Disclaimer: Meyer owns 'em.
I turned towards my closet and then gasped aloud.
"Oh!" My hands covered my mouth, as I stared ahead in horror.
Edward was standing at my closet, wearing my clothes. Of course, they didn't fit him; they stretched across his frame in a hideous way.
"What are you doing here?" This had become my pet question now.
"I like to see myself from a woman's point of view. I know how women think, and I'm happy I finally got the opportunity to do this," he replied, looking rather proud of himself.
I staggered over to my bed and slumped there.
This couldn't be real, this was beyond crazy now, beyond anything actually. And I didn't even own very feminine clothes at that.
"Edward, get out of my closet, now!" I tried to keep my voice even, but it came out too high pitched and croaky.
He raised his hands and gave one long parting look to my closet. With a sigh, he left through my door.
I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. It would have calmed me, if a sniffing sound next to me hadn't startled me.
Dreading what I would see, I didn't even turn my face in the direction of the odd sound.
"I'm bad for you, Bella," the sniffling Edward said. I could recognize Edward's velvet voice anywhere.
"Why are you bringing this up now?" I asked in an irritated tone. Like it was really the perfect time to discuss his issues with our relationship.
"I am telling you the obvious, Bella. Stay away from me," he said, sniffling again. "The monster wants to kill you, the voyeur doesn't respect you, and—"
"What are you trying to say?" I shut him up mid-way.
"We are all same, but we are all different from each other."
I turned around to face him. He was sobbing rather loudly now. No, there were no tears in his eyes, but I could see that he was crying.
Oh boy, Edward was sobbing like a girly girl.
"I… don't understand, Edward," I whispered, feeling too worn out to talk normally.
And then yet another Edward climbed through my window. It was a crowd now.
"They," he pointed downwards and waved at the crying Edward, "and I, we're all parts of one person—Edward. We're the different manifestations of Edward."
I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. Parts of the same Edward?
What was all this? Some kind of prank?
No, how can anyone produce the same Edward again and again. The same beautiful creature cannot be copied!
"And what part are you?" I asked the Edward-at-my-window, keeping with his gig.
He rubbed his chin in thought and then spoke with sparkling eyes. "You can call me The Scholarly Edward, or the Scientific Edward."
"More like Nerdward," I said dismissively.
"And what about me?" asked the crying Edward. "I should be called the Bad Edward, or the Undeserving-of-Bella-Edward."
"I'd call you Emoward." I stroked his beautiful unruly hair. I was beginning to get sucked into this madness.
"So," I asked, turning towards Nerdward, "how did you all get separated from each other? I mean, how did Edward manage to divide himself?"
"We got hit by two lightening strikes at the same time," he replied.
"Huh?" I couldn't even picture that.
Edward got struck by lightening? And if that wasn't enough, by two strikes at the same time? Was he, like, carrying my bad luck with himself these days?
"The lightening divided us into the many facets of Edward," the Nerdward stated. "I wonder if the legends about dividing lightening strikes were true after all."
"If the legends about vampires and werewolves can be true, then why not lightening?" I asked sarcastically.
A brief thought about the movie, The Prestige, came to my mind. Dang, Nikola Tesla!
"Now, how to put you all back together?" I asked, rather to myself.
"I'm working on that part." The Nerdward nodded at me.
"Have you talked to Carlisle?"
"No," he answered, "I don't want to share my discovery."
I glared at him.
He didn't flinch at all.
This was going to get ugly.
"Now," I snapped at both of them, "will you guys please excuse me? I need to get dressed."
They left my room as soon as I said that.
I closed my door and locked it; the window too. I was suddenly feeling a lack of personal space with so many Edwards running around my house.
Thank God Charlie had gone fishing today. He would've had a stroke if he saw any of this.
I quickly put on a tank top and searched for my favourite sweatpants. But they weren't in my closet anymore. They were gone, gone with Crossdressward.
I searched for something else to wear, and found a pair of shorts. I put them on without another look.
I hurried down the stairs to see exactly how horrible this situation was. I didn't even know the exact number Edwards that were here.
But my bad luck was with me at this moment, I realized, as I stubbed my toe on the handrail.
"Ow!" I yelped in pain.
In no time, an Edward was at my side—I didn't know which one it was—gingerly checking my throbbing toe.
"Does it hurt?" he asked, moving his fingers deftly, wiggling my toe up and down.
He was observing my toe for any kind of serious injury. He looked a lot like Carlisle, with deep concentration on his face.
"Are you Docward?"
He looked at me with a wary expression. "I asked you about your toe, Bella, and you're trying to make a joke of it. You have no sense of self preservation," he scolded.
Yup, definitely Docward.
"Bella," he continued, looking exasperated, "are you in pain?"
"Nope," I said, and quickly got up. My toe throbbed, but it was nothing compared to my previous exploits in clumsyland.
Docward held my arm as we descended down the stairs.
There, in the living room, six different Edwards were waiting for me.
I recognized Voyeurward—the one who peeped at me in the shower—he was leering at me, standing at the foot of the stairs.
Emoward was sitting in a corner, sobbing like before. And he was being bullied by another Edward, who looked mighty pissed.
This Edward reminded of the times when Edward was furious at something.
So this was Rageward.
"Cry, you little baby!" Rageward roared at Emoward. "I bet you have no other pastime!" And then he punched Emoward.
I gaped at them.
On their right sat Nerdward, reading today's paper, paying no attention to them at all.
Rageward punched Emoward again, and Emoward cried some more. I started in their direction, but Docward stopped me.
"No, Bella," he warmed me, "you'd get hurt. Let them be. It's the usual for them."
I sighed reluctantly and gave up, even as Rageward started thrashing Emoward unrelentingly. Docward was firm on not letting me intervene.
"At least, get someone to stop them," I said, flinching at the cries of Emoward.
"I'll do that." Docward left my side and went to remove Rageward. He took a hold of him and dragged him outside.
Emoward rubbed his eyes and kept on weeping. He sounded worse than howling dogs.
In an attempt to distract myself from him, I looked around the living for the rest of Edwards.
One Edward was cleaning the carpet, muttering about the dirt everywhere. He was the same Edward, I realized, who was stacking my books in order.
I christened him as OCDward.
Another Edward was sitting on the lounge, humming to himself and moving his fingers in the air, like he was playing the piano.
Musicward it was, I guess.
And then the seventh one appeared from the kitchen.
"Bella, your breakfast is ready," he said, reaching for my hand. I let him guide me to the table, where a freshly cooked meal was waiting for me. Cheese omelette.
Great, so it was Chefward at my service.
"Where are the rest of them?" I asked Chefward, as he handed me a fork.
"The monster is fighting with the protector," he responded with a resigned look.
I nodded, as though I understood everything. Monsterward was fighting with Guardianward. Right…
"Who's winning?"
"The protector, I assume."
I acted all nonchalant about it, as if we were discussing a ballgame.
"The others are here as well." Chefward smiled at me.
I tried to smile back, but it probably resembled an anime toon smile—fake and overdone.
I ate my breakfast in a hurry. My appetite had been knocked down, and I wouldn't have eaten at all, but Chefward insisted.
"Will you guys please get the others inside the house? I don't want anyone seeing all this," I pleaded to Chefward.
Voyeurward was standing in the kitchen doorway now. He gave me a nod.
"I'll do it, love," he said sweetly. And I found my anger with him melt away.
Bad, very bad indeed.
I skulked out of the dining room and moved to the living room, while Chefward and Voyeurward discussed the strategy of collecting the rest of them.
Musicward made room for me as I sat beside him on the lounge.
"Making another lullaby?" I asked him lightly, as though this was a normal conversation on a normal day.
But then again, I was in love with a vampire, and nothing was normal about that.
He nodded and turned his face towards me to give me a brilliant grin. That left me wondering again; how could someone so beautiful, so perfect, ever be replicated?
"Would you like to watch some T.V?" I asked the various Edwards who occupied my living room. They shook their heads.
And then the weight on the lounge shifted.
Yet another Edward sat beside me. He wasn't Voyeurward, I was sure of that. Voyeurward, along with Chefward, had gone out to collect the rest of Edwards.
I almost laughed aloud at silliness of everything that was happening here. Each Edward here was a part of the Edward I loved.
I'd never felt uncomfortable with Edward, and it was so ironic for me to feel weird with his various moods, separated from each other.
Was I more comfortable with certain Edwards and not with the rest?
Moreover, how the hell was I supposed to get them back together into one man?
As I was trying to understand the meaning behind this strange separation of Edwards, the Edward beside me scooted closer to me.
He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.
"What are you thinking about, love?" he whispered in my ear, and that sent shivers down my spine.
He kept pulling me closer and closer, until I was sitting right in his lap.
"I… was wondering which part of Edward are you?" I asked him in a wavering voice. Damn, I was losing my focus!
I heard him laugh behind me.
"Shall I show you, instead of telling you?" he murmured, as his hands moved my hair aside to expose my neck.
"Show me?" I tried to keep myself on track, as his lips planted lingering kisses on my neck and shoulders. "How?"
I felt his lips twitching upward. "I'm already doing it, love."
Huh?
I tried to rake my brain for clues, but I was unable to find any. What was his speciality? What part of Edward was he manifesting here?
His hands slipped under my tank top; and my breathing hitched.
Suddenly, the main door burst open and four different Edwards walked inside.
One of them groaned loudly and then trained his eyes on me, looking like a ravenous… monster. A beautiful monster at that.
It was Monsterward, the great.
Monsterward lunged for me. The one next to him grabbed him and yanked him away. Must be Guardianward.
The others just stared at me as I climbed out of God-knows-what-ward's lap.
I removed myself from the living room, feeling a rush of unpleasant emotions as I saw one Edward spar with another.
The Edward in whose lap I was sitting seemed least bothered about the commotion inside the living room.
Perhaps, he was Romanticward, as he was focused on me only.
He followed me as I climbed up the stairs in despair. I decided to ignore him for time being. This wasn't the perfect time for snuggling.
I wondered how many Edwards actually were there… how many hidden facets did my vampire boyfriend have?
But the burning question was how to get him in one piece again. I needed help, and I needed it pronto.