughed and had a good time. Starfire ended up laughing so hard that she buried her face in Robin's shirt, trying to catch her breath. Robin was laughing too, but his laughter became empty when he felt the alien girl's fingers brush over the tattoo on his back through his Tshirt. Her hand paused briefly, and Robin looked down at her covered her face. Her shoulders were still shaking from when she had been laughing, but as her grip on him tightened, he realized that she had started to cry, and not from laughing.

"Star?" His voice was between a whisper and silent mouthing. The girl did not raise her head, and Robin suddenly wanted to be alone with her. He did not need an audience for a moment like this. He rubbed her back, looking at his friends through lowered lids.

"Forgive me," Starfire squeaked, and he realized she was trying to keep her voice low as well. "I am just overcome with…" she let out a laugh, looking up, but Robin could tell it was not a 'ha-ha' kind of laugh. "I do not even know."

Robin stared into her green cat eyes, and without even thinking about it, he stood up, holding her hand, and led them outside to the rocks. The water crashed below, and the smell of salt and scarce greenery filled their noses. Starfire flung her arms around Robin's neck and kissed him, making him stumble slightly. Robin kissed her back, and happiness flooded through him. The two continued to kiss, necking their way into a passion Robin had never felt before, and the two eventually lost their footing, taking their new passion over the ledge. Luckily flight came instinctively to the Tamarian girl, and she brought them back over to solid ground. Physically, anyway. Their emotions were another story. Robin felt light-headed, and suddenly knew that he wanted Starfire in a way he thought he could never want anybody after what had happened to him.

"Starfire," he panted, holding his dizzy head. "I love you."

"I love you too, Robin," the girl replied, nuzzling her cheek against his. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I love you so much."

"Tell me again," Robin whispered, inhaling the scent of her hair. "Please tell me again."

"Robin," Starfire pulled away from him, so she could stare into his eyes. "I know what you are thinking, and believe me, I am thinking of it too, but-"

"But what?" Robin took her hands, afraid they might slip between his fingers. Afraid he might not be able to touch them again.

"Are you sure you have taken the time you needed to heal?" The girl pulled away from him completely. Robin noticed how beautiful she looked in the moonlight, and a tiny boat bobbed behind her in the distance.

"I don't know," he admitted meekly. "But Star, I don't want to wait! I don't want to have to wait to heal! I just want things to be the same again!" He tried to take her hands again, but Starfire floated up in the air, staring down at him.

"I do not wish to hurt you," she said. "Robin, you cannot just decide you want this simply because you wish to be normal again."

Robin stared at her like she'd slapped him in the face. "You think…" he looked away briefly. Starfire floated down and said quietly, "I just do not want you to regret anything."

"The only thing I regret is chasing Slade for so long," the boy muttered. "But if you think I'm contaminated or something-"

"That is not fair," Starfire's voice sounded shaky. "You know I would never think such a thing."

"Well, you could've fooled me!" Robin mentally told himself not to pick a fight. Not with Starfire. Not tonight. "You won't even touch me anymore!" He held out his hand, shaking. It was the hand with the tattoo.

Starfire's brows furrowed and she shook her head slightly. "I cannot believe you think that." She stepped away from him again. "Do you only wish to be with me because it makes you feel better about Slade?"

"I want to be with you because I love you!" Robin screamed. Tears began streaming down his face. "But I guess nobody can love me back anymore."

"Not if you are going to act like this the rest of your life," Starfire shouted back. "Robin, I will not give myself to you if it is not out of love."

They stared at each other for a moment, and finally Robin looked down. Starfire softened a bit. "Tell me that you love me," she said quietly.

"I love you," Robin said, loud and clear. He stepped closer to her, his arms flat against his side. "No strings attached."

Starfire kissed him, and they kissed just as they had before. The kiss led them all the way to Robin's bedroom, and they did everything carefully-slowly, the way a first time should be. Starfire kissed the tattoo on his wrist, and the one on his back. She held him, just as she would have held him all along, just the way she had always wanted to, and Robin hoped he was holding for the same reasons. He hoped that he hadn't been brainwashed all over again. He made a mental note to himself after kissing a sleeping Starfire that he would never again talk about Slade. He would brainwash himself into forgetting about him altogether, somehow.

He changed into some PJs and dug out his ipod. Collapsing back down next to Starfire, he skipped to a song he hadn't listened to in a long time. His father had made him buy it from itunes because he liked it, but even though he had whined about it being old fashioned, Robin secretly liked it himself.

It was a song titled, "Hard Love" . The first few lyrics were about being a child-and all of the difficult things about being a child, but as Robin drifted between listening and sleeping, he really understood the rest of the song for the first time.

I recall the gentle courtesy you showed me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard loveo day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love

--

He rolled over onto his stomach and folded his hands onto his pillow. He wasn't much of a religious person, and wasn't sure if his silent plea was really a prayer or just a desperate wish, but he recited in his mind and mouthed with his mouth, "Please don't let this be hard love. Please let it be the real thing. Please let me forget about Slade. Get him out of my life."

To Be Continued…

Author's note: Wow. I'm surprised I even got that far. Anyway, sorry to keep everybody waiting for so long. I have a bad habit of losing interest and not continuing a fic. One of my many New Years resolutions was to stop doing it, so I'm still trying. I will try and have the next chapter up within a few weeks. Please review! Tell me if it's not too terrible yet.