What Might Have Been

It was a small, square cell that he found himself in, not unlike the one he had just left in the last challenge. He got up from the cot he had been sitting on, walking to the steel door and pushing on it halfheartedly. It didn't open, and he realized that he was locked in.

He checked himself over next and verified that he was himself for this challenge. Whether it was past, present, or future was yet to be seen, but really, what was the point? Was the Trial now attempting to bore him to death, since Beyond Birthday, fifty hardened criminals, and his own father hadn't been able to do the job?

Light knew that being locked up in a cell was partly psychological. People with claustrophobia, isolophobia or autophobia, or a fear of simply being locked away and forgotten… Even if it was a deeply buried fear, a prison like this could draw it out. But Light liked enclosed spaces; when he was younger he could often be found in the stairwell, or a closet, or an elevator, if there happened to be one of those around. Small places usually helped him think. But this one made him uneasy, because it gave off the bitter feeling of something being wrong. Horribly, terribly, wrong.

xXx

He wasn't sure how long he stayed in the cell. There were no windows, and he had no way to tell time. His watch had mysteriously vanished when he entered this challenge, but there was no way the times would have matched anyway. He felt his stomach growl irritably, and to distract himself, he pondered how strange it was that he only felt hunger during a challenge. The grey room that L inhabited seemed to be a place out of time, where such things didn't matter.

His stomach growled again, and he glared down at it in annoyance. Distracting, hunger was. He needed to figure out what was going on.

Thankfully, fortune seemed to be on his side for once, and there was the sound of the cell door being unlocked. The first thing to come through was a small cart on wheels, and on it were dishes filled with all of Light's favorite foods. His eyes widened with astonishment. Hibachi chicken, fried rice and vegetables, miso soup… A pot of coffee sat in one corner. But even more surprising than the food was the person pushing the cart.

It was L.

Light bit his tongue to keep from asking what was going on. This L was part of the illusion, and if he asked the wrong thing…

"Good evening, Light-kun." L said, having left the cart and retrieved a chair from somewhere outside the door. He put the chair across from Light, who was still sitting on the cot. "Are you well?"

"As well as I can be, locked up like this." Light grumbled. "If I'm locked up, you obviously still think I'm Kira." He played a daring card, hoping he was saying the right thing. "What's with the fancy dinner, L? I didn't know you treated all of your prisoners so nicely."

"It's not becoming of you to play dumb, Light-kun." L said, the pleasant tone never leaving his voice. "You know that they always make those about to be executed on Death Row a wonderful last meal. Whatever they ask for."

Light's stomach felt like it dropped out from under him, like he was going over the tallest hill of the biggest roller coaster he'd ever seen in his entire life. He was certain he was white as a sheet, but L didn't react, picking up a fork and taking a bite of his own dinner.

"And I asked for… this?" Light asked, fighting to keep his voice its usual poised-sounding baritone.

L smiled faintly. "No. You didn't. You merely stated that you wanted a meal with real food that I would actually eat with you. I went back and researched your favorite foods."

It took every ounce of Light's steadily-fraying willpower not to gape at the detective who could say something so calmly, with no trace of anything other than the normal, faintly interrogating tone. It took just a little bit more to pick up his own fork and actually begin to eat, though every bite made him feel like being sick. He wasn't hungry anymore.

They didn't talk much during the meal, though Light stared in utter astonishment as L drank a mug of black coffee, nothing in it, just as Light made his. The nasty little voice in the back of his mind pointed out helpfully, Well, what does it matter to him? It's one cup of coffee; one cup of coffee to make you 'feel better' before you die!

The thought actually made his stomach lurch, and he put the fork down uneasily. He had almost managed to finish his dinner, enough to where it wouldn't look suspicious if he didn't eat any more.

L straightened the dishes, getting up and moving the chair back into the hallway before returning for the cart. He reached out, touching Light on the shoulder to get the distracted boy's attention, and said quietly, "I will see you in the morning, Light-kun. I am here under 'orders' from 'L' to watch over the proceedings."

Light stared at him blankly for a moment, then nodded. L was pretending to be someone who worked for L. He did that all the time, in retrospect.

The skinny detective pushed the cart out the door, then turned back to look at the teenager, who was sitting on the cot, pale as a ghost, head in his hands and just beginning to shake slightly.

"Light-kun, you received a hint from the black. You were told to remember it for later." L murmured. "It is now later." Then he was gone, and Light was left alone. The small space wasn't comforting anymore. Now it seemed like the walls were looming over him, pressing in from all directions and he wanted to scream but he couldn't…

He didn't know what nonsense L was spewing about a hint from the black. It was probably something that his self for this challenge was supposed to remember, and he didn't. But he didn't know how he was going to get out of here now. If this was truly Death Row, truly a prison, there would be guards everywhere to prevent desperate escapes. He had no chance.

Does dying count as failing the Trial? He had never managed to ask that question. And it seemed that his guide for this challenge was nowhere to be found. He would have to face this alone.

Completely alone.

xXx

Light didn't sleep. He tried, knowing that it would be better than worrying and would make the night pass faster. But sleep never came, and morning found him as wide-eyed and haunted as ever.

The cell was unlocked, and two guards came in, handcuffing him and leading him out into the hallway. L was waiting, a melancholy expression on his childish face, and Light looked away. L sighed, and they made their way in silence down the hallway, to a room where a chair not unlike a dentist's was waiting. Curtains were drawn over one wall, and Light knew that there were windows, to let witnesses watch him die.

L was conversing quietly with the guards, and from the conversation, which was in English, Light learned that they were in England, Interpol representatives were present, and no, damn it L was not allowed to delay the execution any longer. This surprised Light, that L would have fought to keep him from being executed. Maybe he felt guilt over killing his 'only friend'.

One of the guards pushed Light to sit in the chair, and undid the handcuffs so that they could strap down his arms. At that moment, Light moved, in some sort of twisted survival instinct that he wasn't in control of. He kicked the guards away from him with a strength that would have made the real L proud, and lunged from the chair, grabbing L and wrapping an arm around his neck, gripping the detective's chin with the other hand.

"I'll snap his neck!" he insisted wildly. He was a genius; he knew how much strain the vertebrae in the neck could take, and at this angle, L could be dead with one sharp pull.

The guards froze with indecision, but the biggest surprise was L himself, speaking up breathily against the grip on his neck.

"It's okay. I'll be fine."

The guards blinked in confusion, and one began, "But, Ryuzaki-san…" But L silenced them with a look, and Light took the opportunity to drag his hostage out of the room and back down the hall. There was an elevator the other way, past his cell, and he immediately jabbed the button when they reached it. It bothered him that L wasn't fighting back, but he figured that the detective had a reason. He always did.

Once they were in the elevator, Light pushed a random floor, but slammed the emergency stop to trap them between floors. He let go of L, who raised a pale hand to his throat before staring at Light.

"I don't understand, Light-kun." he whispered, though the sentiment was probably all for show. L understood everything.

Light glared at him. "How about 'I don't want to die'? Does that help you understand?!" he snapped, nearing hysterics. "Do you really expect me to just sit there and let them kill me, like some obedient pet or something?!"

"Light-kun's actions earned him this fate. Taking L's 'representative' hostage does not improve your situation any."

"I panicked, okay?" the teenager cried, sinking to the floor and putting his head in his hands. "I didn't know what to do, I still don't know what to do or what the goal is here, there's no one to guide me…" To his embarrassment, he was crying, scared beyond comprehending what he was saying to the nightmare-man standing beside him, the one who had ordered his execution.

But L, startling him again, dropped to his knees and embraced the shaking teen. "But Light-kun…" he murmured into the distraught boy's ear. "I am your guide this time, Light-kun."

Laughter began to merge with tears as Light registered what L was saying. "Some help you've been!" he shrieked. "You're trying to lead me to my death, not help me find the goddamn door!"

L's embrace tightened. "I have been trying to help, the best way that I know how. I've tried to be there for you, where normally I would not be allowed. I cannot give you the answer, but I gave you a hint. This challenge is about your fears, Light, and overcoming them. Think."

A hint from the black… Light thought and thought, turning the color over in his mind. Black, kuroi, schwarz, nero, negro, noir…

Noir!

It was something that Noir had said to him, when he'd let Light out of Kira's dungeon in the first challenge… Not for now, but for later, what was it…?

Death is a door.

He paled, reaching up to wrap his own arms around L. "I have to die… to win the challenge…?"

L nodded against the top of his head. "Yes, Light. The door that you must find on this challenge is death itself. To win, you must confront your fear head on."

"So I…"

"The challenge expected you to fight." L said gently. "It expected you to fight, to run, to escape. And in escaping, be unable to win. The correct answer…"

"Is to go back." Light murmured, voice shaking slightly. "But they'll… I'll be in worse, for taking you like that…"

"I can deal with that. It is my job as your guide." L stood, prying open the circuit board on the elevator's button-panel and fiddling with the wires inside. In moments, the elevator was moving again, and it didn't surprise Light at all that one of L's many skills included hot-wiring an elevator.

xXx

There were armed guards waiting when the doors open, and L was true to his word. Light wasn't sure what the sleuth said to them, but in the end they only huffed and re-handcuffed him to be led back to the other room.

This time, he let them strap him to the chair, let the medical technician place the IV needles in his arms, and let them open the curtains to place him on view for witnesses. There were very few, mostly a couple of important-looking men in suits that Light assumed were Interpol's representatives. No one he knew was there, and he wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad about that fact.

L had stood by him the entire time, and finally reached out to touch his face softly before stepping back. "Be brave, Light."

Light nodded. This was the right answer. It had to be. L was his guide, and Light believed in him.

"Do you have any last words?" the voice on the intercom had no emotion behind it.

Light considered for a moment. He had nothing to say to the Interpol representatives. There was only one person he wanted to say anything to. But he didn't want to speak out loud. Looking over at L, who was worrying the tip of his thumb with his teeth, he mouthed noiselessly in his own language, "Aishiteru."

L could lip-read and speak Japanese with no problem. His eyes widened briefly, and then he smiled. Even if it wasn't the real L, it felt so much better to have really said it. There was still the horrible, sick feeling of fear in his stomach, but he could ignore that for the moment.

The intercom said something else, but Light didn't hear it. He knew that the first drug they gave would knock him out, and he wouldn't wake back up. So when he started to drift out of consciousness, there was only a final, panicked twinge of fear, and then everything went black.

xXx

He came back to himself shivering, standing in the doorway of the grey room, tears running down his face. L was standing a few feet in front of him, prepared to ask a question or say something scathing.

Light didn't know what he was about to say.

He didn't care.

He took three steps forward, grabbed the unsuspecting detective, and captured his half-open mouth in a kiss.

I liked writing this chapter. Maybe I'm a sadist at heart, but I honestly enjoyed it.

Yet researching the Death Penalty made me queasy. Go figure. XD

Oh, Light-o... Well, on the plus side, only two more challenges and the finale to go. You'll be home soon if you win, dear. But L will have ridiculous amounts of questions for you now. Hehe...

Enjoy this longer chapter, everyone!
Li