Stillness

Chapter 4

Thank you all for your reviews, I wasn't expecting so much. And I'm sorry for not updating sooner but this story is really angsty and to get myself back in the mind set is a little hard and I didn't want to write a chapter that wasn't "worthy" enough. I hope you understand. And just to recap, everything from season 2 basically happened but when senior year started, Nathan didn't give Haley the time of day like in the beginning of season 3. In terms of Tree Hill timeline, this would be end of season 4 since they graduated high school already. Now I know things are bleak right now, but hang tough. Thanks again for your reviews and please keep them coming. I'm almost nearly done with the next chapter of my other story, Behind the Scenes, so look out for it.

. . . . .

Lucas changed into his blue plaid PJ bottoms and put on a simple white t-shirt. He hopped onto bed and pulled out the latest book he was reading. Things had been so hectic lately, he was in dire need of a nice relaxing night alone, one that didn't involve the drama of his brother and best friend, cross that, his best friend and her soon to be annulled ex-husband. After his last encounter with Nathan, Lucas was done with him.

KNOCK KNOCK

A heavy pounding at his door distracted him from his comfortable read. As nice as it was to have his own personal exit, it did come at a price sometimes. The door banged again and Lucas sighed and got up and opened the door.

"LUCAS!!!" An over exuberant and obviously drunk Nathan greeted him.

Great, he thought to himself, a repeat of Keith's failed wedding.

"Nathan, what the hell?" Lucas asked annoyed. He surveyed his brother, in a pair of khaki shorts and a red polo, with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in his hands.

"How you doing buddy?" Nathan gave him a goofy smile and padded his shoulder.

"Nathan, go home, I'm not in the mood for this."

"Ok, I guess I'll go." Nathan chuckled and pulled out his car keys. Lucas looked on in shock and grabbed the keys from his hand.

"Please don't tell me you drove here." Lucas mumbled to himself and then peered out and noticed Nathan's SUV parked in front.

"Oh my God Nathan, I can't believe you drove here… tell me you didn't do anything stupid on your way here." Lucas was getting really worried. The last time he caught Nathan driving drunk, he had to personally repair Peyton's car.

"NO!! Silly." Nathan grinned and cupped Lucas' chin. "I'm not that stupid." Nathan brushed passed Lucas and letting himself inside. "I drove here an hour ago .. I wanted to talk to you .. but I couldn't .. so I started drinking to help me out .. guess what?" Nathan laughed. "It WORKED!! HAHA." Nathan stumbled inside and grabbed onto the bed for support.

Lucas felt slightly relieved, the last thing he needed was to find out that Nathan was involved in a hit and run in tomorrow's news.

Lucas grabbed the near empty bottle from Nathan's hand and placed it on his dresser. He grabbed his cell phone, "Look I'm going to call you a cab."

"OK-ay!" Nathan giggled as he wobbled once more. Nathan tried to stand up but he was shaky on his feet and the room was spinning wildly out of control.

"Luke.." Nathan said more softly as he was about to fall down. Lucas immediately went next to him to steady him. Nathan gagged and placed his hand over his mouth.

"Fuck, Nathan!" Lucas shook his head and dragged Nathan to his bathroom. The last thing he needed was for Nathan to yack all over his bed room. Lucas raised the toilet seat and situated Nathan in front of it. Within seconds, Nathan started heaving, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

"Luke.." Nathan tried to talk to him but it was no use as he kept throwing up. Lucas looked on, his anger and annoyance now replaced with something he knew he shouldn't be feeling, pity. It was times like these that Lucas wished he was cold hearted and a jerk. He would love nothing more than to grab Nathan's keys to make sure he wouldn't get in his car and kick him out to the curb and let him sleep on the bushes. Lord knows he deserved far worse but fortunately for Nathan, Lucas wasn't the cruel.

"Luke…" Nathan said softly as he looked up at Lucas. His blue eyes were now blood shot and watery, with beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. So much for a quiet night in, Lucas thought to himself. Lucas sighed and reached over and helped pull Nathan's shirt off him, the guy was burning up.

"Try to raise your hands." Lucas ordered as he pulled the sweat stained shirt over him. Lucas grabbed a face cloth and poured cold water over it and then placed it over Nathan's forehead and wiped the sweat from his back and torso, while Nathan still hunched over the toilet. Every so often he would throw up, but each time less came out, until the point that Nathan was just dry heaving.

Lucas ran into the kitchen and came back in with a bottle of water. Opening it up, he offered it to his brother.

"Drink it."

Nathan shook his head.

"You're dehydrated, trust me." Lucas ordered and Nathan took a gulp and Lucas wasn't satisfied until he finished the whole bottle. He then went to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a spare toothbrush. He unwrapped it from the package and placed a little bit of tooth paste on it. He took Nathan's arm and placed it over his shoulder and lifted him up.

"Come on, try and brush your teeth." Lucas walked him over to the sink. With shakey hands, Nathan did what he was told, while Lucas held him steady. It was clear that Nathan was going to crash here and he didn't need Nathan's breath stinking up the place. It was already bad enough the bathroom reeked.

After Nathan was done, Lucas tried to move him back to his bedroom, but Nathan's legs weren't moving.

"Come on Nate.. let's get you to bed." Lucas mumbled. Nathan tried to move his feet but it was no use, he ended up leaning against the tiled wall and slumping down and this time the tears falling from Nathan's eyes wouldn't stop.

"It's over." Nathan mumbled.

"What's over?" Lucas asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Me, Haley.. we're.. we're done. She'll never forgive me."

"Nathan.."

"She said she was sorry." Nathan almost laughed. "Here I am, the one who fucked up by trying to fuck Taylor and she's the one who says she's sorry… she said she was sorry for trying to change me.. God Luke.. how did everything go wrong.. what did I do?"

"…" Lucas remained quiet while Nathan rambled on.

"Luke, what did I do to make her leave me?"

"Do you really want the answer?" Lucas replied softly, not trying to insult his brother.

"NO!!" Nathan shook his head. "When she left for the tour.. what did I do? Why did she leave me?"

"She didn't leave you Nate.. she came back." Lucas answered carefully.

"I'm so stupid." Nathan cried even harder. "You were right about me.. I am poison .. she was so hurt Luke .."

Lucas shook his head, he told Nathan to stay away from Haley. He knew something like this would happen.

"I didn't want to hurt her.. we were going to have brunch the next day.. we were going to finally talk and come clean with everything.. then that bitch Taylor came in... I miss her.. I want her .. I love her so much .. it hurts Luke.. everything hurts!" He buried his head into his palms.

"It hurts.." He said softly as he started to drift in and out of consciousness.

"Come on." Lucas sighed as he picked Nathan back up and slowly guided him to his bed. He placed Nathan down and then reached over to his feet and kicked off Nathan's shoes. Then he reached for Nathan's belt. Nathan's shorts were wet, either from water or his throw up, either way, those weren't going to stay on him.

Nathan giggled when he felt Lucas tugging on his shorts, leaving Nathan with his boxers on.

"I knew you always wanted me." Nathan teased. "Sorry I'm taken!" Nathan raised his hand to show off his wedding band.

Lucas glared at his brother for a second while he tossed his shorts aside and placed it on top of his hamper.

"Nathan get some sleep." Lucas said as he placed his trash bin next to Nathan, in case he needed to throw up again and then he moved Nathan over to his side.

"I don't deserve your help." Nathan mumbled, his eyes becoming heavy.

"You're right about that."

"I know it doesn't mean anything to you .. but I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for everything.."

"Nate.. you're drunk, get some sleep."

"You were there for me when I wasn't for you.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." A few tears escaped Nathan's eyes. Lucas' heart sank, Haley really did a number on him.

"Good night Nathan." Lucas walked over to the door way and turned off the lights. He was going to crash on the couch.

"Don't go.." Nathan pleaded. "I don't want to be alone.. I'm always alone." Nathan said softly.

Against his better judgment, Lucas closed the door and scooted on the bed next to his brother. It was probably better if he stayed near him. Who knows what Nathan would be capable of in his drunk stupor.

"I miss her.." Nathan said softly in the darkened room.

"I know." Lucas responded.

"I need her.. I love her." Nathan said once more.

Lucas sighed. "I know." He knew all too well.

. . . . .

Nathan woke up with the sun in his face, his body feeling absolutely drained. He had a small headache but nothing too bad. It was then he started to wonder where he was and for a moment he was totally confused. Why was he in Lucas' room half naked? He looked up and found Lucas standing by the bed, a small scowl on his face.

"You drink too much."

Nathan rubbed his forehead. "I think you're right."

"You also snore." Lucas threw back and Nathan snickered.

"How're you feeling?" Lucas asked.

Nathan rubbed his eyes as the night's events came rushing back to him. "I've been better.. thanks making me chug the water."

"So you remember what happened?"

"Unfortunately." Nathan mumbled.

Lucas nodded. "Look, your clothes are here." He gestured to the hamper. "And your keys are on top of my dresser."

"Thanks for taking care of me last night.. I know you didn't have to."

"No, I didn't."

"Why.. why did you? You could've threw me out." Nathan asked. Lord knows, he deserved it.

"Believe me I thought about it.. but I'm not that cruel.. I'm not you."

"I deserved that." Nathan sat up slowly, the room was still slightly spinning.

"You deserve a lot worse." Lucas shook his head and sat down on his computer seat. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Nathan chuckled. "I'm a mess."

"I can see that."

"I don't know what to do .. she hates me."

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"Well, she never wants to see me again.. or Taylor.. not that I blame her."

"I told you this would happen."

"Yeah yeah.. Lucas was right again.. spare me .. I know."

Lucas took a deep breath. "Nathan, it's time to face it.. you guys are over.. you've been over for a while now. You need to move on. This isn't healthy .. I don't know if I'll be there the next time you drink yourself silly."

"I know.. I know… I just.. I don't know what to do now… after graduation I wanted to work things out between us.. I thought we would have the summer to spend together.. now.. now there's nothing." Nathan's head hang low. He got up and slowly made his way to the hamper and put his shorts back on.

"Tha.. thanks again." Nathan mumbled.

"Why did you come here Nathan? Are you looking for my sympathy or something?"

"I guess .. maybe.. look Luke, I know I messed up with Haley but I want you to know that I do love her and I know what a jack ass I've been.. you were right okay… about you too.. both of you didn't deserve what I put you through."

Lucas nodded, no arguments from him there.

Nathan put back his shirt on. "Look.. thanks again for taking care of me… I guess.. that's what big brothers are for right?" Nathan tried to joke.

"So we're brother's now?"

"We've always been brothers." Nathan said softly. "At least I want us to be.. look Luke, you're right I screwed up big time with Haley.. I lost her.. I don't.. I don't want to lose you too.. lord knows I need someone to help whip me back to shape."

Lucas scratched his head and glared at his brother. "Okay Nathan.. it's clear I can't get rid of you but please.. you need to take care of yourself."

"I will." Nathan nodded and walked over to get his keys. "Hey.. do you.. umm.. wanna shoot around later? At the river court."

"You know I don't play anymore."

"I know you have HCM Luke, but that doesn't mean you can't still shoot around?"

"I'll think about it."

Nathan nodded and headed out.

. . . . . .

Nathan walked over to the River Court and was surprised to see Lucas already there.

"Your shots suck." Nathan joked as he walked closer.

"Gee thanks." Lucas said sarcastically as he went for a jump shot but the ball bounced out of the hoop at the last second.

"If you stop squinting maybe you can see where you're aiming." Nathan joked.

Lucas glared at him, "I like how you're trying here." Lucas said sarcastically.

"I didn't think you'd be here."

"Yeah.. you and I both.. but you're right .. I still love the game.. even though I can't play it."

"Yeah.." Nathan nodded.

"Were you serious?"

"What?"

"Last night, about loving Haley and wanting her back."

"You know I am."

Lucas sighed to himself, he couldn't believe he was going to say this. But he lost basketball and knowing that he literally wouldn't be able to play professional ball again killed him. If there was something Lucas could do to get back into the game, he would do it, no questions asked. Instead, he is forced to live the rest of his life watching the game from a distance and settle for shooting around, not able to play seriously like he did before. He could only imagine what Nathan must be going through with Haley. But at least with Haley there was a chance for them to work things out, albeit a small one. He knew his brother loved Haley with all his heart. He came to accept Nathan for his faults, though numerous, Nathan still loved her and he doubt no one in this world would love Haley more than Nathan.

Lucas chuckled. "I can't believe I'm going to say this.. but if you were serious.. then you should do something about it."

"What?"

"Look.. I get it .. basketball was taken away from me and there's literally nothing I can do about it." Lucas tapped his heart. "But you can still do something about Haley.. if you really can't live with out her then you'll do something."

"I can't live with out her.. but I don't know what to do."

"If there was a way for me to fix my heart, there'd be nothing to stop me."

"You're right." Nathan nodded. "It's time I start fixing my own heart." Nathan grabbed the ball and took a shot. Nothing but net.

To Be Continued . . . .