Russian Roulette

It took willpower to take a life. To actually stand and watch someone die from an action that you took towards them. Light realized suddenly how unfair the Death Note was, because he knew he didn't have the mindset of a murderer. A name written on a page was much less destructive to someone's mental state than a knife between someone's ribs or a bullet through their heart. Light hadn't believed that his father possessed that willpower either, until now. Now that the man stood, police-issued gun trained on Light's heart.

He took a cautious step into the no-man's land that separated them, moving towards the prone form of the World's Greatest Detective, who had been viciously knocked unconscious. He watched a muscle in his father's hand twitch, and stopped where he was.

"I want to make sure he's okay."

Chief Yagami growled. "You have no right, Kira." It hurt to have the alias spit at him like a curse, but Light refused to show weakness. Someone wound as tightly as his father would snap at the first opportunity.

"He's my friend."

"You tried to kill him."

"…I know." Light held up his hands. "And I regret that." He took another step forward, and froze when the gun went off again, the bullet-hole smoking in the carpet next to his foot. His heart pounded, but he couldn't help but think gratefully, five. There were only five bullets left.

"Dad…" he began, trying to appeal to Chief Yagami's better nature, but was immediately interrupted.

"You are no son of mine!" The shout was harsh, and Light flinched. He immediately abandoned that line of action, turning his mind to finding a way out that didn't involve being shot in the back. Because that was what would happen if he turned to run for the door. Carefully, he began to edge backwards towards the door, uncertain how close he was. He had to wait to break and run, or his escape would be over before it began.

Glancing frantically around the room, he noticed L's eyelids flutter, ever so slightly. The detective's eyes opened to slits, and he gestured faintly with one foot. Light got the meaning immediately. If he were to run, L would trip his father, doing what he could to keep Light from getting shot. He continued to shuffle backwards, barely moving his feet, and praying that he would get out of this mess alive.

None of my guides have ever bothered to tell me if I lose the Trial if I die. None of my guides have told me what happens if I win a challenge the wrong way. Surely, I could wrestle the gun away and shoot him. But would that count against me? I could use L to get out, but if he is shot and killed, that could affect my victory as well. There are too many potential situations that I don't know about.

Light took a huge step, almost a leap, back. He shifted in mid-step to face forward, diving into the carpet as the gun went off again. The bullet whizzed over his head. Four. He began to crawl for the door, vaguely aware out of the corner of his perception of L swinging his heel into Chief Yagami's knee, causing the man to crumple to the floor.

Light was on his feet and sprinting before he heard his father hit the ground. He hoped his father was sane enough not to shoot L by accident, but he wasn't sticking around to find out. It wasn't the detective that the Chief wanted to kill.

xXx

On the inner stairs, the main stairs that they used, he flew down the steps two at a time. It was a feat he never would have been able to accomplish if he had actually been thinking about what he was doing, but instinct took over and he simply ran. When he reached the stairs to the first floor, he was astonished that he hadn't seen any of the other police. Matsuda must be doing a good job of keeping them busy.

As he stepped into the foyer of the building, he couldn't help but smile with relief at the sight of the glass doors only twenty feet away. That was the end; it led to safety and another piece of L's memory being returned to him. He broke into a run, determined to reach the door, and bit back a scream as pain seared through his knee. He hadn't even heard the shot.

Three. He thought the number on reflex as he tumbled to the ground. Rolling over, he was faced with the horrifying sight of the Chief, who had apparently taken the elevator, advancing on him with the gun still smoking from the bullet that had disabled him. Light stared down the barrel of the gun, realizing with growing dread that he was about to be murdered by his own father. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the shot that would end him, and distantly heard the gun go off.

There was no pain. Maybe he was already dead. But then there was a second gunshot, and Light opened his eyes to see his father staggering backwards, blood streaming from his shoulder and the hand that had previously held the gun. He looked around the room frantically, and to his great astonishment, spotted Matsuda.

The normally-bumbling officer wore a look of deadly seriousness, his own gun still in his hands. Light gaped at him, wondering if Matsuda had lost his mind too. Matsuda put the gun back in its holster, hurrying to Light and helping him stand upright. "We don't have much time."

The serious tone caught Light by surprise. "Time for what?"

"I've broken the rules." Matsuda said. "I wasn't supposed to interfere. You had to figure it out on your own. But I want you to win." Pulling Light's arm over his shoulder, he began to help him limp towards the doors. "We have to hurry, because they'll take me out of the Trial for helping you like this."

Near and Matt had said something similar during the nightmare with Beyond Birthday. Neither had been willing to break the rules to help him, because they knew at that point that they would be needed later. This was the end, and obviously Matsuda was more willing to bend the edicts of the challenge.

"Thank you…" Light whispered, biting his lip against the pain in his knee. Matsuda nodded determinedly, and kept pushing forward.

They were only three feet from the door when Matsuda stopped with a gasp. Light glanced at him, only to cry out in surprise as he watched the officer fading out like a ghost.

"Good luck, Light!" Matsuda said brightly, before disappearing entirely. Light wobbled on his injured knee, and began to inch carefully towards the door. He reached for the handle, using it to support himself, and yanked it open. Instead of Tokyo's streets, he saw the familiar grey room. The pain disappeared as he crossed the threshold, and he was able to stand normally once again. He was grateful to the Trial for not accumulating his injuries, at least. That would add a level of difficulty that he might not be able to overcome.

He was prepared for L to bombard him with more questions about what the latest challenge had been, but when he looked, he saw L wrapped in the blanket from the bed, hunched over, his hair shadowing his ink-colored eyes. As Light watched, he noticed a single tear fall from where L's eyes would be, spotting the blanket.

"L?" He took a step forward, worried, and L looked up quickly. His eyes were rimmed in red, and Light could tell that he was suffering. "L, what's wrong?"

"You were right…" L whispered, his voice broken. "You were right… about Beyond, and everything."

Light's eyes widened. "What… What do you remember?"

L sniffled unhappily. "I remember the detective war that I waged with Erald Coil and Daneuve. I won, and I took their aliases. I remember the world-wide jewel-smuggling ring that I brought in after chasing them for months on end. And… I remember A's death, and the LABB case." He shuddered. "You were right. Everything that you said. The scars, and A's death… A's death was my fault. He shouldn't have been under so much pressure. I should have been there more, and I could have stopped it from happening…"

"It wasn't your fault." Light insisted. You had no way of knowing what was going on."

"I should have!" L cried. "It was my home; they were my children! After Always believed he wasn't good enough, and I wasn't there to give him any reason to think otherwise!"

Light knelt, taking a chance and reaching under the bed. His hand contacted a rectangular box, and he pulled the box of tissues from under the bed with a faint smile. Those tissues had not been there before. He sat down beside L, setting the tissues in the detective's lap and wrapping his arms around the skinny body.

"After made a choice." Light said. "He chose to die, rather than seeking you out to speak to you. Beyond made a choice to attack you, and to become a criminal." I made the choice to be Kira. "None of these things was your fault."

L was silent for a long time, leaning into Light's hug. When he finally did speak, he said only, "There were worse criminals. Criminals far more brutal and sadistic. Criminals who were so twisted that not even I could look at the tapes without flinching. But out of every case that I solved, the LABB case was the hardest to deal with. One successor dead, one burned beyond recognition and imprisoned for life…" He sighed. "It was after that when I made a determined effort to get to know Mello, Near, and Matt, to make sure that nothing like that ever happened again."

He fell silent after that, and Light simply sat and held him, thinking. L had a much more complicated past than even he had imagined. L had a home, a family, kids who adored him… Unwittingly, his thoughts turned to the next challenge, wondering what the Trial could possibly throw at him now. How many more of these things were there? He focused for a moment on the black stone, still on its cord, tucked under his shirt. If he took L now, and returned to the living world, would L simply have no memories of anything after the LABB case? Because if his hypothesis was correct, the next memories L regained would be the beginning of the Kira case. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad; he could make up a story about his suspicion being lifted…

But that would be cheating, he was sure. He had to see this through all the way to the end. No matter what the outcome would be.

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Light! Thinking of cheating Death? You bad boy. XD

Sorry its been so long. School ate my life and spit out the crumpled pieces into band competition weekend. I'm going to try for more regular updates, but I'm not promising anything right now.

So Matsuda gets his Crowning Moment of Awesome, even though it wasn't Light that he shot. It's the coolest thing Matsuda ever does. I had to put it in here somewhere. ^_^

Next chapter, we go back to another L-inspired nightmare, and see a few familiar faces...

Happy...(checks calendar) ... October 7!
Hugs!
Li