Episode 5-The Rhodes Not Taken
April Rhodes& Noah "Puck" Puckerman
Dear Journal,
I was visited by Will Schuester today. Apparently I didn't sleep with him in high school. What a relief, because I have to handle with enough of those people on MySpace. Unfortunately I got kicked out of the house by the bitchy realty lady. Luckily this time all I had was my wine and small duffel bag. Then he asked for my life story. I told him about hitching my way to Broadway, working at Ralph's, Finney being gay, my twins…god how I miss them. And now I'm sobering up and going back to high school for my last three credits. I'm feeling pretty excited now!
April Rhodes
Dear Journal,
I was introduced to the Glee club today. When they insulted me, I told them they looked like the world's worst Benton ad. Then I proceeded to blow them away with my rendition of Maybe This Time. One kid totally seemed like he was checking me out. In Spanish, I answered a question wrong. I then said I was going to have hot chocolate, even though it was really a crantini. Then Will asked me to win over the kids. I've got to go after them individually, and then I'll get them.
I intend to give the kid who's clearly gay some alcohol and my collection of Muscle magazines, lessons about carrying things in between their legs to the two girls who aren't cheerleaders, and I'll handle the one football kid who checked me out (along with the others possibly) with something quite…sexual.
April Rhodes
Dear Journal,
So all of my strategies for winning over the kids worked. Then I met the girl who they claimed was their star. She seems nice enough, though she looked pretty angry when Will said I was going to be learning my Don't Stop Believing cues. When I saw her later in the bathroom, she was crying. I felt pretty bad for her, and tried to comfort her. Then she suddenly was all up in my face and telling me that my behavior was deplorable. So I told her I wasn't leaving and walked away humming. I think I've officially freaked her out. Though I'm thinking she got so upset because of what I said about that Finn Hudson…he is cute, and I bet I could land him…
Anyways, after this encounter, I went bowling with Will. I managed to get a strike, and he thought I was sober, though I quickly diverted him from that idea by mentioning I was on some horse tranquilizers. They sure made it hard to feel my lips. I hope I didn't kiss anyone when I was drunk, because I certainly couldn't feel what my lips were feeling and I have a reputation to keep up. I then promised Will I'd sober up, so he'd let me stay in Glee. After this, Will and I sang together at the bowling alley. It was pretty amazing.
April Rhodes
Dear Journal,
I came in drunk to the invitational. We sang well during the first act, and I felt amazing…until I looked at the faces of the kids around me. Even in my state, I felt like I was taking away from their sunshine, their time. Will confronted me during the intermission and told me he couldn't let me perform anymore. I understood, and we parted on good terms. I told him I'd sober up and maybe find a new dream…and this time I'm going to make it stick. I'm going to become sober, I'm going to hit up Broadway, and I'm going to finally accomplish stardom.
April Rhodes
Dear Journal,
We sang Don't Stop Believing today with Quinn on the female solo. It did not go very well. She had to run and throw up near the beginning. Then Hummel and the kid in the wheelchair started talking about bringing Rachel back and not being able to do it without her. I spoke up and agreed, even though she makes me want to light myself on fire. I've slushied her a lot because of the fact she's so annoying, besides the fact that I'm a stud and she's a loser and all, but we need her talent. God, I feel like such a loser writing about Glee club. I mean I already hate writing in this journal, but the psychiatrist my mom took me too after my dad left suggested it, and my mom makes me keep it up. I need to write about football at least though. Or I could just list all the cougars I had sex with last week…either of those is more masculine than Glee to write about, right?
Puck
Dear Journal,
Mr. Schue brought in a new Glee club member today named April. She's his age, and she was totally checking me out when he first introduced us. I returned her looks with a raised eyebrow and smirk, so I'm thinking she'll be hitting me up pretty soon. Then she began to sing. She was totally amazing. Way better than Rachel, and way more likely to let me into her pants. A good thing all around.
Puck
Dear Journal,
Today April Rhodes approached me in the shower after football practice. I mentioned I'm a stud right?
Puck
Dear Journal,
I couldn't take it anymore. The other kids were speculating about what was wrong with Quinn. I snapped and told them she's pregnant. When they asked who the dad was, I let it sit for a second, before saying it was Finn. At least people know about the pregnant part now, though I wish I could in good conscious just say it was mine. But Quinn would kill me, and then I'd have no chance to be a father to my baby.
Then we were all ready for our big performance, but April came in drunk. She was so drunk she started making out with me in front of everybody. Told you I was a stud. Then we performed and it was amazing…but April was kicked out of Glee by Mr. Schue (I guess he was jealous she kissed me not him) and we were screwed until Rachel came back. She's as annoying as hell, but she can sing, and Somebody to Love was a lot more satisfying when it was with someone our age on solo…it felt more us.
Puck