Randal: Hey peoples. As Dani informed you, I have the privilege of doing this chapter because she's in New York. I don't know why she couldn't just write them beforehand, then let me upload them.
Max II: Because she's lazy.
Randal: Oh yeah, I also have the immense pleasure of babysitting Max II.
Max II: You are not babysitting. I am not a baby.
Randal: You could be my baby.
Max II: No.
Randal: You say that now. . .
Max II: I say that infinitally.
Randal: I'll keep trying.
Max II: I believe you.
Randal: Dani was actually going to be on the phone with us while doing this, and she was about a minute ago, but she had to go. Her little cousin Claire wanted to play with her or something.
Max II: And I'm stuck here. With a horny teenage boy who has a creeper thing for me. And a talking pen that's addicted to pot.
Senor Fluffers: Keep up the tacos!
Randal: He's not high. He's just. . . odd.
Max II: No, you and Dani are odd. People who dress their cats in human clothing are odd. Senor Fluffers has to be on something.
Randal: Well maybe he's on caffeine. It happens.
Max II: Someone has to be on my side about Senor Fluffers being high. I mean, what other possibility is there?
Randal: I'll be on your side. But I must warn you. . . it might come with a price.
Max II: . . . Ew. I'd rather just stand alone.
Randal: Okay, but you don't know what your missing out on.
Max II: I think I have an idea.
Randal: So if I grew wings, went blind, and was awesome at cooking and building bombs. . . Would you consider it?
Max II: No. And I cannot believe Dani told you about the Iggy thing.
Randal: Oh about how your head-over-heels in love with him? Yeah, she told everybody that.
Max II: Un-freakin'-believable.
Randal: Yeah, but I don't mind. Just as long as I get a booty-call.
Max II: Your not gonna get a booty-call!!!!!
Randal: I'll convince you soon enough. . .
Max II: No. No, you won't.
Randal: What? It won't be sooooo bad. . .
Max II: It would be like going to work at a place that I hate.
Randal: It wouldn't be so much as work as it would be a job. . .
Max II: No. Just. . . no. Talk to me about any kind of job and you'll have the escape of a certain birdkid to explain to Dani.
Randal: Talk to me about any kind of job and we might have a bigger mess on our hands, if you know what I mean.
Max II: Thanks for the heads up.
Randal: Your welcome. . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh! Haha, good one.
Max II: Yeah, took ya long enough.
Randal: Had to think over it a couple times. Get the creative juices flowing.
Max II: I'm sure it's hard to pick just one thing when your creativity extends to a memorization of every Playboy issue since 2001.
Randal: I'm sure it's hard to adapt to knew ways of doing things when your creativity only extends to a fantasy of Iggy where all your private parts are censored. And I'm not addicted to Playboy, no matter what Dani likes to joke about. In fact, I haven't even read one issue.
Max II: Lies. All lies.
Senor Fluffers: Don't tip the seahorse over!
Randal: Okay, he's got to have a stash of marijuana.
Max II: Thank you!
Randal: Your very welcome. Do I get a reward?
Max II: Yeah. My foot up your ass.
Randal: Kinky.
Max II: Would you quit it with the 'kinky' shit?! I'm not kinky!
Randal: You say that, but we don't believe it. . .
Max II: I hate you.
Randal: You say that, but we don't believe it. . .
Max II: I shall return to my cardboard box.
Randal: I'll come with you.
Max II: Hell you will! It can't even fit two people!
Randal: I'm sure we can find a way to make room.
Max II: I could dismember you. That would make some more room.
Randal: I had another thing in mind.
Max II: Do you ever stop thinking about the same thing?
Randal: No. It would take a miracle to make me stop thinking about that.
Max II: Okay.
Randal: What are you doing? It's a hazard to get on your knees around me. Seriously, I'm not kidding when I say that.
Max II: Praying.
Randal: To which god?
Max II: There's more than one?
Randal: Dani wasn't kidding when she said you grew up under a rock. Don't worry, I still love you and I will help you adapt to the foreign ways of humans.
Max II: Oh joy. That's exactly what I wanted to hear.
Randal: I'm here for you, baby. Just for you.
Max II: I'm not your baby!
Randal: You say that, but we don't believe you.
Max II: You better believe me. I will do anything to prove I'm not your baby.
Randal: Say 'addicted' after everything I say.
Max II: Why? Will it prove I'm not your baby?
Randal: Yes, and it will be worth it.
Max II: Okay. . .
Randal: Drugs.
Max II: Addicted. . .
Randal: Alcohol.
Max II: Addicted. . .
Randal: What hit you in the face last night.
Max II: Addicted. . . Oooooooooooooooohhhhhh, I get it.
Randal: *laughing hysterically*
Max II: You've got to be extremely perverted and immature to find that so hilarious.
Randal: Dani thinks it's funny too!
Max II: Well that makes sense 'cause she's worse than you.
Randal: I'm gonna call her now and tell her how you fell for that.
Max II: Go ahead. If you have one immature, perverted teenager you mind as well have another one.
Randal: Exactly! *dials number*
Dani: Hello?
Randal: Dani! I'm writing the next chapter as we speak, and Max II totally just fell for the 'addicted' joke.
Dani: Yeah, she's not very bright with that kinda thing. Me, I can always see it coming.
Randal: That's what she said!
Dani: Damn. Didn't see that coming.
Max II: He mollywhopped you with words.
Randal: Max II, do you even know what a mollywhop is?
Max II: Yep. If I didn't then what I just said wouldn't make much sense.
Dani: Yeah, you owned me.
Randal: For some reason that makes you even hotter.
Max II: Then I'm just gonna shut up.
Dani: Does the idea of her going to the proctologist make her hotter?
Max II: Why the hell would you tell him that!?
Randal: That depends on what took place.
Dani: Hey, your not using exclamation points, right?
Randal: Nooooooooo. . . . .
Max II: We're gonna end this chapter now.
Randal: Okay. *randomly hangs up on Dani*
Max II: Your gonna get bitch-slapped her hanging up on her later.
Randal: It really sucks to have a female best friend that can kick your ass.
Max II: Well, bye!
Randal: Bye! Me and Max II need some privacy. . .
Max II: No. No we don't.
Randal: Either way.
Max II: Just end the damn chapter.
Randal: K, baby.
Max II: I'm not your baby!
Randal: Dani's gonna be sooooooo mad that I let you use so many exclamation points.
Max II: Well she left me here with you, she can expect retaliation.
Randal: Okay. Review!
Max II: REVIEW!!!!!
Senor Fluffers: Hit the booty!
Randal: He meant button. Review button. Please. I might just hit someone's booty though. . .
Max II: I will kill you. I mean it.
Randal: Alright, bye!
Randal: Dani is going to kill me.
Max II: HOORAY!!
Randal: That was insulting. And that really was supposed to be the end of the chapter, but I wrote it 6 days ago and then my internet went down. And now Dani will be home in 2 days and I haven't even uploaded one chapter. But shhhhhhh, don't tell her that.
Max II: Nice warning. I'm sure she'll never find out.
Randal: Onto other matters. . . I HOPE YOU'VE READ FANG CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT IT!
Max II: Here we go again. . .
Randal: So I know most of you threw the book at the wall when . . . well, when you read half the book. I threw it at the wall 7 times. There are many throw-worthy things in that book.
Max II: But I think he's got you beat on how mad he was.
Randal: It pissed me off.
Max II: He threw it at the wall, picked it up, read another chapter, then. . . threw it out the second story window.
Randal: It survived. And how many other people say "FINISH HIM" when they have a situation like that? 'Cause that's what I say. . .
Max II: Your such a dork.
Randal: Can I do one little teensy-weensy spoiler?
Max II: No.
Randal: Please?
Max II: No.
Randal: Pretty please?
Max II: Fine.
Randal: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAX IS A TEETH-BANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Max II: I shoulda known you would say that.
Randal: 'Where's Max? Oh, she's hibernating." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Max II: I said only one spoiler!
Randal: Okay, so we're actually gonna end this chapter now. . .
Max II: BYE!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it when Dani isn't here. This whole 'NO EXCLAMATION POINTS' thing is stupid.
Randal: It's just Dani being Dani. You know what's hard? I keep writing her real name, then remember you all know her as Dani and have to go back and re-write it.
Max II: Okay, we're officially ending this chapter.
Randal: Yeah, I've said enough, another spoiler is gonna pop outta my mouth any second. . .
Max II: REVIEW!!!!!!! BYE!!!!