Stupid Lies and Foolish Games
Chapter Six
By: Catrina
A/N: Sorry in the delay in posting…that real life job thing sucks…
Akito is brought up in this chapter, even though this anime based instead of manga based, I will be referring to Akito as a female instead of my other stories that had Akito as a male.—sorry is that confusing:)
00-00-00-00
So walking out on Yuki really didn't make him feel better
And then going to eat out with Jirou and then crashing on his couch for the night really didn't help things
However waking up without Yuki really sucked.
Kyo pulled the old blanket up over his head, for once not ready to start the day. The sounds in the apartment were familiar but not as recent as Yuki shuffling to the shower to try to wake himself up to start the day. He heard Jirou walking around in the kitchen behind him and then soft steps approach. Next was the clank of two cups as they hit the coffee table.
"I know you're awake."
"Can you leave me along for a little while?"
"I haven't seen you this down since Ryo left for America."
"Oh drop it." Kyo sat up abruptly and pushed the blanket down. "This is nothing like that."
"Oh…at least you admit that there is a this." His dark eyes were laughing at Kyo in a very mocking matter.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Kyo muttered fisting his hands into the worn blanket.
"Because someone hurt you Kyo and if you tell me, I can't fix it, but it will make you feel better."
"Whatever." He grabbed the mug of tea and took a sip the heat almost burning his mouth.
"You know you don't have to be the strong and silent type…not really attractive to anyone."
"Just because I don't want to talk doesn't mean that I'm that type."
"Trust me, you are, I know."
Kyo just brought the cup to his mouth and sipped his tea.
"Kyo, I figured this much out. You and Yuki, you're together, something happened and now you're here."
"He lied, he lied to me for a month, and lied to me even before that."
"Okay, just tell me the story and then we'll figure it out."
Kyo looked up and studied his friend. There was honest worry in his gaze and even though he was smiling, it was a 'trust me' smile not a 'this is funny' smile.
"You wouldn't understand, our past is pretty messed up."
"Try me."
Really Kyo wasn't much of a talker, not really, but when it came to this, everything just poured out of him. Maybe it was because he had never really had anyone to talk to about it. Or maybe it was because everyone he knew knew and loved Yuki, and that was the problem. Rather it be the fact that he lied or just the fact that this had started it all came back to Yuki in the long run. And Jirou was a person who had only met Yuki once and hopefully didn't feel the adoration that everyone else felt when it came to the rat. Everything from the moment he was raised to hate Yuki until last night poured out of him. And when he finished he looked down into his tea and frowned.
Jirou had lied… he didn't feel any better.
Looking back up at his friend he raised his glass of tea and sipped as his friend blinked trying to process the somewhat complicated story that he had just heard.
"Okay," The word was drawn out over a long breath. "That's quite a story."
"Yeah, and you lied, I don't feel any better."
"That's because we haven't got to the talking part yet."
"I talked."
"Yeah, but now I get to tell you what I think."
"What's the point in that?" Kyo asked.
"Because sometimes you don't see what's right in front of you. God Kyo, is this how you usually get advice?" His friend looked at him a little amazed.
"Well, I really don't take advice well." Kyo had the grace to blush.
"No kidding. Well you get my input whether you want it or not, so here it is. I would have lied to you too."
"What?"
"It's obvious; you aren't invested in the relationship like he is. He is scared to lose you and it is that simple."
"But why?"
"That's what you need to ask yourself. Why is he so sure that if he would have told you the truth that you would leave?"
"I don't get it." Kyo shook his head really confused. So okay… he could look past the lie, but what about the rest? What was he trying to say?
"Think Kyo, take a shower then go home. I'm really not the person that you need to be talking to."
"Okay…" Kyo got up and went to the bathroom and shed his clothes, and stepped into the shower. Jirou had at least given him food for thought. He met Jirou in the kitchen. He grabbed his keys and wallet that he had but on the counter and Jirou greeted him with a small smile.
"Figure it out yet?"
"Nope."
"God, you're clueless you know that?"
"Yeah, pretty much. Always was when it comes to stuff like this."
"Go back, he's probably worried sick."
"I think I'll walk around for a bit then head back."
"Well it's already almost noon. Don't wait too long."
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Yuki woke and went through the motions. Today felt all wrong, he had barely slept and everything was off balance.
It was strange how it could be like that, how one person in his life could change so much. But right now he didn't really question it, just went through the motions. He really needed to find a way to fix this. But Kyo wouldn't answer his phone and he didn't know where he was. He had tried his work and he realized that he didn't know really any of Kyo's friends except the one that he had gotten really jealous about and he really couldn't even remember his name.
He looked at the phone mounted on the wall and took a chance. Dialing Kyo's number he paused as the phone rang.
Once.
Twice.
Again and again until it switched to voicemail.
He hung up and tried again. He had done this at least 20 times last night and it was all that he could do until Kyo came home.
"Hello?" Yuki was shocked to hear the voice on the other end of the phone.
"Kyo?"
"Yeah, Yuki, it's me." He sounded so tired.
"Are you okay, I've been worried."
"Don't worry," just hearing his voice was already soothing his nerves. "I'm on my way home."
"Home?" Yuki's voice shook and he didn't even try to hide it. This past couple days had turned him into a simpering girl it seemed.
"Yeah, give me an hour, okay?" With that Kyo disconnected and Yuki just looked at the phone and just stared not really sure that that had really happened. Looking around the apartment he placed the phone back in the cradle and walked down the hall. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. There were dark bruises under his eyes and while he hadn't cried himself to sleep his eyes still looked red. His hair was oily and overall Yuki would have to say that he looked more then a little unattractive.
At that moment he was angrier at himself. How had he let one person have so much control over him? There was something off base right now and they really needed to figure this out or end it. And while he hated that thought, he couldn't continue to let one person do this to him. Checking his watch he had another 40 minutes until Kyo got home.
A shower and some tea seemed like a really good idea.
After getting that done he sat at the kitchen table and waited. He was surprised at how calm he was now. He had come to a realization and now it was up to what Kyo had to say.
Yuki jumped when the door opened even though he was expecting it. Looking up he realized that Kyo must have had a place to stay last night. He was clean and showered, even if he was still wearing his clothed from yesterday.
Part of him wanted to run to him and hold him and beg forgiveness while another part of him wanted to punch him and ask him what his problem was- nothing could be solved by simply running away.
"Hey."
"Hello, I made some tea." Yuki motioned to the pot and the extra tea cup on the table.
"Thanks," He said as he sat down across from Yuki. The both looked at each other, until Kyo looked down. "This is kinda awkward."
"What is?"
"This…I mean we've never really talked about this before." Kyo noted raising his head but hiding his eyes behind his bangs. Yuki had always found that endearing, Kyo did it when he was nervous.
"You mean we've never talked about our relationship before."
"Yeah, if you want to call it that." Kyo glanced away for a moment.
"What do you call it?" Yuki asked trying to get a look into Kyo's eyes when he was obviously trying to look everywhere but at Yuki.
"I don't know." Giving up Kyo looked him in the eye. "I don't really know, okay?"
"We should have done this a while ago, but now that I know everything, remember everything, I think this is a good time to try." Yuki had never had a problem talking but he knew that Kyo did. He was more of a physical person.
"Try?" Kyo looked at him and asked the question Jirou had asked him, "Why were you so sure that I would leave if you had told be the truth?" For just a second Yuki looked taken back but he blinked and answered the question.
"Because, you were holding out on me, keeping a distance from me, ever since the accident, you tried to hide something." Yuki stated at him keeping eye contact, trying to make sure that Kyo realized that he was being honest. But he got the feeling from Kyo that that really wasn't this issue right now, that something else was bothering Kyo.
"I think that I get it. I get why you lied." Kyo said, he was meeting Yuki's gaze straight on, knowing that this was not the time or the place to pull punches.
"You do?" That was something that Yuki hadn't expected.
"I…At…from…Okay," Kyo took a deep breath and tried to start over. "When the lie started it was a game, that's all that it was. And then the touches and kisses were good, god were they good, and then the accident happened, and I was sure that you just didn't remember and once you did you would realize that it was a game…"
"Kyo that isn't…"
"Let me finish…" Kyo interrupted. Yuki nodded and Kyo went on, "I didn't know that I was doing it, but I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the good times to be over, and I equated that with you getting your memories back, you mind back in order. And while I was waiting for that, I was holding back. Because I don't understand what you see in me, I don't understand why you want me, and I don't want to be hurt when you move onto someone else." Finally Kyo dropped his gaze and when he looked at the table he realized that his eyes were blurry. Right now as he said those things, was the moment he realized that they were true.
He didn't know why Yuki liked him.
He didn't know why Yuki wanted him.
And he didn't want Yuki to hurt him. In the end it was that simple.
Kyo was afraid of having his heart broken… because Yuki could do that to him now. And he wouldn't even have to try.
Yuki knew that his mouth was open in surprise, but really that was the last thing that he was expecting. He knew that Kyo had never really been that confident. It had taken Kyo longer then him to get used to being around girls, hell, around people in general, and he still unknowingly insulted people. Lucky his friends still took it in stride. But he didn't know what to say to that. His eyes had never left Kyo's down turned head but Kyo wasn't looking back up.
"Kyo, I don't know how to convince you that you're worth it. I know that growing up as the cat made you feel worthless and even more I'm sorry that I was someone who made you feel that way." Yuki hadn't meant to but now more then ever he was sure that there was some blame in this for him. "I can't really tell you why for sure, but I feel that this is real. That there is something here, and I don't want to hurt you, I don't plan on it. I don't know if this is a forever thing, but the last couple days have not been my greatest and I really am sorry I lied…"
"I get why you did." The voice was soft and aimed at the floor.
"What?"
"I get it; you picked up on it when I didn't even know I was doing. You were scared I would leave because I was waiting for a reason to leave." He looked up at Yuki and then looked away again.
Kyo couldn't really look at Yuki. He was just sitting there across the table. He was calm and his voice was steady and he wasn't angry.
"I guess we got the chemistry down, but the trust part is a little harder."
"Yeah, I never did like you much for the longest time." Kyo agreed and sipped his tea, looking back to Yuki then away again.
"Kyo, why did you fight me everyday?" Yuki asked the question, he had a feeling that if they didn't hash things out a little more things wouldn't change at all.
"Because I'm the cat and you're the rat and that is what we were supposed to do."
"But when I needed a place to stay you let me stay here and after a while you were civil to me. What happened between high school and college?"
"Nothing really." Kyo shifted in his seat and reached for the small tea pot to pour both him and Yuki tea.
Yuki thought back hard trying to remember when Kyo started to relax, when he stopped fighting him so much. It had been last year, before they graduated, what happened right then…what was it that went on that changed Kyo…
"Akito…"
"What?" Kyo asked sharply splashing the tea as he put it back down.
"It was Akito. What did Akito have on you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, Kyo I know more then anyone else what a cruel bitch Akito was. What did she have over you?"
Kyo looked away and debated, really debated if he should really tell Yuki the whole truth.
"My mom killed herself because I was the cat. She said she loved me, but every time she touched me it was to make sure that the beads were still on my wrist. She never took me out, and never played with me. To her I was a monster. I didn't really know why until she died and I was at the Sohma house and learned about the cat. People didn't really try to hide the truth, that they were scared of me and they couldn't wait until I was an adult, because then they could lock me up. Lock me up and throw away the key. I think that I was nine when I learned that this was what would happen to me; that I would be spending the rest of my life in a cage. But I took it as well as a kid could; besides by that time I had Kazuma."
"So, you were going to be locked up?"
"Yeah, by my understanding there was a room that all the cats have always been locked away in, until they died. I would be locked up after graduation, but that depended on the head of the family. Akito said that if I beat you, then I would get a place in the Sohma family."
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have let you win…"
"Because just what I need is you to throw a fight because I can't even get that right." Even now Yuki could hear the contempt in Kyo's voice, though he wasn't sure if it was contempt for Yuki of for himself. "So yeah, I fought you everyday, and lost everyday, and each day was closer to the end of my life. So yeah, I was cursed as the cat, cursed with two transformations, and a life that would end when I graduated high school, whether I died or not. So yeah when Akito died I changed a lot. Especially when the older Sohma's decided that it was okay that I live a full life. If Shigure, Hatori, and Ayame hadn't stood up for me, I'm sure that others would have voted to have me locked up."
And Yuki knew what he was talking about. The other Sohmas that knew about the curse, looked at the cursed ones with fear in their eyes. He knew that it had always been worse with Kyo. Because of the fact that he was born after the last cat died. Kyo really had been screwed by fate.
"Wait Ayame knew…Shigure knew too? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Know one else knows not really, just the elders. Haru and Momiji don't know anything about it. And who knows, when this leader gets older and finds out everything about me I might still go into the cage."
"What?"
"This new leader will gain power as she gets older, and when push comes to shove, none of us are supposed to deny her."
"Is that why you visit her, and whenever they are in the area you go to meet her."
"Yuki, she is a year old, if she has no reason to fear me then I don't have anything to worry about. Anyway she is a sweet girl, I like to play with her, and we both like strawberry ice cream."
Yuki just shook his head and smiled. So now he understood a little more.
"Akito wanted us to hate each other."
"Yeah, I think so." Kyo agreed meeting Yuki's grey eyes like he hadn't been able to for most of the conversation. "Feels kinda good to go against her even now, doesn't it?" Kyo finished on a laugh.
"Yeah it does." This time Yuki looked away and looked down then back at Kyo. Now came the hard question. "Now what?"
"I don't know."
"I don't know any other way to assure that I'm with you because I want to. I can only show you really and even then I'm not sure how to do that."
"Don't worry Yuki; we're going to mess up, because neither of us really knows what to do. So we will just do what we can and hope that works."
"I'll fight for us." Yuki's conviction was evident in his voice.
"I won't give up; I won't look for excused or reasons."
"I don't want to hurt you, not really, that isn't my goal. I want to just be with you, but I really don't know what I want from you."
"At least that puts us on the same page." Kyo returned with a mirthless laugh. Kyo looked at the look realizing how late it was, he hadn't eaten and he was sure that Yuki hadn't either. "Hungry?"
"Yeah."
"You want to go on a date? A real one?" Yuki looked at Kyo with a smile and that smile widened when he realized how much Kyo was blushing.
"Yeah, I think that I'd like that." Kyo stood and then extended his hand watching as Yuki grabbed his hand, his was so tan compared to Yuki's and his fingers looked rough compared to Yuki's graceful hands. And again he couldn't help wondering what Yuki was thinking being with him.
"I want to."
"Did I say that out loud?" Kyo asked startled eyes looking to Yuki.
"You didn't have to." They walked hand and hand out the door.
The date itself wasn't new. The fact that it was them, really them, was new. Kyo found himself a little uncomfortable, and he stuttered when he answer the waiter and placed his order. He looked over to see the rat smiling. He smiled back but the smile was tight. He felt a light kick to his shin.
"Why are you all nervous?" Yuki asked thinking that Kyo's blush was more then adorable.
"I don't know. Are you?"
"You've already seen the worst of me, and I've seen the worst of you too. You don't have to be embarrassed. I've been the cause of most of you're embarrassing moments, remember?"
"Yeah, all those doors that we broke of Shigure's. That was embarrassing. Or there was that one time, where you led Kagura to the men's bathroom so that she could wish me a happy new year. When have I seen the worst of you?"
"You saw me in a dress."
"Oh yeah, we are in that picture together aren't we?" It was a rhetorical question.
"I'm glad you're nervous."
"What?" The surprise was evident in his voice.
"It shows that you care."
"Huh?"
"The fact that you're nervous shows that you care about what I think of you."
"Well I guess that is a new way to look at it. So since you aren't nervous should I assume then that you don't care?"
Yuki placed his hand on the table palm up. "Feel my hand." Kyo looked at him cocking his head to one side, the question on his face answered by Yuki's nod. Kyo extended his hand and placed his fingers rubbing them down the center of Yuki's palm. His hand was sweating.
"You're nervous too." He stated, "This is ridiculous. Why are we like this? I don't get it."
"Because it wasn't real before. We could hide behind the game and the lie, we aren't doing that now. So it's real."
Kyo didn't have a chance to say anything because eth food arrived and he was amazingly hungry. He nodded to Yuki and they both started working on their food. After they were done, the sat back relaxed and the silence was comfortable where normally it wouldn't have been. Yuki wasn't sure who smiled first, but they were smiling as they paid the bill and walked silently back towards home. One hand in his pocket the other laced with Yuki's he walked down the street slightly ahead of Yuki. He stopped when he saw that a movie was about to start.
"Movie?" Yuki looked back from where he had passed Kyo and nodded. They made it in time for the previews and luckily it was a slow night, so they sat in the back and Yuki moved the armrest up and when Kyo put his arm around the back of the seat it was second nature to rest himself under that arm and against his chest.
The sound of Kyo's heart beating was calming. He couldn't help to think how lucky Kyo was right now. If Akito hadn't died he would be gone, and Yuki doubted that he wouldn't have even noticed. He cuddled closer and he felt Kyo's arm move from the seat behind him to wrap over his shoulders and his scent flooded though him. Yuki really didn't eve get a chance to focus on the movie to much; he was more involved with how he was going to get this to work.
Last night when Kyo had left, Yuki had wondered if his world was coming apart. He didn't like that feeling and he really didn't want that to happen again. But how did one teach someone else that they were worthy of love. That was what he thought was Kyo's problem. Every time he had heard the words 'I love you' they hadn't been real. And while Yuki didn't think he was in love with Kyo, he had no doubt that if they could work though little things, that this could grow to that. But if Kyo didn't think that he deserved it then there was no point.
He felt Kyo's hand squeeze his shoulder. "You okay? You got all tense." He felt Kyo rest his cheek against the top of his head.
"Yeah, just thinking too much."
"Don't think, watch the movie. I didn't waste the money so that you could come in here to think. Could've done that at home"
"Okay, but fill me in." Yuki stated softly and he heard Kyo laugh a little, and then proceeded to tell him what had happened so far.
After that Yuki decided that the movie was good, and that the most comfortable place in the world was Kyo's arms.
The movie's credits rolled and Kyo and Yuki left the theatre. By then it had gotten colder, so the stuffed their hands in their pockets and walked home quickly.
Once they got home thought it was awkward again. They went through the motions of a normal night, cleaned up, and got ready for bed and then they couldn't avoid it anymore.
"Sleeping with out you was very unpleasant." Yuki stated standing the doorway.
"Really, because waking up without you this morning pretty much was the worse thing ever." Kyo stated pulling the sheets back and looking over to Yuki. "Grab the light before you get in." Kyo switched on the light by the bed so that Yuki could find his way, once he was to the bed he climbed in and even though so much of the day had been new and awkward this was what he needed. Instantly… all the stress from the day was gone and he was relaxing against Kyo.
"Thank you." Yuki whispered and in that moment he didn't know why but he felt like he could cry.
"For what?" Kyo asked. He felt Yuki's lips moving against his skin but he couldn't tell for sure what he was saying. He reached over and turned the light on, looking at Yuki. "You okay?" Kyo asked.
"Thank you, for another chance. You could have ended all this today but you didn't. Thank you." Yuki placed his hands on either side of Kyo's cheeks and for a moment was stunned at the pure beauty of the man before him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kyo's and this kiss was different then anything ever.
Kyo's hands came up and laced over Yuki's. He calmed the kiss as much as he could and ran his hands down his arms to his shoulders and down his back. He soothed Yuki as much as he could, opening his mouth to allow Yuki to taste him and Yuki did with a patience that showed Kyo that things had changed. He felt like he was being mapped, memorized, and for some reason he felt touched.
He pulled back when he needed to breathe. Yuki just looked at him; his grey eyes a little shinier then normal.
Yuki dropped his hands, but Kyo caught them.
"It's okay." Kyo told him gently.
"I know but we came so close to losing something….I don't know what…"
"Yuki," hearing his name snapped him out of it. "We'll learn as we go. We'll just have to be fairly forgiving." He smiled at that.
"Forgiving…you are that… now patient, you have no patience."
"I have patience…I taught you calculus."
"You almost yelled at me daily."
"Just because you can understand the fundamentals of calculus, it isn't my fault."
"Kinda since you were teaching me at the time…"
"You were lucky to find someone to teach you in the topic at all."
"Yeah, only strange people understand calculus."
"Only really smart people." Kyo countered.
"Only people who aren't right in the head understand why a plus b equals c."
"Well I'm with you… that shows that I'm not right in the head too." Kyo shook his head realizing that Yuki really had learned nothing when he had tried to teach him calculus.
"Shut up and kiss me again please?" Yuki asked though he was already reaching up to tangle his hands in Kyo's hair to pull him down. Kyo was laughing when he covered Yuki's mouth with his and he couldn't help but think that while this day had been one of the strangest days of his life he was really glad that he had to go through.
Kyo bit on Yuki's bottom lip sucking it into his mouth and let his hands glide under Yuki's sleeping shirt. Giving his lip a light little bit he moved in to plunder Yuki's mouth much like Yuki had done earlier, he mapped and memorized Yuki's mouth. He let his fingernails scrape over Yuki's skin and judging by the moan that came out of his mouth he loved it. Pulling his mouth away to breathe he leaned down and rested his forehead against Yuki's.
"I want to know you more, before..." Kyo stated hoping that Yuki would understand.
"I know what you mean, it seems like I don't know you, even though I do, I know you really well." Yuki proved his point by running his fingers over the sensitive part of his neck right behind his ears. Kyo let out a small little moan, much like a purr.
"Let's see what happens tomorrow."
"Okay." Yuki agreed knowing what the other was saying but that didn't mean that Yuki was going to go to the bathroom to take care of himself.
Kyo reached across Yuki to turn of the light. After the light was turned of he felt Yuki's hand on his chest going…down.
"Yuki?"
"What…just because we aren't going to have sex doesn't mean that I'm letting you go to sleep hard." He stated in a hot whisper into Kyo's ear, "and I'm sure that you'll return the favor."
"Oh god…" Kyo moaned as he fell back onto the bed and let Yuki take care of him, know that he was more then happy to do the same thing…
In just a minute, after he came back down to earth.
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Author blushes as she realizes that she hasn't post in a month and a half, she then begs for forgiveness and reminds the people who are still reading the story that she will never leave a story unfinished. Plus a reminder—reviews feed the muse.
Thanks for reading,
Cat