A.N. Okay, several of you wanted to know if:
A.) Zoicite is a girl
B.) Zoicite is going to stay a girl (assuming he is one now, of course)
C.) Zoicite is or was ever in love with Malachite (and vice versa)
D.) Zoicite and Amy are going to hook up
In answer: No (though he was when he fought with Beryl), no again, many times over no (ew), and abso-freakin'-lutely! I love Amy/Zoi pairings, but while I'll read yuri pairings, I don't write them. Ergo, Zoi has to be male. Also, Mal referred to Zoi as 'he' in the first chapter.
No worries. It'll all make sense eventually.
Maybe.
And, yes, I realize that this chapter is total fluff. Don't bother flaming me for it.
Review and I'll send you a t-shirt! (Only not really.)
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Many thanks to my beta, Destiny's Darkness! She's awesome, just so y'all know.
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CHAPTER THREE: 25 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
Death by fire. Electrocution. Cement shoes and a long walk off a very short pier.
They'd threatened it all, and if she continued refusing to tell them what they wanted to know, she had little doubt that they'd do something truly horrible to her. She didn't think they'd really try to kill her—she was too valuable to them—but they were creative, and they were violent. They'd come up with something that'd probably be worse than death.
Or at least something embarrassing enough that she'd want to die.
Every once in a while, she realized just how terrifying her friends could be.
Amy wasn't even ashamed to admit that she was scared of them. Any sane person would have been, and that went double for someone who knew just what Raye and Lita, in particular, were capable of doing. She'd seen them in action, after all, and if weren't for the fact that Mina had forbidden them from hurting anyone just yet, Amy would never have stood a chance against them.
Not that they hadn't gone after her in spite of Mina's orders. They'd chased her, tried to bully her, tried to blackmail her…and, when they'd realized that she'd been too smart to leave anything they could blackmail her with, they'd started in with the death threats.
Even Haruka had gotten in on it. The tall blonde woman had never even met Malachite—at least not in this life, and perhaps not even in the last one—but she'd been fully supportive of Raye's DMD (Die, Malachite, Die!) plan. Nobody was really surprised by this, of course; Haruka had always been a fan of any kind of violence, but once again, only Mina and Michelle's combined intervention had saved Amy and the man she was trying to protect.
If Malachite turned out to be evil, Amy was so taking him out herself. No man, no matter how innocent, was worth this, because those three were scary.
Cujo scary.
Maybe even Teletubbies scary.
Well, probably not that scary, but close to it. Nothing could compare to the Teletubbies, after all.
Then again, maybe she should have just given in, told the Violent Trio exactly where they could find the Malachite-look-alike. Malachite's mutilated corpse would show up on the six o'clock news the next day, but at least they'd leave her alone. The problem would be dealt with, the question of Malachite's innocence would be a moot one…and, most importantly of all, Amy wouldn't have to cope with this mind-numbing boredom.
Because bored she was. She had been stuck here, waiting for Malachite to emerge from his publisher's office building, for several hours now, and it didn't look like relief would be coming any time soon. Haruka had been scheduled to come take Amy's place over an hour ago, but Mina had taken one look at the taller blonde's face and thought better of sending her. The racer obviously wasn't any more trustworthy than Mars or Jupiter, which left the rest of them to pick up the slack.
When Mina had called to tell her that Haruka wouldn't be coming, Amy had only sighed and volunteered to take another shift. Artemis and Luna would be watching him that night—a pair of cats would be less obvious than a person lurking outside someone's house—and both Michelle and Mina had classes to attend that afternoon. Serena still couldn't be trusted, Setsuna had, once again, completely disappeared, and since Darien had to work, that left only Amy herself. Mina had offered to take over, of course—the blonde always jumped at any excuse to ditch class—but Amy had reluctantly turned her down. They both knew Mina wanted to wait a little longer before she risked another encounter with Malachite, and she ditched too often as it was.
So she was trapped, forced to loiter at the café across from the building, ordering drink after drink as she tried to blend in.
Hard to do, when she'd already spent so many hours staring at the entrance to that building. The waiters were starting to give her funny looks.
If only she could read…
Mina had forbidden that, as well.
"Ames, we all know you're smarter than the rest of us combined, but when you read…we lose you completely. Malachite could come out and start tap-dancing naked in front of you, and you wouldn't notice."
Amy looked vaguely offended. "I'm not that bad."
Mina only snorted, though not even that could take away from the blonde's inherent elegance. "Yes. Yes, you are." Her full lips curved in a mischievous smile, and the open affection in her laughter took the sting from the words. "Books are to you what food is to Serena—you zone out and start drooling whenever you're near them."
"I don't drool." Amy couldn't help blushing, but then she sighed and gave in. "I can't just sit there without anything to do. It'll look odd."
Mina grinned and pulled a rolled-up magazine from the back pocket of her jeans. "I already thought of that," she said, pressing the magazine into Amy's hands.
The senshi of ice glanced down at the cover, her embarrassment fading as she realized what she was holding. "Well," she muttered lightly, "I certainly won't read this."
Mina was laughing again. "I know," she grinned. "That's why it's perfect. You won't zone out on me, but if you do end up reading it, at least you'll learn something."
The blonde pointed at the magazine's cover, and Amy's blush came back, stronger than ever. "25 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life," she read, eyes widening. She tore her gaze away, glared up at her leader. "Mina!"
Mina only continued grinning.
She'd brought the magazine with her—mostly to shut Mina up, not because she ever intended to read it—but she hadn't looked at it once since she'd arrived. She'd simply tossed it onto the table, tried her best not to blush whenever she thought of Mina's less-than-subtle innuendos.
As if she even had a sex life…
And Greg didn't count, because they weren't…they hadn't…
She was blushing again.
Stupid Mina.
She leaned back in her chair, forcing herself to take another sip of the drink she hadn't wanted. She'd ordered something fruity this time, just for variety, and it was leaving a slightly sticky taste in her mouth. Stupid Mina, she thought again.
Amy sighed and checked her watch. Four hours. I've been sitting here for four hours. What in the name of all that is holy is he doing up there? No meeting could last this long, and she wondered if Malachite simply had an office in this building. She'd always thought most writers worked from home, but maybe this one didn't. She'd have to check the fangirl websites; they usually had all sorts of similarly useless information on them, and it'd help to know a little more of Malachite's schedule.
The fruity drink was all but gone now, and as it'd made her feel slightly nauseous, she lifted a small hand and beckoned the waiter over. He came, looking slightly annoyed that she still wasn't leaving, and waited for her next order. "Coffee, please," she muttered, slightly embarrassed.
He nodded and left.
Gods, I'm so bored.
Amy couldn't help making a face as the waiter returned with her coffee. She took a cautious sip, then another, relieved when the nausea seemed to fade. She set the mug down next to the magazine, then began drumming her fingers against the table top in an attempt to keep herself awake.
Bored, bored, bored…
She almost reached for her drink again, just to give herself something to do, but her eyes landed instead on the magazine, and she paused. Could I? Am I that desperate?
She must be, because her hand reached for the magazine before her brain had given permission. She pulled it to herself, fingers twitching slightly as she stared at the cover.
You know Mina will find out if you read this, a little voice whispered in her mind.
She frowned at it. No, she won't. How could she know? She's psychotic, not psychic.
Mina has strange powers. You should know that by now.
Her class doesn't end for another hour. She'll never even see me. And why would I really care if she did?
Because she'll tease you.
She teases me anyway.
True, but this will only make her worse. The innuendos will never end.
Amy winced. Mina did have a sixth sense for all things embarrassing, and while it was just some stupid magazine, the blonde would turn it into more.
Besides, you're supposed to be watching for Malachite, anyway. How can you do that if you're occupied with that thing?
Amy sighed, fully aware that she was literally arguing with herself. It was probably a side affect of spending so much time with Mina and Serena—they were always talking to themselves. At least this argument was only in her head. Mina gave me permission, didn't she? I'm just not allowed to read a real book. A magazine is hardly going to entrance me to the point where I wouldn't notice—how did she put it?—Malachite's naked tap-dancing.
Now there was a reason to shudder. Bad, bad image…
Her little voice wouldn't leave the matter alone. She was teasing you then, too; she didn't mean it.
I don't care. I've been sitting here for hours with nothing to do, and I'm. So. Bored.
That seemed to shut the little voice up, though Amy still refused to acknowledge that she'd heard it at all. Nor did she care that Mina would tease her, or that the blonde would tell everyone else, as well. She simply couldn't take any more, even if she knew just looking at the magazine was probably making her I.Q. drop.
She braced herself, eyebrows drawing together in determination as she flicked the cover aside and began scanning the Table of Contents for anything even remotely redeemable. Which eyeliner is best for you? What's your color? Celebrity breakups—photos inside!
It got worse from there, but Amy gritted her teeth and read on.
She was halfway through the magazine—she'd been just shocked to learn that her color was blue, and that liquid eyeliners weren't for her—and reaching for the remains of her coffee when a shadow fell over her. She looked up, blinking rather stupidly into what little light hadn't been blocked. Her eyes had taken on a rather glazed look, but they cleared as she took in the grinning face of her closest friend.
Figures. I should have listened to the voices in my head. She hastily shoved the magazine aside, knowing it was too late to save herself.
Mina was grinning like the maniac they all knew she was, and her blue eyes were bright with laughter as Amy folded her hands in her lap and tried to pretend she hadn't just been reading that magazine. "Skipped class again, did you?"
If the blonde had heard the question, she obviously wasn't going to answer. "So," Mina slowly began, trying to choke the words out around her laughter, "are you ready to improve your sex life?"
The flush on Amy's cheeks could have been either from anger or embarrassment, but Mina simply continued laughing.
Amy stared at her friend, wondering which word would best describe the sound coming out of Mina's mouth. Hysterical? Maniacal?
The little voice wondered the same thing. Do we have to pick just one?
The waiters were really staring now.
Amy grunted, reached out and tugged on Mina's sleeve. The blonde obediently threw herself into the chair beside the tiny genius, and while her laughter hadn't stopped, she no longer sounded quite so psychotic. "I knew you wouldn't be able to hold out." She shook her head, still chuckling, and then reached into her bag and pulled out a thin book.
Amy's eyes lit up.
Mina's chuckle became another full-out cackle. "What did I say about the drooling?"
Amy's grin turned to a scowl, though it was a relatively good-natured one. She did not drool. She didn't.
Stupid Mina.
The blonde tossed the book across the table, grinning as Amy deftly caught it and pulled it to her chest. "For the walk home," Mina teased as she draped her arm over the back of her chair. "You left it at my house last week, anyway. It'd ruin my reputation if anyone else saw it."
Amy didn't say anything, but the look of pure gratitude in her eyes was enough to set Mina off again.
The waiter chose that moment to approach their table. "Can I get you anything more, miss?"
The words were for Amy, but the man only had eyes for Mina. The blonde was still laughing, her beautiful face alight with mischief, her hair lit by the sunlight streaming over the café…and it was obvious that the waiter was completely entranced by her.
Amy only shook her head. Mina had that affect on most people, be they male or female, and the waiter's reaction was nothing new. "No, thank you," she said, though she'd known the man didn't really care if she wanted to order anything more or not. He'd spent the last hour or two glaring at her, probably wishing she'd leave and clear the table for other customers and the tips they'd bring. Needless to say, she wasn't buying his sudden friendliness.
Amy glanced at Mina. The blonde was lightly flirting with the waiter, though it was obvious to Amy that her heart wasn't in it. Amy's leader kept glancing over her shoulder to the building Malachite had entered, her eyes hardening a little more each time. After a moment more, she shooed the disappointed man away and turned back to Amy. "I'm assuming nothing happened."
Amy shook her head, this time in denial. "No. I would have called you." She leaned back in her chair, rolled her eyes. "He's been in there for hours," she added. "Either he's got an office and works there, or his only friends are his publishers."
Mina started to give a dismissive shrug, then paused. "Or," she suddenly muttered, "he is evil and this is his base."
"Can't be," Amy immediately retorted. "I already checked out his publishers. They're legit."
Mina's eyes were sharp now, the laughter gone. She was in full leader-mode, now. "How can you know?"
"They've been around too long," Amy told her friend. "The company started over a decade before Beryl came around, and since nothing changed for them when Beryl died, I don't think they were involved with her. Besides, according to their records—" Mina's brow shot up at this, because they both knew Amy'd hacked into the company's computers to get those records, "—Beryl had been dead for years before Malachite started working for them."
Mina shook her head. "You're probably right, but we really can't make any assumptions," she quietly pointed out. "Maybe the company wasn't involved with Beryl herself, but we don't know that Malachite's not in control of it. This could still be a base for evil." Her face tightened. "His base."
Amy's eyes widened at the sudden vehemence in Mina's words, but the blonde wasn't finished. "Then again," she was adding, "we can only hope that we're just dealing with Malachite. It'd really suck if Beryl was alive and causing trouble again."
Amy paled. She hadn't even considered the possibility that Beryl might have been reincarnated along with her general, though it should have been obvious. After all, if Malachite could do it, why not his mistress?
Mina was still frowning, but as she caught the startled fear in Amy's eyes, she shrugged and cleared her expression. "Don't worry about it, Ames," she told her friend. "We're a lot stronger than we were when Beryl was around, so even if she is still alive, I'm sure we can take her. In any case, there's not much point in worrying about it now."
The blonde sighed, reached out to grab Amy's mug. She drained it in one swallow, grimaced as she realized the liquid had completely cooled. "That's just vile," she muttered, pushing herself to her feet.
Amy stood with her, though she didn't bother to pick up the magazine. "What now? Are you going to take over?"
Mina nodded. "Yeah." She slung her bag back over her shoulder, tossed a few bills down in payment for the empty drinks littered across the table. "I'm just not going to stay here. It'd be a little obvious if one of us was always sitting at this table. I think I'll go skulk in the bushes for a bit instead." She offered her friend a lopsided grin. "Go home, Ames. Get some sleep…or read, or whatever it is you want to do. I've got this."
Amy nodded. "I thought you didn't want him to see you."
The blonde shrugged yet again. "I don't, but it can't be helped. Nobody else is free to take a shift, and you've been here too long already."
"Are you sure?" There was something in Mina's face that Amy didn't like, though the blonde seemed as cheerful as ever.
"Yeah. It'll be fine."
Mina's smile seemed sincere enough, and Amy was incredibly tired of Malachite and anything to do with him. She was more than ready to go home.
That, and she really, really wanted to start reading again. She hadn't gone this long in…well, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd gone so long without a book. It almost hurt, and if she waited much longer, she'd probably start experiencing withdrawal.
Mina was grinning again, perhaps knowing exactly what her blue-haired friend was thinking. Amy stuck her tongue out in response, spun on one heel and began to walk away. "I'll see you tomorrow, then," she called over her shoulder.
She turned around before she could see Mina's face change or the laughter die in her eyes, but not before…
Not before she collided with the man standing directly in her path. Her small body rebounded off a chest that felt more like a brick wall than part of a human being, and she would have fallen to the ground if Mina hadn't leaped forward to support her.
Amy realized that something was desperately wrong when Mina didn't say anything. Her blonde friend wasn't asking if she was all right, wasn't trying to apologize for her or, gods forbid, even trying to flirt with Mr. Chest.
And if Mina wasn't flirting, something was very, very wrong.
Amy righted herself, glanced at Mina's face before she bothered to see who she'd collided with.
She almost wished she hadn't. Mina's expression was hard, her eyes blazing in an overly pale face. The blonde's body was rigid behind Amy's, and the young genius thought she could even hear Mina's teeth grinding together.
"Are you all right, miss?"
Amy winced. She hadn't heard Malachite's voice in centuries, but while his presence would have explained Mina's reaction, she already knew this wasn't Malachite.
The voice was still way too familiar, and definitely not in a good way. Because if it's not Malachite, it has to be…
She forced herself to look up.
Her breath immediately caught, gathering painfully in her chest. Nope. Not Malachite.
She understood why Mina had looked so angry.
Zoicite…
Only…not Zoicite, or at least not the one they'd once fought. That Zoicite had been a giggling, obnoxious woman who'd clung to Malachite like a leech. She'd been…
Well, a woman, for one thing, and this Zoicite…wasn't.
Huh. Didn't see that one coming.
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Venus Smurf's Thoughts for the Day:
Courtesy of JadesRose:
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." Albert Einstein
(VS: Which is good, because I have plenty of imagination and very little knowledge!)
"People start their lives at last when they are able to live for something other than themselves." Albert Einstein
Courtesy of pudadingding:
Save trees, eat a beaver.
(VS: Hahaha!)
Courtesy of JenniferJ:
Another slogan inspired by the drought: "Save water, share a shower."
Courtesy of A. Lee:
A professor was discussing and comparing languages in class. "In English," he explained, "using a double negatively grammatically implies a positive. If you're not not doing something, you are doing it. In French, however, two negatives are often required to affirm the negative." He went on in this style, detailing the differences in a number of different languages.
"In no language, however," he said in the manner of one about to deliver the Final Enlightening Truth he had been working up to, "does a double positive imply a negative!"
From the back of the room, someone said ...
"Yeah, right."
Courtesy of…well, me:
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure that no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.