First of all, Merry Christmas! I decided to stop italicizing the quotes from the episode, seeing as it's rather a lot.
Musical inspiration: "A White Demon Love Song" by The Killers, "Breathe" by Taylor Swift & "Too Late" by M83.
Finally arriving at the ground floor, Blair quickly wiped the tears from her face and swept out the elevator doors. Not sparing a glance at the bedlam around her, she hurried out the Empire's exit and sought refuge in the car waiting for her.
"The Palace, please." Her voice was biting, though she tried to maintain the ladylike civility in her voice. But really...Had Chuck actually broken up with her?
'No. Of course he doesn't mean it. He's grieving,' she decided with a curt nod. He always said they were inevitable. She hadn't made it passed all his facades and emotional barriers to be brought down so easily. Blair handled the situation in the all so familiar, albiet somewhat abandoned Waldorf method of coping-- ignorance, with a healthy dose of society manners. No one had to know she and Chuck had... temporarily separated, she thought with a wince.
As the towncar pulled to a stop and the driver opened her door, Blair took a deep breath and presented the driver with a gracious smile and thank you. Some semblance of dignity and strength needed to be maintained--for hers and Chuck's sakes. Making her way to the Van der Humphrey loft, she fixed herself into her society matron persona and slipped on the mask of superficial happiness. She left the lift and was relieved to see Lily having tea in the sitting area.
"Blair, how are you? Are you and Charles doing well?"
At that, a flash of a grimace made its way to Blair's face but she hastily covered it with a small smile.
"Everything's been lovely... well, until recently."
Lily's face was fraught with tension when Blair had walked in. Perhaps Lily had been a rough day for her as well? Blair shrugged off whatever curiosity she felt niggling her; she was here for Chuck.
"Chuck's having such a difficult day and since I'm sure you are too, I thought you might have some words of advice. Cyrus says it's an essential part of life, honoring the dead, but Chuck refuses to visit Bart's grave even today!"
Blair added a small head bobble and small sip of tea. She knew she played the part of society wife well... She internally cringed; here she was, playing the wife yet again.
"On the anniversary of his death..." Lily continued, seeming to have just realized the date. Blair noted Lily's sudden understanding, nodding sympathetically.
"Did you know Chuck's never been to his mother's grave, once? I can understand not going on the date she died; it is his birthday after all, but Bart refused to tell him where Evelyn was even buried! Said it was morbid for a child to visit a cemetery."
Blair eyed her cup of tea warily before looking up at Lily again, who was absentmindedly sipping at her own cup.
"--Lily!"
The older woman seemed shaken out of her thoughts, focusing on her companion again. Blair felt the old stirrings of her queen-ship rising as she hid her annoyance thinly, but cordially.
"Are you listening?"
"Yes, of course I am, Blair, and I will go see Charles and talk to him."
Blair was filled abruptly with relief, a genuine smile spreading on her face as she thanked as she thanked Lily. She stood up, had a short conversation with the older Humphrey and made her way out. Grabbing her coat and her purse, Blair fished her phone out of her bag and contemplated calling her best friend about the current dilemma. After a moment of deliberation, Blair put her phone back with a pout-- Serena had enough problems to deal with.
Chuck leaned against his pool table, studying his files for what seemed like the hundredth time. Despite what Bart 'said' to him earlier, Chuck was determined that he would try to do something right by finding another living situation for the homeless if he were to buy the building. While he had just essentially pushed Blair away, the effect she had on him was lasting: his conscience was whole, and he intended to keep it that way--the way she left it.
The elevator rung with the arrival of another visitor, followed by a bustle of footsteps he knew didn't belong to Blair. He pursed his lips at the thought.
"Hello, Charles. How are you?"
Chuck intended to cut his stepmother's visit, no doubt arranged by Blair, with a terse refusal.
"Busy. I told the front desk not to bother sending you up; I'm on my way out."
"Well, wherever you're going, will you put it off for a few hours and come with me to the cemetery?"
Lily's motherly expectant tone, as it usually did, struck a tender note in Chuck, but nowhere near Blair's tearful pleas to him. Having already broken Blair, he felt he had broken something in himself as well. At this point, what he did or whoever else he hurt didn't seem to matter in comparison.
"I can't, it's business."
"Well, we both know that your father was a complicated man," Lily began. Chuck exasperatedly moved from his leaning to position to face her as she continued, feeling annoyed that she hadn't dropped the issue yet.
"And I honestly think he thought it was just easier to be alone, and you know what? There are moments when I think I agree with him,"
Chuck stared blankly at her, feeling both relieved and bitter that Bart's phantom was not there to torment him through Lily's attempts to reach him. Was the fact that Lily, his last wife, was married and in love, completely moved on the reason why? Either way, it wasn't important. What was, however, was getting Lily out.
"But we're not that way I'm afraid. We need each other. And right now, I need you to do this with me."
Chuck made a quick glance around: still no Bart. Bastard.
"I'm sorry, Lily, but I believe... the way to honor my father is to work."
The words left an acrid taste in his mouth. Too bad his father wasn't around; the old devil would've been proud. Or mildly impressed, which was as close to pride as he usually got. Lily seemed to take in his words, still not accepting no as an answer. Persistent bunch, his loved ones.
"Sometimes when we need to do things to show people how we feel, even when they're not here to see it."
He was saved from having to answer her when Lily's phone rung shrilly, cutting him off.
"I'm sorry, it's Serena"
With that, Lily excused herself to the hallway, handing Chuck the bouquet of held the flowers, hoping that whatever emergency Serena seemed to be having would deflect Lily's attentions off himself. The memory of Blair's earlier visit left a painful constriction in his chest and he preferred to be alone, free to numb himself from the world, from emotions.
At hearing Lily's shocked worry at whatever Serena said, Chuck turned towards the glass wall, then glanced at the flowers in his hand. Serena was up to her usual antics, and it seemed, also as usual, she needed assistance out of a situation. Chuck briefly contemplated offering his services, but he felt a distinct pinch in his chest. How would that make Blair feel? He couldn't do it. No matter how long ago Blair's insecurities involving Serena seemed, no matter that they were technically... broken up, Chuck knew he couldn't bring himself to bring her more pain. For too long he strove to show her her own beauty. He couldn't make their time together a waste.
Meeting Lily as she walked back, Chuck reassumed his cold demeanor.
"So much for day of the dead."
"Yes, I'm afraid I have to tend to the living right now."
Lily gave him a small, harried smile.
"Look, I hope you'll consider what I said. Maybe do this for the both of us."
Ending with a littlle shrug, she turned and caught the elevator. Chuck looked after her, feeling the numbness seeping through him.
"They should be yellow roses; they were my mother's favorite," he added, chucking the bouquet into the nearest trash bin.
Hours later, Chuck scanned the clock on the wall. Time to go. Damn. He still had no solution for the building's occupants. Ever the helpful spirit, Bart strolled passed and reminded him, "You better go now. The homeless are not your concern. This is business."
Chuck gave a curt nod, heading out the elevator. Entering the limo, he felt an underlying sense of unease. He knew what was missing. Usually, he had the comfort of Blair's belief in him in his ventures in the world of business and this time, he was dreadfully without. The few minutes in the limo were silent, until it was interrupted by his phone. Checking caller id, the name on the screen made his chest ache and the ever present butterflies stir uncomfortably in his stomach. For a moment, Chuck considered ignoring the call altogether but the lure of hearing her voice was too great and the prospect of disappointing Blair more than he already had was as unappealing as ever. Slipping into his aloof business bearing, he answered the call.
"What now, Blair?"
Blair's breaths were heavily, as if she'd been pacing. Or crying. The sound left a flutter in his chest, a bubble of worry and guilt rising.
"Chuck! I know you don't want to hear from me but this is more important. Serena's been in an accident; she's at the hospital in Nassau County. I--she needs you there."
At the word accident, all facades were off. "I'll see you there."
This day could not be tragic for another person he cared about. Chuck felt a sick sense of reprieve. At least it wasn't Blair.
"Arthur, change of destination. We're going to Nassau County." He took a deep breath to calm himself.
"We're almost there, everyone's waiting." Of course, Bart would choose to appear now. Chuck felt like the lost, confused teenager he was before Blair... How weak was he?
"Sure they're going to have a back up offer." At this, Chuck snapped.
"Will you just leave me alone?"
Arthur cast an odd look at him as Chuck threw Bart and business deals out of his mind.
"You get to the L.I.E.!"
Chuck took a second to compose himself and added,
"Stop looking at me."
Blair waited at the door, looking worriedly at her downtrodden best friend. Screw patience.
"Hi," the distress seeped into her voice as she walked in.
"Hi," the blond replied, biting her lip. "Nice outfit."
Blair inwardly felt relief. Serena seemed to be in her usual spirits, if not less bubbly than usual, but well enough to tease about her current attire.
"You too." The distress in Blair's face didn't fade. As she leaned into hug Serena, Blair thought about confiding about her issues with a certain... ex-boyfriend.
"You were so right about this one,"
Blair felt familiar words bubbling up. I didn't want to be. She gave an unsure glance behind Serena's shoulder, heaving a heavy sigh as she pulled away. After a brief recap of the situation from Serena, Blair felt a stone of guilt drop in her stomach.
"I shouldn't have let you go with him. To think I encouraged you to--"
Serena cut off Blair's rant with a shake of her head.
"Blair. I'm not a kid. I did this on my own." Seeing Blair start to speak again, Serena decided to change the subject to a topic that would probably lighten her friend's spirits.
"So how have things been back here? The trip with Chuck and your mom?"
Contrary to what Serena had believed, the change of topic left a somber expression on Blair's face. Blair responded, detached from the whirlwind of pain she was currently feeling.
"It was lovely. Chuck didn't go. He stayed behind with Nate."
Serena recognized a note of hesitance at Chuck's name. Something wasn't right. After a slight pause, she decided to dive right in.
"Is something wrong? With you and Chuck?"
Blair couldn't meet the blue eyes gazing up at her, instead fixating her attention to the low grade watercolor on the wall across the room.
"He's been having a hard time. Bart's one year. It's been... rough getting through to him. He--We decided maybe some time apart would do some good. He... needs to figure things out on his own, I guess."
Blair couldn't leave the dejection out of her voice, a tear slipping passed her lashes. Hurriedly wiping it away, she fixed herself with a small, artificial smile and met Serena's face.
"I'm fine, though."
Serena squinted at her friend, laying a supportive hand over Blair's.
"He'll come to his senses. This is hardly a lasting thing. He's just being defensive Chuck, as usual. Personally, I can't believe he did that at all. Things have been going to great for you two..."
Serena drifted off, noticing Blair had become more upset at the mention of happier times. Blair sniffed and slowly stood.
"I'll see you later, Serena. I'm glad you're well. I'm going to let you rest."
Leaving the room behind, Blair headed down the hall and turned the corner, only to see Chuck sitting on the dirty hospital floor, looking every bit as broken as she felt. The world saw Chuck Bass, a mighty and powerful CEO. Blair Waldorf saw a lost, confused nineteen year old. She saw the person she loved most, drowning without a life vest.
Sitting down to join him, she studied his perfectly shaped lips and structured face as he started to take in deep breaths. Without looking at her directly, he asked:
"How's Serena?"
Looking down, Blair felt a dull blow at his refusal to acknowledge her directly or ask about her own well being as well. Selfish as it was, part of her had hoped he known that she needed him too.
"She's going to be okay."
Chuck continued to take in deep gulps of air, the tension between the two thick.
"Lily's here? Eric's here?"
Blair gave a comforting smile, nodding. Even though they weren't technically together, she was glad to see that the changes she had encouraged in him had remained, that he had realized and accepted his family's love. She still couldn't keep her adoration of the man beside her at bay, her voice and expression wraught with love as she answered him and abated his fears.
"Everyone's here." I'm here. I'll always be here.
Chuck breathed out in relief. Blair looked toward the wall behind his back, knowing they needed some kind of resolve.
"Chuck,"
He seemed to take a shorter breath and cut in, interrupting what Blair was going to say. He didn't want to hear it. However weak it sounded, he was scared of what she would do. What she might say.
"My father always thought I was weak. And in the moment that mattered most, I was. I couldn't be there with you. I left, ran away. I've been pushing myself to prove him wrong... and pushing you away."
Blair shook her head. For someone who understood her so well, knew her better than she knew herself, Chuck had a misguided view of his role in her life. Whatever she had intended on saying was not as important as Chuck's demons. Nate had told her she was maternal...
"I didn't think you ran away because you couldn't handle death. I think it's because you couldn't handle feelings." You couldn't handle me... "But you're not like that anymore. You're strong."
Chuck took another heavy breath, conflicted. He had spent the whole day scrutinizing his weakness, trying to rectify it. And here she was, the most important person in his life, contradicting the entire notion. His mind was clouded, the desire to please Bart and the desire to please Blair battling for dominance.
"You carry people. You carry me. You're becoming a man that... your father never was.' Blair felt the tell tale sting in her eyes, signalling the tears that wanted to fall. But this was her turn. Her turn to carry him. Her words seemed to sink in, as she watched Chuck's face process what she had given him. He still said nothing. She turned her face closer, breathing in his scent.
"Come, let's say goodbye."
She pushed herself off the floor and took his hand, helping him up. Her eyes followed him as he walked to her other side and composed himself. Blair hugged him lightly, leading him down the hall, all the while unsure of their boundaries as he laid a gentle arm around her. At the end of the hall, Chuck pulled her close. Her heart skipped and the butterflies fluttered.
"Thank you."
I wanted to write more, but I figured this was longer than my last couple chapters. I'm sorry if this seems to sped up. Call it a lack of inspiration with what I was given, or that I'm eager to skip to my own ground of creating my own path with this. I hope you enjoyed it! && Please Review ! :]