11. Unbelievable! "And Delicious…" - Zetsu Black
Kakuzu stared at the door his old "friend" had retreated out of. He sighed at the words exchanged about lasting partners. He just didn't understand, there was no way Hidan could be immortal, and no way he would fully accept him as his partner. He saw the meaning behind the look Zetsu had given him. That plant had been saying, when Kuro was still alive mind you, he suspected Kakuzu to be going soft, even thinking he had never been hard to begin with.
'Wait… that came out wrong…. As did that….' Kakuzu got lost in his perverted rambling thoughts, not noticing the "immortal" walking back out of the shower, completely nude, save his pendent.
Hidan smirked then flopped down on the bed on the opposite side of the room, burrowing under the covers. Meanwhile, Kakuzu found he was enthralled by the possibility Hidan was truly immortal. He began planning so many painful and ensured death situations to test the gray-haired male. He succeeded in convincing himself that the "crush" as Deidara had said, was indeed short-lived and long dead. That is until a particular death situation popped up in his head, his member soon following.
'Ah, shit!' Kakuzu blushed behind his mask, looking behind to see Hidan had returned. He looked to his erection and groaned. Luckily, the Jashinist Bible the boy had was distracting him as Kakuzu got up swiftly, shutting the bathroom door behind him.
He turned on the shower first in order to veil his quiet, tamed sounds as he played with himself in order to end the erection. After a while, he found himself picturing Hidan again, this brought him to the end as he tensed with his sudden orgasm. 'Maybe that crush hasn't quite died yet…' he blushed to himself, staring at his come-covered hand. Outside, Hidan heard a knock on the bedroom door.
"Kakuzu, door!" He shouted, not looking up from his reading.
Another, more urgent knock roused him from his bed. He snarled quietly, looking around for some pants. He grabbed a random pair by the door (Kakuzu's side of the room), yanking them on. The knock came again and he told them he'd be there in a minute. The pants were a bit big on him, but he didn't care, he'd worn worse. He pulled open the door as Konan was to knock yet again. He scowled.
"Wow, never thought a cutie like you would end up partner to someone like Kakuzu." she said emotionless, stepping back and motioning for him to follow her. "Also, grab any weapons you might have." He groaned but did as he was told.
He followed the woman down the hallway, into a room, down another hallway, into another room, down another hallway. Hidan's head began to throb; he was getting woozy. She finally led him down the stairs into a dungeon-like room. He thought this was the end, until she led him down to a second flight of stairs. This time he groaned, she ignored him
"How fucking large is this hell-hole?!" He shouted.
"Shh, this is Zetsu's room, now downstairs." She directed, a paper peeling from her body to clamp over Hidan's mouth.
"!!!" He reached to pull it off, but to no avail. She watched him struggle awhile longer until he realized it wasn't coming off. His eyebrows knitted with a frown as he followed. They reached the landing of a room divided into four boxes. He looked around curiously and the paper over his mouth peeled off. He was about to ask, but before he could open his mouth, Konan responded.
"This is the training floor. Pein has instructed I test you out. He finds it too good to be true that Kakuzu, of all people, should find a partner that might outlive him. Even quiet Zetsu irks him." Konan explained.
"Meh, typical, getting my damn head cut off not fucking convincing enough?" He scoffed, tossing his head, making sure to show the black stitching over the red line.
"None-the-less, we still have to determine if you'd make a good Akatsuki member. Any past Hidden Villages?" she asked.
"Meh, I guess the Hidden Rain Village… the headband I had should be somewhere in the woods where I got decapitated about a year ago…" He trailed, rubbing his chin in thought.
"You guess?" She raised a brow.
"Well, I trained in the Village for awhile with a sister that lived there temporarily. She was born in the Hidden Mist originally though… one of the Shinobi Seven Swordsmen… or some shit like that." He was lost in memories.
"Alright, no matter, we'll just test you now." she drawled, pointing at the section to their left.
He shrugged and stepped inside, slightly startled when she closed the door on him, locking him in alone. He stared around when a whirring noise was heard. His eyes shot around the room, eyes locking on a passageway that slid up and open. His violet eyes widened as a wall of sharpened weapons shot out. He braced himself, knowing that getting hit, regardless of his immortality, would be bad so early in the game. So, rather than waste energy dodging, or risk too fatal a wound to himself, he pulled out his triple-bladed scythe, twirling it out in front of him.
Only two or three kunai found their mark, the other bouncing of the scythe or sticking in the wall behind, roughly outlining the male. He grinned, 'This outta be fun.' He thought this as moving targets now entered, falsely weaving signs. A stream of fire shot out and Hidan smirked, bracing himself.
Kakuzu stepped out of the shower and looked worriedly around at the absence of his new partner. He exhaled with a shrug and plopped on his bed, but not before securing his head gear and throwing on some slacks and a thin sweater. He soon found himself in a rough sleep, tossing and twitching, letting out an occasional groan or moan. The idea of Hidan laying on a bed (Kakuzu's preferably), broken, bleeding, moaning Kakuzu's name turned him on to no end, leaving it to plague his dreams.
He awoke the next morning, stretching gloriously at the sound of the breakfast alarm. That's when he noticed something under the covers. 'Shit, not again.' He blushed, head hitting the pillow yet again. He turned his head to the side to see if Hidan was in bed… he wasn't. That means he's been gone roughly eight hours, unless he had returned and someone- Deidara- had informed him of breakfast.
He stood up and swiftly changed out of his wet underwear. He threw his cloak on after retrieving his usual outfit. He hoped that his "crush" was in the kitchen, with the blonde. Once he arrived at the kitchen, however, he was quite disappointed to see that Zetsu, of all members, was the only one there… go figure. 'Damned cannibal.'
"Morning Zetsu." he grumbled, sitting as far away from him as possible.
"Killed your partner. So soon? Hasn't even gotten a chance to prove himself." he mocked, looking around the room.
"No, I just haven't bothered to keep tabs on him is all." he retorted dryly.
"Odd, usually Kisame and Deidara beat you to the kitchen." Konan entered from the hallway her and Pein's rooms were. (Yes, separate rooms, sorry.)
"Yeah, hey, have you seen Hidan anywhere?" Kakuzu looked around, hoping she had just taken him to give him the cloak.
"Nope, can't say I have." Her grin told another story. "What would you like for breakfast?"
"Anything. Deidara sounds tasty."
"Anything generic." Kakuzu grunted, looking around for his partner in vain.
Sasori awoke to find his recently obtained blonde already up and showering… again? He sighed, 'Him and his hair, I swear.' He stood up and shuffled to his Hiruko. The water in the shower shut off. 'Didn't take long… must've woken up earlier than I first thought.' Sasori's eyes widened in surprise.
"Nani, Sasori-danna?" Deidara limped out to have Sasori ogling him.
"Nothing, just thinking about how I was lucky enough to have a sexy brat like you for a partner." Sasori smiled sweetly, causing him to blush in reply.
Deidara had left the bathroom, with only briefs on, the redhead watched a drip of water slide down his shiny hair, past the horrible stitching on his torso (he'd have to remember to be harsher to Kakuzu for touching what is rightfully his and even putting something into that beloved thing), and disappearing at the hem of underwear. Deidara sighed and limped over to his closet. He pulled out his fishnet shirt and, to Sasori's surprise, a black, sleeveless belly shirt. Until recently , he'd only wear the fishnet. Sasori watched him finish dressing, not bothering with his cloak, until he started heading for the door. Sasori jumped into his puppet and followed him.
They headed down the hall but stopped when Kisame burst out of his room fuming. Itachi, surprisingly, limped after him until he spotted Deidara and Sasori. Kisame continued to the kitchen without his partner. He turned to glare at the artists, sharingan flaring. Deidara glared back, only careful to keep one eye closed so as not to be pulled into yet another genjutsu.
"Excuse me, Itachi, but what's wrong?" Sasori asked, interrupting the glaring contest.
"Hn."
"That's not an answer."
"It's nothing to do with you." He held his head high. Oh how it pissed Deidara off.
"Then what's with the fucking glare? Hm!"
"Your two's 'fucking' didn't exactly help. If you could call it that." Itachi kept an emotionless face when the others twitched in anger, "You should probably try someone better, Sasori. Not some annoying brat."
"He may be annoying," Hiruko's tail flashed to keep Deidara back, "but he's my annoying brat. Besides, he has far more experience in bed then you do. And I don't call it fucking, I call it love-making." Sasori glowered.
"Perhaps, although I don't see why one would brag about it." he raised his brow. "And love-making? Are you the girl?"
"How about you answer that once we've sparred." Sasori challenged.
"You're on." He grinned.
"What about breakfast?" Deidara whined.
"Feel free." the redhead answered, leading the other to the training rooms.
"But-!" Deidara pouted when they left him alone.
He exhaled and headed down the hallway to the kitchen. He spotted Kakuzu sneaking his food under his mask when he knew no one was looking. Deidara shook his head at the pathetic display. Kisame was digging his fish out of the fridge while Zetsu was finishing off two plates with a mountain of food on each. He walked over to Kakuzu and tapped his shoulder just as he was about to take another bite.
"Kakuzu~ where's Hidan?" He asked, noticing his old friend's absence.
"I thought he was with you." Kakuzu thought he had an emotionless face, however the blonde could sense his distress.
"Ah, if it isn't the little whore." Kisame laughed halfheartedly, sitting on Kakuzu's right. Deidara took his left.
"Shut up, sex-shark. Hm!" Deidara snarled back.
"Whoa, ease up, the only shark here is that loan-shark." he tried another grin, jabbing his thumb towards Kakuzu. Trying to avoid the subject
"You sure seem cheery this morning. Hmm. Sex not go as well as I heard last night?" Deidara's first comment dripped with sarcasm.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, and I have no idea what I did to make you want to pick on me this morning." Kisame began to blush furiously.
"Fine, I'll drop the 'suspicion' you and Uchiha are a thing. However, right now, I am pissed at you for having such a disrespectful partner. Hmm." he pouted.
"What do you- hey, where is he… and Sasori?" Kisame looked around, recalling that both had been left behind with Deidara.
"Sparring in the training rooms." he sniffed.
"The training rooms! Which one?" Konan reared her head at this information.
"Uh… d-dunno, why?"
Sasori shuffled down the stairs with the Uchiha into Zetsu's room. They were wondering why the curtains to the training rooms were closed, Zetsu usually left them open for everyone. They shrugged it off though and hurried past the curtains. Itachi took the lead to the first room. He was about to open the door when Sasori pointed out it was locked. They knocked lightly.
"Who the hell could be down here so early?" Itachi grumbled.
"Kakuzu or Zetsu… or both." Sasori shrugged inside his shield puppet.
"There's no answer or sound…" he frowned.
"There's an override code, move over." Sasori approached a panel on the side of the door, fervently typing a code.
"'Yaoi?'" Itachi read, eye brow raised in question.
"Konan set up the override." Sasori huffed.
The door slid open to reveal a pool of blood with weapons and such other training parts lying in it. Itachi stepped in and looked around, careful to avoid the blood by tiptoeing. Sasori's Hiruko didn't offer much luck, so he waited outside.
"Uhh… S-Sasori… there's a dead body in here. No one I know of though…"
"What do you mean?!" Sasori's eyes widened.
"Just go tell the others, I'll double check for a pulse." Itachi called back.
Sasori jumped out of Hiruko, sealed him in a scroll, and then rushed upstairs. Zetsu's room was closest to the kitchen. Once he was in the hallway he slid back in the puppet and bustled into the kitchen. He first noticed Konan was in Deidara's face and then the others hovering around. Kakuzu was eating. It was then, at the sight of the old miser, he recalled Hidan.
"Konan, there's a corpse in training room one." He croaked. Everyone's head snapped in his direction, even Kakuzu.
"What'd you do to Itachi!?" Kisame glared, standing abruptly.
"N-nothing, we found a dead body…" Sasori shrunk back from the immense and threatening chakra the shark man was exerting.
"Let's check it out. Yeah, I'm starved." Zetsu was first to head for his room, the others soon followed, Konan followed slowly behind Sasori.
"Konan, what do you know?" Kakuzu growled, worrying now about his partner.
"Nothing." She answered calmly.
"Sasori-danna, did you see the body? Hmm?"
"No, Itachi saw it, too much blood, didn't want to dirty Hiruko." He grunted in reply.
"So is there a possibility it's Hidan?" Kakuzu's eyes flashed briefly.
"He's immortal." Deidara and Konan said together.
"Who's Hidan?" Kisame asked.
"You don't remember that brat back at the brothel that tricked us?" Deidara scoffed, "You really are dumb. Hmm."
"Ah, that little pretty boy with a mouth dirtier than any sailor's."
"Yeah… hm."
In no time they had reached the room where Itachi was crouched over an arm and half a torso. Kakuzu stumbled into the room, yet again surprising the others (never thought him to be clumsy). He looked to the torso which was attached to the single arm, it had been cut from Hidan diagonally. He scanned the room for the rest of him, the one with his heart. The others had arrived and stared wide-eyed; Zetsu was drooling, Deidara was on the urge of a heart attack.
"K-Kakuzu! Wh-wi-can… can you bring him back?" He stuttered when Kakuzu found the rest.
"I don't feel a pulse…" he mumbled, crouching down to examine the boy's punctured heart. "Must've been recent though, still really… really… hot…" Kakuzu felt the blood rush to his cheeks.
"Uh… Kakuzu?" Sasori cleared his throat.
"We'll go ahead and leave you to clean up, Kakuzu. Zetsu'll be in his room to help." Konan inched her way to the stairs, waving her arms for the others to follow.
Sasori pulled Deidara to the stairs while Kisame and Itachi helped drag Zetsu from his feast. Kakuzu took no notice and stood, wandering around the training room, breathing heavily. 'Calm… calm… now… where's his scythe, don't forget you can always pawn it off. Far better prize then a hot -and living- whore for a partner.' He told himself, looking for the interesting weapon. He didn't take notice of how the muscle in the corpse's chest began to mend. He spotted the weapon in the arm of the missing half of his torso.
He looked down in pity at the lump of… bare, pale, bloodied, and highly attractive flesh. He crouched yet again and assiduously caressed the nipple, shuddering a bit at the warm, soft feel. He leaned closer, running his fingers through the moist, dark, crimson liquid. He sighed again in pity and stood, pulling his fingers to his lips under his mask. He froze when he heard a moan. He slowly turned in disbelief to the corpse. He approached slowly and searched for a pulse.
"Still no pulse… must be hearing things." He murmured, returning to the scythe and picking up the entire torso rather than just the weapon.
He soon began to put the body together with care. Once the two separated parts were lined up and the innards returned to their proper place, he pulled up his sleeve, letting his stitching slither out. 'He may not be alive, but touching a whole corpse must surely feel better than half of one.' he blushed to himself as the stitches started to weave themselves through the halves, pulling them together. Kakuzu didn't know, but each feel of the thread penetrating Hidan's skin was causing said 'corpse' to become more aroused as he slowly began to regenerate.
Kakuzu finished stitching him then slowly brought his knee to brush Hidan's member as he had once done to Deidara. He jumped again at the sound of a gasp. His head snapped to the door, thinking Zetsu or someone else had come wondering what was taking so long. Then he felt it. He felt the body beneath him squirm, wanting more. He heard the heart beat increase to a familiar rhythm he knew by know was one of arousal. His eyes snapped back to the other's reddened (not bloody, mind you) face.
He sprung off when he saw the magenta eyes flutter open. Kakuzu composed himself. Hidan looked to him, scowling. Kakuzu scowled back, struggling to keep his expression neutral. Oh, how many emotions he had worked so hard to bury for eternity, coming back to surface. Hidan stretched gloriously, wincing at the sound of the stitches straining. Kakuzu had done a lousy job in his excitement.
"Why the fuck'dya stop, heathen?" He growled.
"Stop what? I'll redo the stitching if it bugs you so." He crossed his arms, looking away, glad he was wearing his cloak.
"No, I was talking about…" Hidan realized what he was about to say and looked away, blushing. "Never mind, must've imagined it."
"Must've." Hidan looked back to Kakuzu, blush gone, scowl returned. "I'll redo your stitching so you won't have to worry about falling apart next time you stretch."
"Meh, fuck, don't give a fuck… fuck…" He added for extra measure, propping his torso up on his elbows.
Kakuzu sat down on the bloodied floor and dragged the bleeding man into his lap so he could get a better angle. (Not that angle, pervs… myself included). Kakuzu tapped at the first stitch, hooked a finger under it, then loosened it before tugging sharply, snapping the thread. Hidan writhed in his lap from the pleasurable pain as he roughly ripped out the stitch. He didn't completely remove the stitching or Hidan would fall apart again, he maybe fast healing, but it wasn't easy to mend flesh when there's always a risk of it falling off. He began stitching slowly from the beginning, occasionally scolding Hidan for his squirming. Once the second thread had neatly replaced the first, Kakuzu stood and helped Hidan up.
Hidan was caught off guard by the sudden offer of assistance. This was good considering that once up, he nearly toppled over. Kakuzu's arm shot out to support him by the small of his back. Hidan gave him an odd look before shoving away and towards the door, slipping on a weapon, blood, or both only to end up back in Kakuzu's waiting arm.
"Easy, take it easy, we quite a number of stairs to go up and hallways to go down." Kakuzu sighed, leading him to the staircase. "Just head up those steps walk right past the green man, as fast as you can, and look for the kitchen, Deidara, or Sasori." He instructed then growled, "I gotta clean up your mess."
Hidan only nodded and hurried up the stairs, leaving Kakuzu behind. He was slowly starting to get the hang of walking again, stumbling only three times up the stairs into Zetsu's room. Zetsu was lying on a bed that Hidan hadn't noticed earlier, then he remembered that there were curtains last night hiding any sign that this might be a room. At the smell of the immortal's blood the plant man sat up, eying him hungrily. 'The green man, huh? This bastard's black and white. The only green thing is that plant…is that what it is… and his hair…' Hidan's eyes narrowed and he walked a bit faster, noting the hungry look.
Zetsu followed the boy up the stairs and stopped when he stopped. 'Interesting… he's alive. I was sure he was cut in half earlier, right? Of course he was… let's eat him now! Not like anyone'll worry. They already think he's dead and can barely support himself as is. Kakuzu knows, and I'm sure the kid still has bite. Aren't you hungry for a bite of him though? He smells divine and I want him.' The black Zetsu made up his mind and increased his speed. The humane part sighed in defeat.
Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, and Itachi, meanwhile, were back in the kitchen. Itachi's mouth was watering for some dangos after last nights "commotion". Zetsu could become so noisy at times. He blushed when he remembered the incident before the explosion. 'Zetsu has no appreciation for others… privacy…' he thought to himself. 'And I probably shouldn't have mentioned Sasori and whether he was the girl. When he finds out I'm usually the girl…' Itachi shuddered, bringing his dangos out to the table, still blushing, unfortunately.
"What the…? Emo Weasel's blushing?" Sasori sneered, Deidara giggled.
"S-shut up!" Itachi stuttered, sitting besides his companion, looking down, blush increasing.
"Leave 'im alone guys." Kisame sighed, eating his fish, also blushing for no reason except that Itachi was.
"I don't need you to protect me, Kisame!" Itachi snapped. Kisame flinched.
"…" The other two squirmed at the awkward silence that pursued.
"Itachi~ Watch out or I'll take a dango~ hmm!" Deidara attempted a grin, reaching his hand's tongue over the table.
Itachi said nothing, merely glaring at the blonde, pulling his plate back. Deidara stopped reaching when his stomach grumbled. He still hadn't gotten anything to eat for breakfast. Sasori and Kisame looked at him for a bit until Kisame had to hide a laugh behind a large hand. Deidara scowled and stomped over to the fridge, yanking the door open just as the kitchen's door burst open. Hidan collided with Deidara.
"FUCKING SHIT! DAMNED PLANT! What the FUCK is your ISSUE!?" Hidan screamed, scrambling back up to hide behind Hiruko.
"I was just showing you to the kitchen…" Zetsu frowned when he noticed the others, 'Damn…'
"Nuh-uh! You fucking tried to eat me!" He screamed.
"Hidan, SHUT UP." Sasori glowered.
"Yeah, seriously…" Zetsu sighed.
"Calm down, Hidan."
"Blondie, don't you fucking dare tell me to calm the fuck down!" Hidan growled when Deidara approached him.
"Stop calling me that, psycho-slut. Hm!" Deidara shouted back.
"Least people don't think I'm a chick at first sight." Hidan retorted, stepping from behind Sasori to get in his face.
"That's right, they call you a chick at home base when they see you have no dick, hmm!" Deidara was on a roll.
"S-shut the fuck up! You know for a fact I have one, fag!" Hidan snapped then added, "And I know mine's bigger than yours!"
"Is'not!" Deidara blushed with Hidan.
"Hidan, Deidara's is indeed larger…" Kakuzu entered.
"Umm… How is it that everyone knows what everyone's dick looks like?" At Zetsu's question Kisame laughed while Itachi smirked.
"You know how." He replied.
"Urgh, going back to bed. You guys are confusing and loud." He mumbled, shuffling back to his room, ignoring his hunger.
Kakuzu whacked Kisame in the back of the head when the shark wouldn't shut up. Hidan was fuming, intending to slaughter Kakuzu for insulting his manhood; the prick hasn't even seen his prick! 'Yet…' he thought with a uncontrolled blush. Kakuzu sighed, looking over at Deidara and his own, fuming companion. Deidara's stomach growled in sync with Hidan's; Neither had breakfast, nor dinner… nor any other meal for that matter. They were starved.
"Oi, anyone know where the fuck I can find some damn virgins around here?" Everyone looked to Hidan in complete, stunned silence… a few -cough-Kisame-cough trying to conceal a laugh.
"What do you want a virgin for…?" Kakuzu felt his eye twitch.
"It's fucking Sunday and I need to sacrifice some poor heathen before I eat, lest Jashin-sama disregard or abandon me." He explained, stroking his pendant.
"I thought it didn't matter whether your sacrifice was a virgin or a slut… after all, you sacrificed Yu-Yu-chan easily enough." Deidara returned to digging his food from the fridge.
"You're the one that killed Yukori?" Kakuzu raised a brow, "I take it Deidara ordered it."
"Hey, what can I say, yeah? The little prick wouldn't stop pestering me. Hm. As if I would trade masters with him." Deidara shrugged, placing his sausage-and-pancake-on-a-stick in the microwave.
"Meh, Jashin-sama wanted a sacrifice, I was hungry, Deidara gave permission; end of Yuko's life." Hidan smirked.
"… Thanks…" Kakuzu mumbled, astonishing Hidan and the other Akatsuki members; Deidara excluded.
"Kakuzu lost a bet to him and his master." Deidara explained, pulling his meal from the microwave, "It was over 53000 yen (roughly over 500$ about 505$), each."
"Your fault I lost the bet in the first place." Kakuzu grumbled.
"Atari was the master behind it all, hmm~?" Deidara asked, seductively lapping at the syrup dripping from his breakfast corndog.
"There's a village nearby I suppose… just hurry back, and try for unimportant looking people." Kakuzu grumbled. Sasori added, "Bring the body back here so it can be properly disposed of."
"You act as though you're used to this sort of routine…?" Hidan asked, heading for the entrance.
"Well, Zetsu is a cannibal." Kisame laughed.
"So the bastard was trying to eat me!" exclaimed angrily, marching out the door, slamming it behind with a force that shook the stone frame.
"3...2...1..." Kakuzu, Sasori, and Deidara counted.
"FUCK! Where the FUCK is the DAMNED EXIT?!" Hidan had returned, kicking the door back open.
"I'll show him…" Sasori sighed, escorting the silver-haired man out.
"Ugh, he's gonna be a hassle." Kakuzu grumbled, swiping Deidara's food.
"You didn't have to bring him, hmm. Now give that back!" He jumped for the stick Kakuzu now held high above his head. This earned another laugh from Kisame and a snort from his partner.
"You have to pay me for it." he smirked evilly.
"Screw it, I'll just grab another…" he grumbled, Kakuzu made a move to block the fridge.
"Wasting my money the more you eat."
"Want me to blow you up?" He snarled.
"Maybe." Deidara blushed at Kakuzu's tone.
"Fuck you!" He growled, turning heel, back to his room.
"Maybe later!" Kakuzu shouted after him.
"Never thought you to be the horn-dog type, loan-shark."
"Same to you, sex-shark." Kakuzu didn't know why, but picking on Deidara had made him feel… giddy. He practically skipped out of the kitchen, narrowly avoiding the Samehada's wrath.
"Sex-Shark?" Itachi raised a brow.
"Don't. Ask." Kisame mumbled, putting his head on Itachi's shoulder. Seeing as the kitchen was now empty, Itachi didn't protest, nuzzling his lover's hair.
Kakuzu's giddy feeling soon abandoned him and all he had left was Deidara's breakfast. He sighed before going down the hallway leading to said blonde's room. He didn't bother knocking; but neither did Deidara. The room was empty, the bathroom door closed. Kakuzu noticed the two beds pressed against a different wall then he was used to. He walked over to the beds and then noticed a familiar bottle on the bedside table.
"Wah! K-Kakuzu!? What the heck, man?"
"So, didn't have the heart?" Kakuzu turned, waving the unused lube in front of the blonde's pale yet flushed face.
"W-what do you mean?" Deidara laughed weakly, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Sasori is still a virgin?" He asked.
"…"
"Deidara?"
"… No…"
"Haha! You dirty little shit, no lubrication? And his first time too." Kakuzu laughed, nibbling on the end of the sausage-pancake-stick-thing.
"W-well… I brought it out in order to use it and all… but… we kinda got carried away and forgot about it…" He mumbled, his face was redder that Sasori's hair.
"That would explain your limp." He snickered, placing the bottle back on the table and then offering the stick of breakfast to Deidara, not planning on letting go though.
"What do you want?" he pouted, grabbing Kakuzu's wrist and yanking him to the bed in vain attempt to retrieve the food.
"Were you seme?"
"No, and that doesn't answer my question; hm!"
"Aw, but you make a great seme."
"S-shut up! And give me back my breakfast then get out!"
"You should take it easy with the food, Deidara. What'll happen if you get fat?"
"Okay, that's it, what's wrong? Hmm? You only make fun of me like this when you've got something serious on your mind. So, from one uke to another, what the FUCK do you want?" Deidara growled, chomping down on the food waved too close to him.
"Not a uke." he grumbled in reply, "Also, I'm sure biting like that is a turn off."
"Seriously though, Kakuzu-danna, what's wrong?" Deidara released his grip then began gently licking the place his teeth bit.
"You remember how I said crushes are short-lived?" he asked, watching Deidara play with the stick in Kakuzu's hand.
"Yeah, much like true art, hmm."
"You told me I was immortal though… have you changed your mind about the 'Hidan crush'?"
"Hmm, oh, no. Not at all, although I'd probably call it the 'Kuzu Krush' now. Have you noticed the way Hidan looks at you?" Deidara pulled back to look at the miser seriously.
"No, why should I care if he sends me hateful or disgusted looks." Kakuzu replied, taking a bite from the slightly soggy treat.
"If you haven't noticed then never mind. Things'll turn out how they turn out. If he freaks out when he sees your face, send him to me for a nice, painless punishing." Deidara grinned, sucking the rest of the sausage into his mouth, pulling it cleanly from it's wooden stick.
"Don't you mean painful?"
"Nah, he's a total masochist, fuck 'im as hard as you want." Deidara laughed after chewing and swallowing.
"Alright, regardless, I better be getting out. Sasori should be back soon. He seems the type to get jealous easily." Kakuzu stood, sticking the wooden stick in his mouth like a farmer with straw.
"Yeah, un, so cute, ne?" He giggled, flopping down on the two beds, stretched out.
"See ya. Oh, and tell anyone about these crushes… I'll kill you." Kakuzu shot back once out the door.
His concluding statement was met by another giggle. He shook his head slowly, returning to his room. He shut his door behind him and plopped down at his desk, reaching down to his safe to recount his only love and joy. He stretched, yawned and leaned back, not until after securing all his money… or so he thought.