An Unforeseen Ed, Part Three
The lava lamp being restored to its residence at Eddy's nightstand should've meant some relief, but Eddy worried what would happen next. Not only did he fail to make things square, he landed the sisters in trouble.
Eddy reclined on his mattress and stared at the ceiling. If they weren't already planning on jumping him at school, they are now.
There's something about adrenaline that makes some images extra intense. The girls were a constant nuisance and a drag on the boys, but they were developing some nice racks. Despite being a few cup sizes shy of fully cooked; Marie sported a classic shape. Familiar heaviness weighed in his genitals as blood shifted to them. He imagined what it would be like to cop a feel the next time the Kankers harassed them.
Eddy snapped back to reality and sat up. "What the Hell? You see one hard nipple and this is what happens? You gotta' calm down, Man!"
He glanced nervously at his clock. 7:30. He was too wound-up to lie back down. Now he had a growing boner to deal with. Edd and Ed weren't due for a half-hour. "Screw it," he thought. He grabbed his lotion, box of Kleenex and a favorite magazine and spent the next several minutes furiously pulling his cock.
He didn't feel closer to cumming until he put the Amber the Centerfold down and let his mind switch back to the trailer. Three girls. Goose bumps. Skimpy pajamas. They only had one bed. Did they ever experiment? He knew they bathed together. Oh, God. He was hitting the edge. "Nazz… Nazz! Ungh! What is wrong with me?"
Nazz failed. The magazine failed. No distraction worked. Eddy popped his rocks over a fantasy of Marie and May fighting over a can of shaving cream.
"Oh my…"
"WHAT THE..?!" Every drop of blood in Eddy's body turned to icewater upon realization his friends just witnessed a finale.
"Eddy has a red rocket, Double-Dee!"
"DON'T YOU GUYS KNOCK?!"
Edd stood completely frozen and expressionless as Ed chanted 'Red Rocket' while dancing and laughing.
"Jeez, take a picture Double-Dee." Eddy got up from the bed and made his way to the closet for another shirt. His shock at being caught ended in a messier-than-usual finish.
"Eddy?" Edd's voice was barely audible. "Does this… Ehm… Happen every morning?"
"You tryin' for an encore?"
"No-no! I just…" Eddward blushed furiously. "Maybe we should coordinate schedules."
"Pbththt." Eddy found a new shirt and looked for his jacket. "Coordinate knocking."
Edd watched Eddy gather his school things with growing concern. "Don't you need to take a shower?"
"I mopped up."
"But you were just… THAT."
"Get over it, Sockhead. I had wood. I took care of it. I don't know what you do. I don't want to know what you do, but everybody does it. So, you can stop giving me that look."
"I-I don't…"
"Whaaaat? C'mon! You've never whacked the one-eyed weasel?"
"I hardly think that's any of your business." Edd's cheeks were glowed so red, he could guide a flying sleigh and eight reindeer.
"Hey, Ed! Double-Dee's never waxed his woody!"
Ed burst into fresh laughter. "Double-Dee! You never stroked your cyclops?"
"Edward!" Edd's face flushed impossibly deeper.
"Or bleed the weed?"
Edd yanked his sock farther down over his face. "The appropriate tense is 'bled,' Eddy."
Ed and Eddy erupted in more laughter.
"Gentlemen, it's time for school. Shall we be off?"
A 'beat-off' joke would've been too easy. Eddy wiped the smirk from his face and straightened himself up. "Sure, Double-Dee. I hear we have a substitute in Homeroom today."
"Really? Who?"
"Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters!"
Eddy and Ed descended into a new laughing fit. "Guh! The things you two bond over," Edd groaned.
_
Eddy was on high alert when they reached the school. Not a Kanker was to be seen, however.
Much to Edd's pleasure, the boys were first to class. He didn't figure out the whole reason behind Eddy's newfound motivation was constant adult supervision. If he couldn't buy off the Kankers, he could stave them off with parents and teachers. If being an apple polisher was all it took to keep Lee's mouth off of him, so be it. All he had to do was stall fate until he could join a monastery.
"Bravo, Eddy! Bravo," Edd winked.
"What?
"We've arrived ten minutes early! This is a new record for us!"
"Calm down. I'm just gettin' an early start on my nap."
Edd sighed and turned back around.
Three Kankers filed into class two minutes after the bell rang. Each greeted Eddy with a sinister grin before taking her seat.
Eddy buried his head in his arms. "Kill. Me. Now."
_
The Kankers stayed away from the Eds until Gym class. Girls and boys were put against each other in a round of Edd's least favorite sport: Dodgeball. He was panic-stricken and incoherent before the first volley struck the floor. Kevin reluctantly dragged him off the court, but not before a distinct hint of urine tainted the air.
The Kankers smelled blood and attacked Eddy with anything they could throw. He was out within seconds and stationed himself next to the teacher. Lee and Marie then pretended to get hit and strolled off the court. May ran around trying to get hit, but the other kids completely ignored her. Lee finally walked back onto the court and imbedded a ball into her sister's face.
"Oh, Eddy," Lee sugared. "You and us have some unfinished business."
Eddy sneered at Lee.
"Marie saved your life fair and square. That makes you our love slave."
"Hah! Too bad you can't do anything about it."
"Says who?"
"Says the teacher," Eddy waxed smug as gestured with his thumb over his shoulder.
The three girls cackled. "What teacher?"
"Huh?!" Eddy whirled around in time to see the Gym teacher strolling around the opposite side of the Gym. He tried to bolt, but Lee had him tackled and hog-tied with a jump rope before he could escape. The three Kankers then swiftly dragged Eddy off to the Eds' personal Hell; the secret make-out spot beneath the bleachers.
"Now THIS is some physical education I can get into," May dribbled.
"I see some extra credit in our future, girls!" Lee loaded on the lipstick and passed off the tube to Marie. She half-heartedly followed suit but didn't look nearly as thrilled as her sisters.
Eddy's world went dark as the three matrons of make-out circled and descended on their squirming hapless victim.
_
"Eddy! What on Earth..?" Edd blinked at Eddy as he walked toward him with Ed in tow. "What happened to you?"
"I'd like to ask you the same question. What's your Mom doing here?"
"I-I forgot my lunch," Edd fished.
"Oh, really?" Eddy smiled slyly. "And how come you're suddenly wearing pants?"
"Well, I…" Edd frowned at Eddy. "Shut-up."
Eddy broke into open laughter. "Hahaha! Reliving Kindergarten are you?"
"You know full well I have issues with that-THAT BLOOD SPORT! Shame on you for changing the subject!"
"Yeah Eddy," Ed chimed.
"Who asked you, Bonehead?"
"I am Ed!"
"You are dense!"
"Eddy, please. This is ridiculous and you're a mess. Let's adjourn to the men's room and calm down, shall we?"
"I can't. I have to go to the Caf."
"Looking like THAT?"
"I'm the Kankers' slave, Edd. I have to serve their lunch."
"What in Sam Hill...?"
"Hiya boys," Lee slinked behind Edd and stared intently at Eddy's fresh makeover.
Edd nearly needed another pair of pants. "LEE!" Edd quickly sidestepped behind Ed. "May we help you?"
"Nope. Just came to get our butler. Come along, little man."
Eddy groaned and took his place at Lee's side.
"Lee, isn't this rather extreme?"
"You know the rules." Marie stepped forward with a library book titled 'Warner Bros. Cartoon Constitution.'
"Marie! That's a reference book! It's never supposed to leave the Library!"
"Pipe down, Dreamboat," Lee snarled. Edd resumed his hiding place behind Ed.
"Here it is. Amendment 14, paragraph three: He who saves the life of another through selfless act is allowed a period of servitude on the part of the rescued party until such time as the rescue debt is remunerated."
Edd stepped forward. "Yes, but we're produced for Cartoon Network, which falls under the Hanna-Barbera Cartoon Constitution. That was adopted by Turner almost twenty years ago."
"Ha! Nice try! The HBCC evaporated three years after Turner merged with Time-Warner. We were only under the HBCC for one season. We've been under Bugs Bunny law for nine years. Without the Wile E. Coyote Amendment, how else would you have survived your roller coaster from 'Gimme Gimme Never Ed?'
"Sounds like somebody's slipping," Eddy growled.
"Curse these countless media company mergers."
"I don't know about you guys, but it's Burrito Bomp Day in the cafeteria and I wanna' get my bean on!"
"Right behind ya' May! Come along, Stud. When were done with lunch, you can model May's dress in sewing class."
Eddy groaned and reluctantly walked with Lee and her sisters.
Edd watched them. "There has to be a way to get him out of this."
___
End of Part Three.