Sorry it's been a few days since an update. I've been busy working. It's nice to say that lol. So...here's an update for this. Hope you enjoy.
Acceptance
Chapter 4
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting
-John Russell
"Please...feel free to order whatever you'd like." Haruka smiled at me as she picked up her own menu to thumb through the pages.
I wanted nothing more than to order a cheeseburger. I knew I couldn't though. I doubt I'd even be able to keep it down. It had been too long since I've had food like that. "I'll just get a small chef salad. No dressing." I closed the menu, having barely looked at anything.
"Are you sure that's all you'd like? I told you it's my treat Michiru." She was looking at me again. I only shook my head to her. "I know I barely know you, but I can sense that something is wrong with you."
"I'm fine." I lied to her. I took a deep breath and forced my eyes to meet hers. They were so beautiful, just like two deep oceans of calmness. "Tell me more about you Haruka."
"What would you like to know?" She placed her menu on the table, having obviously made her choice.
"How old are you?"
She blushed and smiled. "Don't you know you never ask a woman how old she is." She politely scolded me.
"I'm 28." I exposed to her my age, in hopes of learning hers in return.
"37." I smiled at her. So much older. I always did like older women. I shook my head, what was I thinking, I just met this woman and already I'm liking her. "I know I'm old." She returned the smile to me before looking up to the waiter that appeared from her right side. Her words seemed to merge together as she gave him her order. When he looked at me I followed suit with my own order. "So what's on your mind?"
"Excuse me?" It was my first reaction to become defensive. I was so used to listening to Hiroshi lecture me about this or that.
"I was just wondering. I may not know you very well yet, but I can tell when there's something on a lady's mind."
I didn't answer her right away. Her face was so beautiful as the sun from the window cascaded over her features. I found myself admiring each laugh line on the corners of her eyes. Even for having gray speckled throughout her golden blonde hair, I shook my head from that thought...it only made her look more sophisticated. "I'm fine." I finally found my voice to speak. I looked down at my lap. She was making me nervous. Me...world renowned violinist, nervous.
"It has to do with Hiroshi doesn't it?" What was I, an open book? I couldn't stop myself from nodding. Why was I telling her that? She's got to work with him too. Surely she'll figure it out on her own about how much of a dick he really is. "Why don't you just fire him?"
"I can't do it on my own, he takes care of just about everything for me." I was lying, he took care of everything, all the way down to my wardrobe for my performances. All I had to do was show up, look pretty, and play perfectly.
"What about finding another manager?"
I shook my head. "Can we not talk about work?" I sounded colder then I wanted to. I tasted the blood from my bottom lip as I bit it when I saw her frown. "I don't want to push you away like I did all the others..."
"So why did you push them all away?" She leaned against the table. Her cologne was delightful. It took all I had to keep from moving closer to her to catch a better whiff of it. I shook my head to her. I knew I couldn't tell her the real reason why I forced them all to quit. "I want to know what to prepare for." She smirked. Oh god that sent a chill down my spine.
"I can't tell you why."
"Well...are you going to push me away?"
"I don't know." How could I? How could I resist those oceans you call eyes. How could I resist that intoxicating scent that is only yours. I felt heat rise to my cheeks. Hopefully she doesn't see me blush.
"I doubt it was because each and every one of them was gay. The odds of that are slim to none." I watched her sit back in her seat as the waiter delivered our food. I felt my stomach turn at the smell of her food. It looked absolutely delicious, but it was something I hadn't eaten in what seems like months. "Would you like to try it?" She lifted the fork she had stabbed a piece of her meat with to offer it to me.
Oh how I wanted to take it to taste it. To eat something with real flavor. "I can't." I want to though. After picking up my own fork I stabbed it into a piece of lettuce to eat. "Gotta watch my weight." I frowned at the disgust that was evident in my voice.
"You're beautiful as it is, if anything you're too skinny..."
I frowned at her again. But why would Hiroshi tell me I'm too fat all the time. I placed my fork on my plate and reached for my water. She grabbed my hand though. "Please...don't touch me." My voice was cold and harsh as I pulled my hand back.
"Then please eat."
There she goes again, making me nervous as I look at her. "No, not all of them were gay." I spoke softly.
"What?" Her puzzled look made me smile. A real smile. Not one of those masks I wear at the end of a show to prove to the crowd that their idol is alright on the outside.
"I didn't push them away because they were gay. And I don't hate working with anybody who is gay. I prefer men to women..." I hesitated before I leaned forward to whisper. "I don't become attracted to men..." I never looked at her as I sat back to continue eating.
I could see her smile out of the corner of my eye. Still I couldn't bring myself to look up. I had just admitted one of my deepest secrets to a woman I'd known only two days. "It all makes sense now." She cut into the food on her plate and took yet another bite.
"Please...don't tell Hiroshi...I actually like you and if he knew that he'd have you gone in a heartbeat."
"Why don't you get rid of Hiroshi, I know how to manage."
I shook my head. I barely knew her...I couldn't trust her with everything. As much as I wanted to strangle Hiroshi myself, I still trusted that man with my life. And yet, he sucked the life right out of me. "I don't know you...not yet anyway." I ate the carrot from the side of my plate before looking at her again. "I remember you saying you were too old to race?" I tried to make it sound like a question, hoping she'd take off and fill in the gaps.
"I retired two years ago. I couldn't keep up with all those in their early 20s." She reached for her glass of water.
I found it so hard to take my eyes off of each movement she made. Never had I been so attracted to someone before. "We should probably get back soon to continue practicing." I grabbed my purse and started to stand.
"I'm sorry I grabbed your hand." She picked up the check to pay for our meals. "I...wanted to see just how small you are." Again she grabbed my hand to stop me from walking away. Why did she care so much about me? I repeated my actions of earlier and pulled my hand away from her grasp, no matter how much I wanted to allow it to stay there. "Yea...let's get back to practice." She walked from the restaurant ahead of me. I don't understand why she cares so much...