Memories
He kept staring at the ceiling. He tried to block out all the memories. But they wouldn't go away. Kate. Jeanne. Paula. His father. His mother. His friends. He closed his eyes. Slowly he drift off to sleep once again.
Six year old Anthony DiNozzo tried to hug his father. His father turned his back to him. Told him to leave him alone.
Six year old Anthony DiNozzo sat in his mums car. They were going to be late. That's why she was speeding. She never saw the other car coming.
Six year old Anthony DiNozzo sat in his mums car. He remembered the other car. He remembered spinning around. He didn't remember going to sleep. He turned to see his mum. And wished for the rest of his life that he hadn't watched.
Seven year old Anthony DiNozzo got into a little trouble at school. It wasn't really that bad. But his dad thought it was. He doesn't really remember what happened that night. He only remembers it hurt for three days.
Eight year old Anthony DiNozzo walked trough the streets on his own. His dad was supposed to pick him up an hour ago. But he never showed. It didn't really matter. His dad was never there. Another night it wouldn't be so bad. But now he didn't know where he was. His dad was going to be so mad.
Eight year old Anthony DiNozzo sat in the police station. Waiting. He was watching the nice police man work. They were waiting for his father. That's when he decided he wanted to be a cop. His dad suddenly walked in and pulled him out of there. He didn't sit for a week.
Ten year old Anthony DiNozzo had gotten used to being forgotten by his father. So when he couldn't find him in the hotel he didn't panic. He just went to his room and ordered room service. When his dad found out he was so mad. At him. That night he got drunk again. And all he can remember is the pain.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo stood on the roof. Kate lied dead on the ground. He stood there unable to move. Unable to feel. He couldn't safe her.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo saw Paula run to the wall. He ran behind her. He couldn't get to her. He couldn't safe her. The wall protected him from the bomb. But not her. He couldn't safe her.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo saw the shocked look on Jeanne's face when he told her the truth. His heart broke into a million pieces. But there was nothing he could do.
He opened his eyes again. To many memories. To many things that were destroyed. His mum. Paula. Kate. Jeanne. He always lost. No matter what happened, he always lost. So why, why did he keep trying? Why keep convincing himself that there were people who cared? Who loved him?
Nobody cared. And the people that did care disappeared. Most of them died. Some of them left. He would always end up broken. In pain. He could still hear his dad. You're good for nothing. You'll end up in the gutter. Maybe he had been right.
Little Anthony DiNozzo lied in his bed at night. His dad was in the same house as he was. His nanny was in the room next door. He held onto his pillow. And he was scared.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo lied in his bed. There was nobody else in the apartment. He held onto his pillow. But he was still scared.