Maybe
Tony sat in his car. Alone. Just like he always was. He was staring out the window. He wasn't really paying attention to what was outside. It was probably a good thing he wasn't driving. No. He was parked in the NCIS parking lot. Surrounded by cars. And yet he was all alone.
He was thinking about the events of the day. It had been a week since he called his boss in the middle of the night. And nothing had changed. Everybody still treated him the same. The thing that hit him the most was that nobody noticed that he called them. Nobody (not even Gibbs) noticed that he needed them.
The truth was he had started to feel a little better. Slowly the memory of the little boy started to fade. And he started to feel good. He made jokes, he quoted movies. And he convinced himself they cared. He almost managed to do so. And then today happened.
It had started out as a normal case. Dead petty officer. Just work. Nothing bad. And then Ziva made fun of him again. And they all laughed. Even Ducky. And then McGee left him there. Alone working on the crime scene. And Gibbs, Gibbs got mad at him. No matter what he said.
And he started to wonder. He started to wonder if maybe it was him. Maybe he had done something wrong. After all his father couldn't love him, the team didn't care about him. Maybe it was something he did. Maybe it was something about him. Maybe.
He looked out the window. Alone. They didn't care about him. They didn't respect him. Not even when he was leading them. All he ever heart was 'Gibbs this..' & 'Gibbs that…'. It had started to annoy him. No respect. Not even a little bit. No love. No friendship. No nothing.
And he thought. He really thought that things would change when Gibbs got back. But they didn't. Gibbs remembered everybody except for him. Why did he forget him? Subtle hint? He shook his head. Try to forget. Get out of the car. Just smile. Be happy. Be Tony.
But he couldn't. He couldn't get out of the car. He couldn't pretend anymore. Maybe if he just let his guard down. Maybe they would see then. Maybe they would understand. Maybe they would care. Maybe.
But he didn't really believe that. How many times had he almost died over the years? Nobody had cared. In fact the first thing they did was steal his stuff. Sit at his desk. Laugh with him. The only time it had been different was with the plague. But that was so long ago. So long.
If he would suddenly disappear nobody would care. Nobody would miss him. Hell, if last year had proven something to him, they would probably not even notice. Until it was to long. Maybe he should just end it all. Make sure they didn't have to deal with him anymore.
He didn't even notice he had grabbed his gun. He kept staring out the window. Just end it all. They won't care. He looked at the gun. He didn't even realize what he was doing. Not at first. Should he do it? Would they realize how messed up he was? Would they care realizing it was to late? Would they? Could he?
A phone ringing shattered his thought process. Slowly he took the phone out of his jacket. Without letting go of the gun he looked at the caller ID. Boss. 'DiNozzo.' 'DiNozzo. Where the hell are you? We're waiting for you! Get your ass up here right now.' He said nothing. He just sat there. 'DiNozzo! DiNozzo! You there?' 'Yeah boss I'm here. I'll be up in a sec.'
Slowly he put the phone away. He looked at the gun again. Then he got out of the car and walked to the building. Silently he sat down at his desk. For no longer then two minutes. 'DiNozzo. With me!' Great. Here we go again. And sure as soon as the elevator doors closed Gibbs switched the elevator off.
'Something wrong, Boss?' 'I was about to ask you. You alright DiNozzo?' 'yeah boss I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?' 'You tell me. You call me in the middle of the night. You looked like hell when you show up. You don't joke anymore. You don't quote movies. You're not you. What's happening?' Everything inside him was telling him to just trow it out. Tell Gibbs everything he felt. Maybe if he got it out he'd feel better. But as always he didn't.
'Nothing boss. I'm fine. Look I told you I dialed the wrong number.' 'Tony..' 'Seriously boss.;I'm fine. It was early in the morning I didn't sleep well. That's all. I'm fine.'
And without saying another word he switched the elevator back on, got out and sat down at his desk. And all day long he felt Gibbs stare at him. But he didn't look up once.
And when he laid awake in his bed that night he couldn't help but feel. That his boss had offered him a hand and he hadn't taken it. And he wondered. If gibbs had been worried because he was his friend. Or because he was afraid he'd screw up the case.