Author's Note: It's March 2010 by now, three years since I started this story. Other fandoms came, work came, you know how it goes, but somehow, discontinuing this story was never an option, it was always somewhere in my mind. And after about 70 % of the third chapter were occupying space on my hard disk for about one year, today I finally sat down to finish it and now hereby declare this story complete. Thank you all for waiting so patiently.

Not everything turned out the way I would have wanted it to, but re-writing larger parts of this would definitely be the killer, and I hope you prefer a chapter with a few minor imperfections to a story left unfinished :)

Take care and enjoy!

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

[Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars]

CHAPTER 3

After so many years of sharing a life with Kaoru, Hikaru had a pretty good idea where his brother would go when he felt confused and lost – aside from going to Hikaru, that is. And it pleased the older Hitachiin twin to find his brother where he had expected him to be – in their shared cabin, protected from curious eyes and other people's opinions. It pleased him that he still knew his brother, knew how his mind worked and why he acted the way did. Kaoru was a private person by nature, preferring to deal with problems within the tight circle consisting only of him and his brother. Or solely by himself. As he was doing right now.

As Hikaru quietly opened the door, he found Kaoru standing next to the porthole, arms crossed, brow creased in thought, looking out into the falling night.

Only the sound of the closing door made Kaoru become aware of his twin's presence. He turned around quickly, eyes widening for a moment. His startled reaction told Hikaru that Kaoru was aware that something was wrong between them. It wasn't exactly guilt he read in his younger brother's eyes, but whatever that emotion was, it wasn't far from it, either.

For the first time in weeks, Hikaru took the time to really, closely look at his brother, engraving that beloved face even deeper into his memory than it already was, looking for and finding the familiar traits and features he knew and treasured.

Yes, this was Kaoru, his other half, and in retrospect, Hikaru realized what had happened, what he had been too busy to notice, how he had neglected his twin to the point that Kyouya had had a chance to step between them. Somehow, though, he was glad. Without that ugly moment this morning, Hikaru might not have noticed until it was too late.

Now, though, the older Hitachiin was forced to analyse his feelings, and it hadn't taken him long to come to a resolution. In fact, the answer was right there, waiting for him to accept it. It had been there all along, because there had never been a moment when Hikaru had actually doubted who it was that his soul was bound to: his younger brother. Taboos and other people's opinion didn't even occur to him. His heart knew what it wanted. Whom it had always wanted.

You left me to stand on my own, pushed me forward so cleverly and gently that I didn't even notice at first, he thought. With that realization came a low, unpronounced anger, at himself and at his twin. Why do you have to be so wise, so mature? Why couldn't you at least once allow yourself to break down, to cry, ask me not to leave you? Why didn't you allow me to do the same, acting as if you knew exactly what was best for us?

It didn't matter anymore, though. The time had come for Hikaru to act, to regain what he had almost lost. And if Kaoru felt the way Hikaru suspected, than the older twin wouldn't take a 'no' for an answer.

Kaoru couldn't help but blush under his brother's scrutiny, averting his face to avoid that intense gaze. He had a feeling why Hikaru was looking at him like that: that incident in the morning, when Hikaru had surprised him with Kyouya. The Shadow King had once more urged Kaoru to answer to him, to state or deny his attraction, and Kaoru had, once again, been unable to comply.

Now, however, for the first time in what felt like an eternity Hikaru's and Kaoru's hearts were beating in unison, their minds were interlinked, and no words were needed to make sure that both were thinking the same.

'Something has happened.'

'Something has come between us...'

'...when we were so sure nothing ever would.'

'Where will we go from here?'

No, Kaoru told himself firmly, this was not going to happen. He and Hikaru were moving forward, he couldn't give in now and let the last months be for nothing, couldn't allow them to fall back into old patterns.

Hikaru's eyes widened incredulously as his twin suddenly averted his gazes, turning his back to him in an obvious gesture of rejection. It hurt. It hurt so much that he had trouble breathing for a moment.

Was this... what Kaoru had felt over the last months? Rejected? Alone? Only half? Or was this what Kaoru wanted, to be left alone, to be able to move along in life without his brother burdening him? For a moment, Hikaru was doubting, and he might have turned around to leave as well, clearly severing their bond by reciprocating his brother's rejection, but then he detected a minute trembling in Kaoru's shoulders, saw the tension in those slim shoulders, and any doubt was wiped away.

No, Kaoru didn't want them to be separated. Neither did Hikaru. And so there was no further hesitation needed. Stepping forward, he pulled his twin into a fierce, yet gentle embrace, burying his face in strands of red hair.

Kaoru started for a moment at the arms wrapping so possessively around him before relaxing instinctively. But no, he couldn't... Kaoru knew that he needed to resist, needed to point out to himself that this was so wrong, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to struggle… not when warmth was seeping into his chilled body from behind, not when his brother's head rested so familiarly on his shoulder and oh, his lips almost brushed over his neck as he spoke… "Kyouya's not going to have you."

He needed to resist, he knew it, his mind screamed it at him, and still… the younger twin closed his eyes and leaned back a bit, trusting his brother to take his weight, turning his face into those soft strands of red hair. This scent… it was so very comforting, so very familiar, it made him slip back into a routine he mustn't fall victim to again, for both of their sakes! He needed to keep his distance… and couldn't.

To be the sole focus of Hikaru's attention, being held so possessively… he had been longing for this for months, so badly… Why now?

Hikaru felt his twin's confusion, felt his hesitation, and chose to repeat his words once more so there was no way that Kaoru could miss their meaning: "Kyouya is not going to have you."

This time, the message held by both the words and the tone of voice finally sank in.

Kaoru stiffened just the slightest bit in his brother's embrace. "Hikaru...?" Could that mean...?

Hearing his twin's hesitant voice only strengthened the older boy's resolve. He wouldn't allow anyone to take this away from him, and for once he had no trouble identifying his feelings. This was much easier than with Haruhi, much more natural… this was how it was supposed to be, screw the consequences. He had never been able to hide from his twin, and he wouldn't start trying now. This was too important, too precious.

"I was supposed to protect you, not the other way around! But I know you did, all the time… Did you think I wouldn't notice it hurt you?"

"You never seemed to notice…" Hell, why did Kaoru's voice sound that small, that timid? The older twin pulled back a bit, grabbing his brother's shoulder and pulling him around to face him. Kaoru's eyes weren't wet, as he'd feared, and yet…there was a resignation, a fear there, that Hikaru didn't like the least.
"Damn, Hikaru, why do you have to make it that hard?" The younger one finally murmured, and the older twin recognized the look in his eyes to be the same one he'd held when Kyouya had touched him back then in the music room, a look of fear, indecision, longing.

"Didn't it ever occur to you that… maybe…I'd want to stay with you?" the older twin asked gently.

The reply came at once, fiercer than Hikaru had expected. "That's nonsense, and you know it! We're growing up; we can't just stay together like that, happily ever after!"

"You're being stubborn!"

"No, I'm being sensible!"

"Then… I ask you to be insensible for once", Hikaru said with a voice much lower, much gentler now. He answered Kaoru's questioning look with a tender caress to his cheek. "Because… I was serious when I said I wanted to stay."

"Hikaru…?" The younger boy didn't get the chance to finish his question, for all at once, the fierce embrace was there again, a face was buried in his hair and kisses were pressed to his neck, sweet and warm and loving… He started to tremble, fighting against the pleasurable haze settling over him, fighting against the instinct to simply feel and enjoy, to maybe return the embrace and tilt his head for more contact… no…this was wrong…but why did it feel so right? Like the broken pieces of a china figure locking together to be one again, like two threads of fate re-entwining with each other…

Kaoru was a thoughtful person by nature, far more so than his brother. In his heart, he'd long since known that he needed his brother in a way that went beyond simple brotherly affection. He knew that he... loved Hikaru, knew that he'd never feel this way for anyone else. And he knew that society would never, ever accept these feelings. This had made it a little easier to bear the hurt of watching his brother getting closer to Haruhi – knowing that a love like this wasn't meant to be anyway.

But now it seemed that Hikaru was willing to take that risk, that he... really, truly wanted Kaoru to stay with him. Not Haruhi. None else. Just him, Kaoru.

His heart swelled at that thought, but he had spent too much time struggling to convince himself that it could never be, and these thought were now eating at him, reminding him why he had better leave now.

He needed to be the sensible one here. He needed to be! Otherwise, they were lost.

Hikaru felt his brother trying to move away and knew instinctively that he must not allow that to happen if he didn't want to lose his brother for good. And so he did what he usually did: acting on impulse. Grabbing his twin's shoulder, he firmly and resolutely, kissed him… only to feel Kaoru stiffen in his arms

For a moment Hikaru was terrified that, maybe, he'd misinterpreted things, read something into his brother's actions that wasn't there, scared him…

... but then, he felt Kaoru's lips against his, felt him return the kiss, a bit hesitatingly, shyly, but he definitely returned it, and Hikaru's heart soared. For it felt like, finally, he'd gotten through to his beloved brother, had gotten him to understand that he was serious about what he said, and that Kaoru obviously felt the same.

After a while, Kaoru pulled back just enough to get some air, keeping his forehead pressed to his brother's. "There are…" …things to consider, he would've liked to say, things like their family, future, tradition, the society as a whole, and what it meant to truly go 'we against the world'…

However, those thoughts stopped being important the moment their lips found each other again. What was so horrible about loving your twin, he wondered faintly. Was it that no one could possibly think of a bond any closer, any stronger, than theirs? Of the same blood and kin, together from birth, understanding each other blindly and being as close as two souls could possibly be – this was what everyone else was scared of.

But that's their problem!

For Kaoru's heart knew what it wanted. It wasn't an aberration, it wasn't sick, and he wasn't alone in this strange, desperate love. He had never been alone, and Hikaru's arms firmly wrapped around him told him that he didn't have to worry about ever being alone.

Because they were one.

Thank you!