A/N: So thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far! If you read, I hope you will review! Your feedback is very important to me. This chapter is a bit of set-up but if you've read my work before you'll know that I like to explore the relationships between the characters and how they get to that point of everlasting love…sigh…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. I only claim ownership to my own unique imaginings.

Whom I Love Alone

Chapter 2: Changes

Carlisle's POV

Her scent was still intoxicating. Even more intense than when blood flowed through her veins, if that was possible. But my biggest worry was no longer fighting my instinct to drain that blood. Instead, it was helping her to control her own instinct to drain others of their blood.

I'd nearly come undone at the panic and pain in her eyes. Only my years of practice as a physician, staying calm I the midst of fear, panic, and pain in others, had kept me from sweeping her in my arms and running to the ends of the earth until she was safe—safe from harming others, safe from herself. Safe from me. I should take her to Denali—give her to the sisters to take care of. Not nuns, but old friends Tanya, Kate and Irina who shared my sensibilities when it came to the vegetarian lifestyle.

But even as the thought entered my mind, she made a small sound, almost like a sob and I saw her delicate hand fly up and cover her mouth. I knew the tears would never flow again. And it was all because of me. But just as I'd been unable to let her life go in that morgue, I knew I didn't have the decency to take her to Denali.

I couldn't explain it. I'd never had a female take hold of my every thought, my every breath as she had. I even found myself unwittingly reaching out to touch her hair, her face, to clasp her hand in mine—before stopping myself at the last second. I longed to comfort her.

I'd taken away her physical pain. Eventually. I'd lived every second of her three day anguish as she'd burned with the fire of the change. Edward had tried to relieve me several times but the most I would allow was for him to wait with me. He hadn't asked and I hadn't offered why. But I didn't have to read minds to see the curiosity in his eyes. To know that the question "why her?" was reverberating through his mind. If he had asked the question aloud, I wasn't sure I could have answered it. In fact, I wasn't quite sure I knew myself.

Regardless of the reason why, it was done. I'd committed the most selfish act a creature of my kind could commit. I had changed her. Oh yes, I had justified it saying that she would be dead now if I hadn't intervened. But I had not given her a gift. Instead I had cursed her.

In my own weakness, my own selfishness, I had given in to impulse—instinct—and now this poor, gloriously beautiful angel had ruby-red eyes and I could see the thirst there. And the horror etched on her pale face—a face that could rival Aphrodite herself—that was my doing as well.

For a man who'd been known to soothe with words first as a minister and later as a physician, I'd been incredibly clumsy in blurting out her new nature to her. "You're a vampire." I'd said it as casually as if commenting on her dress or the weather…Good God, Cullen! You're losing your touch! Oh, how Aro would laugh if he saw how flappable his unflappable English friend truly was.

I was convinced that even though her beauty had gone from stunning to simply breath-taking, this change was not for the better. I felt the guilt rising up in my silent chest, almost choking me, as she looked at me, confusion in her eyes. Her mouth moved and what I considered a whisper, a human would never have heard…"I'm in hell. I'm dead and in hell."

Oh my, this was not going well at all. Honestly for someone who lived a life of complete order and planning, I had somehow managed to muck it up royally. It'd just been pure instinct to change Esme—no real planning. I hadn't thought much past biting her in all the right places, hoping to make it less excruciating than Edward's change had been. Hadn't planned what would happen beyond getting her to our home—a non-descript two story white clapboard farmhouse outside of Columbus. Obviously, I hadn't planned how I was going to tell her what I'd done to her. Definitely hadn't planned how to fix the mess I'd made of everything. The life Edward and I had built here in Ohio—the choice to change another being without her permission. I knew that Aro had always felt my compassion—my loatheness to harm another creature—would be my downfall, my fatal flaw as it were. And I was starting to believe he was right.

I was drawn out of my thoughts as I realized she was shaking with silent dry sobs. I'd covered her with a light quilt and I saw that she was twisting it in her dainty hands. Dainty but strong. The quilt was slowly being shredded. I hand knelt beside the sofa and now I could no longer resist. I reached out and clasped her small hands with my own larger ones, stilling her movements and stopping the destruction she'd unconsciously begun.

Her head came up and her miserable crimson eyes locked with my own. I didn't know what she saw but her full pink lips formed a perfect, silent "o". I felt electricity pulse through me where my pale marble flesh met hers. Did she feel it too? It was impossible to tell. The time had come. I had to make this as right as I could. It was time for explanations. I couldn't allow her to suffer any longer. I knew her newborn thirst would be at a fever-pitch now. She was fully transformed into her new existence.

I squeezed her hands lightly, pulling them free from the cotton shreds and interlocking her fingers with my own. The need to have some type of physical connection was overwhelming. I couldn't have let go if I'd wanted to. And I didn't want to.

I knew Edward was close by. He was not in the study with us but I knew he must be in the hallway. I assumed he was torn between wanting to allow us some privacy and yet, fearful that this encounter could go very wrong, very quickly. After all, it has only been a few years since his own awakening into a vampire's existence. But somehow deep inside, my instincts were screaming at me that it would be okay. She would be okay. For now.

I sensed that she was a gentle soul, a sensitive soul and that would be the common ground that she and I would have to forge ahead. It was not only a new life for her but for Edward and me as well. I could not let them down. I would not fail at this however wrong I had been to make the choices I had to this point.

I felt her own hands tighten on mine. She was still looking at me with confusion, a slight crease of her brow the only marring of her radiant countenance. I drew a deep breath and slowly let it blow between my lips. She leaned slightly toward me as if drawn unwittingly. My gaze was drawn to her own lips and I had a momentary urge to capture them with my own. Instead I forced my lips up in a slight smile, attempting to convey reassurance as I dragged my gaze back to her eyes.

As I started to speak, I realized my accent was thicker. This happened when I got nervous, when I attempted to convey confidence where I felt none. Edward called it my "doctor" voice. Maybe that would help me soothe the jumbled emotions rolling around inside me.

"Angel, I promise you, you are not in hell. Nor are you dead. At least not in the traditional sense." My smile widened. Her startled eyes searched my face for answers. There was doubt there.

"I shouldn't have blurted that out in such a way. But I assure you, you have a new life. A strange one indeed, but life nevertheless." Her gaze was intent. I hoped it meant she was listening to me. I almost asked Edward what she was thinking but stopped myself. If I actually heard how much she loathed me, I'd never be able to continue.

Oh yes, not only had her life changed but so had mine. And I realized just how desperately I needed her to walk with me in my new altered state. A naked need that shook everything I'd believed abo8ut myself to the core. I was a changed man.

Esme's POV

So much was happening so fast and yet it seemed as if time had stopped.

I hadn't realized what I was doing to the lovely quilt covering me until his hands had grasped mine. And then I'd hoped he would never let go. I was silly and foolish, but I thought I'd actually felt a jolt of electricity when he had touched me. I couldn't be sure if it was his touch specifically or the fact that I was just so aware of everything around me.

My senses were incredibly heightened, almost as if I were an animal rather than a human. I was a…a…vampire. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. How could that be possible? There was no such thing. Was there? I searched his eyes, looking for the lie but was instead greeted with such sincerity that I was thrown into doubt.

Of course, if it was true then it would explain everything, all that I was feeling. And if it was true, then I was an animal. How strange to look down and see that I still looked human. For the most part. For a moment, vanity overtook me and I wished for a mirror. There was no I could look even half as beautiful as my angel kneeling beside me.

No. I shook my head slightly. Not an angel. Vampire. The word echoed in my brain. I was vaguely aware that his perfect full lips were moving but I was not registering his words and at the movement of my head, his words trailed off. "…but life nevertheless." As his lovely voice fell into silence, I gripped his hands tighter. My life preserver.

I saw a slight wince and marveled that I could produce such a reactions from a man certainly larger than I. Although not huge, he had a nice muscular frame and I knew, albeit, hazily, that he had been about a head taller than myself from our brief encounter.

"Dr. Cullen?" I whispered. His head snapped up at my words, his wonderfully rich butterscotch eyes meeting my own. "Please call me Carlisle." He whispered back matching my own uncertain tone.

"Carlisle." The word came out almost breathlessly startling both myself and him as if I'd shouted the word instead. But it had felt as right as rain on my tongue and I began chanting it in my mind as if it were a prayer. Oh God, I hoped it was in my mind.

I thought of how silly I'd been shortly after he'd mended my leg—doodling "Mrs. Dr. Carlisle Cullen" on any scrap of paper I could find. Giving myself permission to whisper his name—Carlisle—in the quiet darkness of my bedroom each night for a month straight after our encounter. How I'd longed to say it in his presence!

And now that girlish dream was coming true. But in a living nightmare. I was a hideous monster. There was no way that this beautiful man could want someone like me. Even if I ended up looking okay, it was not the physical beauty I feared he wouldn't like.

It was the ugly scarred creature I was on the inside that I was sure would repulse him once he knew what I'd done. To have abandoned my husband, killed my own child. Those were unforgivable in and of themselves. But once he realized that he'd saved a woman who had tried to end her own life. Oh mercy, what kind of regret and revulsion would he feel then?

I was resolved then that he could never find out. I was still alive. At least in some fashion. I should not waste his gift. The burning in my throat that had never gone away suddenly flamed out of control. It was all I could think about at that moment even as much as I wanted to hear all that he would tell me about this new life, to help me understand how I had changed.

I knew two things at that moment. One, my thirst was growing unbearable. And two, my outlook had changed.

I wanted to live. I wanted to do whatever I could to deserve the respect of this man. I wanted to be good. And whole. And worthy. All things that I had failed miserably at in my human life.

So I looked at him determined and said the first thing that popped in my mind. "I'm thirsty." He sagged slightly at my words whether in relief or disappointment, I could not be sure. Actually, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"I know, sweetheart. Let's take care of that right now, shall we?" I nodded my head slightly and bit my bottom lip nervously. Ouch. My teeth felt like razors! Then he reached up one of his large hands with long elegant fingers and tucked my hair behind my ear. I felt my breath stop at his touch and oddly enough registered that I didn't need it anyway. My breath, not his touch. That I knew I needed.

Then all too quickly, his hand fell and he tugged me up from the couch until we were standing facing each other. Something seemed to dawn on him as I saw recognition in his topaz eyes. "But first, I need to introduce you to someone. Edward, could you come in here please?" His voice never rose about its conversational tone.

I saw a flash in the corner of my eye and I instantly found myself in the presence of two angels as I stared at a boy with tousled bronze hair and matching topaz eyes. "Esme, let me introduce you to my son, Edward." A son? He was a father?

Edward's perfectly angled face lit up with a crooked smile and I felt myself automatically smiling back. I could still see a slight shadow, almost as if the smiled didn't quite reach his eyes. I suddenly felt a maternal wave of concern wash over me. So not everything died with me on that cliff.

Okay, this was going to be a good change. I think.

Edward's POV

Everything was going to change. I'd realized that from the moment Carlisle had rushed into our home, clutching the lovely young woman with caramel-colored hair, to his chest.

He'd startled me for many reasons. First, he was home early. Second, he'd told me time and again he would never change another being. But mostly, it'd startled me to see my cool-as-a-cucumber under pressure father to be so, well, panicked.

For all three days it'd taken for the change to take effect. I hadn't asked questions. Honestly, I didn't really need to. It was all there in his thoughts, his memories. One of the disadvantages of my ability (Carlisle called it a gift, I called it a curse, we compromised on ability.) was sometimes knowing things about a person that they didn't realize about themselves. Things, emotions, whatever buried deep within their subconscious.

So yes, on one hand, I'd been startled that Carlisle had brought a woman home. A woman he'd changed. But on another level, when I'd looked down into her pale lovely heart-shaped face and saw who she was, I was not surprised. Maybe on some level, I'd even expected her to come back into our lives at some point. Just not quite like this.

Carlisle, who was always so sure of what he did, was a nervous wreck. And he was wracked with guilt. This was so unlike the Carlisle that I knew that it even threw me a bit off-kilter. It was not a good feeling. I was unsure of what this would do to my father. And I was unsure of how to help him. I really really hated feeling helpless. And unsure. Carlisle had rubbed off on me in that way, I guess.

So now here I stood before the woman who was changing everything. And I knew exactly how she was feeling. Not because I could read her thoughts, which I could, but because I had felt that way once too.

So I'd help her as best I could because like me she'd had no choice about being born into this life. And like me, she really cared about Carlisle. That was something I could admire.

And it was no small feat getting a stubborn man like me to change his mind. She and I were going to get along just fine.