I'm really sorry it took so long. I didn't really know how to continue and then i got a little overwelhmed with school work.
I hope you still like it and please review.
A walk
He takes a step. He takes a deep breath. He knows that Gibbs and Ducky will be worried about him. But if he stays in that house one more second he will blow up. Two weeks he has seen nothing but the walls of that room. And he is sick of them. He can do this. All he has to do is take a step.
He doesn't know where he is going. But he keeps going. He still doesn't feel much better. The silver lining is perhaps that he knows that suicide is not the way. Take a step. Take a breath. Don't think. Don't remember. His feet seem to be leading the way.
He stops as he reaches the park. The park where he once played as child. The park he walked through with Kate. Slowly he starts to walk trough the park. He takes no notice of the people around him. He knows they are probably staring at him. He has not cared about anything but the walls for two weeks. He must look like hell. He still does not care.
His feet hurt. Almost screaming at him to stop walking. But he does not. He keeps going. Perhaps he wants to feel the pain. To tell him he's alive. Perhaps he's just scared that if he stops walking he'll never start again. And he refuses to stand still. He refuses to break down in front of all these people. In front of complete strangers.
He takes no notice of time. He doesn't know how much time has passed. Nor does he care. Perhaps they will be worried. Perhaps they will not. He is past the point of caring. For a moment he wonders if this is what it feels like to be numb. But he does not care about that either. He just keeps walking.
Take a step. Take a breath. Don't stop. Don't cry. Don't break. You can do this. He doesn't need them. He just has to keep on walking. Show the world. Show yourself. That you can do this. That he can just take a walk. Just like any other normal person. He wonders if there are other people who have to tell this to themselves. Or if perhaps he is alone in this to.
Tony keeps walking. He sees the trees at his sides. He hears the birds sing in the sky. The sun shines. He sees a mother bird fly to her children and feed them. He smiles. He almost forgot how to do that. And suddenly he feels better. Just a little. He looks around. Taking notice for the first time of the things around him. That's when he sees it.
The bench. The bench in the park. There where he had sat down with Jeanne and finally told her the truth. Slowly he walks to the bench. Placing his hand on it he lets out a sigh. Try not to think about it. Take a deep breath. Keep on walking. He tries to tell himself. But his feet will not listen. Instead he sinks down and sits down on the bench.
For a second he feels that he is there again. Sitting on the bench. Seeing her walk out of his life. Forever. But he is not. He is here. Not there. And for a second he lets his mind wonder. He could not have saved Kate. He could not have saved Paula. But he could have stopped Jeanne. He could have gone after her. And he wonders if that will haunt him for the rest of his life. This feeling of what if.
What if he had followed her? Would she have trust him again? Would they be together. Or would nothing have been different? Was the betrayal perhaps to big. The pain to deep? Had he destroyed that girl? Was he as evil as his father? Or was he just a human. In love with the wrong person. Would he one day feel happy again.
Slowly he gets up. And walks out of the park. He could go back. Back to that same room. But he refuses to be locked up for the rest of his life. It was his life and he would choose were to take it to next. All he had to do is keep on walking. One day everything would be better right?
Take a step. Take a breath. Don't stop walking. Don't break. Keep going forward. Don't look back.
Just take a walk. A simple walk.