Disclaimer: Meyer owns Twilight, I don't... otherwise I'd have made it a crack story.
I was fuming and cursing internally as we all sat in my living room, discussing the probable solution to Edward's problem of multitudes.
Which could potentially hurt him. A lot.
Jasper began fidgeting, looking at me accusingly.
"Pain," I sputtered, "he will be in pain. Lightning is a painful phenomenon to bear, at least from what I've heard and read and seen."
I wanted to add 'Insert sarcasm here' but stopped at the last moment.
Alice gave me a curious look.
Bless the psychos—I mean—psychics…
Damn Freudian slip.
"Oh," Jasper finally exhaled in understanding. "Yeah, that."
The room grew tense, and I began to feel claustrophobic.
"Are you all as tough as a vampire?" I asked the Edwards, "I mean, can you all handle the pain induced by a lightning strike? Can vampires even handle lightning?"
Questions, questions and more questions…
A round of murmurs and 'hmms' and 'ahs' followed, but no answers.
I briefly considered the level of my patience at this moment. It wasn't very high.
With the load of stress that was weighing me down, I was certain my brain would probably resemble a gooey mush by the end of this episode.
That is, if there was an end to it.
Gah… I guess I was badly in need of a 'positive thinking' speech.
I wondered if Carlisle had access to Deepak Chopra.
"I think we're the same as Edward, only divided in form," Nerdward offered, breaking into my wayward thoughts about a date with Deepak Chopra. "But only one of us can actually read minds at the moment, I suppose."
That piece of information was new to me.
"Oh?" I wondered aloud in surprise. "Which one?"
"This one," he waved at one of them, and honestly, I wasn't sure I had interacted with him.
It was all still very confusing.
So I just acted as though I knew who was the mind-reader Edward.
"Okay, can we just… I don't know, get a formal introduction thing with all the Edwards here?" I asked hesitantly, as each of those Edwards turned their stares in my direction.
Dealing with one staring Edward was a tough task, just imagine my state with an army of them doing the same.
Unnerved was probably an understatement.
Thankfully, Carlisle understood what I was requesting.
He ushered the various Edwards to disclose what part of united Edward they represented.
Hmm… the expression 'United Edward' was sounding more like 'United States,' which would have been hilarious if not for this grim situation.
"Hi, I'm Nerdward," Nerdy announced rather cheerfully.
The rest followed. It was awkward.
"I don't know how to say this, but I represent Edward's sexually frustrated side." Oh damn, Hornyward!
"I am the curious side of Edward. Anything Bella does, I find fascinating. She thinks I'm a voyeur, so I must be."
A-W-K-W-A-R-D
"I am the mind-reader, and I request Emmett to stop thinking about what happened upstairs with Bella and others."
I could have died right them, I was so mortified.
Carlisle was surprised to hear this, of course, and he looked at Emmett in a questioning way.
Please, God, no more!
Thankfully, the rest of the lot continued on its own, reverting Carlisle's attention.
"I am the funny side of Edward. Bella must be itching to christen me as Humorward." He chuckled aloud.
"Then I must be Bookwormward, because I love to read. Just like Bella. Of course, I've read more."
"I don't know what I am, but I really don't like Bella being with anyone else but me. It makes me want to punch everyone else she talks to."
"Let me name you!" Emmett interrupted, raising his hand like a kid. "You're Jealousward, dude. Hands down!"
Another Edward waved at me, ignoring Emmett's banter.
"I'm Docward, as Bella called me." He gave me a small smile, which warmed my heart.
Of course, I returned it.
"I don't know who I am, but all this jesting from Emmett is irritating me. I really don't appreciate how some people in this room are making fun of my—our situation."
This Edward confused me, more than any other, because he gave off a vague vibe.
"Have we interacted?" I asked him, trying to place his trait.
He looked… hurt by my question?
"Just because I have been pulled apart from the rest of me, it does not mean that I have become a stranger, Bella. We all remember who you are, and we all remember each of our interactions. Even the monster remembers you, and he knows that it's forbidden to be near you. I don't think you feel the same way about me when I'm scattered like this. And you certainly don't understand all my facets. But I can assure you that I love you the same."
His long-winded explanation hit me like a slap in my face.
I had hurt his feelings… so very unintentionally.
"Edward… I…" I couldn't speak, because I had nothing to say in my defence.
"Can we cut the melodrama, please?" Emmett rolled his eyes. "Give the girl a break, you Grouseward, she's been dealing with all your crazy sides since morning, and that too without much complaint, unlike you. So suck it up and try to be useful here."
"Grouseward? Really, Emmett?" Jasper asked, his face looking like a weird mix of pissed-hurt-amused.
If I didn't know better, I'd have thought Jasper a crack addict.
"She always says she understands me, all of me, and accepts me," Grouseward—as Emmett had christened him—whined. "But all she has done so far is handing bizarre monikers to my various aspects and treated me like a wretch. Not to mention taking advantage of certain less responsible parts of me."
I gasped at his accusation, cowering further into my corner of the room.
Had I actually been that mean to him? And… what the hell did he mean by that last sentence?
My eyes clouded with tears, prompting me to look down in order to hide my mortification.
I briefly noticed Alice moving from beside me and flitting across toward the crowd of Edwards.
All of a sudden, a series of scuffling noises erupted inside the room.
I peeked from under my lashes, catching a glimpse of Alice… whoa!... jostling Grouseward—I think—out of the house.
Once outside, she picked up the flailing, kicking Edward and shoved him into Carlisle's Mercedes.
I watched everything from the living room window, tears forgotten.
"If you so much as scratch the car, I'm pulling you apart with my bare hands, understand!" she screeched at him, so sharply that I had to cover my ears.
"I'm taking this one home!" she hollered at us, clambering inside the car.
Emmett gave her a dramatic salute, while Jasper smirked.
I just gaped.
When Alice was gone, it was Carlisle who finally brought the conversation back on track.
I slumped back in my corner seat and listened to the rest of the discussion.
"Alice still can't see an outcome," Jasper explained, still courting an amused expression. "I can't say if this experiment of Nerdy will be any good."
"That's because lightning is impulsive," Emmett said sarcastically, "it doesn't decide to strike at a place, it just does. Right, Jazz?"
Jasper gave him an annoyed look, but nodded still.
"But, Alice can predict the weather, right?" I butted in, finally getting a hang what they were talking about.
Wait, was I repeating myself here? Insert a good ole 'head-scratch' here.
"Yes, she mostly can, but the process is slower compared to lightning," Carlisle supplied, smiling apologetically at me. "Relax, Bella, we will find a way out."
Bless the man.
"Yeah, but I'm not very thrilled about Edward getting electrocuted." My voice quivered a little as I said that.
Carlisle nodded at me and turned towards Nerdward. "Do you suppose that there is any other way to unite you all? This, as Bella is afraid and so am I, sure is a very painful procedure of conveying you."
And to think that we actually weren't sure that it would work…
"I don't think any other attempt would work," Nerdward explained, his face serious. "It will be painful, yes, but I'm pretty certain that it will work. The polarization has to be reversed, just like with light, is what I think will bring us back together."
"Light, as in refraction?" I asked, trying not to sound dumb.
"Yes." He gave me tight smile. "I thought you weren't into science."
"I'm not," I clarified with a shrug. "Perhaps I'm pushing my limits because it concerns you."
Nerdy's smile broadened, making my heart pump louder in my chest.
"You can stop making googly eyes at each other now," Emmett quipped, breaking the spell.
Nerdy just chuckled in response.
"But how are we going to keep all the Edwards together as a unit, that is, until the lightning strikes?" Jasper asked, looking worried despite Emmett's cracks, understandably so.
"Tie them together and then hang them from a crane?" Emmett replied half-jokingly, "Nah, the lightning will just hit the crane first, I think. That would dilute its effect, eh Nerdy?"
Nerdward nodded, raking a hand through his hair in typical Edward fashion.
I think I sighed a little at the demo of that little trait of his.
"I want ideas," Nerdward exclaimed anxiously, "give me some good ideas. All of you, just think a little seriously about it. Getting us hit together is the focal point of this experiment."
I did not like the way he said 'Experiment.'
Although I did understand what he was demanding from us.
"That's the main issue," I agreed, feeling extremely tired all of a sudden. "How to get the all Edwards together, and that too in a heap, so that their overall height is greater than any other object in the vicinity."
Everyone remained silent for a while.
Had I inadvertently made a science faux pas of some sort?
"Eureka!" Emmett shouted then, making me jump with the boom of his voice. "Bella, honey, you've just given us the answer yourself. Heap! In a heap! We'd just stack them up on one another and make an Edward tower. They will remain connected to the ground, and they will have the required height."
"Yes, Emmett's right, Bella," Nerdward stated with an amazed expression. "It would work! You found us a solution!"
Right then, he got up and darted towards me.
I yelped in surprise as he picked me up in his arms and planted a sweet, affectionate kiss on my lips.
The only problem was… I returned it in an uber horny way.
Damn hormones!
Just then, as Nerdward was twirling me in his arms, Jasper's phone vibrated.
He fished it out and read the text he had received.
"It's Alice." He smiled, looking at me and Nerdward, and then at Carlisle. "She says it's going to work."
I silently thanked God. Finally, it looked as if we might just be able get Edward together again.
Now, the only problem was… waiting for a thunderstorm to brew in the area.
I hope my crack is working...