"Today, we will be talking about recent struggles." Susan's clear voice announced to the post-lunch group. I shifted in my armchair and glanced to my right at Lyra, who was looking at Susan and not out of the windows for a change, and then allowed my gaze to slide to my left toward Allie.
The past few days had made me feel like an elder sibling to the smaller girl. After witnessing the interaction between her and Paul during my second day at Rockford, I had made it a point to make sure she was never alone. Inviting her to come along with Lyra and I whenever our floor wasn't in group was the most effective solution I had come up with, though it definitely wasn't the most accommodating. Nick and Allie got along well enough with their constant chatter and were quite satisfied to be each others center of attention, but for Lucas and Lyra, the younger girl's attention-seeking personality was more of an annoyance than anything. They had taken to sitting on one side of the table at mealtimes, either quietly chatting amongst themselves or going about their meals quietly, while on the other side of the table Allie sat between Nick and me, usually chatting animatedly with the dark-haired boy about everything under the sun. Occasionally I was included in their manic conversations, but more often than not I found myself conversing in quieter tones with the opposite side of the table.
"Lyra, let's start with you." Susan said, straightening up in her chair and smiling in an encouraging way across the room, "What is something particularly trying that you've had to deal with in the past week or so?" Lyra toyed with the end of her long, black-brown braid with her slender fingers as she appeared to contemplate her answer.
"I tried to kill myself five days ago." She stated bluntly.
Though she didn't give state her reasons to the group, I knew them quite well. Aside from Paulm there was also the looming danger of William. Though Lyra had been spending less time inspecting the tree line beyond the Rockford grounds lately, I knew her tormenter couldn't be far from her thoughts. I was beginning to see the way the stress of her situation wore on her in the way she began to feel uneasy if she was in one area for too long. She never slept through a full night and as a result there were dark circles under her eyes she didn't even bother trying to cover up.
Susan's smile faltered and the head of the female orderly at her side snapped up, her eyebrows shooting into her hairline. Lyra observed their reactions stoically.
"Ah, y-yes well, I won't ask how you resolved the situation, but I will ask what you've learned from it?" Susan responded, shifting in her seat ever-so slightly. Lyra remained silent for a moment before she spoke.
"The easiest way out is almost never the right one." Her voice was steady as she gave her answer. Susan nodded approvingly.
"Wise, Miss Hendrick, very wise, and words to live by without a doubt." Susan turned, her attention now focused on me. "Let's continue with you, Bella. What is a recent struggle you've had to deal with?" I resisted the urge to squirm as the stare of every individual turned in my direction.
"Um," I stuttered, shifting my eyes downward, "B-being here, I guess. I'm not having as hard of a time acclimating as I thought I would, but it's still…" I glanced at my roommate, her green gaze meeting my own, "… hard. It's still hard." I averted my gaze back to Susan. The smile was back on her face, and she nodded sagely.
"How do you plan on resolving this problem, Bella?" She asked, her hands folding over a notepad in her lap. I held her steady gaze and mulled over my answer.
How was I going to resolve this problem? The hard part wasn't being away from Forks or from my family, it was getting used to the fact that at any moment a homicidal supernatural being could come through the front doors and claim the life of every soul in Rockford. There was also the possibility that a certain orderly was potentially preying on the female patients, and who knew if Paul was the only individual doing this? It was a very real possibility that there could be others at the institution going after broken-down, defenseless girls. My eyes blinked rapidly, drawing me back into reality.
"I suppose," I started, shifting in my chair again, "I don't really know how I'm going to resolve my issues. I guess I'll have to come up with solutions as I go that will help me and those around me." Susan's smile remained, but I could tell she was disappointed with my answer.
"Practical, but not quite as specific as I would have liked. Please let me know what you decide to do, I am quite interested." Susan said, her smile still in place. I nodded, pressing my lips together in a half-hearted attempt at smiling. As the dark-skinned woman paused to jot down a few notes I felt a cool hand slide into my own and squeeze it. Shocked, I turned toward its owner's pale gaze. Lyra's lips quirked up into a small grin, and with one final squeeze, she retracted her hand. I stared at her for a moment before allowing a steady, small smile of my own as an unspoken message passed between us.
We'll find a way.
"Allie," Susan said suddenly, calling attention to the small girl, "what is a recent problem you've had to deal with?"
I turned my stare from Lyra to Allie, watching as the younger girl pulled her legs in to her chest. She had been smiling before, but now her expression was guarded and unsure. She looked so small and breakable in the armchair, and my heart went out to her.
"I don't like being around certain people," Allie said, sounding as uncomfortable as she looked. Susan raised an eyebrow.
"Who would these people be?" Susan asked, leaning forward slightly. Allie squirmed in her chair and glanced toward the door as if expecting her 'problem' to come barging through it.
"S-some of the orderlies make me uncomfortable," the small girl said, dropping her eyes to a spot on the floor. Susan's brow furrowed as she continued to observe the younger girl's behavior.
"Allie, the orderlies are here to help both you and the doctors; they don't want to hurt or make you uncomfortable in any way." Susan said, leaning back in her chair again. "Now, how do you plan to resolve your feelings of discomfort?"
My jaw clenched and I felt a surge of protective instinct toward the oriental girl and general feelings of irritation toward Susan. The doctor meant well, but she had no idea what she was talking about.
"I won't go around the one that makes me uncomfortable," Allie said, encircling her legs with skinny arms. Susan's smile faded and she shook her head.
"Now Allie, what did Miss Hendrick just say? 'The easiest way out is almost never the right one'. Think about that and what you can to resolve the situation. Now, moving on – "
"Susan," Allie said suddenly, looking back up at the psychiatrist, "W-what if this time, the easiest way out is the right way? I… well, I mean, j-just not going around him could be the best thing to do… Right?" Susan sighed and looked as Allie, the ghost of a smile still on her lips.
"Perhaps it is the right way out of your problem, dear. You'll have to be the one to decide that, however." Susan nodded once, and continued on. Allie hung her head, placing her forehead on her knees. On some instinct, I reached out to her as Lyra had done to me, grabbing her small hand. Her almond-shaped eyes looked back at me, questioning. I smiled and patted her hand, albeit a little awkwardly.
"We'll get through this," I whispered, glancing back at Lyra. She nodded, one corner of her mouth turning up. I turned back to the small girl on my left, who was gently squeezing my hand. "We'll find a way."
"Change it," Nick demanded, lounging across two-thirds of one of the couches in the T.V. room. Allie occupied the last third, Nick's head resting in her lap. Lucas cast a somewhat irritated look back at him from his position on the floor, his back leaning against the front of the couch.
"No." The older boy stated simply, turning back to the local news currently playing on the television. I sighed from my position in an armchair. Dinner had come and gone, leaving us with some free time before we had to return to our rooms. Most of the patients were scattered in various locations on the first floor, many of them occupying the T.V. room. The five of us, however, were the only ones surrounding the television.
"This is boring. I bet there's a great movie playing on FX. We could even change it to the National Geographic Channel or Animal Planet; I know how much you love your nature shows," Nick said, reaching out to ruffle Lucas's hair. Lucas swatted the younger boy's hand away but kept his face turned toward the television. From her spot beside the sandy-haired boy, Lyra looked up at Nick, arching one dark eyebrow.
"You're acting like a four-year-old," she stated, the barest hint of teasing in her voice. The dark-haired boy caught onto it and grinned.
"And you, missy, are acting too much like an adult. Isn't that right, Allie?" Nick looked up at the tiny girl's face. Allie looked back at him, smiling and nodding as she patted his forehead. The dark-haired boy winked at the younger girl before returning his gaze to Lyra. I smiled to myself, watching the two banter back and forth on the merits of immaturity versus those of maturity. I closed my eyes for a moment, and could almost imagine that I was back in Forks, hanging out with friends on the weekend. My smile widened as I began composing my imaginary world, making it more and more complete, building history between the five of us, fabricating our could-have-been lives…
"… animal attacked and killed a hiker just north of Seattle last night, severing his jugular…"
And just like that, my fantasy faded and I was jerked back to the real world, my eyes springing open.
"Turn it up," I demanded, interrupting Nick and Lyra. Lucas shot me a confused glance but complied immediately. The pretty young woman on the television screen continued to speak.
"Authorities are proposing this could be the work of a mountain lion or perhaps even a grizzly bear, though the telltale claw marks that would identify the attack as work of one of the previously mentioned predators are nowhere to be found. Police are entertaining the idea of homicide, though no formal report has been released yet. Back to you, Tom." The image switched to a middle-aged man behind a news desk who offered his condolences to the hiker's family before switching to a different topic. My blood ran cold.
"That's so sad; my auntie says you should never go anywhere in the wilderness alone 'cause you never know what could happen." Allie said to no one in particular. Nick hummed in agreement, his head still in her lap.
"How right you are, my dear Allie." He sat up and turned his attention to Lucas. "Now will you change it to something more interesting?" The sandy-haired audibly sighed in annoyance, but complied. My eyes, wide as saucers, barely registered the channel being changed. The last time I had heard talk of an animal attacking and killing a human had been during my short stay in Forks and the culprit hadn't been an animal, but a monster…
"Bella?" Lyra's voice inquired from her position on the floor. My wide gaze travelled to meet her own. Her brow furrowed for a moment before she understood. Pushing off the floor, she walked hastily over to me, grabbing my arm and hauling me out of my chair. "We'll be right back," she called over her shoulder to our three friends before leading me to an empty corner of the T.V. room. I tried to form words, but the sudden wave of fear has seemingly frozen my vocal cords, reducing my sentences to single-syllable utterances.
"W-we… he… h-he's… it's him." At my words, all of Lyra's breath left her body in a single audible 'whoosh'. She leaned against the wall for support, sliding down it when her legs began to shake and could no longer support her. I followed suit, sitting down cross-legged and slightly hunched over.
"Are you sure?" Lyra asked after a moment, her voice quiet. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, attempting to clear my head and think rationally. Doing my best to gather my wits, I spoke.
"Not entirely," I said, the fog of terror beginning to lift from my mind and allowing me to think somewhat coherently, "but I'm sure it was one of them who did that," I nodded toward the television, placing my hands in my lap and meeting Lyra's worried stare. "Jugular torn open but too neat to be an animal… I've seen it before. Remember the nomads I told you about?" Lyra nodded. "That's how they first made their presence known in my town… they killed one of my dad's best friends. It's like a pattern…"
"Could the hiker have been attacked by one of the nomads do you think?" Lyra asked, almost begging. I considered her question. James was dead, but I had no idea where Laurent or Victoria were. It was a possibility I had not yet entertained. The attack fit their style, but who was to say they were the only ones who hunted and killed their prey in that manner?
"Maybe," I began. Lyra breathed an audible sigh of relief, letting her head fall back against the wall with a dull thud. "But I don't know," I said quickly, "It might be him, it might not be him. Either way, the attack is a little too close to us for comfort and coincidence, don't you think?"
"Bella, please…. Please just tell me he hasn't found me. Please." Lyra said, her green eyes trained onto my own brown ones. I wanted to reassure her; I wanted to tell her that it really was just some wayward grizzly bear or mountain lion who had stumbled across the lone hiker. The reality and dire nature of the situation, however, prevented me from doing so.
"I don't know," I reiterated, dropping my head when I couldn't bear to look at my roommate's distressed face any longer, my voice coming out in hushed tones. "I hope you're right."
The next morning, I was called to Rockford's clinic just before breakfast. Sitting in a chair in the waiting room and staring at my outstretched feet, my mind went through a million possibilities as to why I was where I was.
The room was stark white. Everything from the tiled floor to the receptionist's uniform had a sterilized appearance. The lack of contrast coupled with overly-bright florescent lights shining overhead stung my eyes slightly if I opened them too wide, forcing me to take on a sort of half-lidded stare.
"Isabella Swan?" A male voice sounded out. I glanced up to see a tall, middle-aged man in a doctor's coat leaning out of a door in the corner I hadn't previously noticed was there. Catching my eye, he smiled. "Right this way, Miss Swan, I'm ready for you." Pushing myself out of the chair, I walked to the man, my footsteps echoing in the near-deserted room. As I neared him, he offered me his hand. "I'm Doctor Palmer, your assigned physician," I shook the appendage, nodding, "today we'll be talking about your medication."
"Wait, what?" I stopped in my tracks, halfway through the door. The doctor looked back at me, nodding.
"We were going to wait for a while to assess your condition, but I'm afraid one of our orderlies saw you have something of a breakdown in the television room last night after dinner," he said, his voice slightly patronizing. I felt a wave of anxiety roll through my body. "And not only that, but when Miss Hendrick attempted to diffuse the situation, I hear that she too became distressed? She's such a fragile girl, Miss Swan. I'm assuming you know she tried to take her own life about a week ago?" I nodded dumbly, eyes wide. The doctor mirrored my nod, and grasped my shoulder, pulling me through the door. "As I said, she's a very fragile girl, and we're afraid your delusions will spur her to make another attempt."
"They're not delusions," I protested, stumbling behind the doctor, his hand still around my shoulder. He ignored me, however, tugging me into a medical office and closing the door. I heard the lock click, and I began to get nervous. "I'm not schizophrenic! I never even got a brain scan to prove whether I am or not! I don't need any medication!" Dr. Palmer glanced up at me from where he had taken a seat at a desk stationed the room's corner.
"Isabella," he began, pronouncing my name like it was something to be dealt with in a cautious manner, "I understand your feelings of frustration, but we have to think about Lyra. Do you really want to be the factor that drives her to the ends of her wits?" I recoiled at his words, horrified.
"Look," I said, my anger rising, "she slit her wrists because there's something coming after her to kill her. I'm not pushing her toward anything, and I don't need medication for a neurological disease that I don't have!" The doctor continued staring at me, and I easily detected the judgment in his eyes. Belatedly, I realized that I shouldn't have taken his bait and allowed my anger to get the better of me. If anything, it was only increasing the certainty in his mind that I was a neurologically unhealthy individual.
"I see," he said, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands in his lap, "please have a seat so we can discuss the matter further." I bit my tongue to stem any further protests and did as the doctor asked. He appraised me for a moment before opening a desk drawer and pulling out a pad of prescription papers. He took a pen from his breast pocket and began writing on one.
"As the antipsychotic drugs I'd like to start you on won't begin to have their effects for seven to fourteen days, we're going to give you a pill that will temporarily disrupt the flow of dopamine in your brain, hopefully stopping your delusions and reducing the risk factor for your roommate." Dr. Palmer said as he wrote. My brow furrowed as I thought about what he was saying. I knew disrupting the flow of dopamine in the brain of a schizophrenic would be a short-term solution for their symptoms, but for a normal person…
"Dr. Palmer," I began, attempting to sound as level-headed and diplomatic as I could, "I'm not schizophrenic; disrupting my dopamine levels will –"
"Cause you to experience psychosis? Smart girl. Yes, for a neurologically healthy individual that would be the case, but Isabella, you are, unfortunately, not a neurologically healthy individual." He finished writing the prescription and tore it from the pad. I shook my head in disbelief.
"Please," I began, my eyes following him as he reached for a phone in the corner of the desk, lifting it off the receiver. "Please, just give me a brain scan. There's nothing wrong with me!" The doctor pressed a single button and waited for a few moments, ignoring me.
"Yes, it's Dr. Palmer; yes we're ready, please bring Isabella Swan's medication to my office. Thank you, Paul." I froze at his words, praying to a higher power that I had misheard the name of the person Dr. Palmer had been speaking to. The taller male turned back toward me, something that almost looked like sympathy in his eyes. "I'm sorry Isabella, but this is for your own good, truly it is. If you cooperate, this will be much easier for all parties involved." I shook my head mutely, my horror mounting when I heard a soft knock. The older man quickly rose from his seat and crossed to the other side of the room in a few short strides, unlocking and opening the door. I kept my gaze trained on the empty space Dr. Palmer had previously occupied, unwilling to turn my head and face the orderly who had just entered the room.
"Here's the medication, doctor. Do you need any assistance?" A voice spoke from behind me, one I had heard before on my first day at the institution. I heard the doctor clear his throat before he spoke.
"I may; either way I'd like you to escort Miss Swan to the cafeteria after we're done here so she may resume her breakfast. Isabella," my head turned slowly toward the doctor, my eyes focusing on the individual standing next to him. Paul openly stared back at me, his expression giving me the impression that he was expecting to be entertained. "Isabella, look at me please." I obeyed, my body operating on autopilot, my mind reeling. "Open your mouth." My eyes locked with those of the doctor, and I shook my head slowly.
"I'm not taking that," I said, remaining seated. Dr. Palmer sighed, advancing toward and kneeling in front of me.
"Paul, if you would," the doctor began, waving his hand at the university student behind him. The sound of the door being shut and locked reminded me more of a gun being loaded than anything. "Now Isabella, there is an easy way to do this, and a very difficult way to do this. You're a smart girl; I trust it wouldn't take too much imagination to picture how unpleasant this experience could be if you continue to be disobedient." I looked at the older man in shock. I could feel the terror rising up in my throat, threatening to manifest itself in the form of a terrified scream. With Paul blocking the door, the only way I would be leaving the office was if I obeyed the doctor's orders. I didn't have a choice. "Open your mouth," the physician reiterated. I obeyed. "There's a good girl," I felt a small tablet being placed on my tongue, its bitter taste disgusting. "Now swallow."
Author's Notes
Two updates in the same month?! RECORD. Practically unheard of. But real talk, I'd like to quickly clear up a few things about dopamine; an excess of dopamine in the brain causes psychosis and/or schizophrenia. In real life, a disruption of the dopamine flow/levels in an individual's brain would not temporarily alleviate their symptoms as it does here, my apologies if this fabrication offends anyone in any way. Also, though antipsychosis medication does take a while to have the desired effects on a patient's symptoms, to my knowledge, additional drugs usually are not prescribed to the patient while they wait for their principal medication to start working. If I'm wrong on any of these points I apologize, please correct me!
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