Okay, so I thought this would be the last chapter but the story just kind of overtook me and overwhelmed me and I couldn't quite fit the wedding into this chapter. So…the wedding will take place in the next chapter and THEN that will be the end of this particular story. I hope you like the backstory of this chapter. Please read and review and let me know if you think I got it right!
Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. I only claim ownership to my own unique imaginings.
Whom I Love Alone
Chapter 7: Paradise
Esme's POV
I closed my eyes as the warm salty breeze blew past me causing a wisp to escape from the messy knot at the nape of my neck, tickling my cheek. I lowered myself to the bench I was sitting on until I was flat on my back and clasped my hands across my abdomen. A sigh of contentment blew through my lips as I gently rocked with the movement of the boat. I'd never felt so relaxed. So happy. I worried that it might evaporate under the heat of the blistering sun. In my experience, I'd never held on to these feelings for long. I pursed my lips at the thought.
I heard the sail of our boat snap in the wind and I slowly opened my eyes to the brightness of the equatorial sun beating down on us. The warmth felt good. And we didn't have to worry about hiding because we were out in the middle of the ocean. There was no one around to see us sparkle in the ever present sunlight.
I sat up from the bench, my eyes searching for the man I was to marry. My brow creased until I found him, sure and steady, behind the wheel, his skin refracting into a million rainbows as the sun shattered against it. My breath caught in my throat at the sight and a smile touched my lips as I drank in the sight of my golden angel.
And then his liquid butterscotch eyes met mine and the combustible heat that started in the pit of my stomach burst into pure molten lava. I was positive I'd just melted into a puddle on the boat deck. His lips turned up in that smile that looked so serene to others but was pure predator to me. That smile had signaled many nights—and days—of unbelievable pleasure since we'd left the Florida Keys.
He'd refused to tell me our final destination which was entirely maddening. It had led tome trying to devise more and more creative ways to get it out of him. But somehow he always found a way to turn the tables on me, and despite his reputation for compassion, he showed me no mercy to my much chagrined delight.
I returned his smile with a predatory grin of my own. Slowly, I raised myself from the bench, stretching my arms upward in a feline-like fashion. His eyes widened in appreciation ay my show—his smile broader, his eyes never leaving me.
I made my way to him, circling behind him and kneeling on the bench behind him. I languidly wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my lips against his ear. He'd gone rigid at my touch, as still as a statue. Or an ancient Greek soldier girding himself for battle.
"Carlisle." I breathed into his ear. I felt the tension in his shoulders as his hands tightened on the wheel. I couldn't help it. My lips curved slightly upward. I knew he wasn't immune to me but he was so controlled most of the time that I thrilled a little any time I made a little chink in his cloak of willpower.
I flattened my palms against the sculpted planes of his chest and slowly rubbed up and down. "Are we almost there?" This time my self-control slipped as I'd inhaled and his scent filled my nostrils filling me with a keen longing. I lightly ran my tongue along the outer shell of his ear and caught the lobe between my teeth. He hissed through his teeth and his hand flew up capturing mine, gripping tight. In one swift movement, he'd pulled me around and wrapped me in his embrace, his arms bands of steel as they trapped my hands between our bodies against his magnificent chest.
I wriggled but couldn't move. He chuckled and I felt the rumble in his silent chest. He leaned down and I thought he was going to kiss me but instead rubbed his nose against mine. Who knew that touching noses could be so erotic? "Minx." He growled playfully. He smiled but his eyes were a lake of fire—a fire that was deliciously sending mine into a slow burn.
"Anxious, love?" His accent was more pronounced indicating the tension he was feeling." Ready to make an honest man of me?" His words were light but his tone—well—I could hear the longing and I knew he wanted me to feel like he did, unable to stand one more minute of us not being legally bound to one another for eternity.
"Mm-hmm." I purred, not trusting myself to speak. It'd been six months since my slip-up before our previously planned wedding date. Despite both of us being bitterly disappointed, I'd asked Carlisle for the extra time so the ruby red evidence of the horror I'd perpetrated to fade from my eyes. Carlisle had agreed but on the condition that our secret honeymoon location become our secret wedding location.
So of course I had agreed, greatly relieved that he would not have to look into the eyes of a monster when we recited our vows—affirming our love. Now though, it was killing me to not know where we were going, what he had planned. But wrapped in Carlisle's arms, enveloped in his scent—it was killing me not to have his lips against mine.
He must have felt the same way because his smile faded and his gaze met mine with scorching intensity as he slowly lowered his head to mine, momentarily blocking the sun from my face. But just as he was about to touch his lips to mine, his head jerked up, his gaze on the horizon. A broad smile lit up his face as he excitedly met my gaze again.
"We're here." I struggled to sit up but his arms tightened, holding me in place. He chuckled with delight and then reached down and gave me a swift kiss. I'd barely registered the pressure of his lips before he swept me up and turned me around so that I was sitting on his lap. His arms came around either side of me and gripped the wheel. His chin rested on my right shoulder, our cheeks touching. I looked ahead and saw the hazy blue outline of land in the distance. We were probably still a couple of miles away but I could see the lush tropical coastline, the pristine white beaches.
It looked like a deserted island. I turned my head, slightly leaning away as I looked at his face. He was still beaming and looking every inch the cat that swallowed the canary. "And we're where exactly?" I kept my tone light but felt the flutter of excitement in my abdomen. Honestly, it didn't matter, because wherever we were—well—it was our wedding destination.
But I had to keep up pretenses after weeks of badgering Carlisle as we'd traveled further south. He chuckled and cryptically said, "You'll see. Patience is a virtue, sweeting." Rather than focusing on our destination, instead I focused on the man behind me—who by some small miracle I could soon call mine. Forever. Officially.
A rush of emotions overwhelmed me as I took in the exotic scenery before me, the feel of Carlisle behind me, strong and reassuring—that sense of security that I could always count on him, that he would support me no matter what I did. Well, that had already been proven when I'd given in to the vampiric nature and taken a human life. It had baffled me that Carlisle had seemed to blame himself more than me. And that even with the red eyes of the monster within me had emerged.
And though I'd already know that I loved him irrevocably and never wanted to be parted from him, that was when I'd finally been secure that he truly loved me unconditionally. So though my first instinct had been to run—sure that he would be disgusted by me—he'd instead convinced me to stay. And to still marry him. That had been an offer I couldn't refuse. Didn't want to refuse. And now here we were.
We'd gotten close enough to dock. It was a crude dock and ahead I could see the wide expanse of the white sand beach—so white it looked like a beach made of sugar. Or if the tropical heat wasn't beating down on us, a snow-covered field. The beach led to a lush tropical forest with a path disappearing into the trees and bushes filled with the brightest and deepest flowers in every color imaginable—pinks and purples, reds and blues, yellows and whites. The scene before us was breathtaking.
Carlisle stood and even in the blistering heat, I suddenly felt cold as my body felt the loss of his touch. "Come, love." He held out his hand to me. He'd secured the sailboat and lifted me easily into his arms as we descended to the wooden dock which although crude in its construction, looked brand new with lightly colored lumber. Was this a deserted island?
Carlisle said nothing but merely had the same Cheshire cat's grin that he'd worn most of the trip. I was hyper-aware as he slowly set my feet down but doing it in a way that I brushed against every inch of his solid frame, never breaking the contact that I so desperately constantly craved.
He bent down and captured my lips with his own. It was a soft feathering of his lips against mine. I could tell he was holding back but even the lightest of touches made me go up in flames like dry tinder. It probably went on for minutes but as he went to raise his head all I could hear was our labored breathing and the gentle waves breaking against the white beach. He put his forehead against mine as he gasped for air. I could tell he was trying to get himself under control. I knew how he felt.
My chest was jerking up and down as I drew in a ragged breath after ragged breath. I was trying to tamp down the bitter disappointment that he'd stop. He raised his head from mine and brought up his hand, cradling my cheek in his palm. His lips raised in a half-smile.
"I nearly forgot where we were. That wouldn't do at all." His fingertips trailed across my cheekbone and then his thumb rubbed slightly against my bottom lip. His other hand entwined with one of my own and slowly he led me down the tock toward the beach.
Once we'd reached the soft sand, he stopped and turned his body to face me. "Esme, sweetheart, may I present you with your wedding gift—I call it 'Isle Esme'." His free hand swooped in a wide gesture from the sands to the dense tropical forest. My mouth dropped open in shock and I turned to him wide-eyed.
"Y-yo-you b-bought me an island?" I couldn't comprehend it. It had been one thing to think we would be married in paradise. But—but, my angel had just given me a little piece of heaven. No. I couldn't let him do this. It was too much. Again. He'd already given me so much, including my life. And I---I had never given him anything of any consequence. And this—well—this made the small gesture that I was going to give him as a wedding gift seem so insignificant.
"Carlisle, honey, I'm sorry. But this is impossible. I can't accept an—an island for goodness sake! No, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to give it back." I'd spluttered through it, there, I'd done it. Now he was the one who looked shocked. And incredibly hurt. Oh dear. I'd muddled things again. A big sigh escaped my lips as he turned and looked unseeingly at the wide expanse of turquoise ocean.
I braced myself for what I was sure would come next. Surely I'd finally done it, pushed all the right buttons and he would truly and rightly lose his temper. Be angry with me. Yell. Yep, I'd finally done it good.
His head turned back around and I closed my eyes as I waited for all of my dreams and hopes to crash down around me. I waited to lose paradise before I'd even found it.
Carlisle's POV
The woman would try the patience of a saint. And as had long ago been established I was far from being a saint despite what the woman beside me seemed to think. Who would turn down their own tropical paradise? My seemingly brilliant idea was starting to look –well—not so brilliant after all. And I'd been so sure it would be perfect…I'd wanted someplace that belonged to her. To us. Our own island in the sea of the madness that our existence as vampires thrust us into. But she didn't want it. I'd seriously underestimated her, our life together.
I wasn't sure what to do next. I looked into her gorgeous face and saw the immense sadness etched into it. Sadness that I had caused. I silently cursed myself for so badly misreading the situation. I'd always been a thinker, a planner. I didn't act on whims. It's what had helped me to survive for so many lonely decades. But this woman had broken all of my defenses, torn down my walls. Since that night she'd been brought into my hospital, I had acted impulsively, rashly. And it had brought her nothing but pain. And that caused me pain.
I drew a deep breath and the smells of the island engulfed me, the salty sea, the exotic flowers and most of all the exotic scent that was hers alone, that lotus and jasmine concoction that had bewitched me for so many years. Caused me to act without forethought. I couldn't stop myself, I had to ask.
"Sweeting, do you still want this? To marry me, have a life together? Her eyes widened in surprise, the amber pools darkening with some unknown emotion. I found myself sinking into their depths. I was glad the crimson had faded and been replaced with her familiar warmth. Her lips quivered slightly as they parted to give me my answers.
"Oh Carlisle! How can you even ask that? Of course I still want this. More than anything. But this…" She swept her arm wide gesturing toward the lush rainforest. "This is too much. I don't deserve this." Her shoulders slumped slightly as her breathy voice said the words.
Ah, so that was it. I felt a rush of relief at her words. But she was so unsure of herself and she was unable to see how she deserved this and so much more. I would give this woman the universe if I could. And if it meant that I could share that universe with her. While I was completely in control when I was at the hospital treating my patients, completely sure in my role as a father to Edward, completely sure that I could make reparations for my vampiric nature, I was never in control of my feelings for Esme, never sure how to love her so completely that I did not consume her and myself in the process.
Gestures such as buying the island had been my way of trying to control the situation. Marrying her was my way of making sure that we were bound for eternity, of giving her the life that she so very much deserved. She'd endured so much sadness, so much pain in her human life. I wanted to make her vampire life the stuff of dreams. And I was doing a very bad job of it. Mucking it up royally.
When I was anywhere within reaching distance, I always had the intense need to be connected to her, touching her in some way. I was constantly brushing her cheek, tucking caramel wave behind her ear. Now I grabbed both of her hands in mine, entwining our fingers as I did so. I pulled her toward me until our bodies were touching. She did not resist. I felt a shiver run through her body and it sent shockwaves through mine. I knew I would never tire of desiring her in the centuries to come.
"Esme, sweetheart, I don't want to make you unhappy. I just wanted a little place here on Earth that was just ours. A retreat if you will. Our own paradise. But if you truly don't want it, I'll get rid of it and we can go back to Long Island and get married there. You see sweeting, my life is where you are. And I don't care if that's Brazil, New York, or Mars. I want what you want. What makes you happy. As long as I get to share my life with you." Her eyes were shining brightly as I finished my words as if with unshed tears. I felt a prick of guilt. Great, I was just making her even unhappier.
Then the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen happened. She smiled wide until I could see all of her white even teeth and the dimple on one side of her mouth was deeper than I'd ever seen. I felt a stab of desire at the sight. And such intense love, I felt a quiver in my knees. "Let's do it." Her whisper nearly knocked me over. Oh, I wanted to do it all right. Whatever "it" was. "Let's get married. Here. On Isle Esme."
Her words caused my unbeating heart to overfill with love and happiness. Before I could stop myself, I whooped with joy. She looked shocked and then burst out with a giggle. I was not what one would think of as the whooping type. I wrapped my arms around her, lifting her from the ground and spun around. My lips captured hers in triumph. This kiss was different from our last one. It was an expression of our joy and love for one another. And it was hot. Our tongues tangled as we each consumed the other. Her hands were gripped in my hair holding me tight to her. I wasn't going anywhere though.
Eventually, I gently set her feet back to the ground. Her hands still clung to my hair as our kiss softened into a melting lips and an occasional darting of tongues. When we finally broke away, we were both breathing raggedly. Her tiny gasps sent a thrill down my spine. I couldn't wait any longer. It was time for us to vow ourselves to each other for eternity. I hoped that everything was prepared.
I finally found the strength to speak. "Come with me. I have something to show you." A hint of a smile touched her lips and she looked at me curiously. "What?" She asked. I grinned back. "You'll see." I grabbed her hand and she followed closely behind me as I ran toward the path cut through the jungle. It wasn't far to our destination. I stopped as we reached the island bungalow I'd had built just for her.
I held my breath and couldn't quite make myself look to see her reaction. It wasn't sophisticated but it wasn't quite rustic either. My plan had been to keep it simple and then she could make any changes she wanted, decorate it in her own style. I hoped she wouldn't be disappointed in the simple wooden structure before us. After a long moment, I dared to glance sidelong at her.
She looked mesmerized by the sight. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. I longed for once to have Edward's gift so I could know what she was thinking. Instead, I did it the old-fashioned way. "So…what do you think?" I tried to sound nonchalant but inside I was anxious for her answer.
She tore her gaze away from the bungalow and met mine. Her eyes were glowing. "What do I think? I think it's amazing. Perfect." A soft smile turned her lips up making that irresistible dimple appear again. Unconsciously I let out the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and returned her smile.
"Well, it's all yours. To do whatever you want with. You can add on, decorate, anything you want." My words came out fast in one quick rush. Her smile widened. "Carlisle. You're wrong. It's all ours. This is our retreat, remember?" A chuckle escaped my lips and I was properly chastened. And amazed by the woman at my side. I leaned down and placed a swift hard kiss on her lips. "Oh Esme sweetheart, I do love you!"
"Oh trust me Dr Cullen. The feeling is completely mutual. I still don't know what I've done to deserve you but I'm not going to look the gift horse in the mouth any more. Promise." Her hand squeezed mine. We stood there grinning goofily at each other when we were jerked out of our mutual admiration by the sound of the white bungalow door opening. Oops. I'd forgotten to warn her we weren't alone. I felt her tense slightly at my side as we both swiveled our heads to look at the intruder.
There stood Victor Cambridge filling up the door with his large frame. He wore the black garb and collar of a priest. If he weren't a vampire I was sure he'd be stricken with heat stroke at any minute in that get up. Esme's startled eyes flew from my old friend to me in bewilderment. "Sorry darling, I forgot to warn you about all of my wedding arrangements. We obviously needed a minister. So may I introduce you to a dear old friend, Victor Cambridge. Vic, this is my lovely fiancée, Esme."
Victor smiled looking slightly devilish as he took in the sight of my bride-to-be. I stiffened slightly as a stab of jealousy hit me. But Esme merely moved closer to me and placed an arm around my waist as if needing the security of my embrace. I casually yet possessively placed my arm around her shoulder and squeezed lightly conveying that she had nothing to fear.
Slowly I urged her toward the porch and we approached Victor who had not moved from the doorway. We stopped in front of him and I stretched out my free hand to shake his. "Carlisle. Thought you all would never get here." He grinned and gave me a knowing look. I knew he'd heard the entire exchange from the beach. You could take the devil out of hell but you couldn't get all of the hell out of the devil. Even if he'd taken vows in the Church.
"Vic, glad you made it. I trust everything is ready?" I gave him a warning look of my own and he smiled innocently back. "But of course my old friend. I promised you didn't I? Ah, Esme. You're so much lovelier than Carlisle described." He reached out a hand and Esme placed her hand lightly in his. He raised it up and placed a light kiss against the back of it. She ducked her head slightly and gave him a shy smile. Victor had definitely not lost his touch with the ladies, ever the gallant aristocrat. Even if his Church now forbid him from indulging with them. I took comfort in that thought.
Vic dropped her hand and then stepped aside while gesturing with his arm with a flourish. "Please. Come in. Welcome to paradise." And with those words, we stepped without hesitation toward our destiny.