All he needs
The phone rang. He could hear it in the distance. But he didn't react. He expected somebody else to get up. Somebody else to pick it up.
The phone kept ringing. He wondered why nobody picked up. Then he remembered. He was all alone. His nanny had died many years ago. His father wasn't around. And Jeanne, Jeanne was gone.
The phone kept ringing. Slowly he got out of his bed. He picked up the phone without looking at the ID. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. He didn't care who was on the phone. Just as long as he didn't have to sleep anymore.
"DiNozzo!" "Boss. Why are you calling?" "We have a new case. Very important. Abby will send you the address. I want you there in 30 minutes. Got it?" "Yes boss." There came a long silence. He waited for Gibbs to hang up. He didn't want to think of what would happen if he would hang up on Gibbs. But nothing happened.
"Something else boss?" "You tell me. You called me a couple of hours ago DiNozzo. Why?" He didn't know what to say. Tell him. Tell him what you're feeling. Tell him you need to know if he cares. Tell him about your childhood. Tell him you feel guilty. Tell him you need somebody's help. Before you lose your mind completely. Just tell him. He'll be there. He cares.
" No, nothing boss. Sorry. I dialed the wrong number." "You sure?" No. Can't you see that I need you? Don't you know anything about me? Everything I'm telling you right now is a lie. Just help me. Just see that I need you. That I need somebody. "Yes. I'm sure." "Alright I'll see you in 30 minutes." "See ya, boss."
He stared at the phone. Why didn't he tell him? He needed help. He knew that. A part of him wanted to believe that Gibbs would always be there for him. But he couldn't believe that anymore. He just couldn't. He needed Gibbs. He just couldn't tell him.
So he got up and put on his clothes. He grabbed his gun and his badge. He took his keys and left the building. Leaving the memories and nightmares in his apartment. Trying not to think about it. Trying to forget everything.
When he got out of his car he saw them all there. Putting a smile on his face he walked to them. Playing his part. Just like every other day. They would never know. They never cared. But he wished that just for once they would see past his mask.
If they would they wouldn't see the playboy they thought he was. They would see a hurt little boy. Who just wants somebody to help him. To love him to care. Somebody who's scared. Somebody who needs them.
But they never look hard enough to see it. Not even Gibbs. And tonight is not different. They work on the crime scene. They go to their desks. They work for days. And nobody notices nobody sees. That all he needs is a helping hand. Just somebody who cares. Anybody.