The cold water ran down my throat, soothing the burning there and washing down any more sick. After sinking to the couch I began to cry, the icy walls around my heart were being burned down. The bathroom cabinet suddenly felt very friendly and I couldn't help myself taking every single bottle of medication there. The pills worked a treat and I began to feel slightly drowsy, leaving me for the first time in months able to fall asleep without dreaming of Sara Sidle.
The next morning came with a terrible headache and my stomach was practically trying to escape, so I opted for having breakfast and trying to go back to sleep. However, my plans were cancelled by a low knock on the door and without thinking, I went to answer it. Another wave of nausea washed over me when I answered the door, Catherine burst through the door slamming it behind her. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" she asked, her voice suprisingly calm. I gritted my teeth as the banging against my head became more persisent. Sighing, I followed Catherine down the stairs into my kitchen and before I could answer she was talking again, "You can't just walk into Sara's apartment!
If you had pulled your head out of your ass when she'd asked you out then maybe it would've been the other way around. But i'm guessing Hank wouldn't show up at her apartment, let alone walk in on you two having sex," I cut her rant off, staring her blankly in the eye, "Catherine, do you think I planned this? You know, you're right if I wasn't such an asshole then maybe we would be together. And as much as I would like that to happen, It won't.
Not only because of the regulations but because of me. I fell in love with her ever since I met her in Boston and over five years later, I still haven't come close to telling her.
But to see her with..." I spat his name out, "Hank, was more painful than anything I've ever witnessed. The guy who used her and made her his bit on the side." The venom in my voice ran dry and I broke down, letting the pain consume me once again. Catherine muttered something under her breath and walked over to me to take the seat beside mine. "Look, Gil. I don't know what happened between you two back then, but you have to let that go. If you slept with her, then you can use that as a foundation, but if you didn't then maybe now you should. It's obvious she loves you as much as you love her, you just need to let her know. Work out your differences, apologise and then move forward. Besides," she let out a low chuckle, "You could use the sex." I leveled her with a look and she held her hands up in defense, before bidding her goodbyes and leaving.
*Sara's POV*
I went back to my bedroom where Hank was pulling his shirt over his head. I couldn't read the expression on his face but it looked somewhere between smugness and embarressment. I made a disgusted sound in the back of my throat, "Get out, Hank." He left without another word and I sank to the floor, not able to sleep in the bed that I let him lie in. It was my fault, I was looking for comfort in him, for a moment he made me feel wanted and wantable, something Grissom never did. I could've stopped him, but I didn't. I let him run his filthy hands over my body. I let him undress me and take me when I really wanted Grissom. And that's what I did, I imagined it was Grissom, and boy did it feel good.
But then it backfired, and I saw him in my door. I had to swallow back the sick that was rising in my throat. I tried to block out them thoughts and pretty much the whole of last night. I had been avoiding him because I didn't want to look him in the eye. Not only because I was immensely embarressed but also because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself together If I did; I would just find another way to justify loving him. So now, not only could I not look him in the eye but whenever we were together there would be a very awkward atmosphere. I was comtemplating whether or not to take the night off when the phone rang,
startling me out of my train of thoughts. "Sidle," I answered, my voice cracking slightly. Never in a thousand years would I have thought he would call me after what had happened,
especially so soon after, "Hey, Sara... It's um, Gr..It's Grissom. I was, um... Wondering, if maybe... You wanted, to-" I cut him off, saving him from further embarressment,
"Grissom, If you want to talk about it," I had to re-think my sentence, surely not talking about it would be worse, so I decided to take the next step, "That's fine. Lemme just, um get ready... I'll, um... Call you when I'm ready," it took him so long to answer I thought he'd hung up, "Yes. I'd like that Sara, bye,"
"Bye Grissom," and with that I placed the phone back in it's receiver.
In the next hour, I had a shower; cleaning myself thoroughly so I could get the feel of Hank off me, changed my sheets and made an effort to clean up my apartment. By the time I finished it was already three so I figured I should ring him soon. He picked up on the second ring, "Grissom," I smiled briefly at the clear nervousness in his tone,
"Hey, It's Sara. Sorry I took so long, I had to... Um do some, stuff. Do you wanna go out or...?" I decided to leave the ball in his court, "I'll come to you. I'll be there soon," The line went dead and I frowned slightly, 'No goodbye'.
*Grissom's POV*
I hung up the phone quickly and drove the extra couple of miles to her house. I didn't tell her I was almost there already, she probably didn't want to hear that. Cutting the engine and taking a deep breath, I walked up the stairs to her apartment. She answered almost immediately, as if she had been waiting on the other side of the door. I forced a smile on my face,
trying to ignore the amount of exposed skin due to her tank top. She tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace and I knew she could tell. She closed the door behind me and offered me a drink, "A water would be nice, thanks," I watch her go to her kitchen, my eyes somehow finding her butt. She turns around, still occupied by making my drink and I watch her body; noticing the way her tank top reveals her cleavage and how her sweat pants hug her curves. She clears her throat and I look away sharply, my cheeks flushing at being caught.
I take the glass from her and take a much need sip to cool the heat in my face. After placing the cup on her coffee table I finally look at her, really look at her. Her eyes are framed by dark circles, light but evident. She drops into the armchair next to me and folds her hands in her lap, keeping her eyes on them all the time. "Grissom. I don't really know how to explain myself. You can't even imagine how much I regret my actions, I-I don't even know why I let him in," Sensing my cue, I lean forward as if to reach out and touch her, but my arms stay by my sides. "Sara, you don't have to justify your reasons. You don't have to talk about why or what or how, I just need to apologise. I shouldn't have been in your house and I'm sorry for that.
I'm sorry for shutting you out of my life and I'm sorry for being such an ass and I'm sorry for being me, Sara," she looks up at me, shock settling on her features. "Sara, let me finish. I came last night because I needed to let you know that I'm willing to make a fresh start in our relationship. I need to know if I'm too late..." The pain in my voice betrays me. I see her move and she is now standing in front of me. I look up at her, she is smiling and her eyes are slightly wet, "You'll never be too late, Grissom." Relief washes throughout me and without thinking, I hook my hands around her waist and pull her to me, my face nestling into her. She holds my head against her and I can feel the mood change; not just for me, but her also. I pull back and note the darkness in her eyes, almost outweighing the dark around her eyes. She pushes me back against the back of the sofa and settles into my lap, her legs on either side of mine. I pull her to me, our mouths pressing together furiously. She trails her tongue over my bottom lip and I groan, willing her access. My hands move from her waist to run underneath her top, something I have wanted to do since she opened the door. My fingers roam her back and up, undoing the strap there leaving her breasts free. She moans into my mouth when I hold them, my blood rushing south. When she feels the distinctive tenting in my trousers, she grounds against me and we both voice our pleasure. Clothes are shredded and tossed aside as we make our way to her bedroom. I push her back onto the bed and we make love, tender and slow at first until we both yearn for release. She holds me tightly to her as I pound away into her, my face buried in her neck.
Thirty minutes later, I collapse against her; both of us completely spent. "I love you," she whispers against my skin. "As I love you," I say, kissing her lightly.