Author's Note: Wow this is really late! I had NO idea that I was going to be working on this again! I just had a sudden burst of inspiration while I was just sitting and watching a movie with my dad. It was weird! I already know how I'm going to map out this story and I think there's only going to be a couple more chapters and I'm still debating if I want Sora and Riku to hook up in the end or just keep them very dear friends. I'll let you readers decide! It's up to you! Leave a REVIEW letting me know what YOU want to happen in the end! I like knowing what my readers think and feel about my writing so it'll be a great help! I'm sorry that this one is very poorly written. I felt more connected to the story and the character in the previous chapters because it was still fresh in my mind and I was rather unfamiliar with the story while I was writing this chapter! I feel so ashamed! But I hope it's still good and stuff like that. I really wanted them to make up hehe even though I was going to wait another chapter to so. But I can't keep Sora and Riku apart of long~
Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and reviews are loved! Keep on rock'n!
"Is he still in bed? It's been almost a week…"
"I'm getting really worried."
"Does he really feel that sick? What if it's something serious?"
"He just needs time. Give him a little space."
I could hear them…right outside my door. It's been like that for the many days I've been in bed, too afraid to face the world which hurt me so badly.
No…it wasn't world…it was the two people I let get too close and in their own way, they broke me down to nothing. The only one I can trust is my brother, Roxas.
Tighter I curled up under my blankets, those being the source of my comfort and my safety even though the very place I was defiled was a bed.
It wasn't my bed…it was someone else's…at a party…
"…I like you…"
"I've always wanted to fuck the weird kid. Ever since I saw you in the park, playing in the dirt."
"…You're so easy…"
"I'll see you around…"
His words still haunt me. I can hear them almost as clear as if he were over me saying it to me in that cruel voice he used as he attacked me.
Axel… That name brought so much fear and pain to rise up within me, keeping me confined to my room. I was terrified that he would find me and hurt me again. Some nights…more like every night, I would have nightmares of him crawling in through my window and crawl onto my bed where he would rip away my clothes and take my body viciously over and over again. I would always wake up screaming and crying and was only comforted when Roxas would come to me.
And…there was Riku…
Pain twisted in my heart which still felt as fresh as ever, as if the pain of my betrayal was still new. Just the thought of him brought tears to my eyes and I can't help but cry every time I think of how much I trusted him and how he lied and abandoned me. He just left me at the mercy of a heartless guy who raped me.
Finally the voices beyond my door went away and I was able to be left in silence…
"Sora…you awake?"
Roxas…my twin brother…
It was so late…the party was dwindling to an end…everyone was going home, having enough of their fill of fun. I was…alone. I must have been there for hours…just lying there on the bed I lost my virginity on. No…I didn't lose it, it was taken from me in an act of pure cruelty and deception. There was no thought going through my mind and the only thing that I could remember after that night, was the face of my brother hovering over me with the most terrified look I've ever seen him have. It was the first time in all my years of knowing him that I've seen him have true emotion expressed on his face. He was…shouting at me and even…crying. Yes, my brother cried. He was thought of as cold and heartless but on that night, I watched my brother cry as he held my soiled body and I cried with him. I didn't ask how he found me there and I didn't tell him how it happened to me. Nothing about Axel or Riku. I haven't spoken since that night… Yet my gentle, loving brother was by my side regardless of the secrets I kept from him…
In response, I only made a faint sound which I had to force out of me. I didn't want to make any noise. It was too much effort and I was tired. If only I could disappear…
From under my covers, I felt the mattress slope down as my brother sat beside me and soon I felt his gentle hand upon my shoulder.
He didn't say a word and didn't have to. I could feel it through the bond we shared as twin brothers. We were once one and became two to be the completion of the other. At least that's what Roxas would say to me whenever I felt alone and sad while growing up. Someone it brought me comfort even to this day.
"Sora…I…" Roxas began but stopped and I just knew he was having a hard time trying to express his thoughts gently. By nature, Roxas was blunt and outspoken and didn't care who was hurt by his words. When Roxas was speechless like this, almost hesitant, I just knew he was trying his best to be kind to me and that there was something really important he needed to tell me. "Riku…"
That name!
Quickly I jerked away from my brother touch, feeling the horrible pain of thinking of Riku again. How could Roxas say such a thing? I was hurt to hear that from the only person I trusted right now but…Roxas didn't know…
I could see it on his face that he was surprised and worried by my action but instead of asking questions, he moved quickly and pulled me into a comforting embrace, one I was willing to accept with my own and I cried against his chest. All my feelings just seemed to slip out whenever I thought of Riku.
"I think…it's time you looked at this…" said Roxas softly after I calmed down and was able to keep myself from losing it and he placed an envelope in my hand. "I know there's something going on, Sora, and I know it involves Riku too…so it's important that read this…"
Getting up, he kissed the top of my head and left the room, closing the door behind him. Everything in me wanted to call out to him to come back and stay with me but I had no voice. That was taken too. I no longer had a voice to speak with. No one could hear me…
But in my hand sat the envelope, one I nearly forgot.
'What can it be?' I wondered to myself as I turned it over and over in my hand, wondering what could be inside and why Roxas said it was important that I looked at it.
Gingerly, as if I were afraid there would be a snake hidden within the folding, I took out a folded piece of paper. All it said on it was: Sora, Please Read!
I was overtaken with my curiosity for the thing I was holding. For some reason, the neat bold writing seemed so very familiar. Like I've seen it many times before but at the moment the remembrance escaped me. Ever so slowly I unfolded the letter and began to still familiar writing fitted so perfectly on the margins:
"Sora,
This may be the very last thing you wish to have from me but shamefully I was reduced to such a cowardly act. I called you, many times, but I got no response…"
The reason for that no response was the fact that I kept my phone off the whole time. I didn't have the heart to receive any sort of calls or messages. I was dead to the world…
"…I was…so worried. Ever second I am haunted by the memory of what happened that night at the party…"
The party… this was a letter about the party?! Chilling fear took over me and as if burned, I threw the paper aside. What was this?! A cruel joke? Why? Why did Roxas give this to him? Why was this person writing to him about what happened that night almost a week ago?
There were so many questions spinning through my head I felt dizzy and wanted to cry once more but my eyes were sore and were sick of tears. I hardly had much left. But that paper, open and resting on the bed seemed to lure me back to it. I had to know…
"I wish I could express so much more through this letter but I am unable to… The words I must tell you can't be said on this piece of paper. It must be said in person. I need to see you….desperately. Please, let me see you, Sora! I need to explain to you the truth, to apologize, and beg for your forgiveness. You're the most important person I've ever had in my life…"
My heart was pounding in my chest and it was roaring in my ears, almost making it difficult to read such words in my hand. More and more I was beginning to understand where this letter came from. Who wrote it and what this person was trying to tell me. I was burning! I wanted to throw this filthy thing away but I was glued to it, my fingers ripping the edges to make sure I didn't lose it.
"Sora, please, let me explain, let me see you! I fear the worst of what may have happened to you. I can never forgive myself for letting you go that night, for making you think I don't care for you, for…making you hate me. I deserved your hate. Every bit of it and I hate myself. Truly hate my very being for hurting you.
I need to see you…I want to see you so badly I am nearly going mad with the guilt I hold in my heart. I don't want to have such things there. I only want you to be there, in my heart, where you always were and where you will always remain if you grant me this one request…"
Now I knew, without a doubt, which this letter belonged to. The handwriting, the style of words, all the things mentioned; the heart and affection that was put into this letter… It was that this letter came from…
"Sincerely Yours,
Riku".
I…I couldn't breathe. My lungs were being crushed by my own restricting chest that tried to smother my pounding heart. Of all the things…it seemed that my cursed fate brought me this letter, a small window that could lead me back to Riku.
No! I wasn't going to go back! Not after the way he tossed me aside like that! Like I wasn't important and some other girl was more worth his time than me. But still…
'I knew it all along… I knew it was going to happen…. That he would lose interest in me. He's in college now. He's ahead of me…'
The more I thought of this, the more I came to terms with this, the more I allowed myself to realize, the more it truly hurt. The reality was sinking in and I hated it.
'I am worthless to me… He wanted to be rid of me…"
But why would he want to see me? Why would he put so much painful emotions in his writings? I didn't think I wanted to know the answer for I thought I already knew it. Riku didn't need to explain anything to me because it was obvious from the starts.
Without me knowing, I was dripping tears onto Riku's letter. I just couldn't escape him. He always chased after me when I would run away and try to hide. He didn't give me a single chance to be alone to suffer. Now…now it's different…
'If he cared about me so much…if he really did worry about me…then why didn't he come here and tell me? Why didn't he chase after me and tell me that everything was going to be ok…'
That's just the thing; nothing is ok and never will be. That's when I made the choice to crumple up that letter and throw it to the farthest part of my room, glad to see it disappear in a heap of other discarded things like papers and other junk.
"Are you going to see him?"
The sudden voice made me jump with surprise and I saw it was Roxas standing at the door as if appearing from thin air.
He was watching me with careful eyes and I could tell he was thinking many things, more than I could ever comprehend or ever wish to. I was forced to look away from him, though I could still feel those eyes gazing at me, just waiting for my answer which I just couldn't give.
I didn't know myself. Should I go and see him or…should I hide away in my room for the rest of my life? I don't need Riku…
'That's not true…I do need Riku…I always have and always will…Riku I'm so sorry…'
Looking back up at Roxas, I nodded and said, "Yes."
I was amazed with the sound that left my mouth. It seemed I really do have a voice after all. I wanted to see him. I couldn't fight it in the least. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that I hated him and didn't want to see him; the reality was that I desperately wanted him here with me. I wanted him to hug me tightly like he used to; for him to smile at me like I was just so amazing and important. I…I couldn't forget that night, after everything happened to me…I remember trying to call out to him. I remember how sorry I was for saying I hated him and throwing my drink in his face and for running away from him.
I was so crushed. So hurt that I didn't have the real heart to face him. I was too scared but now…
Getting up from the bed, I slowly made my way over to the corner where I threw the letter. Walking was still really difficult, the pain still staying with me like a horrible curse. I found the letter and uncrumpled it.
Somehow, by just looking at his words, I felt like I was actually looking at him and I held it tightly against my chest.
"Riku…"
There, I made up my mind finally and turned to my brother again, eyes looking right into his.
"Call him…" I said to Roxas, my voice still weak even though I felt a rolling wave of sureness rise up within my chest. Now or never, I had to see Riku.
I was breathless when Riku stepped into my room, invading my sanctuary. I haven't seen him since that night at the party and he looked so profoundly different.
His hair was a mess just pulled back into a ponytail; not it's long sleek beauty. He was thinner too; almost sickly looking as if he hasn't eaten. Riku no longer had his amazingly toned body. And his eyes… there was so much pain and sadness in his eyes that it made me want to fall to my knees and cry.
Even though we've been apart for almost a week, I just knew that he was suffering too. That he truly did care about me. That I wasn't alone when I was in pain.
When Riku saw me, he didn't even make a move towards me but in his eyes I could see that it was killing him to stay away. That he was truly happy – like me – to be reunited once more.
"If you hurt my brother, I will hurt you beyond comprehension," growled Roxas under his breath as he kept close to Riku's side, being the protective older half that he was. He was giving Riku the death glare.
"I would never hurt Sora," he said back to my brother with equal coldness before his features became softer when he looked at me, even his tone changed, "I would never hurt you, Sora. I came here to tell you that I'm sorry for what I've done and to explain what really happened…Please…"
Again my heart was pounding so loud and hard that I could hardly hear Riku but I knew what he was saying. All I wanted was to run to him and have him hug me like he always did.
"Roxas…I want to talk to Riku alone, please," I said to my twin, looking at him with pleading eyes for he wasn't going to back down easy.
But to my surprise he did, just giving a growl before backing out of the room and shutting the door. When his footsteps faded, I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by the sudden movement of the male in front of me. I was in his arms all of a sudden and he was holding him tightly against his chest.
'He's so warm…Riku's chest is so warm…Oh, Riku…where have you been?'
"Why?" I whispered, my need to know the truth overriding my desire to be held again by the person I treasured more than myself in this world. "Why didn't you meet me that day? Why did you abandon me?"
I was looking up into his face, wanting to find the answer desperately and to know the truth. I was hoping so desperately that it wasn't what concluded earlier: that he wanted to be rid of me.
"I tried to explain it to you…that first day…" he whispered softly to me, the expression of sadness on his face breaking my heart into pieces.
'That's right… I was so angry at Riku for canceling on me that I hung up…'
"I couldn't meet you because my cousin was in town and I had to spend the day with her while she was visiting," he went on to explain, his arms still tight around my body but was still so very gentle.
Realization hit me like a train; nearly stunning me and making my thoughts go blank for a second before going into overdrive to make me remember that night. Riku was there at the party with that girl…was she…
"Kairi heard of a big party which she wanted to go to and I went with her to keep her out of trouble. I was so caught up in the moment…I should have called you…I shouldn't have let it happen because then you wouldn't have hated me…" his voice was breaking when tears began to well up in his eyes. "I've done the cruelest thing to you and I can never forgive myself for not going after you…"
"Why didn't you?" I asked him, wanting to know that too as I felt tears in my eyes too which slipped down my cheeks but I didn't care and just ignored them as I watched only Riku. "I…I needed you but you never came for me…"
"I tried, really I did," he replied back quickly, despite to tell me all that he knew.
"They said you left!"
"No, the forced me out," Riku snapped back sharply, making me flinch. "I'm sorry. I tried to go after you when you ran off but that guy and his friends ganged up on me and threw me out. They were even going to hurt Kairi if I didn't leave. I drove back home to get help and I told Roxas what happened…"
I was wrong. So very wrong. Riku didn't leave me. He really did try to come after me but he just couldn't. I was so very wrong and now I was sobbing against his chest. Riku should be the one hating me!
"I'm so sorry, Riku!" I cried into his shoulder, my voice a little muffled but Riku held me anyway. "I was so angry…I put you through so much…I'm so sorry…"
'But I still haven't told him…'
Everything in me froze when that thought entered my mind. I still hadn't told Riku about what happened. What Axel had done to me after I ran away from Riku.
'No…I can't tell him…I can never tell him!'
"I'm going to protect you from now on Sora, I promise," Riku said to me, bringing me out of my horrible thoughts.
I looked up into his face again and I saw the gentle and loving Riku that was always been there. The boy that used to play with me at the park and became my first true friend.
I believed what he said. I knew he was going to protect me and I truly knew that everything was going to be okay just as long as he was with Riku again.
Everything was going to be ok…
Kingdom Hearts Charaters(c)Square Enix & Disney
Fanfic idea and fic itself(c)Lady Melodist