forget
Tony stared at the glass in front of him. He was sitting in some bar. He knew he always came here. He knew the bartender. But he didn't care. He hadn't done it. He couldn't kill himself. And now he sat here. All alone. Just like he always was. He didn't take his gun nor his badge. He didn't even take his phone.
He drank. He wanted to forget everything. Everything that had ever happened to him. He wanted to forget everything. He took another sip. The glass was empty. He put in on the counter. 'Hey. James. Give me another one.' 'Tony. You've had enough.' 'No.' 'Look at you. You need to go home. Whatever it is it can never be this bad.' 'Listen! Am I paying you to be my shrink or am I paying you to give me another drink.' 'You're paying for the drink.' 'Then give me another one.' 'Give me your car keys.' 'What?' 'You want another drink then give me your car keys.'
He grabbed the glass. And took another sip. But he still remembered. He still didn't forget. He wanted to forget. Everything. He wanted to forget Kate's smile. Paula's reassuring smile. Jeanne's beautiful eyes. He wanted to forget them. The kid hugging his father. His father hitting him. His mother dead in the car. Gibbs screaming. McGee laughing. Ziva wondering. Ducky laughing. He drank. He wanted to forget.
Gibbs stood in his basement. They had looked everywhere. Everywhere they could think off. ZIva and McGee were still looking. He heard the door open. For a second he thought it was DiNozzo. But it wasn't. Abby and Ducky. He sighed. He placed his hand on his boat. He didn't know where to look for him. It had only hit him today that he really didn't know that much. Not enough.
He didn't know where he would go if he was depressed. He didn't know why he was this way. He hadn't seen something was happening. What a great friend he was. What a great boss. He had not seen. How could he not have seen? How?
Tony got out of the cab. He threw all the money he had left at the driver. He didn't care how much it was. He could hardly stand on his legs. Walking was even harder. Slowly he opened the door. And fell down. The knocked something over. He hoped it wasn't something important. His boss would kill him if it was. He took a deep breath. And heard a voice.
Abby had cried. He could see that. He wished he could do something. But there was nothing he could do. He felt her hug him. And then he heard it. Something being knocked over. Eveyone looked up. 'Who's there?' 'Boss?' 'DiNozzo! That you.' 'yes' Something fell over. 'Oops.' 'Tony!' 'Where are you?' 'Basement.'
Tony fell over something. He smiled. It felt weird he hadn't done that in a long time. But he couldn't help it. Must be the alcohol. He heard his boss scream basement. And he had to think. Basement…basement…Right downstairs. He had to take the stairs. Oh that definitely wouldn't end well. Slowly he got back up and started to walk to the door.
He looked down the stairs. And saw Abby, Ducky and Gibbs. Great. Not another party without him right. He started to go down the stairs. And fell over his own feet. And he rolled all the way down. He heard Abby scream. Once he reached the bottom he felt Gibbs and Ducky by his side. And he laughed.
He couldn't help it. He had to laugh. Alcohol. He laughed. He couldn't stop. He had never laughed this hard in his life. He felt his boss arms around him. Saw their worried faces. But still couldn't stop. He laughed. 'Boss. I fell of your stairs.' He kept laughing. 'I can see that Tony. You hurt?' 'no.' He felt them get him up his feet. He fell almost immediately. He felt his boss hold him tight. And he laughed even harder if that was possible.
Gibbs looked at Tony. He was drunk. He had seen that immediately. And currently he was laughing. Slowly he put him down on a chair. 'How much did you drink.' 'Not enough.' He wondered. What did he mean by that. He was definitely drunk. Wasn't that enough? But he could worry about that later. He had seen Abby run upstairs. Maybe she went to get water or to make coffee. It didn't matter.
Abby ran up the stairs. She needed to help. Coffee. She had heard somewhere that coffee would help. And Gibbs definitely had coffee in his house. It was impossible he didn't have coffee in his house. She started to make it. When she was almost done she heard them come up behind him. She turned around. He looked so broken. So helpless. She needed something to do.
Tony heard Gibbs tell him to come with him. He didn't care. He had drunk enough not to care. He still remembered. But for a while he at least didn't feel the pain. And it was a relieve. A relieve not to have to feel this. He took a deep breath. He almost fell of the stairs again as he went up. And he still didn't stop laughing.
Gibbs placed Tony down on the couch. He could not take him to the extra room. It had taken forever to get him up those stairs. He saw Ducky sit down beside Tony. To see if he was alright. But he would be. Drunk people don't break. They bent. He looked at Tony. He seemed so helpless. He wished there was something he could do. But there was nothing he could do not tonight.
Tony closed his eyes. He had not succeeded in forgetting. But at least it didn't hurt so much. He felt somebody put a warm blanket over him. He opened his eyes. Gibbs. Ducky was standing in the kitchen. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Abby. They were all there. And for the first time in a long time he felt that maybe they did care. Just a little bit.
But it was a pity it had to come this far for them to show him. And he felt the sudden urge to say it. 'Gibbs.' 'What?' 'it won't go away. It hurts all the time. It won't stop.' 'What hurts Tony.' 'Everything.' He closed his eyes. And before he knew it he drift off to sleep.
A peaceful sleep. No dreams. NO nightmares. No memories. Just darkness.