Episode 7-Throwdown
Sue Sylvester& Jacob Ben Israel
Dear Journal,
The day started off with promise. Then Figgins made the pimple known as Will Schuester and myself come into his office to discuss Glee club. It ended with us having to hug it out. We threatened each other while hugging, and it resulted in me burning my favorite light blue tracksuit. I was given a status update by Santana and Quinn about the minority students wanting to be heard more. This will help me in my new plot to pit these mouth-breathers against one another. Another point which will help shape my plot is the thing that Will Schuester mentioned during our meeting with Figgins…we will be flipping a coin to see who goes first at Sectionals. I bought a double-headed coin from Trickster's Trick Store just now. The coin will be flipped, I will go first, and I've found the perfect loophole to use just a small group of the minorities: page twenty-four, provision fourteen, second addendum . With this, I learned that not all students need to perform every number. Now I just need to find a song that these bi-curious minority mackanasians will appreciate, and do a Sue's Corner discussing my love for minorities. The seeds of destruction are being sewn, just like the salt I put in my yard after I sold it to that couple who wanted me to pay their closing fees.
Sue Sylvester
Dear Journal,
Picked out the minority students for my elite Glee club. So now Santana, Wheels, Gay kid, Asian, Other Asian, Aretha, and Shaft are in my Glee club. When I insinuated that Will Schuester was a bigot, and that it was no laughing matter, Santana completed my thought by saying "And that's how Sue C's it." I'm proud of her, that's just the kind of support I need from these kids to bring Will Schuester down. I picked the song "Hate on Me Haters" and I think the kids did a pretty good job from their excitement. In just a few more days, they'll be completely mine, and the club will crumble from within.
Will Schuester caught up to me later in the hallway. He was angry over the fact I took the piano out to be properly steam-cleaned and burned his moldy old paper. When he said I was trying to undermine him, I suggested that he has Early Stage Paranoid Schizophrenia. As his anger continued to escalate, I told him I had a legacy to protect and Glee club had become a part of that legacy, as well as the reason why I don't trust a man with curly hair. (Those birds laying their sulfurous eggs would find it quite easy to hide them in the giant curls coming from his scalp. Really, he uses way too much product in that hair.) Then threw a kid's soda on the ground, as soda is crap and will slowly weaken his bones and rot his teeth.
Sue Sylvester
Dear Journal,
That curly-haired man with the devotion to the dying language of Spanish has outdone himself. I was really in the zone, talking to a reporter from Cheerleading Today for what was to become a cover story. When I came to the turf field, only Q, Santana, and Brittany were there. I asked Q where all of my Cheerios were, and she told me that Will Schuester flunked them. I immediately called a meeting in Figgins office with that failure of a teacher, wanting to solve this travesty of international proportions. Why should I care if my cheerleaders are functionally illiterate? Or that that 95% of them fail Spanish? As I told that ridiculously pompous fruit-bag of a principal and the man with the haircut that makes him look like a lesbian, the most important thing my cheerleaders could possibly learn if they want to be successful in life is how to do a round-off. I intend to sue Will Schuester for patting my shoulder as he left, that psychotic sexist pimple of a man. Unfortunately, my only blackmail for Figgins has already been uploaded to YouTube. I must call my PI and get her to find more dirt on him. I stomped out of the office and threw several important files, the paper spreading all over. Even in my rage I managed to look elegant. As Ajax's mighty warrior, I WILL find a way to destroy this little club and the man behind it.
Sue Sylvester
Dear Journal,
A lot has happened, but I couldn't write for awhile, I was too angry. First I threatened all of my group in Glee club not to interact with any of Will Schuester's kids. I had to do some individualized threats (Gay kid would get his head shaved, Aretha wouldn't be allowed to straighten her hair or get weaves, Asian would get all jewelry stolen from her, etc.)
Q helped me to sew more seeds of destruction by yelling at Will Schuester. After this, she suggested he was being racist against Puck and Brittany (he's Jewish and she's Dutch). They quickly joined my group. When he confronted me, I asked him to pass my Cheerios, saying I would give him his kids back. He said I would have to rip the failures from his cold dead hands. I couldn't wait for this to pan out. I was convinced he was totally puddy in my hands.
Then we were about to see his three kids perform, and I tried to lead my kids on a storm out. Unfortunately, it didn't work and the mouth-breathers left on their own. I realized I needed a new solution. Thus I decided to step down as co-head of Glee, and to stay on as just an advisor, look at the set lists, etc. He doesn't trust me, but I will gain his trust before I snatch it away again…
Then I learned of the disaster. Quinn is pregnant. I'll keep her on the Cheerios for now, but sooner or later…she must go.
Sue Sylvester
Dear Journal,
I tried to use a pick-up line on Rachel, and it didn't work. I found this surprising due to her rumored lust for Jew fros… Anyways, when I mentioned the Quinn Fabray story she asked me what it would take for me to cancel the story. This opened up a world of possibilities…so I asked for a pair of her panties. I feel rather daring and excited…I wonder what else I can get out of her if I threaten to go public with the story again…
Jacob
Dear Journal,
Rachel gave me a pair of panties, but they clearly weren't hers, as they still had the tags on them. I confronted her about them, and she said she would bring me actual Rachel Berry panties tomorrow. I felt a sudden urge to kiss her, but when I just went for it, she pushed me away. I will get her someday!
Jacob
Dear Journal,
Mrs. Sylvester found Rachel's underwear in my locker. She thought that I was an "Eve who was born a Steve". I accidentally let loose that I had them due to the Quinn story. She believed me, only after I told her I had three confirming sources. I was surprised when she told me to run the story…on the bright side it should garner my blog a lot of attention.
Jacob
Dear Journal,
Rachel found out about my releasing the story. She didn't seem to understand that I was doing it because a teacher told me to. I feel like I've taken a step back in our relationship…but I had no choice. Hopefully she'll forget soon.
Jacob