Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.
Epilogue − The Morning After the Morning-After
"Potter, I'd like an explanation for a couple of things." McGonagall's voice was sharp and utterly devoid of yesterday's incoherence. "Firstly, yesterday you failed to punish several blatant rule-breakings."
"They did probably mend their ways" James muttered, quite positive that Sirius had not done so.
"Secondly, in addition to that, you took wrongly advantage of your position as a Head Boy and shut two people in a boom cupboard." Professor's tone was more cutting than James could recall hearing for a long time… Since the fifth year, to be precise. He hoped that the maimed Lockhart had not complained to McGonagall.
"They were dangerous to themselves," he tried to explain. "They'll kill each other behind the Greenhouses. No, wait, it was by the Quidditch pitch. Well, somewhere."
"They had done nothing! You are an inch away from expulsion, Potter, you have been warned often enough!"
"Listen, I had a Phil Collins –hang-over." James ignored a voice in his head (which sounded surprisingly much like Remus) that told him that in certain situations it would be wiser to shut up.
"It's a horrible state. I was trying to protect myself. And finally, I faced my demons and beat the hell out of them. I let myself really dare! And I feel wonderful! Look at me. An undamaged man. Not a scratch on my soul. Give me one more chance." James smiled charmingly to McGonagall, who seemed to be on the point of blowing up with rage.
"Come on...fuck...screw..."A cacophony of angry voices, pulled McGonagall's attention from James just before she could carry out the staff's long-lasting desire of disemboweling him with a wooden spoon.
"How dare you filthy mini-Death Eater-"
"Muggle-loving scum, I-"
"What is the meaning of this?" McGonagall practically screamed.
A Ravenclaw Prefect, who was holding back Dawlish, spoke before Remus, who struggled with Snape.
"We had to break these two apart," she explained. "They were beating each other up by the Quidditch pitch."
"Behave yourselves, at once!" McGonagall snapped before Snape and Dawlish could lash out at each other again. They froze on the spot. "I can't believe your behaviour. Get into my office. Right now! Mr. Lupin, Miss Bones, accompany them."
McGonagall drew a steadying breath, swallowed a couple of pills and turned back to James.
"How's your medication, professor?" he asked politely, hoping to further distract her from his misgivings.
"Madam Pomfrey gave me new pills. What's going on? Was I going to expel you?" She blinked around little uncertainly.
"Yes- I mean no. No, you weren't. Whatever made you think about doing such a thing," James said quickly.
"Wasn't I just going to expel you for doing something to those two?" McGonagall frowned.
"Not at all." James had no idea why the new medication had this effect too, but he was not complaining. Perhaps McGonagall was allergic to some of the ingredients.
"You shut them in a broom cupboard, because you said they were dangerous to themselves."
"They were dangerous to themselves, professor"
"You claimed that they'll end up fighting by the Quidditch pitch," she accused.
"They were fighting by the Quidditch pitch just a moment ago." James could not believe his luck.
"Erm- Why don't I have a former memory of this?" McGonagall muttered, looking puzzled.
James shrugged. Maybe the Universe was trying to make up to him for the yesterday's traumatic experiences.
McGonagall fixed her eyes on James.
"Are you sure I wasn't going to expel you?"
"Why would you do that, professor?" James feigned surprise.
"Well, at least you were hung over yesterday."
James saw Sirius wink at him from the other end of the corridor. Now, he should have known...
"No, I wasn't," James said, discreetly mouthing a silent 'thank you' to his best friend.
"You weren't?"
"No." James held back an evil grin. "You were, professor."
"Me?" McGonagall's eyes were wide as saucers.
"Yes. You were, so to say, completely wasted yesterday. You can't obviously even remember."
"Yes, that's right." McGonagall's addled brain ate up James' explanation. "I can recall nothing of yesterday."
"That's the alcohol," James said as-a-matter-of-factly. How on Earth had Sirius managed to tamper with these pills, as well? Had he done something to the entire stock?
"Could you, Potter, not tell anybody about this," McGonagall's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.
"Yeah, I think I'll manage that, professor."
"We are going to cover this up."
"Okay."
"Will cover it up." McGonagall took another pill, nodding furiously.
"Cover up, professor."
"We'll turn a blind eye to this."
"A blind eye, exactly, professor." Honestly, he should tell Sirius that drugging people was not strictly speaking legal. And maybe ask for the ingredients as well, just for the sake of the security of the rest of Hogwarts, naturally.
"I'll walk away with this," McGonagall rambled on.
"Yes, er, I'll have to go to Potions now, professor," James muttered, slipping away from her to follow Sirius to the dungeons. Now, if they would somehow manage to feed those pills to the entire school...
Professor McGonagall, apparently oblivious to the fact that James had left, kept on talking:
"Walking away with no punishment. A covered up walker. A blind eye looks at the covered up walker. A guy walks away. That can be seen with an eye. But not a blind one." She blinked.
"Dammit, these pills aren't working, either!" she hissed angrily, marching towards the hospital wing.
x~x
AN1: The End. I would really appreciate feedback. Any feedback.