13. Misunderstandings
"Wah! Fuckin' shit! Oi, Kakuzu, wake up, damnit! Help!!" Kakuzu grunted at the shrill male voice cut through what was a peaceable slumber land of Hidan squirming beneath him. "KAKUZU!! RAPE!! HELP!!" Hidan shouted; this time Kakuzu's eyes shot open. Hidan wasn't actually expecting a reaction.
"Wha-! Zetsu! Get the fuck off Hidan, you rotten flytrap!" he snarled once he saw the green man on his partner's bed.
"No~ He's mine!" Zetsu mumbled back, rolling over, pulling Hidan on top as he rolled over to his back, still drowsy; intoxicated.
"Wah! Kakuzu- He's biting my ear! Get it the fuck off!" Hidan panicked, flailing his arms uselessly.
"Ugh, you're pathetic." Kakuzu replied, rolling out of his bed and shuffling over to grab his roommate's arms, pinning them down. "Stay still; be right back. Today's Friday, right?" Kakuzu didn't wait for the answer before leaving Hidan with the cannibal.
Hidan cursed for awhile until the door to his bedroom opened. A black-haired boy with an orange swirly mask appeared, Kakuzu just behind him. The boy exclaimed when he spotted Zetsu, jumping onto said man, which inevitably meant Hidan's stomach paid the price.
"Hurry up and get your senpai off my partner." Kakuzu glared.
"Hai, Kakuzu-san~!" Hidan, despite being crushed by him, thought this man was far too childish to even be alive in a shinobi world.
"Get the fuck off!"
"Be a good boy and hurry before Zetsu gets hurt." Kakuzu sneered, implying that Hidan, if not himself would do the deed.
"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi giggled, bending over Hidan to reach the other's two-toned face.
Neither Kakuzu nor Hidan saw what was under the mask, but he had lifted it, blowing into the man's face. Zetsu grumbled awake, brushing off the other. He released Hidan whom rolled out of the bed, landing with a thump on the floor. Hidan watched the new man tugging the plant out of his and Kakuzu's room, the latter was smirking.
"It's a good thing Tobi snuck in for a visit or else you'd have ended up as fertilizer… perhaps that's not the right word." Kakuzu mumbled the last bit as he thought, looking away to regain composure. "Anyways, hurry up and get ready; we leave on your first mission in a half hour." he grunted, heading for his safe then pausing once he remembered his roommate.
Hidan noticed; "Oi, what's wrong, dip-shit?" he pouted, pulling himself up, not bothering to veil his manhood.
"Ugh, put some pants on; this isn't the whorehouse." Kakuzu rolled his eyes, shocked that he wasn't blushing.
"Pf- whatever, asshole." Hidan crossed his arms, marching over to the wardrobe on his side of the room. The clothes Deidara had leant him were in there and he pulled them on quickly once he recalled their game last night. He had decided upon going to look for the man until his stomach growled loudly.
"I completely forgot to eat anything yesterday…" Hidan mumbled, suddenly feeling light-headed.
"Your own damn fault. Go to the kitchen, baka." Kakuzu was getting impatient to count his money.
"Fuck…" Hidan whined, starting out the door, but tripping on his robe. His vision went black.
In the kitchen, Deidara sat with Sasori (inside Hiruko again), barely paying attention to their recent assignment that Sasori was trying to- in vain- explain to him. He was convinced his blonde would only blow up everything in the end, regardless. Kisame was drooling on the table, waiting for Konan. Deidara looked on with curiosity when Kakuzu came in, heading straight to Zetsu's room.
'Odd, not only is it Friday (the day 'Good-Boy' Tobi visits), but Kakuzu despises Zetsu. Also… I don't believe the plant's in there… Hmm? What's he plan on doing with Tobi?' This is what the blonde was thinking rather than listen to his danna.
Said "danna" had finally given up, watching with slight interest when Tobi returned with Zetsu. The two took a seat at the table; Tobi directly across from the bomber, Zetsu from the puppet. Tobi waved enthusiastically at Deidara who returned a heavy sigh in reply. Konan entered soon after, heading for the fridge, trying to smooth down her messy hair. Kisame's drool increased as the smell of sweet, sweet food wafted up his nostrils. Deidara stood, resisting the urge to lick each of his mouths, and helped her bring food to the table. Since the party had left a majority of the early-risers to wake at noon, lunch was being served.
Deidara jumped when a pale hand flashed out, stealing one of his corndogs. Kakuzu had pulled Hidan to the kitchen; the food waking him from his weakened state. (xD, Dei likes the meat on sticks). Hidan now followed Kakuzu to the end of the table, gnawing on the cornbread. Deidara glared, though Hidan grinned back, harshly biting off 1/3 of the corndog. Kakuzu flinched at this; unconciously, of course. Zetsu noticed and sneered slyly in his direction. Kakuzu pretended he didn't notice everyone suddenly glancing at him.
"Kakuzu, how much money do ya got this morning, hm?" Deidara asked, "You must've counted it already after waking up earlier than us. You didn't bother comin' to your own partner's initiation."
"I…" he paled once he recalled not only the fact of the initiation, but of his break in habit. Konan dropped the platter of food on the floor; an awkward silence pursuing. The center of attention slowly began to slink away.
"What's with all the expressions, hn?" Itachi had entered the kitchen; Kakuzu nearly backed into him.
"Kakuzu came down to breakfast without counting his money!" Sasori explained, wide-eyed inside Hiruko.
Itachi joined the stares that bore down on the poor miser. Hidan was the only one that shot questioning glances from one member to another. Kakuzu darted from the kitchen. Once out of earshot- Kisame and Zetsu burst into a fit of laughter.
"I'm gonna go see if he has a fever… hmm…" Deidara cast a leer in the blue and green men's direction, soon leaving with Sasori for the miser's room.
"'the fuck…?" Hidan pouted in confusion.
"Oh, usually your partner counts his money the second he wakes up." Kisame explained, stifling his laughter.
"Greed is a sin." was the man's nonchalant reply. Kisame rubbed the back of his head, deep in thought.
"He cares for money far more than any living thing." Zetsu spoke, munching his own food.
"Tch, a greedy mother fucker for a roommate; just great."
"You have a potty-mouth." Tobi piped.
"And you're a shit-headed little bastard that acts like he's two." Hidan snapped.
"Watch your tongue, Hidan. Tobi is a good boy. And you are Kakuzu's bitchy whore." Zetsu glared with a slight smirk. "I bet he sells you for 180 yen. Now, now that's not enough; this man could easily raise his price with proper dress."
"As if I'm not fuckin' used to shit like that." Hidan muttered, using his teeth to pull the corndog from it's stick. It dangled from his mouth for awhile before he finally bit it. "I have a mission to prepare for, apparently." he mumbled around his lunch as he headed for the hallway he hoped was the one to his room.
"I can't believe you didn't count your money all because of the immortal moron." Sasori drawled, watching the addressed man busily counting his money, transferring it to a briefcase for travel.
"Sasori no danna, it can't be helped. I think it's cute."
"Not as cute as you, Dei-chan." Sasori couldn't resist, regretting it at the sound of Kakuzu's head hitting the desk.
"Get the hell out now before I kill you." His voice snuffed by the wooden surface.
"I'll go push the beds together." Sasori addressed to his smirking uke, then wished Kakuzu luck before whisking out the room.
"Deidara, one words and so help me--"
"Oi, Kakuzu-miser, when the fuck are we leaving?" Hidan burst in, letting the door slam against the wall, pinning the unsuspecting blonde against the wall.
"Ow…"
"Pipe down, you're too damn noisy."
"And you're too damn fucking ugly." Hidan snapped back. He didn't notice the other flinch as he walked over to pack a small pack on the bed that Kakuzu had left out.
Deidara soon caught Kakuzu's attention after he had slowly secured his money. The man sighed, pulling the blonde from between the wall and door. Said blonde made his way over to help his old friend pack for his mission.
"Deidara, you of all people should know that Sasori doesn't like being kept waiting. Especially if he has a hard-on." Kakuzu added the last part just for spite, enjoying Deidara's fierce blush.
"Jerk! Hm!" Deidara hissed, marching out of the room just as Hidan placed his pack around his waist.
"You're a cruel heathen."
"Let's go."
"Not quite yet, I gotta get my scythe cable coiled."
"You have fifteen minutes, I'll be in the hall by the entrance. Time is money and money is everything."
"No, Jashin is everything."
-SLAM-
"Jackass…" Hidan mumbled, pouting at having the door slammed in his face.
After Hidan was fully ready, he had reached the empty kitchen before realizing he had no idea where the entrance was. He looked at the door to Zetsu's room and shuddered. He really didn't want to see the cannibal. However Deidara and Sasori were occupied and he was annoyed with Kisame for reasons uncertain to even him aside from the fact it was Kisame and he has caught himself rambling in his thoughts. Itachi enters the kitchen, his partner soon behind and Hidan exhales a sigh.
"Damnit, Kisame, where the fuck is the entrance to this shit-smelling, cave-like hideout?" he whined.
"Right behind you…" Itachi answered first, amazed at the other's lack of ninja training. Surely he knew how to follow obvious chakra trails.
"Oh, thanks emo-bitch." Hidan replied with no change in tone, as if he had addressed the Uchiha politely.
The partners scowled, watching the rude, newest member leave. Kisame shrugged when Itachi shot him a look. They exchanged a few more expressions that only they could understand before they too left for the door. They stopped when they saw Hidan held up to the wall by his neck, Kakuzu growling inn his face.
"Are we interrupting anything?" Kisame asked slyly.
"No" "Yes"
"…?"
"Yes" "No"
"Make up your minds!" Kisame snapped as Hidan fell to the floor once released.
"I was going to kill him." Kakuzu growled.
"That's an impossibility though; Hidan-san is immortal." Kisame smirked.
"Yeah, I tried telling this shit-head and he didn't believe me!" Hidan hissed, caressing his neck.
"We'll just see by the end of this week, boy. Now come on; we've wasted too much money already." the other grumbled, reclaiming the bags that had been thrown to the floor.
Hidan had came in while Kakuzu was distracted; fantasizing about said male. He had snuck up to him and had attempted to pull down the miser's mask. He almost succeeded but Kakuzu panicked, throwing the boy against the wall, choking him. The mask hid his flush while the cloak hid his hard-on… luckily. He threatened the grey-haired man and was further enraged at the manic laughter that followed. Hidan had even dared insult the one that had control.
Now they were on the road, crossing the desert lands to reach the water with the dock with transport to their destination. Their first night together on the road was torture- for both of them. Hidan had complained constantly with an occasional death threat comment from Kakuzu. Once the sun dipped below the horizon, Kakuzu forced Hidan to keep going without resting at the three villages they had passed. Only when Hidan had collapsed did Kakuzu stop unwillingly to drag him under some form of cover. He let out a mask to keep watch as he himself fell into a light slumber.
Hidan awoke late in the afternoon, stretching gloriously and almost too drowsy to realize his fingers had brushed something warm and writhing.
"ARGH! WHAT THE FUCK!!?" Hidan jumped when he noticed the mask gazing down curiously at him.
Kakuzu jolted up when Hidan accidentally stepped on his groin in his panic. Without thinking, he kicked Hidan off, the unsuspecting male be carried farther than anticipated, back of his head splitting against a nearby tree. As Kakuzu began to clam down, he noticed Hidan's earlier sleeping place was empty. He looked at his mask which was staring in another direction. Kakuzu followed its gaze and he slapped his hand to his forehead.
"FUCK!" Hidan shouted, the man looked back to the wounded, standing to approach.
"Alright; I'll believe you're immortal for now, brat." Kakuzu crouched by the grey-haired man, reaching out a hand.
"What are you gonna do, damnit?" Hidan flinched away.
"Stay still so I can fix your ugly head." Kakuzu growled, yanking Hidan closer by his hair, causing the man to moan out; the head wound stung even worse now.
Hidan had his eyes shut closed, wincing in the pain above and below, missing the sight of the threads making their way to his skull. He jolted when he felt the threads pierce his skin; so close to his skull. He was beginning to regret being such a masochist. Kakuzu finished quickly, despite his patient's squirming and pulled back. Only noticing the hard-on at the sound of Hidan's moan- or was it his own moan from his own erection- he suddenly worried.
"Uh… Hidan… you-you're kinda… um… why are you hard?" Kakuzu couldn't resist asking.
"W-WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU CARE!?" Hidan shouted suddenly jumping up. Of course, as we all know: blood loss + quick standing = swooning.
"Considering you got one with me so near, I couldn't help but think…" Kakuzu trailed, supporting Hidan.
"FUCK NO! You misunderstand- I… I just like the pain a bit too much." Hidan flushed with the other.
"Well… no matter, hurry up and fix it so we can get a move on; we've wasted too much time and time's-"
"Money! Jeez, greedy shit…" Hidan interjected, snatching his sleeve as he began to leave, "Why? Don't you wanna help?" He smirked, earning a hard punch in the face.
"Fuck off… yourself…" Kakuzu growled, rushing into the trees, returning his mask to his back while hiding from Hidan.
"Fine… mother… fucker…" Hidan pouted once Kakuzu had left his line of sight.
He slunk the to the ground and did just as the other had told him. He shoved his hands down his pants, wrapping the fingers around his member, rubbing softly. He teased himself, squeezing hard occasionally. Soon he was unable to handle his teasing, speeding up and twitching more. Kakuzu spied him from the bushes, his erection growing. He groaned and appeared from his hiding place, startling Hidan. Kakuzu wordlessly knelt by Hidan, watching. He hadn't bothered stopping his stroking, quickly accommodating to the company.
"Y-you h-hard too?" Hidan panted out.
"If I am?"
"I-I'll blo-blow you."
"Tempting, however, should you do so," Kakuzu paused, reaching for his pants, "understand that this is only for the release, I have no interest in you."
"He-heh! Ditto- basta-tard." Hidan groaned, his climax fast-approaching. "Fuck!"
"Not yet." Kakuzu smirked, snatching Hidan's hands from his pants just before he reached his orgasm.
"Oi!" Hidan scowled then jumped when Kakuzu replaced the pale hands with his own. "I recall you asking for help?" Kakuzu explained, running a finger over the already moistened tip; Hidan gasped, grinding his teeth.
It didn't take long after he started stroking before Hidan couldn't hold it in. Kakuzu withdrew his come-covered hand. Deep inside he recalled all those times Deidara hadn't gotten enough from a simple hand job, but he kept them from resurfacing easily, pulling out his own pride and glory. Hidan found himself ogling. 'It-it's huge! I mean… so far, with all my experience… biggest I've seen.' Hidan blushed, crawling for him, 'Then again… I never actually paid attention to others'… so why do I find myself staring at his…?' Hidan gulped before placing his lips against the heated and wet skin of his new partner. He didn't look up because he couldn't bring himself to- ever; this stuff still embarrassed the shit out of him. He slowly let the head slide past his lips, tongue lapping the juice that formed. Hidan was surprised that he actually missed such a foul flavor. Kakuzu was becoming impatient and he could tell. He stopped playing around, letting the tip brush his gag reflex. Kakuzu moaned. Teeth scraped the flesh. Hidan kept up the constant attack but soon got bored, switching back to fondling. He could feel the pulsations soon enough and returned the member to his mouth, sucking and bobbing until Kakuzu's grip on his hair tightened.
Hidan hadn't even realized he had placed his hand there, but the throbbing, stinging feel brought him to reality moments before his mouth was flooded with Kakuzu's essence. Hidan hadn't been expecting it and released him, unable to stop from coughing it up. Kakuzu was panting heavily for only a moment. The second he recovered, he stood, readjusting his clothes and started to walk off.
"Oi, fucker! Wait up, damnit!" Hidan cried once he had recovered minutes later to see his "fuck-buddy" walking off. With a frown he jumped to his feet, snatched up his small bag that had been abandoned during sleep, and chased after him.
I'm going to have to fix the chapters and their formatting. I am also planning a Valentine's challenge seeing as I have a 4-day weekend from school.