Woah, it only took a week. How weird. Thank Vixen1836 for popping my WC cherry. I wrote almost all of this chapter in an hour. Isn't it amazing? It's uber long too. And we meet Alice and Jasper.

The next chapter is already done and most of it but the last two paragraphs have been beta'd by the fabulous BohemianBuffalo. I really liked this chapter and I hope you all do too. So make sure to send the love for it.

I own a pretty new laptop that can keep me up until 3 am, but I don't own Twilight

*5*

The tinkling bell that haunted my dreams sounded as I opened the door. I took a second to turn and glare at the bell while the door swung closed behind me.

Fucking bell.

I walked to the back of the store, pushing open the door to the backroom and dropping my bag to the side of the door, and turned back around. I sat at my stool behind the counter, trying to figure out what I'd have for dinner.

Some grapes maybe? Perhaps prunes or raisins would be better. Or maybe I could have a sandwich? That would make Alice happy and I'd only have to eat half of it.

The bell chimed again and I clenched my hands down on the counter. I'd fucking destroy that bell someday.

"He never called me! He doesn't seem like the 'wait-three-days' type. I even cancelled my date with that guy buying the book on flowers so I could get a bikini wax!" Tanya slammed her purse down on the counter and pouted. "I mean, he totally seemed like the kind to call the same night. Do you think something happened to him? Do you know what he does for a living?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Tanya? Blowjob guy? Because I didn't even see his face." After last night, I was far from ready to deal with her bullshit.

"No, he was my cousin's friend. I mean that Edward guy … what did he do again?" she whined.

I swallowed thickly, wondering why she had to go there. "He's a doctor."

"Oh … well do you think that maybe he was, like, busy saving some millionaire's life and couldn't call me?" She bit her lip, smirking as she realized how amazing her next conquest must have been.

"Or maybe he just prefers brunettes." I smiled back at her sweetly. The bitch deserved it.

She gasped in horror. "I would have to dye my hair? I looked horrible when I was a brunette!" She twined her hands into her strawberry-gold strands of hair. "But I don't think so. I think he was just saving some millionaire's life. Because who actually likes brunettes … no offense." She eyed me with pity, a hint of envy in her eyes.

Even as I told myself Tanya was probably right, I couldn't help but be slightly reassured. Maybe it meant he really did like me after all. Why else wouldn't he call Tanya, the fucking supermodel? It did seem like he was going to ask me something before he left, too …

"But he's totally going to call me today, don't you think? I'm sure he'll apologize for not calling me last night and everything."

I smiled at her, sick of thinking about it. "Sure, Tanya. He'll call any minute now."

She giggled. "Really? You think so? I mean, gawd, how long could he be working? Maybe he's an intern and he's working one of those ridiculously long shifts. Aren't they like thirty-six hours or something?" I shrugged, genuinely not knowing. "Oh, come on, Bella. You have to tell me something."

"Sorry, Tanya. I just don't feel that great today." I wasn't lying for once either. My throat was beginning to feel fucking sore from all the purging last night and keeping up a conversation with Tanya was only making things worse.

"Baby. If I had even the slightest headache, I would've just called in sick instead of just coming in to complain." Tanya narrowed her eyes into slits as she grimaced at me. "But anyway, how big do you think his dick is? His shoes looked huge, didn't they?"

I tuned out her chattering, choosing to weight the calories in ten grapes with that of three slices of cheese. Or did I want to binge tonight? My throat definitely wasn't up for it and I'd seen a popped blood vessel last night. But damn it, I didn't want to eat if I couldn't purge.

As the day wore on, Tanya checked her phone obsessively, never getting anything from Edward.

"Damn it, it's just blowjob guy asking if I want to hook up tonight." She huffed, slamming her phone down on the counter. It'd been slow again today and we were finally locking up, without a word from Edward. "He must be such a fucking asshole. Why couldn't he at least text me and let me know he was busy and couldn't call and set up a proper date right now? Or he could've told me yesterday he'd be busy."

She had spent the day checking her phone every five fucking minutes and I had spent the day thinking. If Tanya couldn't get a man like him, how would I even stand a chance? She was everything I wasn't, and why would any man want what I had? I didn't have anything. I was a bitchy, fucked-up, disgusting woman living in her friend's apartment. Not exactly a prize for a young, gorgeous, intelligent, funny, adorable doctor.

I was hopeless. Nobody would ever want me. I was going to be the crazy-as-fuck cat lady that lived in the dingy one-room apartment in the bad part of town and let her thirty-seven cats use the entire place, including the bed, as a litter box. And for money, I would recycle my vodka bottles and cans of prune juice and I would knit sweaters out of the fur my cats shed.

The more I thought about my future life, the nicer it sounded. Nobody would be there to hound me about eating. Nobody would make me leave when I didn't want to. And I wouldn't have to deal with young, gorgeous, intelligent, funny, adorable doctors. No matter how much I enjoyed every minute of the sweet torture.

"Whatever, he's not going to call. Do you think I should just text Johnny? He's always available and he makes some fucking amazing beer," Tanya declared, looking at me expectantly.

"Um … sure I guess." I shrugged, already thinking of the soft bed. If I fell asleep before Alice got home, I wouldn't have to eat because she couldn't bug me about it.

"That's not helpful. God, you're so fucking selfish." She rolled her eyes at me, putting her purse on her shoulder carefully. "Whatever, I'm going over there. His friend has some really good weed if you want to come." She always asked me to come with her if there were drugs or drinking. I had gone once and all I got to see was Tanya fucking some hobo on a couch while I got drunk. So why did the fucking skank keep asking me?

"No thanks, Tanya. I'm ready to just crash. I'll probably get home and go to bed." I backed out carefully, hoping she wouldn't notice the lack of food in my plan.

"And you're not going to eat any dinner? Honestly, why the fuck do you never eat?" She pursed her lips at me.

"I'm not feeling well, I told you this morning." Why the fuck did she have to pick today to turn her brain on?

"Whatever. But if you, like, die, I'm not covering your shift."

I stared at her blankly for a few moments, absorbing the fact that she had honest-to-God said that. "I'll keep that in mind," I said flatly.

"And like, if you do die, just don't do it at work. Because I don't want to touch a dead body. That's like … icky." She wrinkled her nose and shuddered delicately.

Or as delicately as a six-foot supermodel with killer curves could.

"Noted, Tanya. Now can we get the fuck out of here?" She scoffed at me, pointing me out. I flipped the light switches off and waited for her to lock up.

"Night, slut," she called, her heels clacking down the sidewalk. I never understood why she insisted on wearing high heels to walk around Port Angeles, but who was I to complain?

I trudged back to my apartment slowly, trying to ignore the creeped feeling I got every time I walked down this street to my apartment. It always felt like someone was watching me, but I knew it was just a bunch of hobos. Very, very pervy hobos.

Walking ten blocks was a pain in the ass after not eating all day, but I managed it. I fell through the doorway into my apartment, locking the door and dropping the keys in the bowl next to it. Alice and I were constantly losing keys and decided we should just leave them in the bowl as soon as we got home. It'd worked so far, except the time she came home drunk after a night at the club.

Stumbling through the apartment, I dodged a few articles of clothes we'd left out in our run to get laundry done early this morning. We were always running late, but were quickly running out of clothes and knew we had to get a washer and a dryer quickly before they were all taken.

I picked up a water bottle from the fridge then continued to my room, collapsing onto my bed and falling quickly asleep.

***

"Bella, please. It'll be fun and you know it. Plus it's been ages since we've hung out," Alice begged. "We're both always working and we've finally got a day off on the same day and Jazzy is busy working today, so it's perfect. It's fate, I tell you. We have to do it," she pleaded, jumping up and down on my bed like a five-year-old.

"Alice, I hate shopping. You know that. It's not like I'm making thousands a week like some people."

She huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. She looked away for a moment, allowing herself to calm down. Finally turning back to me, her eyes were wide and her bottom lip pouted out. "Please, Bells? You don't have to buy anything, really. We can just spend time together. Walk, talk, you know. The usual."

I glared at her, scowling. "You know I can't resist that look, Alice."

"Exactly." I could hear the triumph in her voice, yet her face stayed the same. "It's not like I drag you shopping every week. We get so little time together and what better way is there for girls to bond than to go shopping together?" She batted her eyelashes once, twice, three times, and I was done.

"Fuck!" I bounced out of bed, heading for the kitchen. "You better keep a lot of coffee in my system, Puck!" I heard her bell-like giggle float through the hall after me as I retrieved my coffee. "And you aren't making me wear anything besides jeans and a T-shirt."

"Silly Bella. If I won this one thing, why would I push my luck like that? I'll even let you wear your favorite pair of jeans and a very plain, modest tee," she agreed, her voice tinkling like the bell I wanted to kill.

Maybe there's some kind of connection to all of this …

I shook my head, pouring it out into my 'Fuck My Life' mug that Alice had gotten me for Christmas. She had it specially made for me so nobody else would touch it. Jazz accidentally used my mug once and was nearly castrated for it. Needless to say, Alice was angrier about that than he was, and she had to make sure it never happened again.

"Are we meeting Jasper at all?" I called after taking a long sip of my java.

"Erm…" I heard her moving around in her own room now. "I think we were gonna meet for lunch. Is that cool with you?"

"Sure. I haven't seen him in a while." I agreed. I liked Jazz, but couldn't help but dread dinner now. Considering he was a psychologist that specialized with girls that had eating disorders, also known as girls like me, I was very wary of him. I also knew that now I would have to actually eat food. And not just a little bit.

"Bella, do you have anywhere you want to stop today? I want to try to plan it so we don't run into any stores while they're too crowded. Those lines always kill me."

I chuckled, remembering her fit when we were stuck waiting in line for over ten minutes. We were only buying one outfit for this important meeting Alice had and she nearly beheaded a man. Oh, little, mischievous Puck.

"Just the usuals."

I threw on the clothes Alice had left. True to her word, she left my favorite jeans and a plain old black T-shirt that I practically swam in. I put on my ratty, old sneakers, knowing Alice would try to get me to replace them again, and grabbed my bag. Alice despised the plain, black bag with the pin that said 'FML' but couldn't make me part with it. She didn't even have a valid reason for hating it, since I always pointed it out that it was very me and also went with everything. She just did.

"Alice, you ready?" I sat myself down on the couch, sighing. She always seemed to take ages, even if it was only an extra five minutes.

"I just need my mascara, promise."

I snorted, knowing mascara led to eye shadow and eye shadow led to eye liner and eye liner led to lip gloss. Alice was eccentric, yet still predictable. You just had to study all her patterns.

Ten minutes later, she skipped out of her room, a picture of perfection as always. "My car," she stated simply.

"We always take your car."

"Because your car only goes twenty before giving up and stopping. I actually want to get somewhere before the sunsets today," she pointed out smugly.

"Fuck, Puck. You. Do. Not. Diss. The Monster," I gritted out.

"Don't call me Puck," she hissed.

"Then take back what you said about The Monster, Puck," I retorted.

She made a slight growling sound before relenting. "Fine, The Monster doesn't suck. Happy, you

whore?"

"Very," I grinned, grabbing my keys as we headed out the door. She rarely won over me, yet Puck always worked.

***

We got to the mall and hurried over to the closest electronics store. Alice insisted that she needed a new MP3 player, because her iPod wasn't enough. And Jazz needed some new CD by a band I'd never heard of.

"Alice, why would you do this to me? CDs and iPods? You know I can't afford any of it," I whined, not caring if I sounded like some fucking five-year-old. She gripped my wrist and half pulled me into the store, causing me to trip continuously. "What the fuck, Alice?"

"I don't care if you can't afford it. I really do need this stuff and maybe I want to pick something up for you. Or you could actually spend your money on something fun for once," she argued.

I sighed. "But you know I don't like –"

"Shush, Bella. A CD is nothing compared to what I could try to buy you. Because honestly, you need a new iPod. Stella has to go. I could buy one for you and you'd just have to deal with it because you complain too much."

"Stupid Puck," I mumbled, finally walking willingly into the store.

"Stubborn Whore," she muttered back.

I looked at all the iPods with Alice and listened to her banter with the employee in charge of the section about the pros and cons of each iPod.

"And what colors does this one come in? I'd really like something in neon green."

"You have that color, Al."

"I do? Huh, I thought I didn't. What colors do I not have?"

"I think purple and black."

She wrinkled her nose. "Fine, then do you have it in purple?" she questioned the poor man. He grabbed a box from behind the desk and offered it hesitantly, seemingly afraid of getting his hand bitten off if it wasn't perfect. "Hmm, yes, I think that will do. What do you think, Bella?"

"Looks great, Alice." I sighed.

"You want the black one, don't you? Admit it, you do. You want to replace Stella with the pretty, new, shiny, black iPod," she coaxed. "Please, let me buy it for you. You can name it Stella junior?"

"Stella is not to be replaced with a junior, Alice. I couldn't name it Stella junior," I exclaimed in mock horror.

"Fine, it doesn't have to be Stella junior. But do you want it?" she offered again.

I huffed and looked at the floor and immediately heard her squeal, her shoes tapping the floor as she hopped up and down. "One purple and one black one, sixteen gigs, please. And I need to go pick up a CD … can you hold these for me until I get back?" She batted her eyelashes at him a few times and he nodded, sighing with relief to be freed from the loon.

"Come on, Bella, we should get you some new CDs to fill the pretty iPod with. And of course we have to pick names." She grinned, grabbing my wrist again.

"No need to drag me, Alice. I'm a big girl thank you." She giggled, ecstatic that I'd relented and let her buy me something as expensive as an iPod.

We browsed the CDs, both of us picking up random ones that looked interesting or familiar from time to time.

"Bella? You haven't been eating again, have you?" Despite her asking, it was more of a statement than anything else.

"I didn't yesterday, no."

"And we were out of food the day before," she muttered casually, looking over the songs on another CD. "Did you go on a binge?"

"I … erm … maybe," I mumbled shamefully.

"Bella, you shouldn't be doing this to yourself. You're going to kill yourself one of these days," she whispered to me, pleading with me to stop.

I ignored her, walking a few feet away to see another CD.

"You know Jazz cares about you too." Her voice grew softer as she moved closer, keeping her tone hushed. "He's been working with this one girl, she was anorexic, and it's only been a few months, but she's almost better. I've met her before and she's told me how wonderful Jazz is and how she's so glad to be away from her demons, to be almost normal again. Ten more pounds and she'll be the average weight for her age and height." She put a delicate and pale, yet strong, hand on my forearm. "He wants to help you. He wants to help you so, so much. He worries about you as much as I do."

I turned, looking at the CDs that had been behind me.

"Bella, please. I don't want you to die. I love you too much for that. You can't keep doing this to yourself. It'll kill you. I can't lose my best friend. You told me that your mom's in awful shape and she's with Phil. Isn't Phil a drug dealer that specializes in ecstasy? Ecstasy, Bella. And your mom taught you all of this when you were so young. I probably don't even know everything you've done. At least talk to me about this. Don't keep it so bottled up and hidden from me."

"Stop it. Just … just stop," I murmured.

"No, Bella." Her voice grew louder, stronger, more confident. Suddenly she was six feet tall. "You need help. It needs to stop."

"Alice, you need to stop. I'm perfectly fine and I don't need any help," I screeched. "Just leave me the fuck alone. I'm sick of you acting like my mother. I don't need your help and I'm sick of you trying to constantly enforce your help on me. It's not even just with this, it's with everything. With my money, with what I have, with everything I do. You never fucking stop. You meddle and meddle and butt your nose in where it's not supposed to be and I'm so fucking sick of it. Just leave me the fuck alone."

Her eyes were full of tears that threatened to bubble over. "If I leave you alone you'll be alone and you'll end up like your mother. I can't let that happen to you, Bella," she begged, knowing it was her last chance. Knowing I hated my mother for doing this to me. For teaching all of this to me.

"I'm done here, Alice. Go sleep at Jazz's tonight, please. Then you guys can discuss what a fucking nutcase I am and I can get some fucking peace for once and I can be left alone," I told her finally, walking away.

"We're not done, Bella. And you know that. You can't stay away forever because you don't want to end up like your mom. You left your mom alone and her life went to shit. You're not ready to end up like her just yet," she called after me.

I ignored the eyes of the innocent shoppers as I stormed out. I didn't know how I was getting home, I didn't care that I had just lashed out at the one person in my life that cared, the person that was practically forcing me to let her buy me an iPod. I just didn't care anymore. I never seemed to care anymore.

I was fine. I was just fucking dandy. I didn't need her help.

I waited outside of the mall until a bus came, paying the charge and climbing on. I decided I would stop somewhere and get a meal. An honest to God meal that Alice couldn't challenge. And I would keep it down because I was fine. I could handle this and could take care of myself. My demons were my own and I could control them, if only a little.

You don't want to control them. You want them to control you because you're spineless. You're nothing. You need something to dictate your every move because you don't know how else to function, you moron.

I bit my lip to hide the sob. I would eat this meal and I would keep it down because I was in charge, not them.

I got off at some random fast-food restaurant, grabbing ten dollars worth of food and ignoring the weird look the cashier have me. I knew I looked like a lunatic, crazed and twitchy. The fact that such a tiny thing like me was ordering all this food was odd as well.

I walked the two blocks back to my apartment, three bags of greasy food in my hands. Those three little bags of food seemed like the weight of the world. In my hands.

But you can't carry it.

I gritted my teeth, pushing the demons back and into a cage. I grinned stupidly once the voices had disappeared, satisfied I'd won for once.

Once safely back in the apartment, I pulled out a large package of fries, munching on them slowly. I knew the calories for everything in this meal by heart and couldn't help but count the calories with each fry.

60 … 90 … 120 …

Then I hesitantly pulled out a burger, knowing I was pushing my limit. A burger? With all the grease? I took a deep breath, determined to take the plunge, and shoved it into my mouth.

I ate quickly, ignoring the internal calorie count I took with every bite. Without hesitation, I grabbed a second burger, downing it in minutes.

I sat there, looking at the wrappers and the cardboard container, and couldn't help but shake as the realization of what I'd just done hit me.

We told you that you couldn't beat us, they hissed at me, still safely inside their cage.

I threw out the wrappers and the cardboard, chucking the two other bags in the fridge carelessly. I went into the kitchen, sitting on the couch and turning on the TV. I channel surfed, unable to settle on any one thing. My left hand twitched, unable to occupy itself, while my right hand changed the channel, adjusted the volume, and played with random buttons. My body ached to run for the bathroom, but I kept telling myself to fight back against the dictators. I was bigger than them, damn it, and I was going to fucking win this.

No, you won't.

Half an episode of Friends, an infomercial for priceless jewelry on sale for ninety-nine, ninety-nine, and the ending of Everybody Loves Raymond later, I was running for the bathroom, the excitement coursing through my veins.

The freedom of it all rushed through me, making me float. I was no longer contained by gravity and was beyond emotions. Anger, frustration, pain and sorrow no longer existed.

I slumped away from the porcelain bowl, my back slamming into the side of the tub. I groaned as the high retreated, gravity forcing itself back onto me painfully.

You didn't remember to lock the door.

I had that last line planned since I first mentioned the cage earlier in the chapter. Probably why I wrote this so quickly and easily. And I'm thinking the next update will be Tuesday...depending on the response here. I'm hoping I'll stay ahead on chapters so updates will come quicker. Because I'm uber excited about the next chapter I get to write.

Don't forget this story is now on Twilighted, if you prefer there, and qjmom is awesome about getting the chapters up really quickly. Go join Edwardville (link on profile) because I love it more than my writing and I wrote in article on Wednesday about Making It In the Fandom and I, apparently, knew what I was talking about because a lot of people agreed with me. And I'm on twitter under breakdownslowly if you want to follow me. If you do request, as long as I can tell you like Twilight/fanfic, I'll accept you. It's mostly to keep the pornstars out.

And this...update's pimp is for In the Land of Milk and Honey by .magic. It's SUCH a good story, and ignore all the typos and such. Someone I know pretty well has picked up betaing duties and has been editing constantly since yesterday.