Well, here's something different for ya. It's a bit longer than my usual entries in this series, but hope you find it interesting at least.

Twisted 7: Imaginarium Chichis

Ah, what a wonderful, sunny day this is.

Can't get much better than this I think. The sunshine is off the charts and the wispy little summer breeze tickles just enough to be pleasantly cooling.

It's the weekend and the world couldn't look more gay.

Children are darting here and there wild at play, and lovers are walking hand in hand enjoying themselves away from everyday chores.

Traffic is scarce and squirrels are scurrying cutely from tree to tree at this little oasis in the middle of the usually busy city.

In my best of dreams I don't think I could have thought of a better atmosphere for me to live in… except of course with the addition that this place would otherwise be filled with cuddly kitties that would allow me to touch and fondle them.

Ahh… but that is unfortunately just a fantasy. A fantasy I think I better not entertain right now lest it gets out of hand…

But at least I can try to make the best of the reality I have right now and enjoy myself to the fullest of my capabilities.

And, of course, the best thing of all in being here today is that all my good friends are here too, sharing these lovely sensations with me…

"I'll kill you, Tomo!"

"Hey, be careful not to overstress yourself, Yomi! You know fatsos have a higher risk of getting a heart attack."

"GAAAAHH!!! I hate you!!!"

"Tomo-chan! Yomi-san! Please don't fight!"

Sigh… or at least some of them.

Hmh… leave it to Tomo to bring everybody's enjoyment down along with her. Oh, well. I guess those two'll settle down after a while again when they get enough running around after one another, as usual.

"Ha! Those two just never get enough of that, eh Sakaki?"

"Mmm."

"Yeah well, at least it keeps things interesting, right?"

"Mmm."

"Right… umm… Nice weather out now, though."

"Mmm."

"Birds in trees and stuff…"

"Mmm."

"…Uh… And flowers… a-and sun… sun sun… sunny sun sun…"

What part of "Mmm" didn't you understand, Kagura, that I'm not good at small talk? You should know that by now to not even try. And now see where that got you? Awkward silence.

"Yep… trees…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…You know, I was just in town last Thursday, and saw these killer running sneakers there for professional track and field…"

And there we go. How did I know that subject was just around the corner. Honestly, can't you think of anything else to talk about than sports, Kagura? Like… cute cats maybe? Or sexy legs? Or long, blond wigs you can wear and pretend you're Pamela Anderson?

No, of course not, it's always sports.

Honestly, I'd rather listen to Osaka's wild theories on aliens should she be doing something else than focusing on munching those magic mushrooms.

…And I mean she's eating pink marshmallows shaped like mushrooms called "Magic Mushrooms", not doing drugs!

Anyway, I'm sorry Kagura, but despite how hot you are - and I mean that in the strictest heterosexual aesthetic sense only - you're really just boring and dry. And you don't even have an ounce of wit to carry on a conversation on something that would at least keep me entertained if not actually interested. No offence, really.

I guess I should say this to your face one of these days so that you might save me in the future from having to listen you ramble on about this totally dull subject, but I have a feeling that'll remain just what it is… a thought. Just like my intentions in telling Tomo that I truly hate her deep down, or that Yomi indeed is a little fat, or that Osaka is a borderline nut job that I'm afraid of being in the same room alone with…

"Hey, guys? We decided to go get some ice cream. Would you like anything?"

Ah, Chiyo-chan… the only truly perfect person among my friends.

"Oh? Heh… split the argument up with ice cream bribes, Chiyo?"

"Eh he he… y-yeah, Kagura-san."

"Okay, sounds good to me!"

"Right! Tell me what you want, and me and Yomi-san will run out to get some from that ice cream stand over there."

Of course, Tomo just had to jump into this too in her usual annoying way and start an argument with Yomi in how she wanted to go get the ice cream instead… which I'm guessing must have some kind of a catch to it that'll hit Yomi eventually. Cutting the story short, Yomi eventually folded in frustration, and after taking our orders - my vanilla cone one which Tomo promptly ignored, saying she was getting me pistachio instead even though I hate it - Tomo left with Chiyo, leaving me waiting with Yomi, Kagura and Osaka.

It wasn't long before Yomi and Kagura fell into talking about something on their own, thankfully leaving me out of it this time, while Osaka continued gulping down her sweets.

At least now I don't have to pretend to be interested in their talks, nor try my hand at awkwardly actually holding a conversation. Just gives me a little time to thin…

"YO!"

GAH!

What the…?

Oh my goodness! What the heck? What is he doing here?

Chiyo-chan's father… was he spying on his own daughter?

"Hello, once more, Chiyo's Tall Friend. The polka dotted bird sang a tune of Hoo-Hoo-Dandy in the fine morning, and brought despair to the snails."

I can really just nod in greeting.

"Is it not that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, or is it actually blue?"

Uh…

"It is thus that I have made the decision of calling the red things… oh, yes. The red things… Death Apples."

"All right…"

"Huh? You say something, Sakaki?"

What?

"Oh… nothing, Kagura. I was just talking to Chiyo-chan's father."

"……..Eh?"

"Mmm."

"Umh… oh, haha! Yeah, you mean… like earlier or something? Of course. Sorry. Got a little confused there for a second. Hahaha!"

Stare. What was that all about? Another of her jokes that I just don't get?

"Uh… What do you mean, Kagura?"

"Huh? Umm… What do you mean what do I mean?"

"I mean that Chiyo's father is standing right there."

…I say as I direct my hand in his direction.

"What? Where?"

Oh, good grief, Kagura. There is a time and place for this kind of joking around, but you should really try to realise when it is appropriate and when not.

Sigh. "Please, Kagura. Could you not try to joke around like that. It's quite rude and inappropriate. And by the way, you should greet him too. It's rather rude to ignore others."

Hmh. All right, I know Kagura can be a little rough socially, but ignoring someone so blatantly like that is just plain rude. Look at her just glancing at Yomi, who surprisingly also seems to be rudely ignoring our young charge's parent, both completely blowing off someone as important and respectable as Chiyo-chan's father, which I find completely confounding.

"Sack of Lard and Two Lumps need growing up in the Honti-Tonti-Land and eat their… Death Apples."

"Mmm… I suppose so."

"Violets are pretty, infernal machines are noisy. Loving is simple, when drugs make you feel rosy."

"Uh… That's a… nice poem."

"I conjured the line of word values from the lasagne in my canopy with great ingenuity."

"Mmm. It was a very interesting poem. You are quite talented."

"Oh… Ah! Ah ha haha haha haha!"

Oh, God Kagura! Now you even laugh at his expense? What the hell is wrong with you?

"Haha! I… I get it now! Ha ha ha! Pretty funny, Sakaki. You… you really had me going there for a while. Chiyo's father… Ha ha ha!"

I can't believe this. She's openly laughing in his face now! I… I can't even think of what to say here!

"You really had me, Sakaki! I almost thought you were being serious. Ha ha ha! But I guess, since you don't joke around a lot, it was kinda hard to figure out first. You… You really pulled our legs!"

And then she bursts out another row of laughter. And even Yomi is looking a little amused.

*RUMBLE*

Oh, oh! That doesn't sound good…

Indeed, as I feared, Chiyo's father seems to be getting angry. He's already rumbling and changing colours wildly. Soon he'll turn black!

"Please. Please stop laughing. This is not funny. You're offending him…"

Oh, that just made Kagura laugh twice as hard.

"Kagura! Stop that and apologise immediately!"

My tougher words thankfully quieted her down. I guess it is rather unusual for them to hear me raise my voice like that and launch an angered frown at them, but well… enough is enough.

"I am sorry, Chiyo's father. I don't know what's going on with them, but I assure you they're not usually like this. Please. Please forgive them. I'm sure they didn't mean any disrespect."

After a couple of seconds of tense waiting, Chiyo's father luckily seemed to settle down again and turn into his usual yellow self.

Taking a cleansing breath, I then turned back to Kagura and Yomi.

"Kagura. Yomi. Apologise immediately."

"W-what? To who?"

Frustrated sigh. "To Chiyo-chan's father, Kagura." Honestly, did you leave your brain behind when you left home today?

But instead of apologising, she just gives a thoroughly confused and mixed up look. "Apolog… But… But there's… there's no-one there!"

Oh God… Why do you test my patience so much today, Kagura? "What are you talking about. He is standing right there, and can hear everything you say."

I even point for good measure, but to no apparent avail.

"Umm… Sakaki. You know Kagura's right… right? I mean… there really is nobody there."

Not you too Yomi.

Fine. Have it your way then.

"Hey, Osaka. Could you come here for a moment?"

Osaka quickly snaps her attention away from her candy and a few seconds later says "Okey-dokey" as she starts to calmly amble off to where we are standing. Now we'll just see.

"Hey, Osaka. Could you do me a favour and tell those two jesters there that Chiyo-chan's father is standing right there?"

"Chiyo-chan's father?"

"Yes. You do see him don't you? He's right there."

"Ah. Yes. Of course ah see him. Hello, Chiyo's daddy. Beautiful day, ain't it?"

Well, there you go. I can only give a satisfied smirk as Kagura and Yomi's stupid little games have been finally brought to an end thanks to Osaka's presence.

"Oh! And there's ta Pumpkin Monster, too!"

"…"

The…? Oh, for the love of…

*Facepalm*

"Hey, ya still comin' to mah tea party tomorrow with Jack the Knife? … Great. I'll see ya there then. Remember to bring ta cheese!"

Oh, for the love of… So much for my reliable witness.

"The mice dance the polka on the table when the cheese is restored on the cumulative plane," Chiyo's father says as he changes a few more colours in apparent… joy?

And the remaining two look just plain uncomfortable…

Sigh… This is going well.

After an awkward silence of about a minute, finally Tomo and Chiyo return with the ice creams… with Tomo predictably having already eaten hers and is now half-done munching down Yomi's treat as well. I knew there was a reason Tomo wanted to go on the ice cream trek.

Well, at least thankfully Chiyo-chan is now here to see her father without trying to make fun of him… or imagining non-existing creatures. See if we can finally settle this whole mess with hopefully a laugh and a shrug with Chiyo's father not holding a grudge on any of us.

"Ah, Chiyo-chan! Your father is here."

A look of curiosity immediately creased her face.

"My dad? What's he doing here? I thought he was at the office."

"Oh, Sakaki, please… no…"

Yomi tries to give me glances, knowing her game is up, but no dice.

"Mmm. Indeed. He's right over…" gone.

"Oh? Where? I don't see him."

Sigh… "Well, he was there just a moment ago, but… he must have got up and flown away."

"Oh…?"

Another awkward silence. This is rather… embarrassing.

Finally, Yomi breaks the moment and glances at her watch.

"Oh! Hey, you know. I… umm… I actually just remembered that I… I need to go home and do my homework. Sorry."

"Huh? Right now? On a Saturday? But you never do your homework until Sunday when I come over to copy them."

"Heh, yeah, Tomo. I… I really have a lot of it backlogged and… uh… I think I really need to get along and do it… In fact, Chiyo-chan? Could you come along and help me out?"

"Really? Sure, Yomi, I'd be delighted to be of an assistance." :)

"Great. Well, I guess we should get going then so we can get started and all. So, I'll see you guys later! Come on, Tomo! Let's go cram!"

"What? Why me too? I don't wanna do no homework on a Saturday!"

"Shut up, and just come along…"

"Oh, maaan!!!"

"Bye then, everyone! I'll see you guys in school on Monday, okay?"

And so the three hastily retreat, with Chiyo-chan quickly trying to catch up to the already trotting form of the Tomo-dragging Yomi.

"Yeah, a-actually, I think I should go too… 'C-cause my mom doesn't want me to stay out too late. S-she says there's all sorts of creeps in the park, so…"

"But it's only four P.M."

"It is? W-well… I guess I should hurry then! See you around… like never."

And without more ado, Kagura also jogs off leaving me alone with only… Osaka.

"Well… seems it's just you and mah self left now."

Uh-huh…

"How nice."

Mm-hmm…

…

…

…

"Hey, Sakaki-san? Have ya ever tried stuffing your panties with acorns and pretended that they're testicles?"

"…No…"

"Do ya think kickin' them would hurt more on a girl than kickin' a boy's groin? Ya know, like when givin' birth?"

Oh, dear Lord! Caught together with a complete loonie.

Please don't kill me, Osaka…

"Do ya want to come to mah tea party tomorrow too, Sakaki-san?"

"NO!!"

Well, I've always wanted to do one of these where Sakaki's mental state is a bit… questionable to say the least. I figure that Sakaki seems to really believe in Chiyo-chichi's existence, considering for instance how she plainly says to the others of the Chiyo-chichi plushie that it is indeed Chiyo's father, and she seems to be the only one to ever see Chiyo-chichi while also being awake (even Osaka was at sleep during her single encounter). I do like the idea that maybe Sakaki is truly a bit unhinged in the brain, and I had really wanted to make one where Chiyo-chichi actually manifests himself while Sakaki was with the others.

I do think that I wrote Sakaki perhaps a bit too confrontational in both her thoughts and actions here, but I'm not going to try to fix it. It is what it is. And I did quite like adding Osaka's maniacal thoughts as counterpoint to Sakaki's hallucinations as well. Hope you enjoyed.