Stillness
Chapter 3
Thank you all for your reviews. Like I said before I don't know why I'm writing this but I'm in angsty mood. Poor Nathan is kind of in a low point, which is understandable, he is only coming out of his stubbornness to let Haley in and poor Lucas doesn't want to him to hurt Haley again. Let's not forget that Nathan not only shut Haley out but Lucas. And Taylor, thank God she is already a bitch, I can write her just the same lol. I recently updated Behind the Scenes, as well as put out two short one shots recently so check those out if you haven't already. I'm like 95 percent done with the next chapter of Behind the Scenes so I will update soon on that and I think tomorrow I will devote some time to writing the next chapter of The Mourning After. Personally, life is crazy right now but writing has helped keep me sane.
A personal thanks to Purplemud, I wasn't going to complete this chapter tonight but since she updated her story 23 recently, I thought I'd return the favor. Now I started to write this chapter and it just took off on it's own tangent, in the end I was pleased with it and I hope you are too. Enjoy and please review!
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He watched her from the dark corner of the bar. She looked happy, carefree. A sharp pain ripped through his heart, it should be him next to her, laughing and smiling because of him, not them. Nathan didn't care if he was being stalkerish, he had to see her. He watched from a distance earlier when her and Lucas strolled through the park and when her and her family had lunch in the downtown district. He kept his word to Lucas about staying away, he just never specified how far he should be. But seeing her so close now, he had to go talk to her, no matter the consequences. Damn what he told, Lucas, it's not like he didn't hate him already, not that Nathan blamed him, he hated himself far more.
"Are you just going to lie there?!" Lucas screamed while Nathan lay on the floor.
"I deserve it." Nathan mumbled, spitting out some blood and then getting up. The only good thing about this was that he was staining Taylor's carpet. Good luck getting her deposit back, the bitch deserved it. Nathan reluctantly got back up and offered himself back to Lucas.
"Go ahead.. get it over with.. you can punch me until I'm black or blue it doesn't matter.. I know I fucked up.. I'm just trying to fix it."
Lucas clenched his fist and gritted his teeth. Every instinct in him told him to connect his fist back to Nathan's face, but he couldn't do it. It would've been so much easier if Nathan was fighting back but he wasn't, at least not physically.
"Damn it Nathan!" Lucas shook his head. "What do you want?"
"I told you.. I want to see Haley.. we went over this.. so either you keep punching me or let me be cuz I'm not leaving until I see her."
"You're only going to make things harder for her.. she's finally moving on.. why can't you let it go?"
"Because I love her." Nathan said honestly, but it elicited a chuckle from Taylor who seemed amused and standing at the corner.
"This is funny to you?" Nathan glared at her.
"You love her.. but you wanted to sleep with me.. that makes a lot of sense Nathan." Taylor said sarcastically.
"Seriously Nathan.. I've taken a lot of your shit.. but to try to sleep with Taylor.. that's a new low even for you… I can't .. I can't even look at you!" Lucas shook his head in disgust.
"I didn't sleep with her!" Nathan threw back. "Yes, I had every intention of fucking her just to get back at Haley, but I didn't okay.. I stopped it .. but don't let this bitch fool you.. it's not like Taylor was doing anything to stop it.. she was practically begging for my dick before I finally came to my senses.. so yes Luke, get mad at me .. I deserve it.. I'm no saint but neither is Taylor."
Lucas turned to Taylor, "Is that true? Were you leading him on?"
"I was trying to see how far he was going to go .. I wasn't going to sleep with him Lucas.. Haley is my sister."
"And for that reason alone I thought you'd show some restraint and help your sister out, knowing full well the problems her and Nathan were having! I swear if you weren't a girl, you'd be dead by now." Lucas warned.
"Oh here we go, Saint Lucas! You act like I slept with him.. I didn't.. I'm not the one who came here and had the intention to sleep with me."
"Says the person who told me to come." Nathan added.
"You two.." Lucas pointed at each of them, "have no right to even breath the same air as Haley.."
"I know what we did was wrong, but don't act like Haley is innocent in all this."
"Dammit Nate! Don't you think I know that.. don't you think she does !! Hasn't she been punished enough?!"
"I'm not trying to punish her.. I just want to talk to her."
"So what you can tell her how much you love her. I'm not an idiot, I know you love her.. Haley knows you love her but it wasn't enough.. it nevert been enough ever since she came back to Tree Hill and now that she's gone what's the difference? What's going to miraculously happen once you talked to her?"
"I'm not trying to brush everything aside.. I've been so angry and hurt because of her.. I wasn't ready to hear her out."
"And you are now?" Lucas huffed.
"Yes." Nathan replied matter of fact. He didn't have time to beat around the bushes. "I'm not a fortune teller Luke, I don't know what's going to happen to us .. but I know if I don't do something then I'll regret it.. I already have."
"Ok you talk to her… so what then? What'll change.. you're still going to Duke and she's still going Arizona?" Lucas countered.
"Arizona?"
"Oh that's right .. you didn't know since you were too busy ignoring her for the past few months.. she's going to attend ASU."
"What happened to Stanford?"
"Are you kidding me? She had every plans on following you to Duke .. after things didn't work out with you guys she didn't want to go to Stanford anymore.. it would be too much for her.. something I can thank you again for that.. so she opted for Arizona, something about it barely raining there that appealed to her." Lucas took his jab.
"I.." Nathan couldn't even speak, party because his jaw was throbbing thanks to Lucas. She talked about Stanford all the time when they were dating, she always wanted to go there. Nathan felt even more sick, it was just something else he took away from her.
"Let's not forget what you did.. or rather what you wanted to do with Taylor.. how would you think she would take that.. knowing you came here to fuck her sister just to get back at her! You're going to break her heart all over again!" Lucas practically shouted. "Look, Nathan.." He sighed, "I know you could care less for me but please.." He begged, "if you love Haley as you claim, then let her be.. she doesn't need to go through anymore pain, I don't think she could take anymore."
"Lucas.."
"NO! She's already been through enough, I won't tell her about this but I swear.. come near her, you better be ready to face the consequences cuz if you don't tell her.. either of you." Lucas looked back between Nathan and Taylor, "Then I'll tell her.. so please help me God, you don't want that to happe.. so tell me you'll stay away from her." Lucas pleaded.
Nathan closed his eyes, knowing his brother right. He had hurt her enough and knowing what happened or rather didn't happen between him and Taylor would push her to the brink.
Reluctantly, he finally spoke up. "I'll.. I'll stay away." Nathan said defeated.
That was then and this was now. The group of girls Haley were talking with, most likely other bartenders and friends of Taylor, were suddenly joined by a group of guys. He watched in pure anger and jealousy as each guy came up to her and said hi, flashing their bright smiles while blatantly checking her out. What the hell, he thought to himself. He had to put a stop to it, he was going to put a stop to it.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Nathan turned around to see who was talking to him and sure enough Taylor was with her hands on her hips.
"I thought you said yesterday that you were going to stay away from my Haley."
"Now you're trying to act like protective big sister, please." Nathan replied back.
"Nathan, stay away from her or else you want another black eye."
"Touch me and see what happens.. Lucas may not have it in him to hit a girl, but you don't even qualify in my book so don't even think about it." Nathan said with conviction.
"You.. you don't want her to find out what you did?" Taylor was taken aback by Nathan's words.
"What we did." Nathan corrected. "Look, Lucas was right, I'm not denying that but she also deserves to hear it from me.. to hear what I have to say."
"You're going to break her." Taylor warned.
"Or maybe, I can put her back together." Nathan turned around and started walking over to Haley.
Haley had her back leaning against the bar with a guy with too much cologne on in front of her. She smiled and answers his questions politely. This wasn't her scene but Taylor's friends were actually nice to hang around with. She wouldn't mind it just being girls' night out but some of their guy friends had shown up.
"A little close."
Haley and Andrew, the guy currently talking Haley, turned around.
"Nathan?" She couldn't believe who she was seeing.
"You know him?" Andrew asked.
"Yeah.. he's.."
"Her husband." Nathan answered for her.
"I don't see a ring." Andrew smirked, checking out Haley's hands.
"How about my fist?" Nathan grabbed the guys' shirt.
"Nathan!" Haley immediately cried out. Now everyone was looking at them.
"This guy wants to get beat up again!" Andrew laughed, noticing Nathan's black eye.
"Nathan.. stop it!" Haley demanded.
Nathan turned to look at her and then noticed all the people looking at him. He reluctantly removed his hands from Andrew's shirt.
"Thought so." Andrew replied.
Haley stepped in between them before things got any worse.
"Outside now!" Haley grabbed Nathan's arm.
"You're lucky!" Nathan answered back before being dragged away by Haley.
Haley spotted her sister and gave her that look that she was going to be okay. Moments later, they were outside.
"What the hell Nathan? What're you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
Haley sighed. Just when she thought things couldn't get even more confusing, Nathan comes waltzing back into her life.
"Nathan.. look."
"Haley.. please.. hear me out."
"Fine." Haley said, "But what the hell happened to your face?"
"Lucas."
"I figured as much." Haley rolled her eyes. "When I saw him earlier, his fist looked a little red."
"He told me to stay away from you."
Haley nodded. "He was just trying to protect me I suppose."
"It's good that he's that way.. someone has to be.."
"Nathan.." Haley held her hands up. "I'm not trying to be rude.. but .. what is this?" Haley said frustrated.
Nathan took a deep breath. "That night after graduation, I couldn't stop thinking about you.. I know I may have not shown it this past year but I've thought about you a lot."
"Don't.. don't do this Nathan." Haley's voice trembled.
Nathan decided to push forward. It was now or never, if he didn't get to talk to her now, he didn't know when he would be able to again and that was a risk he wasn't willing to take.
"I know I've hurt you and for that I'm sorry.. I was just so hurt and angry.. angry at you.. angry at myself… but when I saw your note.. it was as if something hit me .. as much as I tried to push you out of my life.. when it finally happened.. I .. I couldn't take it."
Tears started to form on Haley's eyes, as fresh wounds started to show themselves once more.
"Look, I know I put you through a lot .. you tried to make things work but I didn't want to hear it .. I know my timing is all fucked up .. but I want you to know that I'm ready.. I know we have problems .. I know we both made mistakes and mine wasn't trying hard enough.. so I'm here to try to correct that."
"Why.. why now?" Haley mumbled out, not believing what she was hearing. She'd been waiting for so long for Nathan to open up to her again, but she thought it was over and dealing with that was the hardest thing she ever had to go through. She didn't know if she could do it again. She wouldn't survive.
"Cuz these past few weeks without seeing you.. without knowing you were there.. well ..it just sucked." Nathan said plainly, honestly.
The simple-ness and honesty behind his words made her chuckle a little bit. They needed something to break the tension in the air.
"I'm not saying that it's going to be easy.. and that it won't be hard … or if we'll even be together later on but we have to at least try, right?" Nathan asked.
"I .. I don't know if I can." Haley replied honestly. "I don't know if I can go through all that again." Her voice choked.
"I know .. and it's my fault, but I'm going to tell you what you told me when I didn't want to hear it … that I'm not going anywhere."
Haley sniffled.
"So please don't make the same mistake I did by pushing me away."
"Nathan.. I don't .. I don't know what to say.. one minute I'm here and the next you are too.. I .. I need time." Haley blurted out. He knew he just dropped a ball, he didn't want to push her too far.
"Yeah.. of course.. Hales.. I know it's going to take time.." Nathan paused when he saw her expression change.
"What.. what is it?" Nathan asked.
Haley gave him a small smile and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You said Hales."
Nathan smiled back at her. She missed having Nathan call her that, it was only a nickname but it was so simple, so intimate.
"Hales..." Nathan walked closer to her. "I know you need time to take this all in.. I'm.. I'm not trying to rush things."
Haley nodded, "Thank.. thank you."
Nathan finally let out his breath. It was a small step, but at least one in the right direction.
"Why don't we meet up tomorrow, for brunch or something?" Nathan knew they needed a good talk, to get everything out there in the open and come clean.
"I'd .. I'd like.." Haley was interrupted.
"Haley!!" Taylor came running out.
Haley turned around to face her sister. It was then that Taylor noticed Haley's make up running and her red eyes.
"Haley.. I'm so sorry.. you have to know I wasn't going to do anything with Nathan."
"Wait, what?" Haley asked as Nathan's heart sank. One step forward, a million steps back.
"Taylor." Nathan gritted his teeth.
Haley looked between the two of them. "What.. what's going on?"
Taylor ran her hand through her hair. "You didn't tell her, did you.. great.. good job Nathan."
"Nathan, what the hell is she talking about?" Haley turned to Nathan.
"Look, before I say anything .. I was going to tell you.."
"People usually say that when they have things they don't want to tell.. so what is it?" Haley asked, her voice rising as fear and doubt starting plaguing her mind. She prayed to God, she was wrong.
"After I saw you.. on the tour last year.. when I left.. I got a call from Taylor .. I was passing near here so she told me to stop by on my way back home.."
"You were here before?" Haley asked.
Nathan nodded.
Haley's heart sank and her voice trembled. "What.. what happened?"
"Nothing!" Nathan quickly answered. "Nothing happened.. but I wanted something to though."
Haley felt slightly relieved but she was still unnerved. "What does that mean?"
"I umm.. I .." Nathan couldn't find his voice. He was scared shitless at this point. The guilt over wanting to do something was just as bad as if he actually went through with it.
"Haley…" Taylor spoke up. "He.. he came here to sleep with me, to get back at you."
Haley gasped and put her hand on her mouth. She turned back to Nathan and saw his guilt ridden face.
"Is .. is that true?" Haley didn't want to believe it.
Nathan couldn't look at her. He turned his head to the side. "Yes."
It was a second later that she felt him slap his face. He deserved that and so much more.
"I know that was wrong of me.. but you have to know nothing happened.. I stopped it before things could go further."
Haley felt like throwing up.
"What do you mean stopped it? Why did you have to stop it in the first place?" Haley grew angry and turned to her sister. She felt like Nathan wasn't the only one in the wrong here.
"I knew he was hurting Haley… I just wanted him to come by so he could have a good time, to get away from it all."
"Your idea of a good time usually involves getting tested the next day." Haley spat out. "What the hell happened between the two of you?!" Haley demanded.
"I was just so angry and hurt by everything.. I was so mad at you.. I wanted to get back at you.. I wanted you to feel as hurt as I was and so when I came here.. we had some drinks.. there was some flirting but that was it, I swear.. I stopped it because I knew it was wrong.. I couldn't do that to you.. or me."
Haley shook her head, she couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Haley, please.. nothing happened between us." Nathan added.
"I would've stopped it before it ever got that far." Taylor piped in.
"You should've stopped it before it even began!" She went up to Taylor.
"Haley."
"I can't believe I'm related to you." Haley slapped her as hard as she could.
"Haley-bop!"
"Don't!! Don't you dare… I had to put up with a lot of your crap over the years but no .. not this.. mom and dad buy it but I don't.. not anymore. .. I'm through with you." Haley turned around.
"Haley please." Taylor pleaded.
"Not another word or so help me God.. I never want to see you again." Haley turned around and started to walk away from the two people who had hurt her the most.
Nathan looked at Taylor and shook her head. He then went after Haley.
"Get away from me!" Haley huffed out.
Nathan walked in front her. "I know your mad and upset .. and have every right to be.. believe me .. everything you were thinking of doing to me, Lucas already took care of that."
"He knows?"
Nathan nodded and pointed to his black eye.
"You're wrong.. " Haley glared at him. "If Lucas really took care of things for me then you wouldn't be breathing now." Haley shook her head and continued to walk.
"Haley please.."
Haley stopped. "You came here being all big and macho and going all caveman on me because one guy who I didn't know.. one guy who I just met and had no intention on remotely sleeping with.. was talking to me.. but you.. YOU drove all the way here.. YOU went to see Taylor of all people .... to try to ... to purposely hurt me.. " Haley choked out, tears flowing down her face.
"You said you came down here to get back at me.. to get even… it didn't matter if nothing happened Nathan, your plan still worked flawlessly." Haley cried out and started to run away.
"Haley please.. come back here!" Nathan ran after here. "Please Haley.. I love you!!"
Haley stopped and turned to look at him. "I love you too.. or at least I thought I did.. maybe I loved the idea of you." Haley said softly, trying to regain some of her senses. "I thought I knew you.. I thought that behind the cocky arrogant son of a bitch there was actually a decent guy underneath it all.. I should've known better.. I should've never tried to change you.. I'm .. I'm sorry."
Nathan looked at her curiously. Why was she apologizing?
"When I married you, I knew the kind of guy you were .. you shouldn't have to be a different person because of me,.. you.. you have to be yourself, ntot someone else.. so Nathan.. I'm sorry .. I'm sorry for trying to make you into someone you weren't."
"What.. what're you saying?"
Tears flowed down her eyes. "I'm saying that I'm done trying." Haley turned away from him and flagged down a taxi cab coming down the street. She got in quickly and slammed the door on him before Nathan could get in.
"Haley!!" He called out after her. He ran after the cab but it was useless. By the time he found a cab of his own, he was out of breath and had no clue which direction she went. He ended up spending the night trying to find her but never did. When the morning sun rose, he wondered if they'd ever find each other again.
To Be Continued . . .