Disclaimer: Meyer owns Twilight, I don't... I could have done all this crazy shit with the characters in published canon then.
As I headed over to my room, I saw one Edward kneeling by my bathroom door.
Feeling curious, I approached him.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
And then I saw the various bottles of Lysol and bleach and what not.
This had to be OCDward. But I just saw him cleaning the living room carpet a while back.
How could he be in here so soon? Weird.
"I'm cleaning your bathroom, it's so damn dirty!" he muttered irately. He was leaning over the floor tiles, cleaning them furiously with a toothbrush. A goddamn toothbrush!
Yes, OCDward indeed.
I huffed, feeling offended. "I clean this bathroom everyday! How dare you, Edward?"
"I'm stating my observation. It is dirty when it looks dirty!"
"What in the—"
I was in the middle of my rant, when Romanticward came up to me and held my waist.
"Leave him alone, love," he whispered, "He gets self-satisfaction and approval by doing such things."
He pulled me away from OCDward and towed me to my bedroom. Wow, was he aggressive!
Something was amiss with this Edward—Romanticward—whatever.
I removed myself from him as soon as we walked into my room.
Weird shouting noises were coming from down below, and I dashed to my window to see what was going on.
One Edward was trying to drag another Edward out of his Volvo, now parked in the back of my house.
"I'm not leaving! I told you!" shouted the Edward inside the Volvo. "Let me be, I'm not leaving my car. This is my baby!"
"Oh please, Edward! This is a car, just a car!" the other Edward tried to argue.
Romanticward crept up behind me and began kissing my back. And I suddenly felt like ignoring the rest of them.
"It's not just a car!" the Volvo Edward yelled, "It's my batmobile!"
"Yeah, right! A soccer-mom batmobile, that is!"
"Don't insult my baby! It's dependable and safe!"
"Not my words, it's what the Forks high kids call it. Now let the beast rest. Bella asked me bring you inside the house." The other Edward tried to yank the Volvoward out of the Volvo, but Volvoward didn't budge.
"I'm not coming out!"
"I'll scratch its damn paintjob if you don't come with me!"
As much as I wanted to enjoy Romanticward's touch, the verbal duelling below my window had me distracted.
"Please tell them not to fight," I requested, turning around to face him.
"They'll take care of themselves," he assured. "And I'll take care of you."
The seductive tone of his voice was like a siren song for me, hard to resist.
"All this fighting, just for an ordinary human girl, a very foolish girl at that."
This definitely sounded like another Edward. I turned around back to my window, to see for myself.
The third Edward was standing away from the Volvo, looking cocky and carefree.
"You should just leave Bella. We don't belong with humans," he stated plainly to the fighting Edwards, who weren't listening to him anyway.
His words offended me. If he was a part of my Edward, then it meant that some part of Edward did think of me as a foolish human girl.
I was instantaneously furious!
"Don't mind him." Romanticward pulled me to him once again. "He always says mean things to everyone. Always the nasty one."
"And your Volvo is a piece of junk," Nastyward—as I now named him—told the Volvoward. "Jacob Black's rabbit can outdo it any day."
Volvoward growled at him.
"And you, stupid vampire, cooking up meals for Bella. Have you ever given a thought to it? It's so ridiculous!" Nastyward laughed at the other Edward—Chefward, I realized.
"See?" Romanticward said, "I told you he's nasty. It's a good thing that no one listens to him."
His hands were moving inside my tank again… upwards this time.
"Oh," I exclaimed in surprise, as my ass encountered something hard. He was… hard. I could feel him through the barrier of my shorts and his jeans.
Holy crow!
Yet another Edward made an appearance at my window, but I was too distracted to care, with Romanticward's hands creeping in my tank.
"At last, when all the summer shine
That warmed life's early hours is past,
Your loving fingers seek for mine
And hold them close—at last—at last!."
My eyes refocused on the Edward at my window. He was reciting poetry to me.
"Not oft the robin comes to build
Its nest upon the leafless bough
By autumn robbed, by winter chilled,—
But you, dear heart, you love me now."
It was a love poem. So if this Edward was reciting a poem to me, then he should be Romanticward.
But then which part of Edward was this, the one holding me in his grasp?
"Er, Edward, wait a sec here." I pushed his hands out of my top, with much effort. "I think I need to make a call."
"Here," he retrieved his silver cell phone and gave it to me. "Make the call from my phone."
It was clear; he didn't want me to leave the room. Lord, help me!
I dialled the number that appeared first in his phonebook. It was Alice.
She picked it up on the first ring.
"Hello, Bella. How are you doing?" she greeted me, sounding chipper.
"Alice!" I hissed, "Do you have any idea what's going on here?!"
The poetry reciting Edward chose this moment to continue.
"Though there are shadows on my brow
And furrows on my cheek, in truth,
The marks where Time's remorseless plough
Broke up the blooming sward of Youth,—"
"Shut up!" I yelled at him.
He pouted sullenly, but thankfully, he listened to me.
"Bella? What's going on?" Alice responded on the other side, sounding alarmed. "I swear I have no idea! Tell me!"
I slouched on my bed and divulged every detail of my encounter with the various Edwards. I nearly had a fit of verbal diarrhoea explaining everything.
And the touchy-feely Edward was at my side again, running his hands over my bare legs. As much as I craved his touch, it was very inappropriate at this moment.
"Alice, please come up here and help me," I practically begged her. "All of this looks like a scary movie."
"I'll bring Emmett and Jasper with me, don't worry, Bella."
I cut the call off and exhaled in temporary relief. At least, I wasn't alone in this madness now.
"Mmmhh Bella…" I heard my favourite velvet voice in my ear. It had a certain edge of desperation to it.
I turned around and faced him, only to get pulled against him again. This time, he didn't let me protest.
He locked his lips with mine, and I was one fire. On instinct, I kissed him back with fervour, fearing that he'd pull back, but he didn't.
Instead, he nudged me towards the centre of my bed, and lodged himself between my legs. His arousal pressed into me, and my nether regions came alive.
I heaved myself and pushed my hips against his.
Picking up my response, he started moving in a rocking motion, pushing into me again and again. My eyes rolled back and closed shut, while a desperate whimper escaped my lips.
This was so unlike Edward. I never imagined that he would be so forward with me, so brazen. But I wasn't complaining, for it felt good. Boy, it felt amazing!
His hands moved up my torso and then cupped my breasts through my top.
I gasped, and opened my eyes, just in time to witness yet another Edward climbing through my window.
It was Voyeurward; his eyes twinkled with excitement upon looking at me.
"Oh, so he found you," he said, pointing at the Edward who was groping me. "He's the one I was talking about. Can't keep his hands off you."
Oh, so this groping Edward was… Hornyward.
My eyes widened as I understood the meaning of Hornyward's ambiguous words. He was showing me what he was, by groping me!
I pulled my lips away, trying to halt this heavy petting session.
Hornyward rubbed his thumbs across my nipples, and I forgot what I was about to say. "Ugh, E-Edward…" I barely managed sputter.
I could hear the sounds of renewed fighting from below my window.
Guardianward and Monsterward had started battling again. But I was beyond caring, as Hornyward's deliberate touches inhibited my thought process.
"This should be an even match, but I'm hoping that the protector wins," he murmured, his lips now exploring my clavicle, "I'll get more time with you then."
I didn't respond, I was too far gone for any kind of coherent response.
His hands moved inside my top, towards my back, and quickly undid my bra. Then he pushed the bra aside and caressed my bare breasts.
And my world exploded!
Voyeurward came forth and sat near my bed, watching me intently as Hornyward played with me. He really was a voyeur.
Behind him, the real Romanticward started his adoring recital again.
"Lay Your Sleeping head, my love,
Human on my faithless arm:
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty…"
A soft moan escaped my lips as Hornyward's fingers paid special attention to my nipples.
We had never crossed this boundary before, ever! I was beginning to wonder if he'd take this further. Was I opposed to it? No… Hell no!
"But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie,
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful…"
Hornyward removed himself from between my legs and moved to my right. He claimed my lips again, while his right hand left my upper torso and slipped beneath the waistband of my shorts.
"Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy…"
This was so wrong, but I didn't want him to stop. So I didn't utter a single note of objection.
His hand continued its southward journey, gliding into my panties.
"Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstasy…"
The presence of other Edwards felt weird, but it only worked to arouse me further. I guess I had a twisted, kinky side of my own.
I didn't get any time focus myself enough to think about what was happening, as his fingers began caressing my nether regions.
I was reduced to a quivering mess, awaiting my dive of a mind-blowing orgasm.
His other hand was still on my left breast, playing with my nipple.
I was in heaven. Yes, carnal ecstasy was the right word; this Romanticward was good.
"Certainty, fidelity
On the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell
And fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry:
Every farthing of the cost…"
As if it were possible, the heaven got more heavenly as a finger slipped inside me.
I looked at my left, and Voyeurward was now leaning above my left side, his eyes glowing like wild flames.
I had no idea where Romanticward was, but his recital continued.
"All the dreaded cards foretell.
Shall be paid, but from this night
Not a whisper, not a thought.
Not a kiss nor look be lost…"
Wow, this looked like an exhibitionist's dream come true.
Hornyward's magic fingers touched places unknown to me, the pleasure troves. But I was still locked in Voyeurward's eyes.
I reached for his hand and pulled him to me. Yes, I had discarded my last shred of sanity. All I sought now was pleasure.
I grabbed Voyeurward's hand and shoved it inside my top.
"Yes!" I hissed in pleasure, as Voyeurward gave me his own doze of pleasure. His hands explored the rest of my body, while Hornyward made an addition of a finger inside me.
"Beauty, midnight, vision dies:
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
Such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless…"
I don't know who did it, but my top was now pulled aside, riding high over my neck. Both my lovers were now kissing down a path that led straight to my nipples.
They were in sync. Edward was never out of sync, even in divided forms.
"Find our mortal world enough;
Noons of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary powers,
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love…"
Both Edwards licked and sucked on my taut peaks. My hands gripped their wild bronze locks, urging them on.
Hornyward pumped his fingers in and out.
Voyeurward slipped a hand in my shorts and pressed my clit.
And Oh! I reached such a high of pleasure that even Mount Everest looked puny.
My mouth was hanging open, and my screams of pleasure seemed oddly removed from my body.
The Edwards didn't stop, and I didn't mind at all.
I was swimming in a sea of ecstasy!
"Holy mother of God!" a familiar, booming voice suddenly permeated my conscience.
And abruptly, I was thrown back on earth with loud thud.
Notes:
In case you're wondering what poems was Romanticward reciting during Bella's *ahem* adventures with the other two Edwards. Here they are-
THE FIRST POEM - AT LAST by Elizabeth Akers Allen
THE SECOND POEM - LULLABY by W. H. Auden