Pillars of Sanctuary, a KougaxMuramasa fic
Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.
AN: OK - 'Sanctuary' is in the place to be. We pick up a year into the Ten Years of Seclusion arc in lovely Hueco Mundo. Aren't political games fun? Right. So... not too much to say on this note. Full braindump notes on the bottom. Kouga & Muramasa are talking first in the physical world (Hueco Mundo) and then in the inner world. Mostly inner world space for the moment. We'll return back to the real world in the next chapter of Sanctuary.
Warnings: Yaoi, implied past sexual escapades, slight foul language here and there. Keeping it light over here, folks.
Italics denote thoughts and past references/scenes.
Although a year had passed since he had been shoved into Hueco Mundo, Kouga was still filled with great anger over the situation. The days were filled with walking through the caves, and the nights were spent wondering if he ever really would be allowed back to his homeland. While it had its problems, he couldn't deny the fact that it was still home and this endless desert certainly was not. What made the last year bearable was having Muramasa at his side. Once he established he could use the company, Muramasa had slowly begun to open up and actually talk a lot more than in the past. It was interesting to see what these spirits had their own set of issues and concerns, just like their respective shinigami.
There was one subject Muramasa wasn't keen on discussing, and it was centered on the spirit woman who smelled like roses. He had caught the barest hint of the fragrance on Muramasa's collar and was curious about her. I wonder what happened between them to make him so hesitant on saying anything about her to me.
He didn't care to pry — Muramasa told him about so much as it was, so he figured he could allow the spirit to at least have a few secrets.
Kouga stepped out of his thoughts and looked around for the whispering spirit he had grown so fond of. Where did he go? He figured he should check the inner world — Muramasa did have to return here occasionally to recharge so he could keep walking around the physical world. That was what he told Kouga; though the shinigami had a feeling that he didn't really have to go back as often as Muramasa claimed. It's been a while since I've been in there myself — time to go pay him a visit.
Kouga had gotten rather good at slipping in and out of his inner world since he began really speaking to Muramasa. The sight of an endless world of pillars and ocean was soothing. He felt a warm breeze and sighed happily. Why couldn't the rest of the world be this peaceful?
As Kouga looked around the inner world, he didn't notice Muramasa standing at their usual large pillar. He decided not to let panic overwhelm him, even though that was the more tempting option at the moment. He sensed the spirit in this world, but it seemed so far away.
He turned and began to hop from pillar to pillar, focusing on the tiny thread of reiatsu that felt so weak compared to his own. What had the spirit been doing that drained him so much?
It felt like forever before he reached that last pillar, and landed on a large rectangular space. It was something that startled him, as his eyes focused on the scene before him. There was a large structure in front of him, reminding him more of the quarters his Captain had occupied in Soul Society than the Kuchiki mansion. It looked to be two stories tall and fairly wide, since he couldn't see around the house at all.
He couldn't see inside due to the screens drawn over the windows, but it didn't matter. He was beyond impressed with the structure, completely taken aback that Muramasa would stop to create such a beautiful thing for him.
As he got closer to the doorstep, he noticed Muramasa curled up on the steps, with a look on his face that said more about his current state of exhaustion than he would ever admit to Kouga directly. The pale skin seemed even paler and there were two thick red streaks that had dried on his face.
Kouga scooped the slender spirit into his arms carefully, and decided to step through the doorway properly.
When Muramasa woke up, he was lying quietly on a mattress pad and covered with a blanket. His head ached and throbbed and he noticed he was inside the sanctuary he built for Kouga. His eyes fell on Kouga, noticing his shinigami was kneeling next to him with his eyes closed.
"You didn't have to go to so much trouble."
Kouga chuckled quietly, reaching out to sweep back a few dark brown locks from Muramasa's forehead. Idiot. He spends time doing this for me and yet thinks that I'm the one going to extremes?
"It wasn't trouble...you didn't have to do this..."
Muramasa scowled, turning his head slightly. "Yes, I did."
Kouga felt a sharp twinge of concern over Muramasa's reaction. What did the whisperer see that he didn't? Was he preparing for something?
"Why?"
"It was explained to me that everyone...everyone should have a sanctuary. So I wanted to do this for you."
That explained why he was often gone when Kouga woke up, which required Kouga summoning him back to his side. That explained that tired, exhausted look in those sky blue eyes when the spirit finally materialized in the real world.
Since his skills with a sword were not his only area of expertise, Kouga realized that there was something else that was being left unsaid. He lightly touched Muramasa's thin hand, noticing for the first time truly how long those nails really went. "Who told you that?"
"Rosen Saira did. She worries...because of what was being done in the shadows about you."
The bitterness in Muramasa's voice finally broke Kouga's patience. "Why are you upset with her? Did something happened I didn't know about?"
He wasn't prepared for that eerie look in Muramasa's eyes as they focused on him with more intensity than his sickly complexion should have been able to bear. "We have...disagreements, that's all. Our focus and beliefs are different."
"And that causes you to distrust her?"
"She has a different dynamic with her shinigami than I do."
A different dynamic? What did that mean? Kouga tried to gently caress the slender hands that had crafted such an interesting structure. "What does that mean, Muramasa?"
A quiet sigh pierced through the light pause. "Simple. I don't have any other purpose than making sure you are safe, content, and happy. When you're happy - this world is warm and peaceful, and the water...stays where it needs to stay. It doesn't try to rise up and drown me. You are strong and beautiful — I could not ask for a better shinigami to grow with and serve for as long as I am able to do so."
Muramasa coughed slightly and waved Kouga off when he pressed closer. "It is fine — I'm just a little more tired than I expected to be." He continued on, lightly holding Kouga's hand as he spoke. "Rosen Saira, on the other hand, has a very broken tie to her shinigami. She only assists Nakamura Mizuki when it's absolutely necessary so that she doesn't perish. I don't approve of such a disconnection between those two."
Kouga took in the words and smiled brightly at Muramasa. "I still can't believe you did this for me."
Is it so hard to believe that I would do anything to keep him safe?
The spirit nodded quietly, and tried to get settled in. He was exhausted and tired, but he couldn't afford to not be at his best for Kouga. "My power is always for you, first and foremost. Everything else is an afterthought. Everything else is a far distant second."
"Are you always this passionate about me?"
Muramasa watched Kouga really looking at him with those apple green eyes that pierced through his defenses so skillfully. I am just doing what a zanpaktou does for their shinigami and nothing more.
If he felt better, he would have openly laughed at himself. He wanted to cling to that ideal because any alternative was something he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with. He didn't want to see a relationship because he worried about being abandoned and cast aside. If I just appear as a loyal servant, then I can't get hurt either way.
"I am just doing what I believe is right for you, Kouga. I do serve, you know."
Kouga chewed on the words, and then chewed on the words underneath words that weren't being said. Was his whispering spirit dealing with the same issues he was? He wanted to lose himself in these moments, to connect with this slender and mysterious man in a way he hadn't been able to connect to anyone else.
He was torn. Was this because they were both trapped in Hueco Mundo together? He knew that when people were thrown into awkward situations, they adapted in order to make themselves as comfortable as possible. This didn't have that same feel.
He was always like this with me. Let me do whatever I wanted with him. To him. No complaints, ever. Does he really care, or am I thinking too much?
Kouga moved to lay close to Muramasa and wrapped an arm around him tightly. "To be so forward-thinking, sometimes you say the most asinine things, Muramasa." He brought his free hand up to thread lightly through those messy brown locks and sighed. "We're lying to ourselves and to each other if we think this is ...normal behavior. We're clearly a bit more interested in each other than that."
"What do you want?"
Anything. Everything. You. Kouga paused before making his reply. "I want to be happy, I want to get what's been taken from me back, with interest. I want to get stronger so that my enemies can't keep cutting me down."
Muramasa didn't say anything, noticing what wasn't included in that list. "I see."
There was a sudden stiffness in the slender man's movements that startled Kouga. What did I say?
"That's not all I want though. Not anymore. I want you too, I just ...I'm just not good at this sort of thing."
Muramasa eased back into Kouga's embrace and nodded. "Neither am I."
Kouga laughed. "You? You are so responsive, kind, friendly. You're the one with all the experience."
Muramasa turned slowly to face Kouga, looking him in the eyes as he waved a clawed hand. "Experience? Kouga, my primary experiences in life revolve around controlling life, taking life, and moving things around to further your agenda. I would hardly call those experiences relevant to ...to this."
He brushed his lips over Kouga's lightly, sighing softly before breaking away. They would have to leave soon and he would need to slide into a sleeping pattern in order to speed up the healing process.
That sickly look to Muramasa's features made Kouga ache. "You need rest."
Muramasa shook his head. "I'll be fine. We should get back."
Kouga pressed him back into place on the bedding. "You say you want to take care of me, right? Well, you can't do that if you aren't in good shape yourself. Take advantage of sanctuary for yourself, too."
Muramasa closed his eyes again, those sweeps of Kouga's fingers through his hair lulling him into a sleep he desperately needed.
Kouga hummed and thought about sleep himself. It would let him wake up more refreshed and ready to seize the day no matter what it held.
No, Muramasa, you are the one that does not need to worry. I am here.
Mizuki slipped into her inner world with a sigh. All people could talk about, even a year later, was that stupid Kuchiki man. Who really cared where the noble got shipped off to? Hueco Mundo wasn't punishment enough, but Mizuki was surprised Kuchiki Kouga got any punishment at all. Weren't those nobles above the law as they loved to believe?
She automatically wrapped her arms around her slender frame and hummed. It was cold in here! Her eyes focused on the light snow that was falling, as well as the woman in the distance that was watching the leaves fall from the trees.
Mizuki walked through the valley noticing the light layer of snow on the ground. Snow. Real snow just for her? Impossible.
She noticed a change in her zanpaktou over the last year. Instead of being bright and bubbly, the spirit had grown quiet and slightly chilly. Their conversations revolved around the basics: training, getting stronger, and more training. It was like she stopped trying to get to know Mizuki altogether.
Fine. I don't need her anyway.
Her kido was okay, though not remarkable. Her hand to hand was weak and her swordsmanship was average. She had to be honest with herself — what helped her win a lot of fights was simply her small size and speed. She had to get better if she was going to make sure she came out of everything on top.
What could possibly be buzzing through that strange woman's head today? Mizuki had a feeling it had a lot to do with that man she thought she heard. The voice seemed so strange — deep and husky yet it held so much authority in it. It couldn't have been an enemy; otherwise it wouldn't have been able to come here.
There was no use for men. None at all. In addition, what did a zanpaktou spirit need a man for anyway? They couldn't do anything extraordinary. Perhaps she just imagined there was a man here.
No. I heard her. I heard him. I heard them together - how disgusting.
If it was another spirit, that meant that it had a shinigami that controlled it. She didn't know all of the shinigami outside of her division, but it had to belong to a pretty powerful shinigami to come here. There weren't that many that could just walk through inner worlds.
Mizuki felt really afraid for a moment as her mind worked out the possibilities. Didn't that Kuchiki man that got thrown out of Hueco Mundo have a zanpaktou that could control others? She thought it was the most demonic thing she ever heard of in her life. A zanpaktou that could turn on its own meant a zanpaktou that had far too much power to be trusted. If Barahime was even remotely connected to that demon blade Mizuki would tear them apart.
Nothing that came from a noble was ever a good thing. This proves it loud and clear.
"Mistress?"
Mizuki looked up and noticed Barahime standing in front of her, those large dark brown eyes the only expressive part of her face. The expressionless mask startled Mizuki for a moment. "There was a man here." she said absentmindedly, still halfway lost in her thoughts.
"A man?"
Rage began to bubble up in Mizuki and she grabbed part of Barahime's thick robes. "Don't play dumb with me! I know what you did! You're worse than the whores in the lowest pit of Rukongai!"
"Rage does not look good on you, Mizuki."
"You don't get to be familiar with me."
"I forget, Nakamura-san."
"We aren't equals. Ever. Maybe you've forgotten who rules here."
Saira ignored the angry words of her mistress. It must be a hard life when you can never truly gain closure for the crimes of others against your soul. "Look, mistress. It is snowing here."
Mizuki did notice the snow starting to fall faster, but there was still too much green. There was still too much life here where it should be stripped and barren. Why didn't this woman look hollow and empty? If they were really the same soul, shouldn't Barahime ache as much as she did? How could she let the demon touch her so intimately when such things only led to pain, agony, and defeat?
"It needs to have more snow. Less green. I hate it."
Saira nodded and reached out to embrace Mizuki. "Less green will not make you feel better."
"Shut up."
"I can only imagine..."
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING?" Mizuki shoved her elbow into Barahime's side, knocking her off her feet and onto the cold ground. She snarled and stepped on the spirit woman's chest. "You're a damn zanpaktou! Your job is to make me powerful and that's it! Admit it - that demon's been here."
"Muramasa is not a demon!"
"SILENCE! He belongs to a noble — nothing good ever comes from them."
"I would have saved you."
Mizuki blinked. "What did you just say?"
Saira looked up into the thin woman's eyes, into hazel eyes that looked absolutely agitated that they had to even look back at her. "I said...I would have saved you. Nakamura-san, we don't speak. You never reached out to me. You told me you didn't need me...so I shut myself away so I wouldn't disturb you. I didn't want you angry with me."
"I finally called you out!"
"We were already too far apart to hear each other!" Saira was back on her feet, with more than a little anger coating her voice. "Do you think I enjoyed watching us fall apart? You changed. I changed. I couldn't be a flowing water type after everything I had seen...you changed me, Nakamura-san. You did this to me. You had suffered so much damage that your mind rearranged everything into a form you could handle."
Mizuki looked at the spirit distrustfully, trying to hold onto something like anger and only coming up with a feeling of loneliness and fatigue. As much as she wanted to tear the spirit woman apart, she knew that it wasn't an option. She had to get stronger to be able to keep going forward. The best way to do that, would be to get Saira on her side and try to get along.
Finally, she breathed deeply and exhaled. "You made it snow...for me?"
A slight nod from the spirit confirmed what she suspected and it made her feel guilty. Guilty for all of their fights, for all of the times she provoked the spirit into defense mode. No matter how angry Mizuki got, her rose princess would cut her down.
"Thank you...Rosen Saira."
Mizuki fell back against the spirit, sighing softly as Saira held her tightly. "Nakamura-san."
It was a start. That was all they could ask for.
They were both 7th seats, but as Mizuki charged her, the other shinigami realized Nakamura-san really had more power than that.
"What's wrong? I thought you said we could practice!" Mizuki kept moving, thinking about the conversation she had with Rosen Saira earlier. She agreed that she would try to patch the relationship and connected they had. However, she did not agree that she wouldn't do everything in her power to bring the noble and his demon zanpaktou down.
They can't be trusted, my princess. None of them.
Mizuki realized that Rosen Saira would never really understand that, nor would the spirit woman be able to truly ally herself with Mizuki for this common purpose.
She's been tainted by lies, false promises, and the flesh. They've spoiled her.
The other 7th seat noticed how distracted Mizuki looked, as if she were seeing something far away from here. "Nakamura-san?"
Mizuki looked up and bowed slightly. "Please forgive me. I must have lost my concentration. Would it be all right if we paused for now?"
Once she received an agreeable answer, she bowed again and ran off the practice grounds as fast as she could. A quick mental tally told her she had nine years to get ready for those twin demons to come back to Soul Society. She would get rid of them both and rescue Saira. Once she was free of those demons, her rose princess would be completely able to help them both rise higher and higher.
Muramasa, I will never forgive you for taking what belongs to me. I will never forget what you stole from me, you demon.
AN: I wanted a partial resolution between Mizuki and Saira without her having the same dynamic Kouga and Muramasa do. I also can't help putting a little manipulation into this fic, and it's so awful because I love it so gosh darn much! It's a little shorter than what I had originally planned. I wanted to do a scene after the practice sparring round but my brain thought of that ending line and I didn't want anything else taking away from it!
I'm taking a lot of Mizuki's current conflict and emotional state from collective journals, diaries, and group sessions of women I've counseled for abuse in the past. Coming from a broken and abusive home myself, I understand the *disconnect* that can arise between what we perceive and the reality of things. I didn't want to make it too stylized and over the top, yet I didn't want Mizuki to just hug Saira and accept everything happening either. I hope I've struck some sort of balance between the two. Given the way Mizuki feels toward Muramasa, I didn't want Saira to introduce the 'wildflower' code to her.
Can a story based on filler have filler chapters? LOL. I wanted to post this to connect a few things before JT and I really dig into the Ten Years of Seclusion arc.
The more I look at this story, I see it as a large 'what if' puzzle opening up. I just finished watching ep 252 and I can't help but wonder how things would be different if Kouga and Muramasa were 1) connected from the beginning 2) trusting each other 3) learned how to work together. That's the angle from where 'Pillars' comes from. I had a LONG conversation with my beta about this fic, since it is diverging from the filler arc so much. His response was pretty much a 'have fun and stop worrying so much', which is what I expect from JT. We write fanfic for the thrill of telling a story. I know AU isn't everyone's cup of tea though, and sometimes that does color how I tell a story. Right now, just about every story in my account deviates from canon in some way. It gets to me I guess because I know AU can go either way. I am having a blast telling my 'what if' story ... and I'm far from finished with the series as a whole. I have already seen the end of Sanctuary, but ...remember we have 9 years in Hueco Mundo, plus a few events in Soul Society to go through before the end comes. If you've already watched & re-watched 250 & 251, you know some of those events do indeed have to come to Sanctuary — it'll be an interesting twist to see what happens compared to the anime. ;) That's all I'll say on that.
I see Pillars as a whole following the AU trend, since I just don't have a way of telling this story in the way it's intended unless I play with the storyline a bit. My goal is to keep both of them as IC as I can — well, aside from my tweaks and the addition of the OC's. I still see Kouga's pride and inner conflict here, as well as Muramasa's loyalty and conflicts. Based on your reviews, it seems like everyone's pretty OK with this essentially becoming AU.
That reminds me — remember that Kouga and Muramasa's Hueco Mundo is several hundred years before Aizen's — therefore, there's no Las Noches to speak of. I *think* Barragan is around somewhere, but I don't have a precise date on that. It hurts my brain to think that hard about it - I have to assume that the arrancar may or may not be there. I'm just going to set up Hueco Mundo at this point and see where we go.
One year has passed in Hueco Mundo. Nine left to go. I wanted to introduce the sanctuary concept at the beginning of the arc and go from there instead of leaving it as a surprise for the end of the arc. Given the name of the fic, it'll play a pretty serious role as the events during and after this arc take shape.
Is Mizuki the great villain of the story? No, absolutely not. I do see her doing everything she can to cause K&M's downfall based on her perception. Her perception of reality may or may not change, but this is what she's seeing at this point in time. A lot can happen in nine years.
Since the inner world is a network of continuous perceptions, I kept part of the house's description a little hazy. I looked at several types of Japanese houses — I'm still not sure what would fit best. That "land" the house is sitting on is large enough to accommodate quite a structure. I sense that the 'house' will change as Kouga's perception changes.
Yes, I know I announced I'm supposed to be on hiatus. I am. I am. I am. ;) I had a lucky break in my schedule - client allowed a reschedule which freed up some time. I decided to let the muse wander for a moment.
I hope the sensitive souls aren't crying too much. No matter what happens, remember this is a K&M story that will eventually have a good ending. I just might have to tug on your heartstrings to get there.
I am filled with gratitude for everyone that's been following along with this story. I do have to hat-tip Juno Tartini again for pointing out the error in Chapter 5. I went back and re-watched most of the Zanpaktou Rebellion arc -- I just realized there's little purple cuffs on the end of Muramasa's coat. Yes, I'm that finicky that I got irritated I didn't detail that in my fic. I am noticing in some eps Mura's eyes are sky blue-y, and in others it's turquoise. I'm going to leave them sky blue because I can do that. :)
Your alerts, faves, reviews, PMs, and overall support is what's gotten us through 6 chapters. The next leg of the TYoS arc is being co-written by JT - we're creating our own spin on Hueco Mundo (need some conflict in here!) as well as our spin on the events *after* the HM saga is over. This is going to be so much fun.
I'm...60% through 'Decadence', which I only put here because I know some of the Sanctuary readers are also Decadence readers. :) I will still keep both sides of the story separate, the more I think about it. I really do try to put equal effort into both stories and I love 'Sanctuary' just as much as I love Decadence. They're honestly both difficult to write -- the lemon side doesn't make itself easy for me...because I still want to match the exploration and depth that I see in Sanctuary. Sigh.
JT is also helping me round out our OC cast -- I don't want Saira to turn into an overpowering character at all, but she is important. I don't know if I need to add AU & OC to the warning list - I'll go ahead and add it to this chapter & the next ones from here on out.
Sorry these are so lengthy on the bottom. If you reached the end, a shiny internet cookie for you! :D