Moonlight & Serenades Part VIII

Sequel to: Tea & a Tango for Two

Author: Brandywine00

Rating: NC-18, MATURE ADULT. Really.

Disclaimer: I don't own, nor do I make any cashy-money from this. Joss is Boss!

By special request for BigBadJayne…

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~Eire Moon, on the Rim~

Inara leaned back into Jayne's broad chest, closing her eyes as he finger-combed her hair. The fierce heat of their loving had mellowed into a sweet, comfortable glow as they relaxed in the fading light of Eire's sister moon. Losing herself in the rhythm of his hands and his steady breathing and the constant shushing flow of the waterfall, she marveled at the rightness growing strong and sure in her heart.

"It's a losing battle, bao bei," she said with a soft smile, though he couldn't see it. His fingers stilled for an instant, before resuming the soothing strokes through the dark, damp strands. The other arm tightened ever so slightly around her waist, as if he were trying to draw her even closer into him. "My curls have always had a will of their own, despite all my tricks to make them behave. They're always worse when they're wet."

"Oh," he murmured, letting his hold on her relax a bit, his strong, careful fingers resuming their attentions. "My woman and her wild hair."

She smiled at that and at the warmth spreading through her chest at his words. My woman. The reality was undeniable to her now, had always been there in the recesses of her mind waiting for her to acknowledge and claim it.

"Gorramit," he whispered, surprising her with the sudden resignation in his voice. His fingers slid from her hair to skim her bare arm, his body tensed behind her as he brought his head to rest against her temple and took a slow, deep breath. The exhale, just as measured, brought no ease to his tension. She turned to see him in her peripheral vision, alarmed by the deep furrow creasing his brow. "'Nara…. I'm sorry. I'm… just so sorry."

"Jayne?" She twisted around in his arms to face him fully, tracing his cheek with her fingertips. "Sorry for what? Talk to me, bao bei, tell me what's wrong." She wasn't sure she was ready to know, not now, not when she'd finally found what she had sought all this time. Not now, here secure in his embrace. Glimmering hope faltered in her mind, transforming into a cold weight in her center.

He hugged her tight to him for a moment, his reluctance growing more palpable with each moment. "Never put much stock in foolin' myself. Life's too short, no sense in a man pretenin' an' hopin' for what he can't have. I know that, 'Nara, but the truth'll stand when the world's are on fire."

"This isn't pretend –"

"Please, 'Nara, this is hard enough to say already. You know I ain't a man much for words, just let me get it out whilst I can." He resumed the slow, gentle strokes through her hair. Inara felt her throat tighten, each pass of his fingers feeling like a touch of goodbye.

"Guild's gonna come to it's ruttin' senses 'fore too long. Restore yer license an' all. Everything's gonna get straightened out for ya, I just know it." He was trying to sound upbeat. Positive, happy for her, despite the tightness he was trying to hide beneath his words.

"You could get to go back to yer kinda life, back to everything ya worked so hard for. All them years spent trainin' an' workin' through the companion ranks… you could have better than a life scratchin' a livin' out of the Black. A far sight better than what a man like me can give ya. An' you deserve all that, 'Nara."

All her years of training and working failed her in hiding the shudder in her breathing. Inara blinked back the scalding tears. "Don't, Jayne," she whispered tightly. "Please… don't…"

Warm, callused thumbs tenderly brushed at the tears running down her cheeks. "Gorramit, woman, I didn't mean ta…"

"I can't do this, Jayne," she sobbed into his shoulder, all her careful poise and control gone now. "Can't stand to hear it… not after all that's passed… not fair… I'm not strong enough…"

He swept her up in a fierce embrace, rocking a bit while she spent her tears. A strong, gentle hand stroked her back as his low voice shushed and soothed her.

"Strong as most any woman I ever met," his voice rumbled soft against her ear. "Got nerve and a backbone what'd make most men look puny, for all ya look so frail an' dainty. Most folk don't know strong don't come from yer muscles. Comes from here." He trailed his fingers down her breastbone to linger over her heart. "Comes from here." He stroked her temple.

"Ain't many could do what ya done. Fine, culturated lady like you, 'customed to nice things. But ya did it. Gorram if ya didn't do it, done come out here an' claimed a piece of it fer yerself. An' that ain't nothin', 'Nara."

"But it's not enough," she tightly finished what she knew he was going to say. It took every last ounce of her will to keep her anguish from showing, and she struggled to not let him see how deeply his words cut. She thought it would be enough. Thought if she could adapt, be open and honest with him, it would work itself out. "Not enough. Is it?"

His candid words during their last union crept back into her mind, twisting upon themselves. He'd never be happy in 'her' world. And now, it seemed he didn't want her to be a part of his. That was it, wasn't it? He was trying to give her an exit. Be noble and gracious and 'tra-la-la, be on your merry, Inara, 'cause I don't wanna get all entangled.'

"It's not enough," his voice cracked a bit as he sagged into her. "You'd miss things, things ya can't find out here. Poetry and … museum type stuff. Whatever it is core folks got that makes livin' there better than livin' here. Ain't gonna blame ya when ya decide the Black's not worth it. I just wish…"

"Jayne, who ever said – "

"'Nara, please!" he hissed. "Gotta get this said! Can't let it just sit here and wish time back after it's too late."

Clamping her lips in a firm line she stared up at the fifty-foot sheet of water plummeting down the white cliff, feeling like her heart was being dragged under by the tow.

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