Knock on the door
There's a knock on your door.
You are still watching your clock. As time passes so slowly, you swear your clock is broken. Then there's a knock on your door. It's a clear sound. It breaks trough the silence. You sit up in your bed.
You're not expecting anyone.
It's midnight. It's not like somebody would come and visit you now. It's to late. You wonder if perhaps you didn't imagine it. If it was just a dream. You listen intently but there's no more sound. It must have been your imagination.
You lay back down and watch the clock again.
A minute passes, then another. Suddenly there's another knock on your door. You sit back up and listen intently. Another knock. Then another. Who could want to visit you this late? Who could want to see you? There's nobody left.
Your phone rings suddenly.
You take it off your bedside table. Gibbs. Could it be Gibbs standing at your door? Why would he come by so late? What could be his reason. Perhaps it is not him. Perhaps it I someone else. You answer the call.
He's not standing at your door.
He is just calling to check in. Perhaps you are wrong. Perhaps he does see trough your mask. He just doesn't want to push you. You tell him you're fine and you hang up.
There's another knock on your door.
And you don't know if you should get up. You don't know if it is important. You take another look at your clock. Five minutes have passed. And however it is still standing at your door. It must be important, you think.
You get up and walk to the door.
You open it without knowing who it is. When you think about this later you know how stupid it was. It could have been anyone. Yet you went to open your door without your gun, without a weapon close by. Without even asking who it is. It could have been someone dangerous.
In some way it is. It's your father.
You stand there looking at each other for a long time before one of you speaks. He asks if you will let him in. You step aside without a word. A voice deep inside of you is screaming not to let him in. To watch your back. To be careful. You tell that voice to be silent.
This is your father. He won't hurt you.
And you forget all the times he beat you up. You forget all the times he hurt you. You're shocked. Something must have happened for him to suddenly show up at your door. In the middle of the night. You ask him if he wants something to drink. He says he can't.
You sit down on the sofa. You sit there for a long time before he finally starts talking. He tells you of his latest visit to his doctor. He tells you he has a liver disease, from all the drinking. That he has less then a year to live and he wants to make things better.
He looks you in the eyes and he apologizes.
Of all the things you expected, this wasn't one of them. You sit there for a while before you start to ask questions. You don't speak of his apology and he will never repeat it again. You don't know how long you sit there. But as he leaves you put out your hand, he ignores it.
He hugs you instead.
You can't even remember when he hugged you the last time. He tells you he loves you. And you believe him. You can't explain why. But you believe him. Perhaps It's because he's dying. Perhaps it's because you want to believe him. In the end does it really matter?
He leaves and you close the door behind him.
You will never see him alive again. You walk back to your room and you lie back down. You stare at your clock again. Two hours have passed. Sleep starts to find his way to you. You're eyes start to close.
There's another knock on your door.
You sit up again. Who could it be this time? You don't get up. You don't want to open the door. You can't handle more bad news. You just can't. Instead you lie back down. Let whoever is standing at the door wait. You really don't care.
There's another knock on your door. This time you ignore it.