Alone
He closed the door behind him. It was dark outside. It was dark inside. It was dark everywhere. Dark everywhere he looked.
He looked around the empty apartment. It was always empty. He always felt alone. Right now in the darkness he could still pretend like there was somebody waiting for him. Like there was somebody who cared. Somebody who waited for him.
Slowly he clicked on the light. His apartment bathed in light. He closed his eyes. He wanted somebody to be waiting for him. Somebody to care. But nobody cared. Nobody.
He sank down in one of his chairs. He never noticed how empty it was. He never noticed how much he wanted somebody who cared. A father who cared. Friends who really cared. Somebody who loved him. But nobody did. Jeanne did. But not anymore.
He looked around his apartment. Everyone would think you'd be happy in here. But for some reason he wasn't. He really wasn't. It wasn't that he didn't like it. But it felt so empty. Maybe it was just his imagination. But somehow it had never felt this empty.
It was because of the kid. He knew that. He couldn't get him out of his head. Especially the second his father hugged him. He wanted his father to care. He wanted his father to love him. But his father never had.
He wished he could say he believed he had his team. He always thought he had. Sometimes he felt like an outsider. But that didn't happen very often. But somehow today, the second he saw Ziva and Probie look at each other he knew. They didn't really know him. They didn't really care.
They didn't know anything. Not one of them. He always thought Gibbs knew him. But when he saw him agree whit Ziva he knew he had been wrong. Gibbs didn't know anything about him. Not about his past. And not about how he felt now.
He looked around his empty apartment. He felt so alone. He always felt alone. It's weird how you can be surrounded by so many people and still feel all alone. Because they didn't really know him. And he was always alone.
That's why he went out on so many dates. Or at least that's why he used to. To have someone on his side. Somebody who cared about him. Even if it was just for a little while. But now he didn't go out anymore.
Because when he met Jeanne he had seen love. And he couldn't forget her. She was still in his hearth. She was always in his hearth. He sighed. HE couldn't go out anymore. Because when he had her, he had thought for a while he could be loved. That he would never be alone again.
But here he was. All alone. At the moment he choose his team it seemed like a good idea. He loved his team. He couldn't be apart from them. But now … Jeanne had known more about him then his team did. She saw the pain in his eyes. She loved him.
And he lost her. And now after so many months feeling loved he sat here again. All alone. Just like so many times before. And he lost. Nobody cared.
He clicked the light out. And he sat there in complete darkness. At least now he could pretend somebody was by his side.
But it was all imagination. Because he was as he always had been. All alone.