I'm SO SO SO SO FUCKING SORRY. I was finishing up Breaking Beauty and writing my novel during July, then I was getting ready for vacation then going on vacation and then last week was catch up and I've been trying to do this chapter all week. If you follow me on twitter, you saw yesterday how hard I tried. But this is fairly long and I made some progress on the next fic I'm working on (writing all ahead of time).

This story's now on Twilighted, if you'd prefer to read it there. My penname over there is JewelzIsWeird, and those of you that have been following my work for a LONG time know that was my original name on here.

Major thanks to my beta, BohemianBuffalo. When you finish reviewing, go read her story Parallels and Opposites.

*4*

BPOV

I gagged once again, making sure nothing was left. I put down both lids and flushed, then rested my head on the cold porcelain.

Look what a total stranger's done to you Bella. Look how far you've sunk.

I growled softly at the thought. Edward had caused me to binge and purge three times in one night. I was tempted to go back and stuff my face so I could throw up again, but I was fairly sure we were out of food.

Hope Alice already ate.

I stood myself up on shaky legs, taking my time and using the counter for support. I might've been a pro at this, but three at once was a lot, even for me.

I leaned over the sink and watched myself in the mirror. God, I was a fucking wreck. I don't even know this motherfucker and Tanya giving him her fucking number kills me. What. The. Fuck?

Picking up my toothbrush, I began scrubbing my mouth furiously. I wanted to erase all traces of what I'd done. I had to put my façade back on, make it seem like everything was fine, before Alice came home.

Everything would be fine if you weren't a slut.

I swallowed back the bitterness of my thoughts, trying to pull on the mask.

I wore my mask frequently. The whole tough bitch routine I pulled for everyone. It made everyone think I was fine and confident in myself. They didn't mess with me. The mask hid all that really went on. I'd made such an art of hiding behind this other person that even Alice rarely saw through it. She equated everything to stress, not the truth.

I rinsed the brush off and set it down before cautiously leaving the room. I prayed to God Alice wasn't home yet. She still thought I was on my way to recovery. Jasper could always see the truth, he's a damned psychologist after all, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. If Ally wasn't dating him, I gladly would've.

After ensuring that I was still alone, I ran back for my room. I knew I'd look like shit and needed to clean myself up before Ally got home. I loved Ally immensely, but I wasn't quite ready to let her know how badly I was losing the battle.

***

EPOV

I sighed again, still thinking of the woman from the bookstore. She hadn't left me alone for hours and now, starving though I was, I found the only thing I was in the mood for was the girl from the bookstore. Bella. Even her name meant beautiful. Were her parents fortune tellers or just plain optimistic?

Bella.

A knock at the door broke me from my thoughts, causing me to jump up and head for the door.

Why are people bothering me while I'm trying to think about Bella?

"Doofus! Open up!" The pounding continued, accompanied by obnoxious, off-key singing. I groaned as I turned the knob, praying they wouldn't be there but knowing nobody else would knock on a door like that.

"'Build Me Up Buttercup' Emmett? Really?" I sighed. He grinned broadly at me, squeezing the arm he had around his wife.

"Rosie loves the song," he justified.

"She loves the original version, Em. Not the crap that comes out of your mouth," I corrected, rolling my eyes.

"She knows my mouth is fucking magical, Cullen. I could show you someday if you wanted me to." Emmett waggled his eyebrows suggestively at me. I tried to hide my laughter with a snort as Rosalie glared at him.

"Are you two done with your little argument yet? We are here for a reason," she snapped, her glare equally taking turns on the two of us.

"Oh, right." He smacked himself in the forehead, chuckling.

"Before you start, do you guys wanna come in? Sit before you talk?" I offered.

Emmett shook his head. "We just came here to invite you to our party next weekend. Bring your own booze," he added, knowing I could be choosy with the crap I put in my mouth.

"What's the party for?" I felt my eyebrows come together as I eyed them carefully.

"We're having a baby!"

"We've moved!"

They exchanged nervous glances as they realized what they'd done.

"So … what's it for again?" I asked, more confused than ever.

Rosalie huffed, crossing her arms over her stomach. "Em, we weren't supposed to say anything until the party! I can't believe you told him."

"But he's our best friend. I thought we could tell him this before the party," Emmett sputtered, realizing the danger he was in.

"Congratulations, I guess," I told them carefully. "But when did you move? And where did you move?"

"Well, if we've ruined one surprise, you'll just have to see on this one." Emmett grinned, cutting off Rosalie's response.

"That doesn't make any sense." Rosalie sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I got a plan, Rosie. Trust me." He squeezed her waist again.

Still thoroughly confused, I asked them if they wanted to come in again. "No," Rosalie said, smiling sadly at me. "We should probably get going. We've got dinner reservations to make and neither of us is ready. Tomorrow you can come and eat at our place though, alright?"

"Yeah but – "

"You'll have our address, young grasshopper," Emmett interrupted, smirking proudly. "See ya later, dude." He brought a hand around to clap my back and turned to leave.

"I'll be just a second, Em. You go ahead," Rose instructed. Emmett grumbled something under his breath as he sulked off without her. "Edward … is everything okay?" she whispered.

"Everything's fine, Rose. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you just seemed kind of off while we were talking. I worried something had happened and you were trying to hide it from us. You know you can tell us anything, right?"

"Of course I know. But there's nothing wrong," I assured her.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, squeezing quickly. As she pulled away she opened her mouth then bit her lip against saying anything. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

I nodded and she turned and walked away quickly to catch up with Emmett.

Crap. Tomorrow night will be bad.

The door snapped shut and I headed back to the office, thoughts of brown already drifting through my head.

***

I woke the next morning to a loud bang on my door. Stumbling towards the source of my agitation, I wrenched open the door and grumbled seeing it was just a note.

Howdy Neighbor!

We just moved in next door last week and have finally settled in, but we didn't think you'd noticed and thought we should invite you to dinner.

Tonight, 8 o'clock, our place. No excuses!

Good God. I had bumbling, tourist-y idiots for neighbors.

I set the note on to the kitchen table, turned the coffee machine on, and hopped up on the counter. I glared at the wooden table in front of me, as if it was the source of my being woken up so early.

That table's brown. Almost like Bella's hair, but maybe a shade or two lighter. A shade darker than her eyes.

I smacked my head back into the cabinets, groaning out of pain and the reminder of the figure that haunted my dreams the whole night through.

I'd seen her in a trailing, white dress. I'd seen her cuddling a baby with eyes like mine. I'd seen her naked. I'd seen her in my arms. And she was always smiling at me.

Feeling like a complete sap, I hopped down to get a mug for my coffee and a thermos to bring to work. Usually, I only needed one cup but something told me that today was going to suck.

***

I knocked on the door, straightening my tie and praying that Em and Rose wouldn't kill me for skipping their dinner for my neighbors. But what was I supposed to do? I had no way to cancel on the neighbors, but Rose and Em were just a phone call away. Granted, they hadn't answered the phone.

"Howdy, partner. The door's open and you can come on in!" A voice called through the door, the horrible Southern twang weaving through his words.

Cringing, I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

"Hello?" My voice seemed to echo in the still bare room. Hardwood floors, white walls and decorated with a couch, coffee table, and big screen TV hung on the wall, the room was an interior decorators dream.

"Edward Cullen, right?" An oddly familiar voice called from the kitchen. A blonde woman in a vibrant, fire engine red dress stepped out, wiping her hands on a towel and smirking at me. "It was all his idea, don't blame me."

"Rose, why would you let him do such a stupid thing?" I chuckled, shaking my head and pulling her in for a quick hug.

"Because I love the big goof ball. And he wanted to wear his 'Cowboy Hat'. Personally, that hat gives us both a lot of pleasure." Her eyes glazed over slightly into a blue-grey haze.

"More than I need to know, Rose. Much more." I rolled my eyes and she laughed.

"Sorry, hun. If it helps, I'm making Mamaw's mouthwatering lasagna. I had a feeling you wouldn't be in the best mood when you got here."

"No wonder Emmett loves you so much. You always know how to fix his bad mood too, don't you?" I elbowed her arm and she smiled sheepishly, heading back to the kitchen.

"The insatiable fool will be out in a minute."

I sat down on the couch, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the table in front of me.

But it's the same color as her hair.

I let a harsh sigh fall from my mouth as I tried to shut out the flashes of her I had stored in my mind. Her in the store. Her blush. Her kind smile.

"Hey, Eddie Boy! You made it." Emmett grinned at me and all I could do was stare back. Still wearing his cowboy hat, he also had on a red and white plaid shirt with a tan faux leather vest over it. Then he had on jeans with honest-to-God tan chaps. To top it all off, he had on tan leather cowboy boots.

"Rose wasn't kidding about you and that hat, was she? Have you three had a talk with your marriage counselor yet?"

"What kind of a marriage counselor would I be if I had to go to a marriage counselor?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "Besides, Rose and I get mutual pleasure out of this old hat."

I groaned, shuddering at the mental image again. "She told me the same thing. Thanks, though."

"That's my girl." He laughed. "But hey, she's making her Mamaw's lasagna. I asked her to make some bison burgers or some shit that a cowboy would eat, but she didn't go for it." He pouted.

"What kind of marriage counselor are you that you can't even make your wife cook you the food you want?" I mocked.

"Oh, shut it, Cullen. Just because you're a young, prodigal doctor and can have all the pussy you want, doesn't mean you should torment those of us that have been whipped," he grumbled.

"If there was any out there that I wanted, I'd end up in your situation. Hopefully." I smirked.

He eyed me carefully, thinking of something, then shook it off. "Just because you're picky doesn't mean you can complain. And you will end up in my situation someday because you're the kind of a pretty boy that would be easily whipped."

I already am whipped. But she doesn't even know it.

An awkward silence fell as I stared at the table, fighting the urge to stroke it as I berated myself for even thinking of such a thing.

It won't feel like her hair, you fool.

"Why is it so quiet in here?" Rosalie's gaze bounced back and forth between Emmett and I while his eyes were glued intently on me. "Well, um, dinner's ready," she finally murmured, heading back to the kitchen.

I followed quickly, but I could feel Emmett linger, observing my every move carefully. With a sigh, he began walking behind me.

"Do you think she has beers ready for us or are we stuck drinking wine?" he finally asked, smirking at me.

"Wine technically is healthier," I pointed out, my lips lifting to mirror his smirk.

"Oh, shut up, you health nerd. Is this the same man that lives off of pizza and Chinese food telling me that wine is healthier than beer?" he joked.

"I exercise to make it all go away. Being a doctor doesn't mean I can cook or go out to five star restaurants every night."

"Well, then thank God we moved in here. Now I can feed you properly between working at the garage, working at the florist's and being a hormonal, bitchy pregnant woman." Rosalie set the lasagna tray in the middle of the table, letting it be surrounded by bread and salads. Emmett leaned over and kissed her cheek tenderly as she moved to straighten herself.

"You're going to keep working at the garage? Isn't it kind of dangerous? And the florist's? That's an awful lot of stress for you isn't it?"

She rolled her eyes. "You sound almost as bad as him." She jerked a thumb towards her husband. "It's not like I worked full time in the first place and I'll only be working an hour or two a day now. And I talked to Annie and she told me I can stop into the shop during the morning to pick up a few orders and all the flowers I'll need and I can arrange them here then drop them off when I get the chance. I'm a big girl and I can handle myself, thank you very much."

"Well, Rose, I spend a lot of time with children and help out with expecting mothers. Pardon me for wanting my best friend to be treating herself right."

"You'll see me plenty. If it starts to look like I need to rest, you can tell me," she pointed out.

I shrugged, stuffing a forkful of lasagna in my mouth and moaning softly at the orgasm on my tongue.

Wonder if Bella would like this. Maybe if I gave her the recipe she could cook it?

"Oh, Edward, would you be able to do some painting next weekend? I know it's early but I want to start setting up the nursery and I know I can't paint when I'm pregnant." She sighed sadly, knowing this included spray painting and detailing cars.

"Sure, Rose, not a problem," I agreed, my mind drifting to thoughts of Bella painting next to me, covered in paint herself.

"Wonderful!" Rose squealed. "We're thinking this yellow color, right Em?" They continued rambling about decorations for the room and about whether they would put piece x on wall y or wall z. I couldn't take me mind off of Bella painting. Or holding a hand over her swollen belly staring around our own nursery. Setting our baby to sleep in our crib.

"What do you think, Edward?" Emmett finally asked me. They both stared at me, waiting for an answer.

"Think about … what?" I finally asked, unable to even pretend I knew what they were talking about.

"Do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl?" Rose clarified.

"The mother's intuition is right more than half the time," I simply stated.

"See? That means it'll probably be a boy!" She smiled triumphantly. Emmett mumbled something half-heartedly that I didn't pick up. Digging back into my plate, I only briefly registered the worried glance the couple I dined with shared.

"Edward? Can we talk about something?" Emmett questioned carefully, pushing his own plate away.

"Depends what it is." My eyebrows furrowed in suspicion, but looking at Rose I was only able to see her bite her lip.

"We're worried, Edward. You've been acting very odd since we came to see you last night, but you were perfectly fine when I called that morning." She reached a hand across the table to take a hold of mine supportively.

"Something happened, Edward, could you please tell us? You'd feel better sharing how you feel with others that you love and trust." I recognized that he was using the same voice he used with his clients, but pushed the thought away. I wasn't in a broken marriage and didn't need to be treated like I was.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just a bit …" Enamored? Obsessed? Dreamy? Overly hopeful? Cowardly? "Distracted. That's all."

"But what's distracting you, Edward? That's what we're worried about," Rose prodded gently.

"It's just … it's really nothing. There was just this girl in the bookstore yesterday, that's all." I muttered.

"A girl? Come on Eddie, now you have to spill the details. Your area of expertise is coaching pregnant women and making people healthy. This is my area," Emmett pushed.

"She was the cashier. She was gorgeous and kind, funny and patient despite my bumbling. And good God, she is the definition of a beautiful brunette, and you know how I dislike the color brown unless it's furniture or food." They nodded in understanding. "I almost asked her out, but then the other cashier gave me her number and I lost my courage." I shrugged. "That's all there is to it, really."

"Why don't you go out with the other girl, then?" Rose asked. "Maybe she can get the other girl off your mind."

"The other girl's a model and was kind enough, but she did nothing for me. She seemed a bit slutty and she was blonde. Seeing her next to the other girl made her look like The Elephant Woman. I ripped up her number anyway."

"Do you at least know the name of the girl you're pining over?" Emmett mused aloud.

"Bella. I didn't get her last name, though." They shared another look and then burst out laughing. "Well that's not rude and obnoxious at all," I stated sourly.

"What the hell's the problem, Edward? You go to the bookstore and talk to her. If she's not there, get her last name and look her up." Emmett laughed again, shaking his head. "You're so fucking clueless."

I blinked, the simplicity of the resolution to my problem setting over me. I chuckled along with them, in disbelief that I could be so stupid.

"Alright, alright. I'll go tomorrow." I grinned stupidly at the idea of seeing my angel again.

Rosalie smiled at me in support and Emmett kept shaking his head at me.

"Well, now that Lover Boy is taken care of, did I smell chocolate cake earlier, Rose? Because I think that would hit the spot now."

So, I'm going to pimp this story called De La Vie D'Artiste, which I know is updating tonight. It's be rhpsfaerie and SO good, especially if you love music like I do. If you ask, she might give you some suggestions too. Do not ignore them.

Err, I'm still on twitter as breakdownslowly. Link on page, I think. You also should all go join Edwardville, link on profile. Discussion updates, picspams (I put one up after sending this to beta), blogs by some of our favorite authors (americnxidiot is this week's blogger with tarasueme next week), general discussions, polls, and tons more. It's one of my many babies, so give it love, hmm? If you're already a member, it's also on twitter as EdwardvilleBlog. And I haven't checked, but Breaking Beauty was nominated for an award (linked on my profile) and I think it's still running. I'll look after posting this.

Lot of love to you all and I hope you can forgive me!